Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 7.10.02

In Memoriam:  Mister Rod Steiger.  Thanks to recent events, I’ve put how much certain celebrity deaths hurt me onto a Muta-like scale, in my case, the Jones Scale, where Chuck Jones rates a 1.0.  Rod Steiger would definitely be somewhere in the .9s.  He’s one of the few guys I really, really wanted to be like.  For that matter, I still do want to be like him.  Except alive, of course.

Let’s get right to the action, because there’s actual news to comment on…

THE PIMP SECTION

Murphy has his take on John Cena, and tries to balance out writer’s block at the same time.  Good luck.

Schwenke tries to justify the existence of WWE based on nostalgia.  Well, at least it’s a valid approach, since there’s nothing that justifies it on screen right now.

a href=http://411wrestling.com/news/newsboard.php?news_id=3107>Nason doesn’t have to justify the indies.  They’re doing perfectly fine.

SMACKDOWN REFLECTIONS

Yes, spoilers included.  Scroll down if you’re that anal about it.

When a show opens with a match involving both Hogan and the Gay Boys, you know that I’m not sacrificing sleep to watch it, or the energy it takes to push the buttons on my remote to record it.

So, UT threatens to bust Cena’s caps, then gets turned into Jericho’s and Angle’s bitch.  And you wonder why I call him Undertweener?

Long, extended Flex promo spot…gee, you wonder why I’m not watching?

Oh, yeah, Test versus Rikishi.  And you wonder…you know, that’s getting old.  Let’s just leave it at the fact that I’m not going to watch this mess unless it’s at gunpoint.  In fact, with the major Flex involvement on this show, I’ll take the bullet through the head.  It’s more merciful.

VINNY IN MEMPHIS

So NWA:  TNA hires a (contractless) Vinny Ru, and everyone immediately gets the piss shivers (tm Hyatte)?  Doesn’t that sorta contradict the feelings that everyone had when the news was announced that Russo would be joining WWE?  A bunch of people wanted him OUT, and now.  Well, he is out, but now the hue and cry is that people want him out of wrestling.  I think that’s called “plateau bargaining”, where you set a standard and then keep refining your terms while sticking to that standard.

Look, I actually think it’s a damn good idea, and here’s a few reasons why:

1) NWA:  TNA needs some attention.  Russo has a history of crafting angles that, good or bad, get attention.  If just one of them clicks in a major way, we’ve got competition for WWE.  Competition for WWE means that they have to raise their bar, which means freedom from the complete pile of shit we’ve been watching for the past fifteen months.  Both sides, and the fans, win.

2) Russo is at his best when there’s a firm hand guiding the overall picture.  As the Wadester points out, Jerry Jarrett has that aspect under control.  The writing will drastically improve now that Jarrett has someone to take that burden off of him so he can concentrate on the bigger picture, creating an overall direction on where the company can go in the short-term and longer-term.

3) Russo is the consummate ideas man.  He seems to have a good handle on the capabilities of the people on the roster, and tends to spread around the wealth throughout the upper-card and mid-card.  He’s worked with most of the major people on NWA:  TNA’s roster before, which gives him a leg up in not having to figure out things.  He’s also entering a situation where backstage politics is almost non-existent, unlike that cesspit in WCW.  This will work greatly to his benefit.

If you can’t figure it out already, I’m a Russo fan, albeit of the WWF Russo.  This is a much better situation for him to be involved in than what’s happening in WWE right now.  There was no real space for him there.  He must have set a record for being put on ice when he came back.  Vince announces that Vinny Ru was coming back; Steph has Gewirtz’s back; Trip sides with Steph; Vinny Ru goes Ted Williams.  All in one day.  Even if you take the view that Vinny Ru had to pay penance for his sins against the Great God Vincent K, that’s a helluva price.  There’s only so much one person’s ego can take.  Even if he had stuck it out, it’s very debatable how effective he could have been.  Let’s just say that Vince finally gets sick of the shit-fest they’re broadcasting every Monday and cans Gewirtz (and why hasn’t that started as a mass movement yet?; guess everyone was waiting for Scott Keith’s signal, which he finally gave in his Raw rant).  Gewirtz is Steph’s guy through and through, and Steph, who still has some overriding control over the creative direction of both shows, decides to put her foot down.  Suddenly, Vinny Ru is in charge of the writing on Raw, with a hostile Steph overseeing his work.  You then have the potential for a minor locker room revolt, with two of the most influential guys in there set against him in Trip and Hogan.  Talk about a doomed proposition.

So, good luck, Vinny.  You’re in a better place now, and here’s hoping that you can establish NWA:  TNA as a legit alternative.

