In case you’re all not daily visitors to the site, or if you missed it, I posted my Week in Wrestling Addenum – Summerslam that I posted on Thursday.
Also, be sure to peep 411’s Music Section. Good stuff they got going on as they try to bring this website into 2003 and beyond.
Ted Dibase thinks he can spread the word of God through wrestling, according to Ashish on the newsboard. Apparently, he hasn’t watched wrestling in the last five years, as the only people to come out as preachers or revereneds are immediately heels. He’s managed to convince Sting to hop on this bandwagon as well. More on this insanity as it develops.
Eminem proved why he was a consummate professional on the VMA’s as he both threatened to beat up Moby and got angry at The Insult Dog. *Whine* coddled millionaire can’t take insults. Let me shed a tear.
Pink proved why she OWNS by getting LIT by the time she had to present. Pink rules.
Britney wore lots and lots of leather.
WWF
Raw
Bisch opened the show by announcing the Hardcore and the IC Titles would be unified tonight. As well as the presentation of a lifetime achievement award to a WWE Hall of Famer.
I just noted I typed WWE without thinking about it. My GOD Vince DOES control minds.
He then welcomed Brock to the ring to a hearty round of boos. Apparently the fans in the city are not the same as those on the Island. Although, one of the Island fans burst into tears when the Rock lost. Sounds like a few fans tried to fire up a Rocky Sucks chant, but those got tuned down. Pathetic that the WWE refuses to acknowledge that people are ready for Rocky to turn heel. Brock has the new belt… up to this point, it still had the WWF logo on it. This one is brand, spankin’ new with the WWE logo. Put it all behind the guy and get him a new belt. Brock is my age, and it’s somewhat depressing. Sh
awn Michaels’s music interrupts, but it’s HHH entering. Another career ended by HHH. Yadda yadda… and folks wonder why it gets pointed out that he gets shoved. Now we have to listen to him talk about ending Foley and Michaels’s career. For those who don’t know, Michaels beat Hunter, not even with the Superkick, and then Hunter hit him in the neck with a sledgehammer to “cripple” him. HHH put himself over as the whole reason Brock won, since HHH softened him up… and HHH wanted his retribution. Who wants to wager that HHH will hand Brock his first defeat much the same as Nash gave Goldberg his? Any takers?
Speaking of Takers, the Undertaker came out to interrupt the HHH/Brock lovefest to say that, in fact, HE wanted a shot at Brock, which turned into a number 1 contender’s match as a main event for the evening. Only after the heels teamed up for a stiff beating. Taker still came out on top, though. Yes, this was all in the opening segment. After the break, Eric sets up the match for tonight.
Booker T vs Christian was a standard match. Golddust was, fortunatly, there to catch the Unamerican interference. No spinarooni was handed out… unfortunately. JR brought up the fact that Levon Kirkland does the stare at his hand thing when he scores a touchdown. At this point, who the hell doesn’t stare at their hands at random times. I certainly do… in fact, it’s code for “Holy Shit, look at that hot yak who just walked by… SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” In fact, if any of you use it, Email Me and tell me… I’ll post the best ones next week.
Pataki was on WWF TV for the Smackdown your Vote campaign. You can always tell when it’s campaign time in Upstate NY by when King George actually realizes that there’s more to the state than the City. For those of you who don’t live up here, there’s actually more to New York than NYC. For three and a half of his four year term, our governor seemed to have let that slip his mind, too. Of course, this is the same governement that can’t even get NYC to turn a profit on a normal year.
Bah, politics. Politics are fixed… let’s get back to reality… like wrestling.
B-Team Dudleyz vs Nowinski and Regal. Match was a backdrop to further the “Chris wants to get into Molly’s pants and deflower her.” Standard tag team stuff with the Dudz winning. Bubba then tried to put Molly through a table, but Nowinski was her knight in shining armor. Only in the WWF is someone booed for saving a girl from being put through a table by someone 150 lbs heavier than her. Spike then tried to Acid Drop Regal, but they didn’t go through… so Bubba put him through once and for all.
