– Live from somewhere that they don’t elaborate on until about two hours into the show, when they mention we’re in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
– Your hosts are Eric Bischoff and Ted Dibiase.
– Numerous goofy camera tricks and graphics are seen throughout the show, which gets very annoying. The set used bears a striking resemblance to the RAW is WAR set which would start appearing in the WWF a few weeks following.
– Opening match: Chris Jericho v. Masahiro Chono. All the faces get no music coupled with a snarky nWo announcer making fun of them. Nick Patrick refs all the matches, wearing an nWo shirt and cap. Jericho is not yet our role model, paragon of virtue or Ayatolla of rock and rolla. Various shots of WCW wrestlers in the crowd are shown, and Eric and Ted proceed to make fun of them. All the black looks very stark and depressing. Really not a good match at all. The faked satellite problems are incredibly irritating. Jericho tries pretty hard, but he’s got the weight of a terrible show to fight against. The fans are supposed to be pro-nWo but start chanting “USA” when they get bored, which is pretty quick. Normally I like Chono, but he’s working way too slow here. Eric makes fun of the USA chants, which is pretty cute. Patrick oversells the slow count bit. You’re biased, we get it, Nick. Jericho blows a bodypress, showing his usual tendancy to blow up late in a match. Chono goes to get a table for no reason in particular, but nothing comes of it. The table finally comes into play as Jericho gets tossed off the top rope, conveniently right to the where the table is set up. Back in the ring and Chono with the Mafia Kick for three. Not terrible, but not a good opener. **
– Eric and Ted go over some of the entrants in the Miss nWo pageant. Jeff Katz interviews a couple of really stupid biker chicks. Did I mention there’s a really bad house band, too?
– Mexican Death Match: Hugh Morrus v. Big Bubba. Bubba was still nWo at the time, for the 5 of you who care. Morrus is dressed like Big Dick Dudley. It’s eerie, really. Ballshots galore to reinforce the “Patrick favors the nWo” thing. Some weak brawling and then Bubba brings a chain in and beats Morrus up with it. Morrus gets it and knocks him out cold, but of course Patrick just can’t complete that 10 count. It ends up outside the ring and Morrus tries a moonsault off the entrance ramp but misses. Then, just to see how goofy this match can get, Bubba grabs a Harley from ringside and runs over Morrus. Well, it’s an imaginative ending, I’ll give it that. 1/2*
– Jeff Katz continues the search for Miss nWo. Jeff asks some pretty witty questions which go completely over the bimbos’ heads. You’d think someone would have noticed that the entire concept was sucking at this point, but I guess that’s why I’m not in charge of WCW…
– Jeff Jarrett v. Michael Wallstreet. Jarrett’s white outfit is in stark contrast to everything else on this set. This is basically the last the world would see of Rotundo before his banishment to nWo Japan. Jarrett looks decent, but there’s way too much stalling due to the referee subplot. And Rotundo’s total deterioration doesn’t help. Numerous shots of Mongo and Debra in the audience looking concerned. Why does Eric insist of calling a “kick” a “back leg front kick”? Isn’t it easier to just say KICK??? Extended rest spot. God this is a bad match. Jarrett with the comeback. Figure four, and Patrick physically pulls Wallstreet to the ropes. Wallstreet with the abdominal stretch, and Mongo whacks him with the Haliburton, then threatens Patrick with physical violence if he doesn’t count. Jarrett gets the pin, of course. 1/4*
– More hilarity with Jeff Katz and friends.
– The neo-Nazi nWo house band spreads some propaganda. You know, I once did a column for Wrestlemaniacs.com where I compared the nWo to the Third Reich, and this just adds some credence to that theory, I think. They do a number which is basically just the singer yelling “New World Order” for five minutes.
– Scotty Riggs v. Buff Bagwell. This is prior to the transvestite repressed homosexual pirate phase of Riggs’ career, when he was just a repressed homosexual American Male reject. And what the hell is with that Karate Kid pose of Riggs? Buff shows off all the poses that ended up as his taunt in “WCW v. nWo: World Tour”. Major stalling. Riggs isn’t bad — Vince should sign him as a partner for Pierre. They can be a team called “Two Eyes Between Them.” The PA system says “Loser” at random intervals when Riggs is in trouble. The atmosphere for this show is horrible at this point — the crowd is just gone. This match is just so enthralling that I clip my fingernails to keep from dropping off. Finally, Riggs makes the comeback to pick up the pace. The boom mike camera angle is god-awful. Riggs sets up Bagwell for a superplex, but Buff pushes him off and nails the first ever Buff Blockbuster for the pin. *
– The Miss nWo contest drags on.