BIG BABY’S BIG OL’ QUAD

Kudos to me for the Doc Andrews prediction on who was going to hold the knife when they went in to repair Nash’s completely detached quadricep.  So, he’s out for another six months.  Therefore, in his first year back with WWE, Nash will have been on the DL for about ten months.  Hell, even Kevin Brown gives you a better performance-to-injury ratio.

And speaking of knives, they’re already out in the IWC, ready to stab into this particular still-warm corpse.  Jeez, guys, wait until the body’s cold next time.  Let’s dive into a few of those comments, shall we?

Hey, I don’t like HHH all that much, but at least he finished the match after the torn quad and it wasn’t that noticeable. I was convinced the finish on Raw was a shoot simply because of the loud cry as Nash went down.  I know it’s a terrible injury, but grow some balls already. He’s ruining everything he touches. the big payoff to that match, I assume, was the faceoff betwixt Booker and Nash, yet… since Nash is SO UNABLE TO MAINTAIN A HEEL PERSONA and needs to maintain a tweener, he was the one getting cheers when him and Booker initially faced off, and in my opinion that hurt Booker, albeit not in a big way. – Tom D’errico

I wasn’t really sure that it was Nash crying.  Because of the weather, the sat link at my local cable office’s feed was f*cking up big-time (I knew it was the sat link because the local commercials broadcast during Raw were coming in perfectly clear, while I missed good portions of Raw due to distortion and blackout).  I thought that the feed had been crossed with Animal Planet and I was hearing the mating call of the black rhino.  As for Booker, I’m still maintaining that his image is hurt from the program against Flex, so no damage done with this.

As much as I don’t want to see someone get seriously hurt, could Kevin Nash’s “match” have been more perfect?  If the writing staff could only *write* irony like that, this show might be going somewhere… – Mike Javor

Well, Mike, if they had Vince Russo on staff…oops.

Speaking of writers, two comments…

Last week on Raw, when HBK made his statement that HHH would be joining the Nwo, he super kicked The Big Show…didn’t he? I may have been drunk or high (or both) but I’m sure that’s what I saw. Is their story writing and scripting so bad that they totally disregard anything done the week before? Things are more hopeless than we thought… – Longtime reader and former detractor William Transou

After watching what may very well have been the funniest thing of all time, “Welcome back, Nash, see ya in six months,” word on the street is now that the head writer of RAW is catching the flack because Nash didn’t know that he had to wrestle until he showed up at the arena.

Here’s where I have a problem.  I mean, do the guys only know how to wrestle if they know beforehand that they have a match?  I mean, is Benoit an invalid at home, but once he’s got that match, he’s ready to go?  And on top of that, it’s not like Nash was busting out one of his HIGH RISK moves or anything, the idiot was STEPPING OVER SOMEONE.  Now, I know that he’s been out of the ring for a few months, and no one ever accused Nash of being the smartest guy in class, but are you telling me he doesn’t even know how to take a proper step?  And the fact that the WRITER is taking the fall for Nash’s lack of proper motor skills just ASTOUNDS me.
– Dino Zucconi

Brian Gewirtz deserves to take the gas pipe for a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them.  It was obvious it was a fluke injury, just like Trip’s.  If Nash wasn’t told he was going to have to wrestle, then it’s a breakdown in communications.  The road agent responsible is also to blame for not being a medium of communication.  Now, let’s look at the match itself.  It shouldn’t really matter whether or not Nash knew he was going to wrestle, because of the simple fact that the match bookers would have taken it easy on him regardless.  First match back after injury, everyone in the ring knows to take it light on the guy.  That’s one big reason why it was a ten-man tag, so Nash wouldn’t have to exert himself.  Who knew that stepping over Booker would be exerting himself too much?

Of course, it’s perfectly fine by me that Gewirtz gets the blame.  He can’t be fired soon enough for my taste.  However, Dino, as you say in this next quote, WWE doesn’t deal in reality very well…

When Chris Jericho and Triple H were setting up the match at Wrestlemania, it turned to crap because of the stupidest main event storyline in history, even surpassing the Hogan/Dungeon of Doom garbage.  It involved Stephanie, Jericho running errands, and a dog if I recall.  And who took the fall for the whole situation when the crowd exploded with apathy?  Chris Jericho, of course.

So lemme make sure I have this right.  By WWE logic, if the writing sucks, then it’s the wrestler’s fault, but if the wrestling sucks or something goes wrong, then it’s the writer’s fault?

Good God, I’d give my soul to quit my job and move to McMahon Land.  It must be the most enchanted place of all.