Eric Bischoff then brought out Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka for the lifetime achievement award. I wait for HHH to come out and cripple him… then wait for the Island Boys. A montage is played of career highlights, culminating with the jump off the steel cage and highlighting some matches. Snuka, the guy who did high-flying before high-flying was cool. Eric then presents him the award and then, conversationally, “three minutes” comes up. Snuka fights one off, only to be overcome by the other. Effective segment. The Island Boys will be full fledged heels.
Break ends with a recap of what just happened, and Jericho comes out before Snuka is out of the ring. Jericho then, for no good reason, slaps the Lion Tamer on Snuka, which was somewhat amusing. Jericho runs down Snuka and Flair and points out he did, indeed make Flair tap out… of course, he fails to mention the part where Ric has the ropes, thus voiding the tapout. Jeff Hardy came out for the match which was very, very good for a Raw match. They feuded him with the Undertaker, they are putting him up against all sorts of top teir guys… but his push is very Steve Blackman-esque. They push him nowhere. He never moves on the card. Jericho got to escape the Swanton and then proceeded to put Hardy in the Liontamer. Jeff got the ropes but Jericho refused to break the hold and drawing the DQ. After the DQ, Jeff started to tap. It took a group of refs to break the hold. The match was good enough that Jericho started drawing Y2J chants… you all can put two and two together on how good the match was.
OK, I’m not a big Tom Green fan, but Stealing Harvard looks like it might actually be worth watching. Of course, I’ve been a huge Jason Lee fan since Mallrats, so that might actually be enough to offset my blah-ness with Tom Green. Basic plot, guys need money to get to school, they try to get it by any means necessary. Don’t know if I’ll drop nine bucks to see it in theaters, but I do want to see it.
Well, before a break, Test threatens to burn the flag. Post break, they come out. Blowtorch and Flag in hand. Kane’s pyro hits for the false save… but it’s not to be. Goldust and Booker come out to make the save for the flag, but are outnumbered. Test gets back in the ring with the torch and flag but Kane’s real music hits this time and Kane does make the save for the flag. Kane has a new mask, a little sleeker and with his mouth exposed. He has fantastic teeth… oddly. Booker T then does the Spinarooni… Kane then does a Kanearoonie. No, I’m not kidding. Let’s see how this new, improved, friendly Kane plays out.
The WWF has started running the “Our Season Never Ends” ads again, with baseball about to go on Strike. They tell us that contract disputes are settled a little differently (take what Vince offers or leave) and when two sides have a problem they settle it (tell Vince no, and he’ll screw you with a broomstick on PPV). Well, it’s true… but in a sick kinda way.
Last week, the Hardcore title was stripped of the 24/7 rule, this week, it’s sucked into the IC title. The WWF is officially back to three titles. The WWF Intercontinental is now six belts and I STILL maintain the fact that some Jericho-ish heel needs to win the belt and start coming out with six belts. Yeah, so one was unified in 1986 and another in 1981… big deal. Tell me you wouldn’t laugh if someone came out with the Georgia Heavyweight Title and the NWA National Heavyweight Title. Fittingly, the Hardcore division ends in a good ol’ style ECW brawl between ECW guys… a match that had Tommy in tears at the beginning. Hardcore division: 11/2/1998 with Mick Foley – 8/26/2002 with RVD. In an odd sort of way, Raven is a 26-time Intercontinental Champion… stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
There was a evening gown/tuxedo match between Lilian and Howard. Howard told a blond that she was interfereing with something in his trousers… and then reminded Lillian that Guiliani barred Hookers from the city a long time ago. Much to the chagrin of the crowd, Lillian won when Stacy, Trish, and Lillian all teamed up on him, because he said blondes belong on their back. Well? Um…?
The WWF is sponsoring someone inside a water torture chamber. So he’s submerged underwater for 24 hours… he has an oxygen tank. I’m not impressed. Only in NY.
It takes until this point in the show, that being the main event, for JR to mention in passing that Michaels has lost the use of this lower extremeties due to the sledgehammer shot. This would be those fabulous WWF Writers trying some form of storyline continuity and failing miserably. Brock was the difference maker, knocking Taker out with the belt so HHH can pin him.
