The SmarK Retro Repost – Clash Of Champions XV

The Netcop Retro Rant for Clash of the Champions XV (June 1991)

– Live from Knoxville, Tennessee.

– Hosted by Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone.

– Opening match: The Freebirds & Bradstreet v. The Young Pistols and

Tom Zenk. The Birds have DDP, Big Daddy Dink and Kimberly all in their

corner. Badstreet is of course Brad Armstrong in failed gimmick #2929B.

Referee for about half the matches tonight is Bill Alphonso. Hey, the

Freebirds still suck, surprise surprise. Brad Armstrong, however, rules

the f*cking world playing a rudo-type character here. They should fired

Hayes and Garvin and kept Badstreet. Pretty silly ending to a blah

match as the faces sunset flip into the ring on all three Birds at the

same time and Fonzie counts all three down for the pin. Lots of

flipping and flopping, but no real substance.

– The Great and Mighty Oz v. Johnny Rich. I think we’ve made all the

Kevin Nash jokes we can make in one lifetime here on RSPW, so I’ll pass.

He actually moves *way* faster and smoother here than he has since 1995,

and finishes Rich off after the usual moves with the tornado slam, a

move which I personally miss. It’s done by putting the guy in a

position for an Outsider Edge, then spinning around a few times and

letting him go. Brutal.

– PN News promo. Yo baby, yo baby, yo! This, btw, marks the beginning

of The Bad Period for WCW in 1991.

– Dan Spivey v. Big Josh. I still don’t know what Vince saw in Matt

Bourne that made him want to sign him, but I guess that’s why I’m not

the owner of the WWF. Spivey tries to salvage something watchable here,

but Josh sucks hard. Sullivan comes down (during his poofy hair period)

and whacks Josh with a crutch, allowing Spivey to get the pin, thus

setting up the epic Big Josh-Black Blood match at Bash ’91. And people

wonder why everyone hates that PPV so much…

– WCW Top 10.

– Paul E. interviews Jason Hervey (the big brother on the Wonder Years).

Hervey was dating Missy Hyatt at this point. Paul verbally berates

Hervey and makes fun of his relationship with Missy, but Jason fights

back and declares the interview over. I wouldn’t turn around, Jason…

*POW!!!!!* Phone to the head!

Well, can’t say I didn’t warn ya. Missy bounces in and protects her

boyfriend from further yuppie attack. If only Jason had bled, this

would be perfection. Paul E was SO cool back then. Damn phone

shattered in two. Way cool…I love celebrity punkings.

– Dustin Rhodes v. Terrence Taylor. I guess Dustin was impressed with

Alexandra York’s managerial technique, because he married her a few

months later. She’s now known as Marlena, of course. I can appreciate

the talent of Terry Taylor so much more today, watching him carry Rhodes

to a watchable match despite Dustin’s almost total (and genetic) lack of

talent at that point. The flip, flop and fly works here, in case you’re

wondering. Rhodes goes for the bulldog, but Mr. Hughes and Ricky Morton

and Big Josh all run in and it turns into a big clusterf*ck. Double-DQ.

– Johnny B. Badd promo. He’s so pretty, he should’ve been born a girl!

I don’t how Marc Mero sleeps at night knowing that he used to make a

living doing this shit…I’m so glad he has a more dignified gimmick

now, that of the conceited wife-beating ex-boxer.

– Sting v. Nikita Koloff. This is the blowoff after Koloff nailed Sting

by accident at Superbrawl. Koloff yells a lot and no-sells Sting’s

offense. And that’s about it. Koloff slowly pounds on him for 10

minutes, then Sting misses a splash, but Koloff misses a Sickle and

Sting gets the quick pin with a rollup.