Well, it would be natural that Jericho got the blame for that one.  Obviously, we can’t blame Gewirtz, because he’s under the protection of Steph.  We can’t blame Steph, because she’s Daddy’s Little Girl.  We can’t blame Trip, because he’s banging Daddy’s Little Girl.  So it’s Jericho by default.  McMahon Land isn’t a place where the Laws Of Physics can be denied, and one of the biggest ones is “Shit rolls downhill”.  The Hill, in this case, is the amount of clout you have and who your Chinaman is.  There’s no more powerful Chinaman in WWE than Steph right now.  So Jericho, without her protection, gets the full rain of fecal matter for that fiasco, while everyone else stays clean.

So what’s next for Big Baby?  I’d tell him to hang it up.  However, we all know Nash.  His ego won’t let him retire, not at this point.  So, he’ll make the effort to rehab, come back, and blow out another part of his body in his first match back climbing into the ring or something that ridiculous.  This should have been a big enough LART for him to get a clue; however, it takes a long time for nerve impulses to move to the brain that he apparently has stuffed up his ass.

YOU’RE A MORON:  THE WHINES OF JASON GALLO

Well, here’s another one who can’t take a hint.  You remember him from last week, the guy who threatened to show an anti-Eric sign at SD last week?  Well, he wrote me three times in the space of five hours.  Here they are in chronological order:

Hey you goddam piece of shit. I was there last night. I was at Smack down just like I said I would be. And I had my sign too. But unfortunately it was confiscated due to it’s profanity. But that didn’t stop me from spreading the word around about you. You better watch your f’en back. Because I am rallying people together to boycott your column. That’s write
I will get a petition started to have you thrown off 411 wrestling. I have convinced at least 10 people to send emails to Widro to demand that you step down immediately. You lousy no good son of a bitch. You cowardly bastard!  I know you are reading this. Probably hiding away in some dark corner. Curled up in a ball.  Well you better be afraid because I am coming
after you. Your days on the Internet are numbered cock mouth. I will not rest until you are brought down, and kicked off the net forever. That day will come, and it will come sooner than you think…


Suuuuuuure it was confiscated.  And, please, get a petition together to get me thrown off 411.  I’m sure you’ll get a lot of support.  And those ten e-mails to Widro are a piss drop in the ocean of readers that I have.  They will not be missed or even noticed.

Curled up in a ball in a dark corner?  No.  Rolling around the floor laughing my ass off while I read this again?  Oh, yeah.

Second verse, same as the first:

You are one sick mother f*cker. Posting my columns on your site is that the best you can do? You f*cken coward!

First of all, that wasn’t a column.  That was an e-mail.  What I write is a column.  Second, the law says that e-mail, like snail mail, is the property of the recipient to do with as he pleases.  And it pleases me to put them in my column to make you look like the total waste of oxygen you are.

Third verse, different than the first:

It seems to me that you are nothing but a pussy. You can write insults in your columns trying to make people look bad. But let tell you something if I ever find out who you are or where you live me and my boys are gonna come looking for you. And I promise you won’t even hear the hammer click. And that goes for John King too. If you want to talk shit fine. Just be man enough to step up to the motherf*cken plate when someone calls you out. You
and your little bitch boy John King. Keep writing shit punk.  You never know when the next column might be your last.


First of all, John King is an NRA member, and he’s better armed than the Taliban.  He has no compunction about blowing you away.  Second of all, I’m in the book, oogums.  Just go through the suburban Chicago directories until you find me.  Third, who says I’m not armed and trained to use a weapon?  Four years in the Army and my friend Mister Magnum make a strong claim for one side.  In other words, it’s your move, Whiner.  Or are you going to coward it out like your compatriot Kotex?

It does seem that you have an actual friend, though.  His name is Gary Hafferty, and is your typical AOLuser in addition to being your clone:

You f*cken spinless bastard! You f*cken cowardly prick. I am a 2nd degree blackbelt. And I am challenging you to a fight. I will pay for your plane ticket to come here. All you have to do is show up. I am sick of your f*cken shit that you write about in your worthless column. And I know who your mother is. She is that german shepard that keeps crapping on your lawn. That’s write, you were born from wombofak-9. There your search for the truth is over. You motherless f*ck! Come on out of the hole that you have been hiding in for the last ten years. You ignorant bastard. Slimey piece of shit. You cockless fein. You have no balls. You talk shit about people that you know will never meet you. Oh you are so brave. I am joining my friend jason g on his quest to have you thrown of the net for good. Watch your back jack. Because we are coming for your ass.

Send the ticket.  And please note that a bullet from a .357 Magnum is faster than the reflexes of an alleged second-degree black belt.  And what discipline are you a second-degree black belt in?  Tae Yank Pud?

Just for the record:  the contraction of “f*cking” is “f*ckin'”, not “f*cken”.  Can’t even use obscenities correctly, sheesh.

