“Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here.
It’ll be better than before,
Yesterday’s gone
Doncha look back.”
Fleetwood Mac, “Don’t Stop”
– There is a point I’m going for, fear not.
– Before we start, I’d like to point out that TSN was originally supposed to show Nitro live tonight, but when WCW changed their mind and decided to go to 2.5 hours, TSN pulled out and aired last week’s Smackdown instead. And may I just say THANK YOU, TSN! Sure, I already saw Smackdown live on Thursday, but from the sounds of things it was a merciful decision on their part not to air Nitro, given all the negative feedback it’s getting. Plus, I got the opportunity to do Superbrawl 7 for y’all.
– Say, speaking of Smackdown, wouldn’t it be big of CRZ to give up his cushy Smackdown recapping position and let me do it instead? I mean, after I named Kanyon, Booker and Lenny Lane as the only reasons to watch WCW anymore, you just HAD to know that one of them (in this case Kanyon) would end up getting his release within days. Just because a certain someone screwed me out of the show when it debuted doesn’t mean we can’t set everything right again, does it? Everyone wins that way! Oh well, a man can dream, can’t he? On with the show
– Live from San Francisco, CA, original airdate Feb. 23/97. Okay, now you people (and you know who you are) can leave me alone.
– Your hosts are Tony, Bobby & Dusty.
– We open with Piper’s exceedingly stupid “Escape from Alcatraz” video. Oh well, common sense never stopped WCW from spending thousands of dollars on something no one cared about before.
– Opening match, Cruiserweight title: Dean Malenko v. Syxx. Hey, weren’t these guys just on Smackdown two weeks ago putting on a better match than anything WCW has delivered in weeks? And remember when light heavyweight titles WEREN’T “beneath” X-Pac? Believe it or not, there’s actually an angle here: Syxx has been stealing title belts for the nWo, including Dean’s CW title. Dean attacks to start, and quickly picks him up at two. Brainbuster gets two, and he picks Syxx up again. Powerslam gets two. Syxx misses a corner charge and gets dropkicked in the face. Dean goes for the cloverleaf, but Syxx escapes. They tumble to the floor, where takes nails his belt back and nails Syxx with it. Back in, and Syxx hits an enzuigiri to the face. Kick combo in the corner and the broncobuster, which gets zero reaction. These days, it’s his finishing sequence. Go fig. Legdrop gets two. Sleeper, escaped by Dean. Sleeper again, escaped again. Syxx recovers and hits an elbow to the throat from the second rope. Guillotine legdrop gets two. Back to the sleeper, giving us a double-KO. Syxx goes upstairs and gets crotched. Super backdrop suplex gives us another double-KO. Syxx grabs the belt, but Eddy arrives at ringside and stops him. They play tug-of-war, and of course it slips and nails Dean in the head, giving Syxx the pin and the title at 12:00. Good match. ***1/4
– Konnan, La Parka & Villano IV v. Juventud Guerrera, Ciclope & Super Calo. Ciclope and Villano start, lots of armdrags result. Konnan and Juvy go, with Juvy getting a springboard dropkick. Konnan cleans house on all three of Juvy’s team. La Parka and Calo do a nice sequence that leads to Calo’s sick senton dive onto Parka on the floor. La Parka retaliates by sitting Calo in a chair on the floor, then hitting a dive onto him. Cute. Ciclope and Villano go again, with Ciclope BADLY blowing a quebrada and nearly landing on his head. Juvy comes in and hits the 450 on Villano. La Parka hits his corkscrew dive on Juvy. Konnan and Villano follow with a Doomsday Device on him. Pier-six leads to a goofy 5-man submission move that would never get over in America in a million years. Juvy and La Parka hit the floor. Back in, then Konnan’s team hits the floor and Juvy’s team follows with a triple suicide dive. Konnan and Juvy end up in the ring, allowing Konnan to finish with a powerbomb at 9:52. To paraphrase the Public Enemy, “La dee la dee la dee, this match was spotty”. Or something. **1/2
