– I think everyone kinda knew what was going to happen going into this, but we didn’t really KNOW we knew, you know? At any rate, I predicted it quite confidently on the Delphi Forum on Saturday, so I win the no-prize again this time around.
– Live from Daytona Beach, FL
– Your hosts are Tony, Scott and Mark.
– Opening match, Cruiserweight title: Chavo Guerrero, Jr. v. Juventud Guerrera. Juvy is carrying the title belt from an angle that I must have missed because I don’t recall him stealing it. The MIA & Animals are all banned from ringside. Slugfest and some MEXICAN VIOLENCE to start. Chavo sends Juvy to the floor, and Juvy sits on the ramp for a bit. For a long time, actually. Back in, Chavo suplexes Juvy to the floor and hits a pump splash off the apron. Back in again, Juvy gets a cheapshot to take over. Chavo comes back with a backbreaker for two and move #228 (ARM-bar). Chavo powerslam gets two. Chops in the corner from Chavo, but a blind charge misses and we get a double-KO. Reversal sequence follows and puts the Juice on the floor, and Chavo follows with a tope. The Animals sneak back out with masks on, allowing a Juice rollup for two. Chavo hits the floor and Juvy gets a slingshot buttdrop onto the floor. Back in, diving splash gets two (not much a highspot – it was more like a swandive splash). He goes upstairs and Chavo follows, so Juvy flips to the mat and powerbombs him off the top for two. Dominator (called a “front suplex”) leads to the Juvy Elbow for two. Now the MIA try the mask bit. Major Gunns distracts Juvy (A lesbian angle?), leading to a tornado DDT attempt, which is reversed to a Drunk Driver, which is reversed again to the Curtain Call by Chavo, for two. Juvy comes back with the Drunk Driver for two. Chavo finishes with the tornado DDT. Too much sports entertainment and not enough wrestling, but the thought was there. **
– Hardcore title: Big Vito v. Norman Smiley. Hey, he’s back. And still wrestling for the same title. Yay. Vito adds Ralphus to the match, because he’s hardcore. We start on the rampway and head to the back. Ralphus has finally learned to swing a garbage can (cf. Slamboree this year I think that was the show). They fight on the hood of a truck, and use the PLASTIC DINNERWARE OF DOOM! Aw, geez, even Madden’s making jokes about it, so you know it’s lame. They continue on into the elevator! Gee, one guess who’s booking this match. Vito leaves Norman lying there and chases Ralphus back to the ring. Carnage ensues. Vito puts him through a table for the pin. Wow, one match in and back to jobbing for Norman. ½*
– Wedding Gown match: Daffney v. Miss Hancock. There’s a cake at ringside, and we all know what HEY! Scott Hudson is stealing my material now, by pointing out the same thing as I write it. Hancock hits a handspring elbow uglier than Chyna’s and Daffney retorts with that staple of quality women’s wrestling – the hairtoss. David and the ref lose their pants. Oh, the hilarity. David and Hancock try to shave Daffney, so Crowbar runs in and takes HIS pants off. Stop, stop, my sides they are a-splittin’. David & Crowbar starting fighting, so Hancock takes off her gown? Yeah, I don’t get it either. Daffney apparently wins, although the fans are the real losers, because for perhaps the only time in her career Stacy is wearing these huge grandmother-type panties instead of thong underwear. And Daffney was clearly wearing a giant body stocking. Man, if you’re gonna promise T&A as the only selling point of a dreadfully bad match, at least deliver. I’ve seen more risque stuff out of Russo on THUNDER, for god’s sake. And oh yeah, the cake gets destroyed, of course. The match is ½* up on the evening gown match from KOTR due to the handspring elbow. -****
– The Jung Dragons practice the Art of Not Being Seen on the Cat. The music in the background gives them away, however.
– We get to hear the Idiots talk for a while as the inept ringcrew attempts to clean up the mess from the cake with bottled water and a mop. Hey, guys, it’s called SOAP AND WATER, look it up. Either the crowd is inordinately excited (at regularly timed intervals) about watching the cleanup job, or the heat machine is still on.