– The following bullet has been paid for by the New World Order.
– nWo Hotline ad.
– The preceding bullet has been paid for by the New World Order.
– “Diamond” Dallas Page v. Scott Norton. Page is in the last vestiges of his slimy biker scum gimmick as he makes the transition to babyface. Extended headlock to start. Norton sells a minimal amount of Page’s offense. Sting makes an appearance in the upper decks a couple of minutes into this one. Another snoozer, although DDP is trying harder than usual at this point. Norton won’t really sell, however. DDP gets in position for the Diamond Cutter, so a few members of the nWo B-Team come into the ring to offer DDP a spot in the nWo again. And he takes the shirt again, and then nails everyone in sight, again. That finally wakes up the crowd as he runs into the crowd and tears off the shirt. DDP gets counted out. 1/4*
– Katz interviews more ugly chicks.
– World tag team title match: The Outsiders v. The Steiners. This would be screwjob #1 in a series of 933481. A year later and these guys were still trading the tag titles. Steiners clean house early to wake up the crowd again. Then Kevin Nash gets in and stinks up the ring. Surprisingly half-decent for a match between these two. For a while, that is. Then it becomes a heat segment on Rick and the crowd is absolutely dead quiet because the Outsiders move like a 45 at 33 1/3. Scott has some, uh, choice words for some nWo fans at ringside. Yeow, potty mouth, Scotty, this is supposed to be a family company. Hot tag to Scott “Swears like a Sailor” Steiner who’s a House of Fire. Katie bar the door, it’s a pier-six brawl. Ref bump and Outsider’s Edge, but no one’s there to count. Rick off the top with a Bulldog on Hall, and Randy Anderson charges from his seat in the crowd to count three and kick off one of the stupidest angles of the year. Steiners “win” the tag titles. 1/2* Eric Bischoff personally reversed the decision the next night on Nitro.
– US title ladder match: Eddy Guererro v. Syxx. Eddy is intro’d as “The Mexican Jumping Bean”. Eddy is US champion at this point, but Syxx stole the belt at Starrcade. Syxx gets the B-Team music. Insane tope from the top rope by Eddy that may or may not have caused one of Syxx’s 20 concussions. Two more insane bumps, including a somersault plancha from Syxx. Syxx was either really drunk or completely insane. Nasty shots with the ladder, too. No actual wrestling going on, of course. Eric and Ted stress that it was Scott Hall who made the ladder match famous. Eric turns a dropkick into an “inverted jump side kick”. Gee, wonder why that lingo didn’t catch on? Shouldn’t rights then be called “right arm back punch” or something like that? Both guys grab the belt at the same time, and Eddy nails Syxx off and grabs the belt off the mat for the win. Others have generously given this ****, but I didn’t like it quite that much. Still, easily match of the night. ***1/2
– The actual Miss nWo pageant begins, and is won by a fat, ugly chick who Eric proceeds to deep kiss as a reward. The less said the better.
– Main event: WCW World title match: Hulk Hogan v. The Giant. Giant won World War III in 1996 and then got turfed from the nWo after asking for a title shot. Hogan brings the Dallas Cowboys with him and gets about a million pounds of pyro set off in his honor. Really bad but at least it’s short. Kick, punch, etc. Giant kicks butt for a few minutes, Hogan comeback, legdrop, Giant no-sells, chokeslam, but Nick Patrick refuses to count three. nWo runs in and it’s a big clusterf*ck and Giant chokeslams everyone in sight until Hogan whacks him with a guitar to put him out. The Outsiders rip off his trunks and spraypaint “nWo” on him for good measure. Both Eric and Ted have migrated to ringside, so we have no more announcers. Fans chant “We want Sting” to no avail as Hogan yaks to the camera about whatever it is he usually yaks about. And that’s about it. DUD
The Bottom Line:
Here’s the thing: Yes, it was a horrible show with only one good match, but it was so completely different from anything that either promotion has tried before or since that it ranks as a must-see for that reason alone. It took a lot of guts on WCW’s part to try something that drastic (and it tanked, but that’s after the fact) and I give them points for effort here. However, the atmosphere was almost suffocating, the camera tricks were distracting at best and irritating at worst, and the wrestling was incredibly boring with all the wrong people being spotlighted. Give it a look if you’ve never seen it before, but prepare to be bored.
Recommended, oddly enough.