– TV title match: Prince Iaukea v. Rey Mysterio Jr. See, Rocky won the I-C title from Hunter about this time over in the WWF, so Bischoff figured that they’d job THEIR blueblood to THEIR overhyped Samoan, which resulted in Iaukea winning the TV title from Steven Regal, thus impressing no one. If it’s humanly possible for an angle to bomb worse than Rocky’s title run, this is it. Some dull flip-flop stuff that goes nowhere to start. Prince hits a dive onto Rey, then back in for a couple of suplexes for a two-count. The crowd is busy getting nachos. Prince ends up on the floor and Rey rips off Calo’s senton. Back in, Rey hits a variety of moonsaults for two. The effort is NOT there from Rey tonight. But then, why should he, considering who he’s saddled with? Prince manages a top rope Samoan drop as Steven Regal joins us at ringside. He takes out Rey and Prince gets the cheap win at 8:52. Neither man wants the tainted win as Tony declares how great it is that no one wants the TV belt. So it’s HIS fault that it got trashed then! *1/2
– Diamond Dallas Page v. Buff Bagwell. DDP is pretty seriously over at this point, having just turned down the nWo. Stalling to start, then DDP dominates. He hits a DDT and the crowd pops. Been a while since that happened. Buff gets a cheap shot and takes over, hitting a tornado DDT and then stopping to converse with the camera. He does the old “shoving match with the ref” routine which HHH recently pulled out of mothballs himself, and of course it gets a great pop. DDP uses the opportunity to come back. Rotation powerbomb gets two. Rollup gets two. Bagwell blocks the Diamond Cutter with a backslide for two, then hits the Perfectplex and releases it. He tells the ref to administer the ten-count instead. What kind of retarded booking is this? DDP is of course up in the nick of time, Diamond cutter, and nWo run-in for the DQ at 9:45??? Jesus H. Murphy, it’s just Bagwell, I think he can take a pinfall. Page escapes the beatdown by running into the crowd. What a bad ending. **1/2
– US title match: Eddy Guerrero v. Chris Jericho. Jericho really hadn’t earned a title shot at this point, but then Eddy really hadn’t earned the title either, so touche. Pretty mat wrestling sequence to start. Tony puts over all the young talent in WCW and how they’ll lead them into the next millenium. You know, hindsight just makes Tony’s commentary THAT MUCH funnier to listen to sometimes. They fight over an abdominal stretch, into a battle over a backslide. Jericho gets a delayed suplex for two. He quickly goes for the Liontamer, but it’s not his finisher at this point so Eddy powers out. Jericho gets a lariat for two. Crowd loses patience with the match really quickly, thus proving that Eddy was given the US title prematurely. Jericho puts him in a torture rack and then drops down and covers for two. Springboard whatever misses and Eddy gets a poewrbomb for two. Brainbuster sets up the frog splash, but it misses and Jericho hits a vicious release german suplex. Release belly to belly gets two. Springboard dropkick puts Eddy on the outside, and Jericho follows with his springboard crossbody. Geez, I feel like I’m recapping a Sick Boy match with all this springboarding. Back in, Eddy gets a backslide for two. Double KO. Jericho powerslam for two. Eddy reverses a suplex into a rollup for two. Jericho superkicks him and rolls him up for two. Eddy tries a tornado DDT, which is countered in mid-air into a Northern Lights suplex for two. Powerbomb attempt, but Eddy counters that with a sunset flip for the pin to retain at 12:00. Sweet match, but it had no heat. ***1/2 Of course, both guys are now drawing huge ratings on RAW while Terry Funk battles David Flair.
– Renter’s note: If you actually go out and get this tape, STOP THE TAPE HERE AND REWIND! Trust me, no good can come of watching any further. You have been warned.