– WCW World tag title match: The Perfect Event v. Kronic. Adams dumps Palumbo and presses Stasiak onto him. Back in, Kronic toys with the champs for a bit. Adams gets double-teamed outside and plays pothead-in-peril back in. A sleeper from both Perfect and Event follows. Stasiak sure likes that move. Hot tag to Clarke follows eventually, but Palumbo escapes the Meltdown with the World’s Crappiest DDT. Pier-six erupts and the champs double-team Clarke. Kronic comes back and hits two High Times and a sort of powerbomb variant on the Doomsday Device to finish it and win the tag titles back. The match sucked and dragged BADLY near the end, and Kronic never should have lost the belts to begin with. ¾*
– Kanyon v. Booker T. You know, you don’t get much more street cred than a white guy in a Hollywood Hogan shirt raisin’ the roof at ringside. “Booker T” chant to start. Good for you, Daytona! Kanyon bails quickly. Back in, Booker dumps Kanyon and disposes of the “brick” in the book. Missile clothesline gets two. They brawl outside and Kanyon puts Book under the stairs and then chairs them. Ooooo. Kanyon controls back in with his groovy inverted Boston Crab, which Booker powers out of for two, reversed by Kanyon for two. Booker comes back with the spinebuster for two. Kanyon uses the BRICKLESS BOOK OF DOOM, but there’s no brick, so Booker spins up, axe kick, scissor kick and the Book-End gets two. Jeff Jarrett runs in, guitars Booker, and the Kanyon Kutter finishes for Kanyon. YES! That means Booker’s getting the title tonight! **3/4
– US title match: Scott Steiner v. Mike Awesome. If I were booking, I’d put Awesome over for the title here so you can build a new star with him and not particularly hurt Steiner, but it’s Russo so we shall see. And again the announce team borrows my material, as Madden makes a “Frenchfries” joke about Shane Douglas. If only Madden would take his stuff from Silent Bob instead of Jay. Awesome hits a tope con hilo over the railing to start, and we brawl into the crowd, to the back, and back to the ring again. Into the ring, where Steiner drops an elbow for two. Awesome comes back, but goes up and gets suplexed off. Fight to the outside, where Awesome goes nuts with a chair. Into the ring again, Steiner hits the belly to belly, but the Cat prevents the Recliner. Awesome gets a rollup for two and a frog splash for two. Ref is bumped. Cat interferes, to no effect. Steiner suplexes Awesome for two and applies the Recliner, so the Cat rings the bell and strips Steiner of the US title, which is probably the lamest ending possible because it devalues an already worthless title even more, since there was no evidence that Steiner cared about that belt to begin with. Match was okay. **1/4
– Graveyard match: The Demon v. Vampiro. Note to WCW: Don’t ever let Asya speak in any form ever again. You know the gym teacher in Scary Movie? Yikes. Oh, and there’s no lighting in said graveyard, so we can’t see shit. Stuff happens, including them fighting in the water (do the punches hurt more or something?) and Demon inevitably gets shoved into a coffin and set on fire, much like the Gotch-Hackenschmidt classic of 1905. I can’t even be bothered with this crap. -***** Absolutely zero redeeming value at all. I mean, there wasn’t even one 5-second portion of this nonsense where I could point to it and say “Yeah, that was worthwhile”. Man, Vampiro is having a lousy year for actual wrestling matches, isn’t he?
– Buff Bagwell v. Shane Douglas. Speaking of no redeeming value, it’s nice to see Bagwell being punished for getting arrested and being an asshole backstage by sticking him on PPV on a marquee match. Kidman, take note: You should have left with the rest of them. Brawl outside to start, to disguise the fact that neither guy can work a wrestling match anymore. Back in for some resting and Torrie wiggles down to ringside (note to Kidman: see above) and distracts Shane long enough for Buff to get a two-count. But since it didn’t end the match, Russo logic dictates that this is a SWERVE, because SST (Swerves Sell Tickets). And of course she turns on Buff, and Shane hits the Pittburgh Plunger for two. Erm? Buff gets a DDT and tries the Blockbuster, but Torrie stops him and Shane lifts Danny Doring’s “Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am” inverted stunner for the pin. Bleh. This is a massive waste of Torrie, especially given the heatsink that Douglas has become. ½*
– WCW World title match: Jeff Jarrett v. Hulk Hogan. Vince Russo joins us at ringside. Jarrett immediately lies down at Russo’s behest, as Russo tosses the belt to Hogan and walks away. Hogan grabs the mike and says “this is why the company’s in the state it’s in because of bullshit like this!” and pins Jarrett with one foot to win the title. DUD Tony says “Swerve”, so it must be a work, because SST. This is, of course, the same deal as Halloween Havoc, which failed to set the wrestling world on fire, either.
