The Netcop Retro Rant for ECW Heat Wave 95
– Now, I wouldn’t wanna cast apersions on the characters or Mr. Ryder or
Mr. Conway with regards to the 1Wrestling v. ScoopThis feud, but isn’t
it just a BIT convenient that this “feud” would break out days before a
major change in STC’s format? Methinks it’s a work, kids. But then I’m
employed by a site that at least seems to be above this sort of crap, so
maybe I’m not the most objective voice around.
– Taped from the World’s Most Famous Bingo Hall, July 1995.
– Your host is Joey.
– Bill Aphonso comes out to rant, and Tod Gordon rebutts, causing a
fight to break out. The sound is really bad and I can’t make out what
they’re arguing about, but I’m sure you can fill it in yourself.
– Opening match: Stormin’ Norman v. Mikey Whipwreck. Even Mikey needs
someone to squash. See, Norman is a jobber who wears Desert Storm
themed tights. Yeah. Mikey quickly tosses him out and hits a sort-of
quebrada. Back into the ring for some verbal abuse via the crowd, and
then Norman does a sloppy headscissors to take Mikey to the floor,
followed by an axehandle from the apron. More stalling from Norman.
And more. And more. Mikey finally chases him and they fight in the
aisle. Back to the ring, more stalling as the ECW fans invent the
“Asshole” chant currently in use in the WWF. Mikey goes to the floor
and Norman hits a horrible plancha. Back in the ring, Mikey quickly
finishes it with a rana from the top at 6:45. Bleh. 1/2*
– ECW Tag team title match: Raven & Stevie Richards v. Don E. Allen &
The Broad Street Bully. Stevie’s stalker (later named…Francine) is
sitting in the front row and looking rather do-able, I have to say. And
about 20 pounds heavier than today, which is a GOOD thing, thank you.
Raven hits Allen with a DDT while Stevie makes out with Francine about a
minute into the match. Joey gives his “I’ll be damned, Stevie likes
girls!” line and a catfight breaks out with Beulah and Francine (the
first of many). Raven and Richards get counted out at a marathon 2:07
trying to break it up. DUD The Pitbulls attack, and the Dudleys attack
them, and then Tommy Dreamer runs in to attack Raven. They all fight to
the back, and meanwhile the Bully mouths off about getting a rematch.
So Raven and Richards return to oblige, DDT the shit out of them, and
now the entire brawl breaks out all over again. The girls get into
ANOTHER catfight, and now Big Dick Dudley is in to stop Dreamer from
breaking any more of Raven’s fingers.
– Big Val Puccio v. Hack Myers. Val is a big fat f*ck. Was he the guy
who was part of Dave Scherer’s little group of “Bleacher Bums” years ago
on RSPW and got the tryout, or am I thinking of someone else here? I
forget if that was 94 or 95. Incidentally, Hack was on Shotgun a couple
of months ago jobbing to the Hardy Boys, and he looked great, with
normal tights and a proper haircut and everything. No contact is made
until the two minute mark, when Hack tries a slam and fails. Hack
unloads with kicks and punches, but Val is JUST TOO FUCKING FAT. Val
no-sells and gives him three avalanches. Ouch. Val picks him up and
gives him another two. Then a powerslam and a big splash. A simple
elbow misses and Hack rolls over for the pin at 6:20. As exciting a
move as it sounded. DUD I’d make a pun involving “Puccio/Poochio”,
being fat, and jobbing, but I think we’re all above that sort of humor.
– Raven, Little Snot Dudley & Dudley Dudley v. Tommy Dreamer & The
Pitbulls. Dreamer destroys Raven in the ring while Luna hangs around
looking psychotic. Bill Alphonso suddenly runs in and demands the match
immediately be stopped due to excessive violence. Match is clipped to
the Pitbulls cleaning house on the heels and hitting the Superbomb on
Stevie. Francine breaks up the count and Beulah attacks her. The
Pitbulls hit another one on Little Snot and get the pin at 5:32 of what
we got to see. DUD
– Taz & Eddy Guerrero v. 2 Cold Scorpio & Dean Malenko. Match is
clipped rather heavily. This is, I believe, the debut of the “new look”
Taz, with a haircut and wrestling boots and everything. His mammoth
heel turn against Sabu would come at N2R 95. Taz injures his knee and
Malenko focuses on it. Eddy gets the hot tag and the match is a series
of 10 second soundbites from there, leading to the finish: Scorpio
takes out Paul E. on the floor accidentally, and 911’s music starts up,
distracting Scorpio enough for Taz to get the pin at 8:29 of what we saw
after clipping. Bill Alphonso runs in and declares that the match will
in fact continue, allowing the heels to jump Eddy and Taz from behind
and get the pin (from Alphonso). Paul E gets into Bill’s face about his
bullshit, and somehow Rob Feinstein gets involved and starts lipping him
off. RF and Fonzie double-team Paul E, and now 911 hits the ring for
real and chokeslams Feinstein. They clipped the f*cking match and left
Rob Feinstein getting chokeslammed by 911 in???