– Harlem Heat v. The Faces of Fear v. The Public Enema. The Steiners were supposed to be in this, but they got run off the road by the Outsiders (while Syxx videotaped it no less) and are thus “injured”. Never mind that videotaping a felony for your own amusement and then broadcasting it on national TV is pretty stupid. But then I guess we went over that argument when the Filthy Animals buried Ric Flair in the desert last year, too. Seperated at birth: Johnny Grunge and Mark Madden. Heat dominates Grunge to start. Booker gets caught in the Faces of Fear corner and CLUBBERING, CLUBBERING, TONY THEY BE CLUBBERING. Sorry, Dusty moment there. I swear, Paul E. should put Dusty on color with Joey Styles and let ‘em loose, just for a laugh. It would certainly make for an entertaining hour on TNN. No one ever accused Dusty of phoning in his commentary, that’s for sure. Barbarian pulls out a belly-to-belly superplex to lay claim to the one highspot of the match. Meng follows with a piledriver for two. Double-team powerbomb gets two. Kick of Fear puts Booker on the outside, and then TPE inexplicably comes in and hits a double-team bodypress on Barbarian for the pin at 7:41. Um, I didn’t see a tag, did you? Match was junk. ½*
– Steve MacMichael v. Jeff Jarrett. Speaking of crappy matches, here’s yet another in the scintellating Battle For Debra series between these two. For those keeping track, Debra was still married to, and aligned with, Mongo at this point. If Jarrett wins this one, he’s a Horseman. It should be noted that Ric Flair was doing everything humanly possible to “give the rub” to Jarrett as a Horseman candidate, much like he did with Curt Hennig a few months before. Main difference? Hennig was actually over as a result. Mongo clips Jarrett to take control early. Jarrett gets an abdominal stretch, but Mongo clotheslines him to the floor. Alleged brawling, which allows Jarrett to take over again. Sleeper and reversal leads to a double KO. Mongo gets a Bossman slam for two. Jarrett comes back with a crossbody for two, and Mongo presses Jarrett onto the referee when he kicks out. Debra tosses Jarrett the briefcase “by mistake”, Mongo gets kabonged, and Jarrett’s a Horseman at 8:09. Sadly, these two would end up fighting for the US title by the middle of the year. ¼*
– San Francisco Death Match: Chris Benoit v. Kevin Sullivan. Nancy and Jackie are strapped to each other here, and indeed most of the camerawork focuses on them and their tight outfits. Sullivan dominates Benoit inside the ring as the ladies scrap. Woman crotches Sullivan, then Jackie whips Benoit. Benoit and Sullivan head back to the dressing room, so we go to a split screen. They do a standard RAW brawl in the back, then head back to the ring. Benoit finds a table, and long story short, Sullivan and Jackie both get put through it and Benoit gets the pin at 8:33. This was just bad comedy. *1/2
– WCW World tag title match: The Outsiders v. The Giant and Lex Luger. Speaking of bad comedy, it’s more nWo booking. See, Luger had a “broken arm” and thus couldn’t get medical clearance to wrestle, so Giant is forced to go it alone. Can you SMELL the screwjob, or do I have to spell it out for you? Hall gets tossed around by Giant to start. Ditto for Nash. Syxx finally comes in and blasts Giant with the Cruiserweight belt, to give Nash a two-count. Nash runs through his usual lazy offense. Wow, he’s 7 feet tall AND he can stick his leg in the air like a dog taking a piss? What an athlete! Hall and Syxx take cheapshots from the outside. Giant fights back, but ANOTHER shot from the Cruiserweight title allows Nash to powerbomb Giant. Okay, that looked cool, I’ll give ‘em that. Lex Luger of course then comes to ring and tags himself in, racking Nash for the submission at 8:52 to win the tag titles. BUT, and this is the important part, Giant then chokeslams Hall and has the referee specifically count that as the official pin for good measure. Tony then makes absolutely sure to specifically point out that Giant (the legal competitor) pinning Scott Hall eliminates any chance of Eric Bischoff returning the titles to the Outsiders on a technicality the next night on Nitro. So what happens the next night on Nitro? Eric Bischoff returns the titles to the Outsiders on a technicality. WAS ANYBODY ACTUALLY WATCHING THEIR OWN SHOW??? What am I thinking, of course not. ¾*
– WCW World title: Hulk Hogan v. Roddy Piper. Rather than wasting my time recapping the match, I’ll list all the moves used and let you fill in the details with your imagination.