– Vamp returns and talks. Sting-masked Druids (oh, dear god, I’m having Royal Rumble 94 flashbacks) cart out a coffin, from which another Sting/Druid emerges. The lights go out, and when they come up, Vamp is in the coffin. This shit is SO early-90s.
– Russo’s back again. He bitches about backstage politics and says that he came back for the people in the back who still “give a shit” about the company, like Jarrett and Booker, and not Hogan. So Russo promises that we will never see “that piece of shit” again now that Hogan’s got his title as promised by his creative control. He declares the belt held by Hogan to be dead, and states that Jarrett is still the official WCW champion, and he’ll defend against the guy who DESERVES a shot, Booker T. He finishes with a flurry, calling Hogan bald (a longtime no-no) and telling him to kiss his ass. Work, shoot, who cares, as long as Hogan gets told off on TV finally? This is definite hardcore internet smark stuff, though, as understanding the storyline means understanding that Hogan has been vetoing jobbing to Jarrett for the past few weeks and always attempts to get “his” title back.
– Goldberg v. Kevin Nash. Now if only Russo had done the same job on Kevin Nash, my night would be complete. Oh well, there’s always the next PPV. Nash gets a quick chokeslam as Scott Steiner joins us at ringside. Nash sideslam gets two. Spear misses and it’s a double KO. Nash goes for the powerbomb, and Steiner makes a long-overdue heel turn against Nash, then spear, jackhammer, buh-bye. DUD Goldberg tears up Hall’s contract, and GOOD RIDDANCE. Too bad angles aren’t legally binding, because I could live with never seeing either Hall or Nash again.
– WCW World title match: Jeff Jarrett v. Booker T. Jarrett has the old, bent title back, which is good because it looked better anyway. Wrestling sequence to start. Booker dropkick and Jarrett bails. Brawl on the floor and into the crowd. Jarret hits a vicious piledriver on the announce table, right on the monitor. Ouch. Into the ring, Jarrett gets a sleeper, reversed by Booker. I hate that spot. Jarrett goes for the figure-four, reversed to an inside cradle for two. Jarrett finishes the move, Booker fights out and reverses. Jarrett works the leg, but Booker recovers with a spinebuster for two. Axe kick misses and Booker crotches himself. Ref gets bumped, allowing Jarrett to grab the belt, but Booker knocks him out with it and gets a two count. Jarrett tries a chair next, but that backfires too, and Booker gets another two count. Jarrett takes out the ref in desperation, goes up top with the guitar, and gets caught coming down with the Book-End, and WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! Finally, my months of pleading are answered! And the crowd is VERY happy. ***1/2
– “Your honor, as you can see, WCW’s primary champion is a visible minority, so the claims of racial discrimination are ridiculous”.
– Okay, so maybe that’s the cynic in me talking. Still, I’m totally happy with that decision, as long as it doesn’t lead to Hogan and his belt returning for a match with Booker and his belt, where Hogan gets to “unify” the titles into one again.
The Bottom Line: Well, the last hour totally saved the show from suckdom. The Russo “shoot” interview and a really good Booker-Jarrett match made for an entertaining end to the show, much like the WWF did in 98 with their PPVs. Still, one can’t help but note that this is the same trick Russo tried at Halloween Havoc 99 (With the Sting-Hogan and Sting-Goldberg fiasco) and it didn’t work then, either. But now people are legitimately talking about this show. Can it translate into ratings or is this just another sign of a deteriorating promotion trying any desperate tactic it can? For the moment, I lean towards the latter, but the end result (WCW Champ Booker T) is to my liking, so I’m willing to cut them some slack until I actually see the Orange Goblin on my TV again.
Thumbs in the middle, leaning up.
