Couple of site things first:
Flea is back doing the Saturday news again. Best thing about weekend posting.
Hyatte has returned with his “And Another Thing†Column. Remember when Grut used to write a unique fiction column? Similar idea. If you don’t normally read Hyatte, read it. It’s really good.
Also, Scott Keith very much enamored himself to many of our female readers this week. Click here and travel back 100 years!
Also, I wanted to say something about Rick Scaia’s rip on web writers, but I think that Eric S said just about everything that needed to be said and I’m sure Hyatte will mention it, too. I will let the masters of such things handle it. All I have to say about it is: Rick has had a long ride from getting paid by CBS to doing what he loved to being on a now-obscure website that no one really cares about or thinks is relevant anymore. I understand why he’s bitter.
I keep seeing ads for E’s attempt at the Osbornes, also known as the Anna Nicole show. The camera basically follows her around to see all the wacky situations she gets in. I haven’t heard one promo in which she doesn’t sounds drunk, high, or both. Now, don’t get me wrong, I be the show will be hee-larious, but geez. Just when you think the PTC doesn’t have a point about today’s television.
Speaking of the PTC, they released a list of the top ten worst shows on television. Someone finally noticed that MTV is marketing softcore porn to twelve year olds. Not only that, but it’s BAD softcore porn. I mean, come on, MTV could have any teenager in the world work for them. Can’t they get SOMEONE on Undressed who can actually pretend to LIKE the people they’re with.
I haven’t paid that much attention to wrestling this week. The first hour of Raw was missed due to a power outage and I was working on a website during most of Smackdown, so I was distracted. So, I’m going to try and scrap a column together out of the bit I did see.
Again, for the last time I will refer to it in this column. I am not being a rebel or trying to be different with my use of WWF over WWE. I called it and referred to it as the WWF since I was three which would make it 21 years that it has been the WWF to me. I aplogize if three months of a lame marketing campaign can’t switch me over immediately. Not to mention I think WWE just friggin sounds wrong.
WWF
Raw
Bischoff’s big acquisition from Smackdown, as of the opening of the show, was the Storm foundation, who cut some promos on the American fans. Not sure if they’re trying to recreate the Hart Foundation with these guys or not. Would be real interesting if they could get Bret back to lead these guys. They made themselves a general nuisance by beating up the Undertaker and such. By the end of the show, Jericho was the actual BIG acquisition from Smackdown. He interrupted a “big†announcement from Ric Flair and beat him with a chair. Welcome to Raw, Chris.
Moolah and Mae Young made an appearance, because we were all clamoring for it. Maw has a new book coming out, which if anyone wants to send me, I will be happy to read and review it. If not, my life will be just as complete. Regardless, Bischoff gives them “three minutes†to pimp the book before the Samoans come out to wreck them. I guess the Samoans have a point now, since the Tag Titles have moved to Raw.
Shawn Michaels is looking for Hunter for an explanation of last week’s turn. During his searches he pisses off both Booker and the Big Show.
In what, I’ve read, was the best match on Raw in quite some time, Benoit beat RVD for the Intercontinental Title. This turned out to be a big victory since Benoit ended up on Smackdown come Thursday. Why? Cuz we can’t have it look like Steph is losing.
Undertaker squashed the hell out of Chris Harvard. I don’t really understand them consistently feeding the new talent to the Undertaker so he can beat them in under five minutes. Matches where the other guy actually has a chance to do something is fine but can you see Cena having a match like he had with Kurt Angle against the Undertaker? I can’t. Harvard just got the hell beat out of him even though I can see him as a guy people will be loving to hate. Granted, they want to see him get the hell beat out of him, but you don’t have to do it so soon.
HHH comes out to cut his explanation promo on Shawn, but wait! A stage hand tells Hunter something, who then gets the “concerned†look on his face. King and JR wonder for the entire time that it takes Hunter to leave the ring and get backstage what happened to make Hunter so concerned with out it once CROSSING THEIR MINDS TO ASK THE FRIGGIN STAGEHAND! Backstage, someone put Shawn’s head through a car window, and he’s lying in a puddle of his own blood. It was probably the most graphic scene I’ve seen on wrestling, possibly ever. It looked like a Law and Order type body on the ground. Everyone but HHH is a suspect so, therefore, it was HHH who did it or Rikishi, who has a history of running down stars and then having everyone forgetting about it. Or Stephanie, because all big angles must revolve around her.
Smackdown
Rey continues his impressive debut with a big win over Tajiri. Turns out he only kept his mask on because the WWF management thought he would be more marketable with a mask on. Yeah, and the fact they paid enough attention to WCW to learn that Rey sucked without a mask. Hopefully, they will keep him out of any and all rap videos now as well.
Hogan and Angle argued with each other about who was better and who would get to beat up Brock Lesnar. Steph set up a match where the winner would face Brock. Brock told both guys backstage that he hoped they would win. Kurt got DQed for hitting Hogan with a chair. So, Hogan will face Brock this week.
Rico and Cena had a match which was set up by Rico insulting Cena’s fashion sense. Shakespeare, it ain’t.
