– Live from Daytona Beach, Florida.
– Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jesse Ventura
– It’s announced right off that Brian Pillman is out with an ankle
injury, and therefore instead of doing anything sensible WCW has decided
that Steve Regal will defend Pillman’s half of the tag team title
against the Horsemen in the first match.
– Opening match, WCW World tag team title: Steve Austin & Steven Regal
v. Paul Roma & Arn Anderson. This is called “booking yourself into a
corner.” WCW taped footage of the Horsemen as champions, to begin in a
couple of weeks after this match. Pillman injured himself, but they
have to put the titles on the Horsemen. So they come up with the dumb
idea of a Regal substitution. As good a match as can be expected. Sir
William tries to nail Arn with the umbrella, but he ducks and Austin
gets it, cradle, 3 count and new champions. And thus the saga of the
Hollywood Blonds reaches its conclusion not with a bang, but with a
whimper. Sigh. It always bothered me that a team as fixated with
Hollywood lore and dramatics as the Blonds were never given the
opportunity to go out in a blaze of glory. After rescuing the WCW tag
division from life support in late 1992, and carrying it through 1993,
you’d think WCW would have been a bit more creative in the match ending
than simply “manager tries to interfere but it backfires”. The Blonds
should have went out like Butch and Sundance, fighting all the way in a
wild chair-swinging brawl and escaping two-count after two-count until
finally succumbing out of sheer exhaustion. But then since a *truly*
talented team like the f*cking Nasty Boys were already taped with the
tag titles, they had to get the Blonds out of the way quietly, right?
This is reason #19398 why I hate Eric Bischoff. **1/2
– As an aside, and a quick rant on the Disney tapings in general, is
there anything more destructive to company morale than setting in stone
the length of a title reign three months before it happens? Ric Flair
knew *exactly* how long his run as NWA World champion would be, because
the Disney tapings had him as champion at shows after Beach Blast but
Rude as champion at shows after Fall Brawl. How humiliating is it for a
team like Anderson and Roma to have to go out and try and put on a show
for the fans when they know that it doesn’t matter how much they improve
or how over they are, because they’re destined to lose the belts to the
Nasty Boys at Fall Brawl either way? What incentive to work is there?
How much confidence did it show in the Blonds when WCW taped six months
of footage with two other teams holding the tag titles, while the Blonds
were still the champions and presumably didn’t see any serious
challenges on the horizon? No wonder everyone in WCW dogged it in 1993
— not only did you know that if you weren’t on the precious Disney
taping roster you wouldn’t be getting a title, you also knew if you were
one of the lucky few to win one, your reign was already predetermined!
The only exception to this was Bagwell & Scorpio, who enjoyed a quickie
run as tag champs in October, but of course the almighty Disney tapings
dicatated that the Nasties be the champs again by the next episode of
Worldwide, so that didn’t last long. Again, I remind anyone else who
doesn’t know: WCW lost MILLIONS of dollars, into 7-digit figures, in
1993, and nearly went bankrupt DESPITE being owned by Ted Turner. It
was run by Eric Bischoff then, and history says that WCW will
self-destruct eventually. It always does. Anyway, back to the show…
– Bobby Eaton v. 2 Cold Scorpio. Eaton is subbing for Regal, who was
subbing for Pillman in the last match. They’re just kinda kickin’ back
here, chillin’ with the homeboys and letting it ride. Bobby’s career is
in the nadir by this point. And considering that he’s still active
today, that’s a scary thought. Fairly quick as Scorpio finishes a
nothing match with the Firebird/450 splash. *1/2
– Mask v. Guitar, Johnny B. Badd v. Maxx Payne. Badd was “scarred” by
an errant blast of confetti from his own Baddblaster (oh, the irony!)
and so he’s been wearing a mask that practically screams “Bathhouse
special”. Better match here than at Beach Blast, with much more actual
wrestling. Payne should teach Brian Lee how to do an elbow drop, his
are wicked. Quick and pointless here, as Maxx misses the splash and
Badd pins him to win the guitar. **1/2
– A Flair For The Gold as Sting and Davey Boy announce their mystery
partner for Fall Brawl 93. Wait for it…wait for it….SHOCKMASTER!
Oops, he tripped and fell through the set. That’s gotta hurt. He does
manage to get his sequined Stormtrooper helmet back on in time for the
Ole Anderson Black Scorpion voice-over to start. By now everyone can
tell it’s Fred “Tugboat/Typhoon” Ottman.