– ECW World title match: The Sandman v. Axl Rotten. Oh, boy, my dream
match. Why couldn’t they hack this one up? Sandman casually beats Axl
to death with the cane, causing him to bail. He retreats to the locker
room and returns with man’s best friend: The barbed wire baseball bat.
They talk for a while and then Axl attacks with the bat. Then Sandman
gets it and unravels the barbed wire. They do a lot of stuff that
involves Joey saying “barbed wire” before Sandman hits a Fame-Asser off
the top rope (or in Jim’s case, a Fat-Asser might be more apropos) for
the pin at 10:37. Call it 1/4*
– Cage match: Stevie Richards v. Luna. Stevie gets destroyed by Luna
very quickly into this, and blades after being tossed into the cage.
She hits a Diamond Cutter (in 1995!), spinning neckbreaker and pump
splash, but picks him up at two. Stevie uses the opening to hit an
inverted atomic drop and powerbomb, then rams Luna into the cage. She
starts pulling the gig out of her glove while the camera is still on
her. D’OH! She blades, but hits Stevie low and DDT’s him for two.
Stevie responds with a powerbomb for two. Stevie with a neckbreaker and
slam, and he goes to the top of the cage, but hits Luna’s foot on the
way down. That looked pretty bad. Luna goes to the top and splashes
him, but picks him up at two. She clamps on the…uh…testicular claw
and gets the submission at 7:45. Selling and psychology was ridiculous,
but it’s the match of the night so far, which isn’t saying much. **1/2
– And now the famous bit: Raven and the Dudleys attack, and get run off
by the Pitbulls and Tommy Dreamer. Well, everyone but Raven at least,
because Dreamer beats the hell out of him, crucifies him on the cage,
and smashes a chair over his head to FINALLY get revenge for all the
shit Raven pulled on him over the weeks leading up to this. That
particular scene (Dreamer yelling “ECW!” and breaking the chair over his
head) is still preserved into the opening video montage that ECW uses
– Main event: The Public Enema v. The Gangstas. Which one is Swoll?
This was shortly before TPE signed with WCW for the first time. Mixed
reaction from the crowd, due to the news of their “selling out”. The
Gangstas would soon be doing the exact same matches as TPE anyway, so
it’s not like some huge void was created or anything. This is also a
cage match, with weapons conveniently placed inside the cage. Again I
ask…WHY DID THEY CLIP THAT TAG MATCH EARLIER? Hey, if you like four
guys hitting each other with weapons for 10 minutes, this is the match
for you! This is probably about $10 on the Otto Heuer scale. The lack
of “Natural Born Killaz” playing in the background ruins the flow for
me, however. I feel it should be noted that a rubber chicken is one of
the objects seen laying in the ring. That’s just an observation, not a
judgment. The “match”, as it is, is just them hitting each other with
the plunder and bleeding, with the occasional token wrestling move
thrown in. Rocco Rock misses the Drive-By, which gives Mustapha a
two-count. Grunge holds Mustapha FOREVER as Rock climbs to the top of
the cage, and knocks both of them down with a flying body attack. It
gets a two-count for Grunge. The requisite pair of tables gets brought
into the ring and set up while the Gangstas oblige by lying around. New
Jack gets put on the top table, and Rock moonsaults New Jack through two
tables, which is admittedly a nice visual. Rock plays dead after the
move, so he can’t get the pin, and Mustapha sprays mace into Grunge’s
eyes and gets the cheap pin at 14:30. Call it about ***. But then
they’re no Hardcore Holly…
The Bottom Line: I wish that f*cking tag match hadn’t been clipped.
Otherwise, this was the Raven v. Tommy show, which provided for some
entertaining segments, although the wrestling sucked.
Mild recommendation to avoid unless you’ve never seen the Chairshot
Heard Round the World.