A SHORT MAILBAG

Yep, I’m running out of time again, so let’s go to the Big Fin…nope, Kornheiser and Wilbon are already using that…

Christopher Arrington defends Philly sports fans:

If your professional teams haven’t won a title in 19 years and were run by freaking idiots you would act in a bad way too(I haven’t but I understand why).  You have the Packers and the Bulls dynasty in your area, we have the Phillies, the worst team of all time.  Plus anything we do looks worst because of the Santa Claus incident that happened in the 60’s, while cities that have done much worse in the recent past (New York, Cleveland, Denver) basically get off Scott free.  I’ll tell you just let us win one title and you get here that day as you will see a party that would make a Playboy Lingerie party and Mardi Gras look like a cotillion.

Well, being from Chicago, I’m a Bears fan, therefore we ignore the Packers’ success.  Yes, we have the Bulls, but except for Michael, we didn’t adopt them into our heart.  There are two teams that own Chicago, the Bears and the Cubs, in that order.  And the Cubs are the worst baseball team of all time, not the Phillies.  Also, Cleveland did not get off scot-free on this end, because I detest Cleveland almost as much as Noo Yawk, and I really went after them after the plastic bottle incident (to the chagrin of my pal BFM, a transplanted Cleveland sports fan).  That being said, I’d love to see a Philly celebration for a championship.  However, it will not be the Eagles ever again at the expense of the Bears, not if I have anything to say about it.

And while I’m on the subject, I forgot yesterday to pimp the best damn radio wrestling show on the planet, which happens to be from Philly:  WrestleThis! (on 1360AM each Monday night from 7 to 8 PM ET).  Killer Ken, Steveski, Mike, and the boys always present a terrific program, and they’ve earned my endorsement for a long time.  I apologize for not getting the pimp in yesterday, guys.

Alan Haigh rings in from Ulster on some televised Orange-Order-related idiocy:

On the news over here was a rather brilliant piece of stupidity from the Orange Order. Four cops are seriously injured and the pictures are showing bricks, stones, anything not held down being thrown at the police. Then, a rubber baton is fired by the police into the crowd and hits a guy, who has a large brick in his hand, on the elbow, knocking him to the ground. A pompous old git is then shown on TV screaming about this ‘breach of civil rights’
and demands an inquiry.


Sounds like some pompous old git needs to be bashed repeatedly upside the head with a LART stick.

Longtime reader Derrill Guilbert asks me a non-wrestling-related professional question, knowing that I work in Quality Control and Research and Development in the meat industry:

What is the difference between good beef and bad beef?  A cow that works out vs a cow that doesn’t work out (or vice versa), is it just a different cut, what the cow eats, etc?

There are a number of factors that go into making “good” beef:

1) The cow’s age:  Probably the primary factor.  The younger the cow, the more tender the meat.  Muscle tissue toughens as the cow ages.  That’s why veal is so tender.

2) The amount of exercise the cow has:  As anyone who works out can tell you, your muscles toughen up with exercise.  Therefore, a fit cow is not good from a beef standard.  However, you don’t want a completely lazy cow either.  Without any exercise, the muscle tissue completely breaks down and loses all firmness.

3) Diet:  You want the right amount of fat marbling in the meat.  Giving the cows a proper diet is the easiest way to do that.

4) Type of cut:  There’s no way around it, cows are going to walk around and get exercise.  However, the less a muscle is used during exercise, the better the meat.  That’s why the loin, the part at the belly of the cow, is considered the best.  It gets the least amount of work during a cow’s daily normal life.  The flank and shoulder get the most (from walking), so they’re the toughest.  They’re also the cheapest.

5) Gender:  Cows produce better meat than bulls, who tend to be more active.  It’s not as much of a difference in cattle as it is in hogs, where you definitely want sow meat, because boar meat, to put it charitably, tends to have a musky odor to it.

6) Slaughter and processing:  In the more-used parts of the cow, you’re going to have some toughness.  That’s where human ingenuity and better living through biochemistry comes into play.  Sometimes, an enzyme is injected into the cow just prior to slaughter that will tenderize meat.  You can also use enzymes like papain (completely natural; it comes from papayas) afterward.  It’s more correcting a situation than adulterating your next meal.  You also have to make sure that the cow bleeds out as much as possible when slaughtering; too much blood still in the tissue rots meat very quickly.  Also, when you store your purchase, put it in the freezer (wrapped very tight; you don’t want freezer burn) until the night prior to cooking, then defrost it in the refrigerator.  This will keep the meat as fresh as possible and as tender as possible.

Well, unfortunately, I have to start thinking about this kind of stuff on a paying basis right now, so I’ll let you go.  Grut takes you through the rest of the week, Ashish gets you through the weekend, and Hyatte brings you back as the circle stays unbroken.  Until next Tuesday, I bid you a fond adieu.