– Now, I’ve said many times that WCW hit their lowest point ever in
1993, but I’ve never nailed it down exactly until now. The above
segment was the lowest point in WCW’s short history, period. Everything
from then on was up. A disappointing mystery partner (FUCKING
TYPHOON???) who actually tripped and fell through the set? Is this life
or just life imitating some B-movie comedy with the two Coreys? Who
wants to buy *that* PPV? How do you then PUSH said Shockmaster after
watching him make a fool of himself on live, national TV? Well, it’s
WCW, so you just pretend it didn’t happen and hope for the best. I
think some guy in Oregon might have bought Fall Brawl by mistake, but
other than that the buyrate was just about zero. Remember, people, the
same Bischoff who everyone calls a genius so freely these days is the
guy who was running WCW for most of 1993.
– TV Title match, Paul Orndorff v. Ricky Steamboat. Speaking of title
changes that were etched in stone months previous, here’s another one.
Tony & Jesse are laughing so hard they’re almost unable to continue at
this point. Crowd with loud “Paula” chants, the 1993 equivalent of
“Rocky sucks!” This is definite old-school but Orndorff is no Ric
Flair. There seems to be some lighting problems to go with the
fat-guys-who-trip-through-the-set problems, as the arena looks like
Hardcore Heaven for most of this match. Steamboat pulls out a SWANK
plancha 3 years before it was en vogue. Orndorff goes for the
piledriver, which triggers a nice series of stuff. Finish comes as
Orndorff tries a bodyslam, and Steamboat does his pet reversal into a
small package for the pin and title. *** Hey, he actually coaxed a good
outing from Orndorff.
– Sting & Ric Flair v. The Colossal Kongs. Why, why, why??? What is
the fixation with fat talentless lunks tonight? Sting slams both
fat-assed losers 10 seconds in. Total, and I mean TOTAL squash as Sting
hits fat-ass #1 with Stinger splash and top rope splash for good measure
to end it about 60 seconds in, if that. Flair did nothing. DUD in the
truest sense of the word.
– Rick Rude & The Equalizer v. Dustin Rhodes & A Mystery Partner. Hope
this one doesn’t fall through the set. And, joy of joys, rapture of
raptures, it’s the not-so-triumphant return of the Road Warriors. Just
Hawk, with Animal on the outside for moral support in case anyone tries
to get away with any of that WRESTLING stuff. None of that here. The
horrible Rhodes-Rude feud was STILL dragging on at this point. This
match stinks, sucks, swallows, bites, blows and then goes all the way
around to stinks again. The Equalizer v. Hawk portions were
particularly entrancing, as you can imagine. When you’re looking
forward to Dustin and Rude getting it on to PICK UP THE PACE, it’s time
to nip off to the woodshed and shoot yourself. The faces even do their
own sloppy version of the Doomsday Device, and Rude doesn’t even bother
to sell. Hurrah for him! Zenon chimes in, nothing that this match
“sucks big greasy penises”. Equalizer may be not only the worst
wrestler ever, he may also be the worst athlete of any kind, ever. I
don’t think I’m exaggerating here. Oops, wait, forgot about Hawk and
Animal, never mind. I’ve had bowel movements that were a better
emotional experience than this match, and left me feeling more
spirtually enriched. Rhodes mercifully pins Equalizer to end it, praise
the lord. -**
– WCW World title match: Vader v. British Bulldog. Ah, like a breath
of fresh air after being locked in an outhouse with Paul Bearer for two
weeks, it’s Vader to save the show again. The DQ rule is waived here.
Brawl outside to start. This match is a veritable Vader primer, as he
was in his absolute prime back then. Back and forth, pretty quick
match. Vader starts dominating and hits the top rope splash, but only
gets two. Bit of a slow spot as Vader uses a chinlock, but it’s
temporary. Pump splash for two. Smith powerslams Vader, but the ref
gets bumped. Smith tries a suplex, but Race comes in and clips him,
allowing Vader to fall on top to retain the title. ***1/2 Then, Cactus
Jack suddenly storms out of nowhere to attack Vader as…we’re outta
time.
The Bottom Line:
Had WCW done the reasonably expected thing and DIED like the AWF after
this mess, Clash 24 would have been remembered as the iceburg that sunk
Titanic, I think. Or maybe Beach Blast would have. Or any of the other
stupid mistakes that WCW made in 93 before finally giving up and signing
Hulk Hogan. I for one have always found it eerily fascinating to watch
a huge organization like WCW flush itself down the toilet the way it
tried to do in ’93. The fall of the empire is always much more fun to
watch than the rise.
Recommended, if only to watch how low WCW was capable of sinking.
