– Live from Chicago, Illinois.
– Your hosts are Jim Ross and Paul E. Dangerously.
– Opening match: Tommy Rich & Ricky Morton v. The Midnight Express.
Sadly, this is the last Midnight Express match before Cornette and Lane
ran off to start SMW. Slow start with Eaton and Morton. They do a very
complex criss-cross sequence that ends badly for Eaton. But the Express
come back with a Bubba Cutter to take control of Morton. Morton rolls
out of the ring and Cornette rams the TENNIS RACKET OF DOOM into his
throat, just for kicks. Speaking of kicks, Morton gets the shit kicked
out of him by Stan Lane back in the ring. Cornette distracts the
referee, and the Express gives Morton a Rocket Launcher on the rampway.
Paul E must have loved that rampway, because he uses it for his ECW PPVs
now. Eaton runs through his neckbreaker and slingshot backbreaker
sequence. Tommy Rich has literally not been in the ring once yet. That’s
a very smart move on all parts. Every time I see Rich, I’m reminded of
an impersonation that Paul E. did of him during an ECW chat session, as
a drunken Rich greets Lance Russell with “Hey, ev’rybody, it’s
Laaaaaance!” You have to hear it to appreciate it, I guess. Eaton hits
the Alabama Jam, but showboats and doesn’t cover. He asks for a 10 count
instead. Morton makes it to his feet. Lane kicks the hell of him again.
The Express goes for the Rocket Launcher, but Morton gets the knees up.
Morton gets the hot tag to Rich (ooo, Tommy Rich, now that’s
scary…hope he doesn’t throw up on them…), but Cornette nails him
with the tennis racket in short order. Aw, too bad. Then it gets goofy
as the Southern Boys/Young Pistols come out dressed like Cornette to
distract the Express, allowing Rich to hit Lane with the tennis racket
and get the pin. Cheap ending. Goodbye, Midnights, it was fun. ***
– Sting comes out to offer some words for Sid Vicious, but (you guessed
it) The Black Scorpion interrupts the interview and makes an audience
plant disappear. Sting is of course held by the unstoppable force of
intertia from walking the 15 feet to the other stage to stop this
heinous act. Man, that Scorpion, he’s so evil. Buyers of the Netcop
Busts were treated to this gem and several other segments involving the
Black Scorpion.
– The Renegade Warriors v. The Freebirds. Mark your calendars: There
actually exists a team I HATE MORE THAN THE FREEBIRDS. Yes, folks, Chris
and Mark Youngblood JUST SUCK THAT MUCH. The crowd lustily boos them
upon their entrance. The Freebirds have Little Richard Marley (Rocky
King) as their valet at this point. The Freebirds score an 8 on the
Johnny B. Badd Fag-O-Meter tonight, as Hayes is wearing sequened pants,
pink tinted hair and copious amounts of mascara. It just shows how
terrible the Youngblood Retards are when the Birds can go for this kid
of cheap heat and still get CHEERED. One of the fat stupid indians plays
face in peril, but I don’t care which it is. Thank god for alcohol, sez
I. It occurs to me that if the late Rick Williams and Jim Hellwig ever
teamed up, Renegade Warriors might be a good name for them. This goes a
mind-numbing 18 minutes before Retard #1 gets the hot tag to Retard #2.
Btw, while I desperately search for something interesting to talk about,
I think Futurama could become a pop culture icon, like the Simpsons.
It’s just that good. On the other hand, I don’t see the big deal with
the PJs. Anyway, Retard #2 is a house of fire, until he gets DDT’d and
pinned. Good riddance. DUD
– The Horsemen do an interview. Barry Windham is noticeably absent. That
would become important later.
– US tag team title match: The Steiner Brothers v. The Nasty Boys. This
is one of those legendary matches that doesn’t really deserve it, but
still made the career of the Nasties. These guys, in a nutshell, don’t
like each other, and that’s all the people need to know. Mega-brawl to
start. Sags gets Scott on the top for a superplex right out of the gate,
but Scott reverses to a belly-to-belly for a big pop. Scott hits a tiger
driver and the Steiners do the top rope bulldog for another mega-pop.
Welcome to the spotfest. Knobs nails Scott with a chair for a two count
to give the Nasties the advantage. Knobs with a powerslam for two. Sags
with a pumphandle slam, and a gut wrench suplex for two. Knobs kills the
flow with an ABDOMINAL STRETCH OF SEVERE HURT. Mike Rotundo must be
flattered to have this kind of influence on the sport. Bearhug bores me
further. Scott breaks with the belly-to-belly. Rick comes in without a
tag and cleans house, but mises a charge and flies out of the ring. This
allows the Nasties to spike piledrive Scott for two. Rick nails Sags
with a chair while Knobs is escorted out, and Sags blades for the hell
of it. Knobs goes back to the bearhug. Sags applies a Boston Crab, and
Scott powers out of it. Knobs goes to the camel clutch, thus running the
full gambit of the WORLD’S SHITTIEST RESTHOLDS. What is this, a Sid
match? The Nasty clothesline misses and Scott gets the hot tag. Rick
rips some heads off, and belly to bellies Knobs for two. The Nasties
double-team Rick, but he manages a double top rope Steinerline that was
only a *wee* bit contrived. The Nasties slam Scott on the floor and go
back to working on Rick, but Scott pulls Sags out of the ring, and then
rolls back in to finish Knobs with the Frankensteiner. Hmm, at the time
I would’ve given you 10-1 that the Nasties would walk out with the
belts, but the Steiners retain. The Nasties were instantly over because
of this match, and since WCW is run by chimpanzees, they weren’t under
long-term contract and ended up becoming *WW F* tag champs mere months
later. **3/4
– Scott Steiner gives a post-match interview and amazingly doesn’t say
“Hooches”, “Freaks” or “Big Poppa Pump is your hookup”. The Nasty Boys
attack him dressed as concession workers.
