The Week In Wrestling 8.25.02


Well, I was in Atlantic City last Sunday. One thing I will say for Casinos… is that they’re they last bastion of pure greed in the world. Nothing in there is done without the thought of making people lose, and then protecting casino, money. For the right price, you can do anything. No-Smoking? Bullshit… it’s probably the last haven for smokers in the country.

Not to say they’re not a barrel of fun, even when you do walk out a whole lot lighter than you went in.

That being said, this Sunday I’m going to be AT Summerslam, so I won’t be including SS in this week’s Week In Wrestling. I’ll probably get home from Nassau at about four or so in the morning… this will go up around 11pm. I possibly will do an addenum to this around Tuesday or Wednesday… just in time for Grut to pimp me!! Hopefully, I can avoid the Long Island Expressway entirely.

Oh, and another thing. Don’t ever drive on the Garden State Parkway… it’s got to be the most annoying road in the history of roads. Thirty-five cent toll plazas every twenty feet? Come on, there’s got to be a better way… like Pennsylvania… don’t even have to slow down to pay tolls.

Oh yeah, and The Fat Black Dude that got Cut first from TE1 was auctioning off a wrestling match with himself. Darryl, for those of you who watched. The auction is a mess… but I find it amusing someone would even think to offer this, much less bid on it.



Undertaker opened the show, and he doesn’t take any shit. He’s feuding with Test… and he’s pro-USA now, so he’s full-on, balls out face. Only in America can a man like the Undertaker, be a man like the Undertaker. JR, of course, is now a HUGE Undertaker fan, completely forgetting the “do you think you’re better than me?” turn. Test interrupts the interview coming out on a Suzuki or some other rice burner cycle in a mock-up of ‘Take’s entrance. Test kinda keeps himself propped up on the cycle with his legs. Come on… at least learn to ride the bike if you’re going to do it. Taker attacks, UnAmericans save, then Booker and Goldust save, setting up a pre-PPV six man which will, of course, be tonight. I guess Jericho’s involvement with the group is done?

Of course, since Jericho is feuding with Flair, it’d be really funny if they did the “Canadian Horsemen” thing they were talking about a while back… but now do it withOUT Flair’s consent… until Flair has to do the REAL Horsemen to stop them. I could send that to the WWE’s “Help Us” line, but I’d rather write it for free here.

That makes sense… to me.

Another Hardcore Battle Royal, much like they did on PPV way back when during the “Let’s Get Crash Holly Over” stint. Since I refuse to recap ALL the title changes, Tommy Dreamer ended the match with the belt. Post-match, Kane’s music hits and apparently “His path is Chosen” and he’ll “Be with his mistress.” According to the Titantron anyway. Well, just smack us with the fact he’ll be on Smackdown, why don’t you. The silver lining to this cloud is that the 24/7 rule is dead, so we can just have regular old Hardcore matches now. Finally, about six months after the joke wore off.

Eric Bischoff: “No one really cares about women’s wrestling, so let’s give the fans what they really want to see… a Bra and Panties match… in mud.” FINALLY, someone in the federation admits it. This match actually fully happened in Bra and Panties… except on Lil Naitch… which also would have been fine. Match started with Stacy throwing Trish off the stage into the mud, which was a cool visual.

Paul E tries to mess with the Rock by sending him FedExed pics of a fallen Hogan.

H tried to mess with Michael’s, even though he wasn’t there. Shawn has not signed the papers and yadda yadda yadda. The paper’s make it legal for Hunter to beat and Cripple Michaels. And tonight is the Rock and whatever. They can’t keep using the tagline “One More Time” for Rock/HHH matches. Jericho interrupts… and agrees with Hunter. But then, Jericho’s band is playing later, too. The whole heel/heel verbal sparring isn’t exactly lighting things up. Of course, listening to JR say “what the hell is an assclown?” saved the entire segment.

Goldust coming out to Booker’s music in a black wig just isn’t the same… which he did for the tag match. Goldust only had one job in this match… in an odd play on words, I already said what it was.

They showed a bit of the Rock’s workout routine. He was clean-and-jerking 135. I’m lucky if I could clean-and-jerk the bar with the five pound training plates on it. Of course, the fact I refuse to do clean-and-jerks might have something to do with that. I’m actually surprised this exercise has survived time… because it CAN’T be good for the longevity of your lower back. The most impressive thing I think though is doing pullups hanging from two towels… specifically to increase your grip strength.

Giant: Why is RVD getting the title shot and not me?

RVD: Uh, Because you’re a tool.

Giant: *blah blah blah* I’m a giant.

RVD: OK, you’re a giant tool.

Eric doesn’t want RVD to wrestle tonight because he doesn’t want to jeopardize Raw’s shot at the IC title. Show goes a little nuts, so Eric unleashes the Island Boys. Well, they’ve beat up announcers, old women, midgets, and the Big Show. Big deal… who hasn’t beat up the Big Show. When I said have them beat up someone meaningful, I didn’t mean the WWF’s whipping boy.

Bischoff refuses to sanction the Summerslam match of HBK/HHH. According the WWF, it never happened.