Post match, we go backstage to see Steph because we have to try to get her over even on Raw. Steph informs us that it’s the champions perogative which show he wrestles on… rather than the “the champion will appear on both shows” that we got when the whole split started. And Paul sits there grinning like an idiot, even though his client is making a ridiculous career decision by limiting his exposure to one show… now, if Paul would tell someone on Smackdown that he’d rather keep his client on Smackdown because there’s less competition there, then I could forgive it. All I smell coming out of this is HHH moving back to Smackdown.
Smackdown
Steph has given up the business look in favor of shooting for cheap pops with her tits. Hey whatever. I note they’re at Mohegan Sun again, which is an event I WILL get to someday. Gambling and wrestling ownz indiviudually. Together, I may die… and be just happy doing it. I wonder if they’ll bring back Tatanka tonight.
Steph pokes fun at Bischoff for having a number one contender on a show with no belt, and then announces SHE will crown a number one contender tonight in a mini-tournament. The first match, Edge vs Eddy Guerrero. I will also point out that Smackdown has a shiny silver ring apron now. Eddy is officially the smartest man in wrestling, by the way. He brought TWO chairs into the ring, one for Edge to steal and have taken away by the ref, and one to use.
Matt touched Steph in a backstage skit… expect him to be shot on-air.
John Cena’s tights need to be updated. Come on now. He does, however, have probably the most perfect body in the federation. I would pay good money for that body. Read that as you will.
Steph is negotiating with someone who is staying in the Mohegan Sun and happens to be on Raw.
Shannon Moore has his own music now… and it’s a rip off of, of all things, Baby Baby, by Amy Grant. I can almost guarantee, I hope, that it’s an unconcious rip.
The tournament moved along, Eddy elimated Edge. Rikishi elimated Eddy. Benoit eliminated Rikishi… I can’t see anyone else on Smackdown being a legitimate match for Brock.
Brock’s new belt is E-Fucking-Normous. Brock had a non-title with Matt Hardy. Why they bothered when Brock was just going to squash him anyway, I don’t have any idea.
Turns out, the main event has a new Smackdown Star inserted… and it turns into a Triple Threat. Benoit vs Angle vs Undertaker. Well, I guess we know who’s winning this one. Just in case you weren’t sure, Undertaker was in both the Crossface AND the Ankle Lock AT THE SAME DAMN TIME, and didn’t tap.
NWA:TMJ
Opened with Kid Kash vs Red. Typical hot opener from TNA. Post match, Red offered a handshake and Kash clotheslined him down, effectively turning him heel, I guess. The SAT came out and messed him up.
Goldilocks: “Could you turn around and give us some comments?”
Sonny Siaki: Sonny Siaki will turn around when Sonny Siaki is ready to turn around. You want comments?
Goldi: Does Sonny Siaki need a Q-tip?
Siaki wrestled Monty Brown, apparently a win will put him in the world title picture. He won with a low blow when Jarrett came out… so did the masked Bullet Bob Armstrong and Brian Lawler… just so we remember that they have cliffhangers.
Someone should point out to Don West that if you wear a satiny red shirt for a two week taping session, people will remember the shit. The first week, it’s cool, the second week it’s dirty.
Slash introduced a wrestler named Cobain who is obsessed with pain and suicide. Well, that’s certainly politically correct.
A four tag-team elimination match was on… the teams were the Backseat Boys (well isn’t that cute), Slash & Cobain, The Hot Shots (who must be heels because they gave the hand & elbow f-you sign), and Harris & Storm. I see one of two teams actually winning.
Jarrett really wants to know who’s behind the mask.
Miss TNA Bruce came out as a drag queen. Again, I could have gone all my life without seeing this and still died a happy, happy man. Bruce offered an open challenge to anyone who wanted to challenge for the Miss TNA title and April Hunter accepted? You miss one week… Bruce is the heel this match, I know this because he’s using hair throws. Tenay points out something just as I was about to mention it, that being Bruce’s mustard yellow wrestling boots with his red evening gown. I know he’s not really gay now, because a gay man would have better style than that. This match was really disjointed, as I’m pretty sure April Hunter is not much of wrestler. Post match, Bruce was going to take her top off, until her boyfriend, some black dude with blonde hair who was NOT the Natural Butch Reed, came out for the save.
Jimmy Yang talks much better than I thought he would. I don’t know why, but I had him pegged as a barely English speaking wrestler. Go figure. During the interview, Sonny Siaki informed us that taking your vitamins and saying your prayers will make you prematurely lose your hair.
