The Monday Edition 7.29.02

Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!!!! It’s me, Flea and I apologize if you were expecting to read Hyatte for your Monday pleasure. Sorry that ain’t happening but if it makes you feel better, Hyatte ain’t dead. Trust me, if he was, I would have wrote another f*cking obit. Do you see it published? Nope? Well good. Hyatte ain’t dead, he just took some time off. So you got me. Flea. Thanks. Me love you longtime.

This report is dedicated to TheRatDiva, who I would leave my wife for(not really) and who is the one person who I think that would leave me for HHH(pipe dream) but she would be invited to party sometime(only cause I wouldn’t kick her out of bed) hey baby

One quick thing before I get started I WISH I had Eric S’s. balls and could do nothing but talk political bullshit all column, because trust me I got caught with my pants down bringing the below words to you. My browser defaults to YAHOO and in the news section there was a TON of shit that I wanted to talk about. But I can save that for some other time with one exception. This one hit home

From The New York Times

In recent months some of the wealthiest older Americans have been buying huge life insurance policies on themselves. Curiously, these people have shopped not for the cheapest rates but for the highest rates they can find. In some cases, they delightedly pay 10 times the lowest rates for that insurance. Why would anyone willingly pay so much? Taxes.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AGHAGAGAGAGAG AGHJAGHAGFAHKG HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AGAGAGGAG AHAHAHAHAHAQ HAHAHAHAHAHAH AHHAHAAHAHA HAHAHAHHA

Sorry let me clue you unwashed masses in on something. If I croak tomorrow, my wife gets (X) $$$$. If you old pal Flea did the above, she would get f*cked, my kid would get f*cked and I would get f*cked, because they would dig my body out no wait, I’m getting cremated as I was saying they would take my ashes, sell them to a prison and let the convicts either (a) smoke them or (2) shove them up their ass so one of their bitches can smoke them at a later time. I personally have all my money in well it ain’t none of your business. So I will just go ahead and talk about wrestling. Right on .

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

Well thanks I haven’t been put in this position in months. Lately, in this spot, you would be reading the latest PPV action, which makes for some easy writing on my part. Well PA FANGOL!!!!!! .anyway, this is what caught my attention the most

From Confidential

Hey, business picks up here! We hear a story about one of Rob’s earliest dealings with the Fed-he attended a show as an adolescent that featured The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase (greatest heel of all time, IMHO). Footage rolls of Ted offering a crisp $100 bill to anyone who’d get in the ring to kiss his bare ‘stinking, sweaty feet’. Taking the offer-yep, our current Intercontinental Champion.

Ain’t that something? Not only did I rip that off, but I ripped the above off from JOHN KEANE AT 1RWESTLING.COM .sue me please. Not you! I mean them!

Anyway

FIRST OFF

As reported earlier, the NWA: TNA is in the process of filing a lawsuit. It now appears that the lawsuit will be against their PPV consultant, Jay Hassman. TNA has now ended their agreement with Hassman after discovering that he works for Team Services (the company that handles WWE’s PPVs).

Hassman has apparently misled TNA about buyrates, clearance on Dish Network and Cablevision, and other things. TNA has emails proving all these claims.

That’s from HASHISH and the 411 Newsline, cause BOSS was off doing something else, I’m sure.

Well ain’t that a motherf*cker. Not the BOSS and Hashish part but the fact that The Real REAL Double J (TTRDJ) got screwed. And people wonder why the owners of the companies are so paranoid. Here TTRDJ has a bunch of workers trying to get his promotion off the ground and WHAMMO! Some prick who don’t know a wristwatch from a wrist-lock (Gorilla my dreams) comes and lays the smackdown. I hope he ain’t driving through Nashville some night with his windows down because well you can read about that in the Torch, all I’m saying is I hope some BANJOS are playing

Some quick thoughts on the NWA-TNA. The last show sucked. Sorry, I’m caught off guard doing this report so I ain’t got time to be positive and sugarcoat (till later, anyway). Blame Russo if you want, but that was the first time I felt like I got f*cked out of my $10. For my dough I want to see wrestling and some TNA, in that order. As far as money is concerned, I’m easy like Sunday Morning, but damn. I don’t think it’s TOO hard to give an extra 10 minutes to the wrestling portion vs. the “other shit happening” portion. All I’m saying is that I like a reach around and a kiss when you take my dough. And some STIFF and HARD Cruiser action. Baby.

Subjects change like the wind, so how about some WWE stuff?

HAVE YOU HEARD?

I didn’t get around to saying anything about the return of Bischoff last week so here you go BOYAAAHH!!!!!!!!