– World tag team title: Doom v. Ric Flair & Arn Anderson. The storyline
here is youth and power v. age and treachery. Doom is too powerful, so
the Horsemen cheat like nuts to compensate. A chase breaks out and Long
slaps Flair in the face, drawing “Ooooos” from the crowd. Flair
cheap-shots Reed to take control. Doom quickly comes back to destroy the
Horsemen and are obviously playing the faces here. Flair challenges Reed
to a boxing match and gets killed. Flair goes for the tag, but Flair
Flops before getting to the corner. He follows with a Flair Flip and
Simmons puts the boots to him on the way across the apron. Finally the
Horsemen cheat again and regain control over Ron Simmons. Arn gets the
spinebuster for a two count. The Horsemen go to work on the leg.
Inevitably the figure-four follows. Simmons reverses and Arn does his
“fight the man down to the mat on a test of strength but try to drive my
knees into his abdomen and end up going crotchfirst to his knees” spot.
Simmons gets a sunset flip, but Arn makes the tag on the way down. Arn
puts his head down and Simmons rams him to the mat and gets the hot tag.
Pier-six erupts and Reed gets a shoulderblock off the top rope for two.
Arn hits the DDT for two. Simmons gets a two count off the save. Then it
totally breaks down and they all fight outside the ring for a double
countout. Weak ending to a great match. ****
– US title match: Lex Luger v. Stan Hansen. It should be noted that my
mom thinks Hansen is the most disgusting human being on the face of the
earth. Luger had been US champion for a mind-boggling 18 months at this
point, so he was about due for a loss. And here’s something uniquely
Luger-ish: When he won the title from Michael Hayes, he was a face. He
turned heel a couple of months into his title reign, stayed there until
February of 1990, and then turned face again on behalf of Sting. So he
actually did two full-blown turns during the course of his reign and
ended up back where he started. Hansen controls with brawling tactics
early, sending Luger to the floor and battering him. Pretty dull kick
and punch match follows as Luger makes the comeback. Lex was getting
mighty lazy by this point. I’m not sure why WCW bothered with the Hansen
push, because he was clearly waaaay over the hill by this point. Hansen
gets two off a bulldog. He misses an elbowdrop and Luger comes back
again with a dropkick. Luger is doing nothing here. More brawling and
Hansen shoves the referee out of the way. Luger catches Hanse with a
clothesline, but the ref is out. Dan Spivey comes down and tosses the
bullrope into the ring for Stan, but Luger blocks. Luger goes for
another clothesline, but Hansen catches Lex with THE LARIAT OF DEATH out
of nowhere and pins him for the title. Ugly match. *1/2 Crowd doesn’t
really appreciate that one.
– Main event, NWA World title: Sting v. Sid Vicious. I’m surprised they
didn’t just put the title on Sid here and get it over with. Sting is
wearing pink and black makeup. What does it mean? A secret alliance with
Bret Hart? TUNE INTO NITRO TO FIND OUT! Sid hits a backbreaker on Sting
right away, but Sting no-sells. Hah, how does it feel, Sid? Sid bails to
escape the Scorpion deathlock. They fight outside the ring. Back in the
ring and Sting works on the arm. Sid hits a clothesline to take control.
Sting gets a fluke two with a sunset flip, but another clothesline turns
the tide again. Sid goes to the VULCAN NERVE PINCH OF HIDEOUS
DISCOMFORT. Powerslam for two. Sting tries the Stinger splash but
misses. Sid showboats and Sting gets a flying bodypress for two. Sid
continues hammering away at Sting. Sid is NOT ready for prime time yet
at this point. They fight onto the rampway, allowing Sting the
opportunity to do a running dive back into the ring, then a pescado onto
the floor. They fight out to the floor, and Sid runs back to the
dressing room. Sting follows. They return, and Sting looks…flabbier.
Sting goes for a bodyslam and Sid falls on top for the pin?!? New
champion, end of show.
The Bottom Line: Well, I don’t remember Sid ever being the champion, but
I guess I was wrong and…oh, wait, the real Sting is back with a piece
of rope tied around his wrist. The real Sting hits a Stinger splash and
rolls up Sid for the pin to retain. The fake Sting was Barry Windham, by
the way.
The Real Bottom Line: This is a pretty mediocre show. There’s a better
Doom-Horsemen match at Starrcade 90, but enough people still talk about
the Nasties-Steiners match that it’s probably worth tracking this show
down for a look. The Sting-Sid overbooking goofiness is pretty
inexusable, however. But then that’s Ole Anderson booking for ya.
Mildly recommended.