– PN News brings out two of the skanks from Salt N Pepa (Ho baby, ho

baby, ho!) and does an embarrassingly bad “rap”. Johnny B. Badd comes

out to confront him, lord knows why. I can’t even describe how bad this

was. Of course, Dusty Rhodes was booking so it’s at least

explainable…

– Hey, yo. Diamond Studd promo. Survey says…nobody gives a shit until

1994 when Shawn carries his ass to a ***** match.

– Arn Anderson & Barry Windham v. El Gigante & Brian Pillman (loser

leaves WCW). Gee, I wonder who jobs here? This is the result of

WarGames, where the Horsemen legit injured Pillman (or rather, Sid did).

It’s a pretty good match, mainly because Gigante does nothing more

involved than standing on the apron and looking tall. Surprisingly

quick, as Pillman goes for a bodypress of the top about 5 minutes in,

and Windham pushes him off and kicks him right in the face (ouch!) and

pins him. Of course, the Yellow Dog showed up to avenge the loss at

Bash 91 against Windham. Gotta love that Dusty Rhodes…

– IWGP tag title match: Rick & Scott Steiner v. Hiroshi Hase & Masa

Chono. Hey, remember when the Steiners v. nWo Japan produced a *good*

match? Hase and Chono are total bad-ass SWANK heels here, beating the

hell out of Rick with a bunch of cool shit that JR actually knows the

name of! Yeah! Finally, Scott gets in and cleans house, hitting Hase

with the Frankensteiner and getting the pin. Great match. The

Hardliners (Murdoch and Slater) run in and beat up the Steiners after

the match, and injure Scott’s arm in the process. Bet WCW was happy to

hear that.

– The Diamond Studd v. Tommy Rich. No survey tonight. It’d be kinda

one-sided, I think. Much like this match, as Studd pounds the hell out

of Rich and finishes it off with the Outsider Edge/Razor’s Edge/Diamond

Death Drop.

– Jim Ross interviews some kind who won a Sting lookalike contest

despite looking nothing like Sting. I smell an angle. Sting comes out

to congratulate him personally. Awwwww. Then Koloff comes out to nail

Sting with a big chain. Awwww. The kid cries. I go get more iced tea.

– The Great Muta v. Lex Luger (Winner gets the title shot at Bash 91).

Muta has another off-night, doing nothing notable except a nice bump

after he misses a handspring elbow. Luger blocks a mist spray and

powerslams him for a quick win. The match only lasted like 3 minutes.

– Steve Austin v. Joey Maggs. This is Austin’s major league debut, and

it lasts all of 30 seconds as he stun-guns Maggs almost right after the

bell and gets the pin. If you think Lady Blossom has some huge

gazongas, give me a HELL YEAH!

– Black Blood promo. Billy Jack Hayes, in case you’re about to ask.

– The York Foundation introduces Richard Morton as the newest member,

then they punk Robert Gibson for fun. Morton looks like a tool with a

business suit and long blond hair…

– Main Event: Ric Flair v. Bobby Eaton (2/3 falls). This is *such* a

good match. It harkens back to the days when a contender could get a

win over the champ without the champ jobbing. Hard fought first fall

has Bobby going over clean with the Alabama Jam to a big pop. That

lasted about 12 minutes. Eaton then goes out again to start the second

fall, but Flair pushes him off the top rope to the concrete, for the

countout. That lasted all of a minute. Then for the third fall, Eaton

gets back in and Flair works over the knee for a few minutes, Eaton

tries the comeback, and Flair figure-fours him until he blacks out for

the pin. That only lasted another two minutes. Ergh. Still, the first

fall was excellent, and the rest was a little disappointing. This was

Flair’s last major match before going to Titan-land, btw.

The Bottom Line: Transitional show for WCW, as they introduced all the

(lame) new talent they signed and began another wretched era by firing

Ric Flair and gambling on Lex Luger as champion. As a heel. (shakes

head). Dusty Rhodes is an idiot, but at least he isn’t Ole Anderson, I

guess.

Still, this card was pretty fun overall and worth watching for the Paul

E punking and the main event at least.

Later…