Fozzy plays… they kinda suck… but to be fair, the sound came across awful. The crowd isn’t impressed, and Jericho threatens with another song until Flair comes out to break the show up. Flair then takes it upon himself to destroy Fozzy’s equipment.

Brock and Paul bought some more tickets to watch the main event. Bischoff comes out pre-match to warn them that they will be treated like any other fan if they jump the railing. Intimidating WWF security is placed in front of Brock… except for Orange Tan Guy… who apparently will not job on TV. I would personally like to see him F5ed onto a spike.

Standard Rock and HHH match… seen it once, seen it ONE MORE TIME! Amazingly, Triple H does NOT have to job out to the elbow. Go figure… maybe that’s because NO ONE SHOULD! Brock comes over the rail, and is immediately NOT treated like anyone else. H gets the sledgehammer and knocks out the ref with it… then goes after the Rock. Shawn Michael’s makes the save. Brock gets a superkick which sends him flying out of the ring. There is no finish to the match, and it ends with a Michaels/HHH brawl. I hope Michals has a lot left in the tank, just to make all the nay-sayers eat their own Asses. And for what I paid for SS tickets, he BETTER entertain me!!


Brock comes out for an interview to open the show. He ran down Hogan and calls the Rock out which led to witty banter from the Rock. Rock came down for a confrontation, which Brock promised before the show is out, but Benoit and Guerrero attacked him from behind. Post commercial-break, they then attacked Edge, thus setting up the fabulous tag team main event.

Stephanie yelled at Benoit and Guerrero. For once Scott Keith has a good point. In the Smackdown rant, he says: You know the difference between Bischoff and Stephanie? Bischoff not only talks the rhetoric, but his character backs it up with action. What does Stephanie ever do? Yell at the talent? Come out on stage and talk about how her show is superior? It’s astonishing that someone who has pretty much 100% control over her own character would write herself to be such an ineffective whiner. Furthermore, Brock had that title shot – which he EARNED himself, mind you – when he was still part of RAW. All Stephanie did, in storyline terms, was steal him away and take credit for someone else’s work. Isn’t that EXACTLY the sort of thing that we’re supposed to hate Bischoff for doing all those years ago? And meanwhile, what’s Eric doing? Actively trying to create new stars (by giving the title shot to the hot team of Booker & Goldust, by making RVD his #1 guy, by using the Island Boyz as his personal enforcers) and making the necessary changes to help the product. If it’s Stephanie who’s writing the Bischoff character, she’s actually managed to create a more compelling character as her nemesis than she herself is. Which is, paraphrased exactly the same thing I would have said right here. Bischoff, right now, is the better character, because they aren’t worried about trying to make him look cool. Steph is trying so desperately to be liked, but she isn’t willing to do anything. She’s not willing to look bad, which is what made Mr McMahon a successful character. All she does is yell at her talent and try to make us believe she is superior to them. She ran down Stacy two weeks ago to put herself over her as the superior then she did the exact same thing to Dawn Marie. All these women who snap and smack people at the slightest provocation are all demure around Stephanie, because she’s all tough. Even CHRIS BENOIT who is angry and hates everyone backed down to her. Why? Benoit doesn’t have to back down to her. She needs him more than he needs her he’s the IC Champion. If she pisses him off, he can walk off the show and go back to Raw. There is no reason to write Benoit as backing down to Steph. A) Because he’s the champ and B) BECAUSE HE’S F**KING CHRIS BENOIT.

Funaki is Smackdown’s new interviewer. I have no problem with this because nothing says Fun like Funaki.

Angle’s move where he runs up the turnbuckle and gives a belly to belly to the guy on the top rope is possibly my favorite move in the WWF right now. Mysterio’s entrance is possibly my favorite entrance ever. It’s so original. Kurt had a match with Billy Kidman, which ended when Mysterio interfered and Kurt got counted out.

Batista turned on D-Von again.


Pretty much all wrestling this week but you can tell they’re having budget problems, basically because there are half the people on each show. To make up, they have AJ and JL wrestle three times on one show. Falls count anywhere, no DQ, and 10 minute Ironman. All of which were very watchable. Of course, what they didn’t tell you is that those two and Low-ki had a FOURTH match that night. A three way ladder match. So, when those guys are wrestling next week, think of that.

There was also a whole lot of BAD wrestling on this show but no Dupps, so it’s somewhat better.

The Elvises exploded in a 2/3 falls match which saw Siaki beating Yang and his sideburns. Two 2/3 fall matches on one show. Talk about stretching the talent you have left.

Much in the same way that Low-ki defended his titles against all the Elvises last week, he defended the titles agaisnt all the members of the SAT.

And, pretty much, those matches were all that were worth a salt. The rest of them were Jarret and Killings and a bunch of people who I couldn’t care less about. Next week, though, I’m going simply to watch the Low-ki vs Jerry Lynn vs AJ next week. THAT will be freakin ladder match.

And that’s pretty much it for this week. I forward this in on Saturday night, right before I leave for the Summerslam warm up. Sunday night I’ll be at Summerslam. Next week will probably be a forwarded in column too, because I’m not quite sure where I’ll be for Labor Day weekend. Have a safe one.

End Transmission