Rikishi had a match with D-Von over which character people are starting to care about less. Rikishi, the guy who was catapaulted by being the driver who ran down Austin ah, you gotta LOVE that WWF way of keeping hot streaks alive. D-Von’s character has also run his course. No one cares. He’s only a vehicle for the Bautista character. Of course, if they don’t start doing something with the Bautista character, no one’s going to care by the time they do. This would be someone Bischoff should sign to Smackdown.
Stephanie screamed at Stacy for allowing Bischoff to get in the building. This is Steph positioning herself over the other women on the show, so we see her as not just another pretty face. Unfortunately, she still sucks. Steph said that if anything like that ever happens again, Stacy will face dire consequences. Stacy got the tag, where she smirked as Steph walked away. Great shot, establishing her as a possibility as Bischoff’s mole in Smackdown.
Steph later chewed out Bob Holly, Mike Awesome, and Billy Kidman with reasons for why they’re not main eventers. Well, let’s see. Bob Holly because the best JR can come up with during his matches is that he has the best dropkick in the business. Mike Awesome because he a) has a mullet b) can’t speak and c) hasn’t been on television since he won the Hardcore Title. Billy Kidman because a) they won’t put him on television for more than a week at a time or b) because he (smartly) won’t work an angle with his real life girlfriend and management is pissed.
The main event saw Eddy Guerrero and Chris Benoit, Intercontinental Title and all, arrive on Smackdown for a main event match. Rock and Edge vs Chris and Eddy. I nearly spit water on the TV screen when Rock tapped cleanly to the crippler crossface. They’re certainly taking this appearnce of the Rock to get everyone on the Roster over before he leaves. Not that it’s a bad thing. Benoit’s move looks ridiculously monsterish now, considering Rock NEVER taps out. Jeez, I guess everyone needs a wake-up call by getting beat by the B-team Dudley’s.
NWA: TMF’nJ
Opened with a match of AJ Styles vs Elix Skipper with Jerry Lynn on commentary. Lynn says that he and AJ have enough mutual respect to get them trhough their differences and they are DEFINITELY solid enough to be the tag team champions now. Hm, wonder where this is going. AJ beat Elix with the Spiral Tap, but the match lacked the snap that most of the early X division matches had. This is important as Elix’s carcass lies in the ring for the next few segments.
The first segment has Monty Brown come out to beat him up a bit. Alpha Bomb, and Monty’s music plays. After this, Jeff Jarrett comes out with somebody in a bag. It turns out to be a midget, who Jarrett beats up, handing out chair shots and strokes all with Elix’s body in the ring. Then, puppet comes out and pulls a gun (?!) on Jarrett, who, of course, gets the better of the gun-wielding dwarf who is then escorted out by security. Finally, Steamboat comes out and tells Jarrett he won’t run roughshod over The Dragon like the rest of NWA management. My guess is he will, and we’ll have to watch every agonizing second of it. I will point out, at this point, Elix is STILL in the ring. Jarrett has an idea, he proposes a match with Ricky the Dragon. If Jarrett wins, he gets his title shot, if Dragon wins, Jarrett will accept the suspension. Um, if I’m not mistaken, Ricky is the “on-screen†boss. Soooooooo, isn’t there the whole “arrest him for trespassing†thing? This is just silly. If he’s supposed to be suspended, how about we NOT have him in the ring more than most of the roster. This segment FINALLY ends with Scott Hall breaking up the “match†between Jarrett and Steamboat and beating up Jarrett with a stretcher. You see, they have a STRETCHER match later in the night and this is all sorts of symbolic.
Russo’s insistance on making someone into the Rock didn’t end with Booker T. On the contrary, he now has Sonny Siaki who speaks in the third person and who even looks like the guy. Hey Vince, I have a wacky idea why not let the guys have NEW gimmicks? I, personally, think the Flying Elvis gimmick rules. Of course, it doesn’t mean anything because he got beat by Slash in the very next segment. James Vandenburgh carries a little urn-like thing with him which is the New Church’s Ark. Inside is the blood of the Awdad. Siaki was desecrated with the blood for choosing the wrong path and turning from the New Church. I take Vandenburgh’s suggestion and see what I can find about Awdad in Google.
Awdad: Did you mean to type “Award.†No. Hm, some kind of thing about North Africa. Nope, James Mitchell is not African.
Awedad: Name of a Horse who ran August 25th of 2001 at Toowoomba possibly some kind of African word for “the people.â€Â
Aoudad: some type of sheep.
So, either Mitchell slaughtered a race horse and put its blood in a jug, which I find unlikely since, living near the Saratoga track I can tell you that 9 out of every 10 race horses are owned by the mob who would not take kindly to having one of them killed, or he looked for an obscure word for “the people.†Or, he just has an unnatural love of sheep. I leave it to the reader to decide which he means.
Goldilocks where wearing a shirt with a picture of the Dupp’s with the Red Circle and Slash on it. No Dupps I agree.
