– Live from Biloxi, Mississippi
– Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jesse Ventura
– Worth nothing: The pre-game show features the infamous “Masters of
the Powerbomb v. Superpowers” mini-movie in its entirety. If you don’t
know what this was, you don’t want to, believe me.
– Opening match: TV Title: Paul Orndorff v. Ron Simmons. I think I
was off making dinner for myself when this was on, but Zenon tells me it
was pretty crappy. Simmons is DQ’d for throwing Orndorff over the top
rope.
– Okay, now I’m back…
– Marcus Bagwell & 2 Cold Scorpio v. Tex Slazenger & Shanghai Pierce.
As always, I remind you that the Texicans migrated north to Arkansas and
became the Godwinns. Tons of stalling. Not much resting, surprisingly
enough, just nothing the least bit fancy. Your typical “establishing”
match to build heat for Bags and Scorps. It saddens me greatly that if
Buff’s career is over, then this is his legacy. Jesse makes lawyer
jokes to kill time (What do you call 400 dead lawyers at the bottom of a
river? A good start. What do you call a busload of lawyers with one
empty seat going off the edge of a cliff? A tragedy.) Bagwell makes
the hot tag and they finish off the Texicans with a belly-to-back suplex
leading into the Firebird/450 splash from Scorpio. Not bad. **1/4
Worldwide hit type of affair.
– Paul Orndorff introduces us to the Equalizer. Thanks, man.
– Erik Watts v. Lord Steven Regal. Those of you who are newer fans
might recognize Watts as Troy of Techno Team 2000. Those of who were on
the ‘net back then recognize him as “that f*cking little talentless
bastard of Bill Watts.” Either way, it’s valid. Watts got a mega-push
based solely on the fact that daddy was Executive Vice-President of WCW
at the time, despite showing no talent or over-ness with the fans.
Watts knows amateur wrestling, so we get a boring mat wrestling match.
And I do mean *boring*. Watts can’t do *anything* even vaguely aerial,
and he has the muscle tone of Jimmy Hart with a gawky figure to boot.
He belonged in the undercard of an indy promotion at that point, not on
PPV against a legitimate wrestler like Steve Regal. Watts goes for the
dreaded STF early, and Dundee pops him with the umbrella and Regal rolls
him up for the pin. He should’ve won clean, but what the hell. *1/2
– Jesse interviews His Lordship.
– Maxx Payne v. Johnny B. Badd. Ahem. This is the result of Payne
blasting a lethal dose of…er…confetti in Badd’s face with the
Badd-blaster. Badd’s visage was so scarred by this that he had to wear
an exceptionally gay looking mask to cover himself. Geez, Mark, I
would’ve went with the scars and taken my chances…oh well, at any rate
it boggles my mind that they used to *pay* people to think this stuff
up. Payne is no longer playing the psycho, but rather just your average
embittered guitar player. And WCW wonders why they were only drawing
500 people per show at this time? Punch and kick match that ends with a
Badd bodypress (in both senses of the word) off the second rope for the
pin. 1/2*
– WCW World tag title: The Hollywood Blonds v. Arn Anderson & Paul
Roma. The Blonds are using the NWA tag belts here, because the WCW and
NWA versions were interchangable until September when the NWA officially
died. Austin & Pillman are hilarious as they antagonize the fans and
play awesome heels. As usual with all things Roma after 1990, it
stinks when he’s directly involved. I think the man was born without a
personality. Roma plays Face In Peril as Pillman wrestles with a
wedgie. Crack kills, Brian. Hot tag to Anderson, who assume the Face
In Peril role and the match really takes off until the end. Anderson
gets the hot tag to Roma again, who’s the House O’ Fire. Spinebuster by
Arn, and it’s not looking good for the Greatest Team Ever. Only a two
count, however. Arn is escorted out and Roma rolls up Austin, but
Pillman pushes them over and…Blonds win??? ***
– Why the question marks? Because in 1993, WCW taped extensive footage
of Roma and Anderson being the tag champs around this time, so RSPW just
naturally assumed that Beach Blast would be the card where they took the
titles. When it wasn’t, it produced one of the biggest collective “What
the hell?” reactions ever heard on the newsgroup. The ending is assumed
to have been changed to “swerve” us, which would be the first example of
Mr. Bischoff doing so in a long line of examples of it. Roma and
Anderson went on to win the titles at the following Clash, but WCW’s
cutesy booking shot itself in the foot, because Brian Pillman was
injured and had to be subbed for by Steve Regal, which produced the
ridiculous situation of Regal and Austin defending the tag titles!
– US Title match, Ironman challenge: Dustin Rhodes v. Rick Rude. Most
falls in 30 minutes wins. This was a horrible feud as Rhodes was pushed
to US title status on the strength of nothing but his father’s position
as Executive Producer (ie booker) of WCW. The US title was held up for
months as these two battled in boring matches over the belt, and the
title was devalued immensely because of it. It never really recovered,
IMO. Rude wins the first fall, Rhodes wins the second. The rest is
utterly slow and boring until the big finish where Rhodes hits all of
his stuff and Rude keeps kicking out. Time expires, so it’s a screwjob
ending on top of everything else and the belt is vacant another couple
of months. *1/2 This is why overtime in the Michaels-Hart match at
WM12 was a *good thing*
– NWA World title match: Barry Windham v. Ric Flair. An okay match,
which is basically Flair’s big return. Everyone knew Flair was going
over here (again, footage of Flair as champion was taped for this time
period at the Disney tapings, and WCW wasn’t about to pull another
swerve). Bizarre ending as Flair quickly hooks the figure-four on
Windham, who grabs for the ropes and ends up getting counted down for
three! Que? The crowd doesn’t even realize Flair has won the title
until the ref breaks the hold and raises his hand! **1/2 I still don’t
get that ending…
– Main event: Vader & Sid v. Sting & Bulldog. Oh, yeah, after seeing
Cheetum the Evil Midget blow up Sting’s boat, I’m pumped for this!
Sting and Bulldog have matching coats. Minimalist power stuff here,
then stalling from the heels to start. Really bad match. Bulldog hot
tag Sting, who takes on both guys but gets nailed by a Sid clothesline
after an apparent brain cramp (gee, should I stay in *my* half of the
ring or go anatagonize Sid?). He becomes Face in Peril. Quick hot tag
to Bulldog, who gets stomped by the heels again. Heh. Vader was
drawing some serious face heat by this time. Vader pump splashes
Bulldog, then debuts the Vadersault! Sting barely makes the save, then
Bulldog pulls a crucifix out of nowhere for the pin. Boo! **, mostly
for Vader’s work. That moonsault spot really should have ended it.
How can you top it?
The Bottom Line:
Not terrible, but nothing actually worth going out of your way to see.
The Disney tapings really f*cked with WCW’s booking and it shows with
cheap swerves like the tag title match and non-suspense in the
Flair-Windham match.
Recommendation to avoid Blash Blast ’93.