BUT THEN they followed it up with Steph, which took the air out of anyone’s balloon that was planned to be sailed. BUT THEN they followed it up with a killer RAW and a killer Smackdown BUT THEN I hear Austin is crying about wanting to come back. If the gang in charge had any say-so they would bring Austin back and make him do the J.o.B. to Cena, just to prove a point. You think that’s easy for me to type?!? Austin has been my #1 fave since around 1998, but that’s only because HBK retired and Cactus turned into a f*cking goof. At this point, if he comes back, I say J.o.B him and then have everyone from Angle down to Crash Holly cut a promo on him the next night. Monday Night, nothing but promos about how much of a CHUMP Austin is. And if you don’t like it go back and read a few Austin stories about how much he didn’t like the “direction” of the company. Then walk out on your BOSS today and write down his reaction. Then write me a flame mail.

Speaking of the WWE, check this out From Hashish and the newsline, courtesy of Dave (the Smart One)

Speculation continues to fly as to who the “mystery RAW jumper” will be tomorrow on RAW. Dave Meltzer speculates that WWE has to deliver a big name because they are in no position to deliver a letdown. He had the following thoughts:

-Won’t be the Rock since he is already on both shows.

-Likely won’t be Kurt Angle due to the storyline they played on Smackdown.

-Could be Chris Jericho but that would kill the association between him and the Anti-Americans. Same goes for any of the Anti-American members, or the entire group.

-Could be Hulk Hogan due to his history with Eric Bischoff, however, even though he is not a draw, Hogan is regarded as a star and would weaken the Smackdown roster. Smackdown would then have to rely on Edge, Jericho, Lesnar, and Angle as their house show draws.

-Edge seems unlikely because Smackdown is becoming the show for “new stars” and WWE probably does not want to remove him from that atmosphere.

Never in my life, not even in the depths of WCW, have I EVER heard Hulk Hogan referred to as “not a draw”. Go back and read last Monday’s News thing for the total effect. Anyway, if so many of these “insiders” know so much, then why don’t anyone tell you who it is? Kinda like the same way you never heard BISCHOFF’S name until it happened. Easy to confirm things afterwords. I’ll go out on a limb here and just because I DO know someone on the inside (two of your favorite people on line can back me up on this) I heard Saturday night who that person will be. This is where most of these chumps will plead either “unnamed sources” or the 5th. Well, you old pal Flea has done DRANK that that 5th and tell you who it is

But only of you subscribe to my newsletter chump

By the way, it’s HIM. Who’s limo got stole and who didn’t have a ride home from SmackDown?

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

And now

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

ALL APOLOGIES! I hate to be a bogart but I just don’t feel like dealing with WWE.com right now. I can tell you that 2 shows (Raw, Smackdown) will be taking place somewhere in this great country ..

JUST WAIT ONE MINUTE!!!!!!!

Now then .do think that you FLEA can sit back in your chair and just decide to DOUBLECROSS the reading public? How dare you? There are times, when it’s me .all alone on a deserted highway and all I see is the early morning light and how nice it would be to be at home but .NO!!!!!! NO! IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! you see sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and sometimes it’s necessary to forget about what you like and sometimes you have to leave what you love behind that’s the nature of what we do and sometimes, no matter how lonely or tired you get no matter how much less smooth the next shot of whiskey goes down no matter HOW much you wish you can hold her in your arms ONE MORE MINUTE ..!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .just remember we all have a purpose something that must be done .and always remember .to BE .the man .you have to BEAT .the man ..

By the way, the next two WWE shows are in North(byGOD) Carolina whooooooo!

THE LINKS ARE ON ME

e.c. rules .and I highly suggest surfing 411, reading everyone and enjoying. Stay away from the forum. And Carlos.

SOME VAGUE CRZ

See Our Zed: Ummmmm…..I’m kinda tapped for idearz this weekend

Damn .that ALWAYS works for Hyatte .

PAGE SIX

You know what? I have nothing planned for this, so let go surfing now, everybody’s learning how come and surf the IWC with me .c’mon

Trust me, this is like playing Russian Roulette with a derringer .for those of you who don’t know what a derringer is, it’s a gun that holds one bullet. For those who don’t know from Russian Roulette, that’s a game where you take a gun (loaded) spin the wheel and make a deal. I think that’s a safe enough description to keep me from being sued. If not .C’MON and sue me when I run out of money, BOSS and Hashish can take over

Anyway here is something from a fun time in the IWC

And yes I stole this from YOU (not you, but someone else who blah) this is from my files, someone just reminded me I had it (and that would be YOU!)

Ah f*ck it here is the LINK

http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=DCxnK4.9p0%40freenet.carleton.ca&oe=UTF-8&output=gplain

HERE HERE HERE HERE(BOSS, hashish) THERE THERE RIGHT BACK THERE

And yes, I did steal that link only cause I don’t want no hassle bout having the above column in my personal files.

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.

Flea