The SmarK Retro Repost – Clash Of Champions XXIV


– Live from Daytona Beach, Florida.

– Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jesse Ventura

– It’s announced right off that Brian Pillman is out with an ankle

injury, and therefore instead of doing anything sensible WCW has decided

that Steve Regal will defend Pillman’s half of the tag team title

against the Horsemen in the first match.

– Opening match, WCW World tag team title: Steve Austin & Steven Regal

v. Paul Roma & Arn Anderson. This is called “booking yourself into a

corner.” WCW taped footage of the Horsemen as champions, to begin in a

couple of weeks after this match. Pillman injured himself, but they

have to put the titles on the Horsemen. So they come up with the dumb

idea of a Regal substitution. As good a match as can be expected. Sir

William tries to nail Arn with the umbrella, but he ducks and Austin

gets it, cradle, 3 count and new champions. And thus the saga of the

Hollywood Blonds reaches its conclusion not with a bang, but with a

whimper. Sigh. It always bothered me that a team as fixated with

Hollywood lore and dramatics as the Blonds were never given the

opportunity to go out in a blaze of glory. After rescuing the WCW tag

division from life support in late 1992, and carrying it through 1993,

you’d think WCW would have been a bit more creative in the match ending

than simply “manager tries to interfere but it backfires”. The Blonds

should have went out like Butch and Sundance, fighting all the way in a

wild chair-swinging brawl and escaping two-count after two-count until

finally succumbing out of sheer exhaustion. But then since a *truly*

talented team like the f*cking Nasty Boys were already taped with the

tag titles, they had to get the Blonds out of the way quietly, right?

This is reason #19398 why I hate Eric Bischoff. **1/2

– As an aside, and a quick rant on the Disney tapings in general, is

there anything more destructive to company morale than setting in stone

the length of a title reign three months before it happens? Ric Flair

knew *exactly* how long his run as NWA World champion would be, because

the Disney tapings had him as champion at shows after Beach Blast but

Rude as champion at shows after Fall Brawl. How humiliating is it for a

team like Anderson and Roma to have to go out and try and put on a show

for the fans when they know that it doesn’t matter how much they improve

or how over they are, because they’re destined to lose the belts to the

Nasty Boys at Fall Brawl either way? What incentive to work is there?

How much confidence did it show in the Blonds when WCW taped six months

of footage with two other teams holding the tag titles, while the Blonds

were still the champions and presumably didn’t see any serious

challenges on the horizon? No wonder everyone in WCW dogged it in 1993

— not only did you know that if you weren’t on the precious Disney

taping roster you wouldn’t be getting a title, you also knew if you were

one of the lucky few to win one, your reign was already predetermined!

The only exception to this was Bagwell & Scorpio, who enjoyed a quickie

run as tag champs in October, but of course the almighty Disney tapings

dicatated that the Nasties be the champs again by the next episode of

Worldwide, so that didn’t last long. Again, I remind anyone else who

doesn’t know: WCW lost MILLIONS of dollars, into 7-digit figures, in

1993, and nearly went bankrupt DESPITE being owned by Ted Turner. It

was run by Eric Bischoff then, and history says that WCW will

self-destruct eventually. It always does. Anyway, back to the show…

– Bobby Eaton v. 2 Cold Scorpio. Eaton is subbing for Regal, who was

subbing for Pillman in the last match. They’re just kinda kickin’ back

here, chillin’ with the homeboys and letting it ride. Bobby’s career is

in the nadir by this point. And considering that he’s still active

today, that’s a scary thought. Fairly quick as Scorpio finishes a

nothing match with the Firebird/450 splash. *1/2

– Mask v. Guitar, Johnny B. Badd v. Maxx Payne. Badd was “scarred” by

an errant blast of confetti from his own Baddblaster (oh, the irony!)

and so he’s been wearing a mask that practically screams “Bathhouse

special”. Better match here than at Beach Blast, with much more actual

wrestling. Payne should teach Brian Lee how to do an elbow drop, his

are wicked. Quick and pointless here, as Maxx misses the splash and

Badd pins him to win the guitar. **1/2

– A Flair For The Gold as Sting and Davey Boy announce their mystery

partner for Fall Brawl 93. Wait for it…wait for it….SHOCKMASTER!

Oops, he tripped and fell through the set. That’s gotta hurt. He does

manage to get his sequined Stormtrooper helmet back on in time for the

Ole Anderson Black Scorpion voice-over to start. By now everyone can

tell it’s Fred “Tugboat/Typhoon” Ottman.