Low blow
Choke with a t-shirt
Choke without a t-shirt
Biting
Eye gouge
Eye poke
Clapping hands behind the head
Punch
Bearhug
– Meanwhile, Sting and his best friend, the guy who would never turn on him, his compadre, his soul mate, his lifelong buddy and pal, Mr. Stable and Trustworthy and an all-around great guy, Randy Savage come to the ring to observe. See, Savage was fired from WCW after months and months of being beat up by the nWo, so he went to Sting for help and they hung out in the rafters and played Crazy Eights during Nitro. Sting apparently has to take a leak really bad or something because he leaves Savage to tend to matters at ringside and heads back to the dressing room. Besides, what’s to worry about – Savage would never turn on him, right? Never mind that’s dressed EXACTLY LIKE HOGAN. Meanwhile, despite pending UN sanctions against this sort of match being allowed to continue in the presense of children and the elderly (aside from Hogan and Piper), the match does indeed continue. Piper makes the epic comeback, hits Hogan with his autographed stone tablet of the 10 commandments, and goes home to watch Matlock on TBS. No, sorry, my mistake, that’s what I WISH would have happened. No, instead Piper gets the sleeper and puts Hogan out for the clean win at 10:11 to win the World heavyweight title. BUT WAIT! That ending doesn’t do ANYTHING to protect Hogan or expose the business, so after the decision has officially been rendered and the bell has rung, Randy Savage puts Hogan’s leg under the ropes and calls the ref over, as though his leg was in fact underneath there the whole time and the ref missed it despite looking right at Hogan’s legs the whole time he was checking his arm for the submission. Mark Curtis realizes what a doofus he’d been, and that yeah, if Hogan’s leg was now under the ropes then OF COURSE that means it was under the ropes during the sleeper, what a fool I’ve been, can you ever forgive me, and let’s just restart this match and call it even. You know, it was JUST that sort of dubious logic that resulted in the church excommunicating Gallileo and the Kansas school board banishing evolution from the science curriculum. WHEN WE LEARN, PEOPLE? And of course the ref then proceeds to completely miss Savage handing Hogan an international object and Hogan hitting Piper with it for the pin to retain for real 10:54. The announcers act all shocked and stuff that Savage has joined the nWo, even though that was basically the same pattern for everyone else who joined the nWo, and a big beatdown results on Piper, end of show. I’ll be generous and only give it -***
The Bottom Line: So Scott, you’re probably saying to yourself, what does the Fleetwood Mac song have to do with anything? Well, besides that fact that I was listening to “Rumors” while typing this up and felt like quoting it, you’ll notice that WCW’s main problem ended up being that they DID, in fact, stop thinking about tomorrow, and it ended up being here sooner than they were prepared for. Things would have been better than before, but they went and released all the guys that they spent the first two hours of this show building up, and now yesterday’s gone and they’re left with the same fossils on top who couldn’t even provide decent matches or a clean finish back in 1997, except now they’re older and more fossilized and even LESS likely to do the job for anyone else. And what do they do? Look back to the past and stick Flair and Hogan out there again, and don’t even provide a clean finish there.
Dammit, Lindsay Buckingham had the answers RIGHT THERE and no one even knew it until it was too late.
Anyway, mildly recommended for the first half of the show, and if you want a good laugh watch the main event, but there’s nothing really notable here to make it a “must watch show” or anything.