K-Krush or The Truth whatever comes out to talk down to a TNA dancer and tell her she is being used by the man. Then he enters her cage and takes off his belt, apparently ready to violate her on PPV! Woo-HOO! Free porn! That will boost the buyrates! Not to be, as Monty Brown continues his mission to be the only black guy in the NWA Krush is ready, though, and breaks a strategically placed 2×4 over Brown’s head. After, Steamboat comes out and Krush talks about how the WWF held the both of them back. Steamboat, in his illustrious career, only held the IC title, which was always a title for second class citizens. True, which is why a Canadian holds it now. He then asks Steamboat to do the right thing and give him a shot next week. Steamboat agrees, and Krush becomes the next person to get fed to Shamrock or maybe, Malice will come and STEAL THE BELT AGAIN!!! After getting his shot, Krush gets Rowdy! Which kind of breaks the seriousness of the character he’d had to this point.
The foreign object of the day is a black hood, which Slash puts over people before handing out neckbreakers. Apparently, the black hood neckbreaker knocks people out for days.
Bruce, AKA Kwee-We, beat Taylor Vaugh, who I think was BeBe in the WWF for about three weeks, for the Miss TNA title. Yes, Bruce is your new Miss TNA. And people e-mail to tell me I have problems with gay people? Even I think this is in poor taste. Now, being all gay and being a tag team is one thing in fact, I’d say them kissing each other hands instead of tagging is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years, but this is just dumb.
The Man, The Myth, Low-Ki wrestled Jerry Lynn. AJ was on commentary and talked about how the problems between the team had been cleared up until the end of the match where AJ turned on him and had the match thrown out. Post Match, Ki kicked the hell out of AJ for getting his match thrown out. The X division does not need drama. Russo doesn’t get this. The X division is about wrestling, not about Jerry Lynn vs AJ Styles. If you need to work a feud between the two, get the X division title off of Styles and let them feud over the tag titles.
Disco’s new segment is somewhat funny. The first show was him interviewing Goldylocks and trying to get her to show her breasts. She was not into it and attacked Disco until Tough Enough Paulina came out to make the save. I thought she was Chyna at first.
Don West dropped into full Shill Mode and I feel like he’s selling more sports cards. It’s just as funny on PPV.
Razor Ramon vs JJ for the IC title came up next er I mean Scott Hall vs Jarrett was the main event, and it was very forgetable. Other than Steamboat costing Hall the match, it was your typical match. Nothing special.
Next Week: AJ Styles vs Jerry Lynn vs Low-Ki, Don Harris vs Malice in a first blood match, Ron Truth Krush vs Ken Shamrock for the NWA World Title.
The Week In Wrestling
Watching Arena Football playoffs on TNN, I saw the WWF’s new campaign for Raw is: “Watch the Story Unfold.†Which is the same as “There’s More to the Story†and “Watch What Happens†that ABC and CBS, respectively, ran for their Daytime schedules. Of course, “Watch the Story Unfold†would have to be “Watch the Story Unfold, then watch us fold it back up, unfold it a different way, fold it up one more time, Unfold it, get frustrated, burn the story, and then start over.â€Â
Of course, that isn’t being completely fair they have been staying true to their storylines for a full three weeks now, but it’s sad that someone has to give them props for that. They have a winner in a storyline now and I certainly don’t buy into the “the feuding shows can’t work†line of thinking. I do however, think they should have picked Shane instead of Steph if they needed a McMahon to do the GM thing.
I’m not going to be as progressive as Scott Keith and suggest that the fans won’t buy into her in a position of power because she’s a woman. I’m much more realistic. People f*cking hate her. Plain and simple. People don’t want to see Steph, they don’t care to have her put herself over all the talent. Shane is willing to look bad on TV, Steph isn’t and, like him or hate him, the WWF fans have a respect for him. I think people would buy him a whole lot more than her just simply because they like him more. When Shane showed up on Raw to beg Vince NOT to hire Bischoff, the fans popped. When Steph showed up as the GM of Smackdown, the fans deflated. HHH got over on the fact he got her off TV. Now she’s back and not too many people are happy about it. Why they went with her over Shane is one of the great mysteries of the world.
Oh wait she writes the shows no it’s not.
However, they also need to lay off the “talent jumps†for a couple of weeks. If you have one every day, it’s no longer a surprise, it’s more like ah, he’s the jump of the week. Also, some kind of promo would be in order when someone jumps Christ, even X-Pac got a full segment when he jumped from Nitro to Raw. Give it a feel of something special like it used to be or something out of the ordinary. Also, change the set of Raw I don’t care if they just did it if you want it to feel like a different show, let it become Bischoff’s show. They got the rights to the Nitro set make it look like Nitro. Confuse the people who refuse to watch Raw.
Over on the NWA front, I hope that Low Ki is going to end up with the X division title come Wednesday. Let the drama between Styles and Lynn stay between Styles and Lynn, and let the X division be about what it’s supposed to be about . Wrestling. They’re shifting the focus away from the wrestling and trying to focus on storylines. They can’t be the WWF, they need to be an alternative. Russo is NOT the guy to have in charge when you need an alternative. Keeping along this road is not going to help them any. Let Russo book the garbage with Jarrett and Hall and the like that no one cares about let someone ELSE do the X division that’s all I ask, and for GOD’s sake, let them wrestle.
End Transmission