– Now, I’ve said many times that WCW hit their lowest point ever in

1993, but I’ve never nailed it down exactly until now. The above

segment was the lowest point in WCW’s short history, period. Everything

from then on was up. A disappointing mystery partner (FUCKING

TYPHOON???) who actually tripped and fell through the set? Is this life

or just life imitating some B-movie comedy with the two Coreys? Who

wants to buy *that* PPV? How do you then PUSH said Shockmaster after

watching him make a fool of himself on live, national TV? Well, it’s

WCW, so you just pretend it didn’t happen and hope for the best. I

think some guy in Oregon might have bought Fall Brawl by mistake, but

other than that the buyrate was just about zero. Remember, people, the

same Bischoff who everyone calls a genius so freely these days is the

guy who was running WCW for most of 1993.

– TV Title match, Paul Orndorff v. Ricky Steamboat. Speaking of title

changes that were etched in stone months previous, here’s another one.

Tony & Jesse are laughing so hard they’re almost unable to continue at

this point. Crowd with loud “Paula” chants, the 1993 equivalent of

“Rocky sucks!” This is definite old-school but Orndorff is no Ric

Flair. There seems to be some lighting problems to go with the

fat-guys-who-trip-through-the-set problems, as the arena looks like

Hardcore Heaven for most of this match. Steamboat pulls out a SWANK

plancha 3 years before it was en vogue. Orndorff goes for the

piledriver, which triggers a nice series of stuff. Finish comes as

Orndorff tries a bodyslam, and Steamboat does his pet reversal into a

small package for the pin and title. *** Hey, he actually coaxed a good

outing from Orndorff.

– Sting & Ric Flair v. The Colossal Kongs. Why, why, why??? What is

the fixation with fat talentless lunks tonight? Sting slams both

fat-assed losers 10 seconds in. Total, and I mean TOTAL squash as Sting

hits fat-ass #1 with Stinger splash and top rope splash for good measure

to end it about 60 seconds in, if that. Flair did nothing. DUD in the

truest sense of the word.

– Rick Rude & The Equalizer v. Dustin Rhodes & A Mystery Partner. Hope

this one doesn’t fall through the set. And, joy of joys, rapture of

raptures, it’s the not-so-triumphant return of the Road Warriors. Just

Hawk, with Animal on the outside for moral support in case anyone tries

to get away with any of that WRESTLING stuff. None of that here. The

horrible Rhodes-Rude feud was STILL dragging on at this point. This

match stinks, sucks, swallows, bites, blows and then goes all the way

around to stinks again. The Equalizer v. Hawk portions were

particularly entrancing, as you can imagine. When you’re looking

forward to Dustin and Rude getting it on to PICK UP THE PACE, it’s time

to nip off to the woodshed and shoot yourself. The faces even do their

own sloppy version of the Doomsday Device, and Rude doesn’t even bother

to sell. Hurrah for him! Zenon chimes in, nothing that this match

“sucks big greasy penises”. Equalizer may be not only the worst

wrestler ever, he may also be the worst athlete of any kind, ever. I

don’t think I’m exaggerating here. Oops, wait, forgot about Hawk and

Animal, never mind. I’ve had bowel movements that were a better

emotional experience than this match, and left me feeling more

spirtually enriched. Rhodes mercifully pins Equalizer to end it, praise

the lord. -**

– WCW World title match: Vader v. British Bulldog. Ah, like a breath

of fresh air after being locked in an outhouse with Paul Bearer for two

weeks, it’s Vader to save the show again. The DQ rule is waived here.

Brawl outside to start. This match is a veritable Vader primer, as he

was in his absolute prime back then. Back and forth, pretty quick

match. Vader starts dominating and hits the top rope splash, but only

gets two. Bit of a slow spot as Vader uses a chinlock, but it’s

temporary. Pump splash for two. Smith powerslams Vader, but the ref

gets bumped. Smith tries a suplex, but Race comes in and clips him,

allowing Vader to fall on top to retain the title. ***1/2 Then, Cactus

Jack suddenly storms out of nowhere to attack Vader as…we’re outta


The Bottom Line:

Had WCW done the reasonably expected thing and DIED like the AWF after

this mess, Clash 24 would have been remembered as the iceburg that sunk

Titanic, I think. Or maybe Beach Blast would have. Or any of the other

stupid mistakes that WCW made in 93 before finally giving up and signing

Hulk Hogan. I for one have always found it eerily fascinating to watch

a huge organization like WCW flush itself down the toilet the way it

tried to do in ’93. The fall of the empire is always much more fun to

watch than the rise.

Recommended, if only to watch how low WCW was capable of sinking.