The SATs wrestled the Elvises. One of the Maximo brothers has a very RVDish vibe going…. Look wise. I’m a little upset that they had to drop Ferrara instead of Don West. We would much rather have a guy who can scream real loud than a guy who actually knows something about wrestling. I finally was aobut to have a chance to see the Spanish Fly, but it wasn’t to be, as Siaki actually came out to help the Elvises. Yang then went for Yang Time and missed it… smartly, they didn’t end the match there, as the other guy ad libbed enough to get to the top rome so Yang could do some sort of move to end the match.
Brian Lawler came out to speak to Goldi in the ring, to tell us what the problem was with Jarrett. Instead of Lawler talking about Jarrett, he decided to talk about how Goldi was a piece of trash with her tight jeans and her cleavage. That was completely pointless… all I can assume is they want him to be a heel to feud with Jarrett to get Jarrett over as a face. It won’t work. Just as Lawler was about to tell us what Jarrett did, when The Truth came out for the interruption. Lawler hit Killings with a chair. The problem with Jarrett had nothing to do with Killings, though, but Lawler’s girlfriend. Then, he got mad at a ringside photographer for taking pictures of her. He points out a chick who is FAR too hot to be his girlfriend, and then takes her backstage.
Jarrett had his match with the Bogus Bullet. We don’t find out who he is either. Jarrett handcuffs him to the ring and the real Bullet makes the save. Jarrett goes back to basics and starts beating old people with chairs. Yeah, he’s a tough guy.
Don West’s shill session was a little more humorous this time with the “Don West is a Pimp” on the left and a “Don West Sold My Sign” sign on the right.
The ladder match between Lynn, Low-ki, and Styles was just crazy. There’s not much recapping I can do on it, but just know that if you get a chance to see it, watch it. It ended with Lynn finally winning the belt which sucks, because Low-ki is currently my favorite wrestler.
The Week In Wrestling
Just when you think they might be ready to start telling straight stories, they just flush you right down the toilet. Now, because we can’t perceive Stephanie as losing, we’re going to get the champion to be only on Smackdown… with the rumors swirling that RVD will be moving to Smackdown, it makes perfect sense, because then she’ll have both belts… and just about all the high tier talent. All the while we have Bischoff doing just about everything you can do right with a show, and slowly getting over as the face.
But, they just can’t take their storylines and keep them solid and straight. Not even the split, which is very cut and dry. The board of directors was very straightforward when they said the champions will appear on both shows… and now, since Steph might be perceived as losing on TV, she has to decide that Brock only wrestles on her show. You know what that does? It makes Eric look like the face, because he’s the one facing all the adversity. In her overwhelming, somewhat pathetic, attempt to be cool… she’s just making Eric seem like the underdog. And we have an innate desire to root for the underdog… see also Dudley, Spike and Mysterio, Rey.
Not to mention the fact that people’s stomachs turn at the very sight of her.
I’m very interested to see how the Brock Lesnar title reign plays out because, if tonight is any indication, it’s going to be very Jericho-like in the fact that Brock very much played second fiddle to his Number One contenders today. Brock couldn’t even get the entire first segment to himself which is, historically, reserved entirely for the new champion. It had to be interrupted by HHH who basically put over the fact that he softened up the Rock, and it’s the only reason Lesnar won… and then the Undertaker who knocked both of them out of the ring single-handedly.
And then you have Jeff Hardy, who barely looks like he cares to be in the ring anymore. Can you blame him? The guy most people touted as the next Shawn Michaels… and he’s done nothing but watch people shoot past him on the roster. He goes out, does his thing, and goes home… that’s it. It’s kind of like guys who fight in the trenches… if you’re good at it, the Army leaves you there… but you really do want to get out of there at some point. Jeff Hardy doesn’t see anything in his Raw future, because he’s been doing the exact same schtick since the Hardys finally got themselves over, based solely on their ring work, which is saying something in today’s wrestling market, where so much is based on how you speak. And we’re supposed to believe that Jeff has NOTHING to say to his brother who turned on him? For god’s sake, not even a confrontation at Summerslam? It doesn’t have to be a match, but you want me to believe that Jeff, after getting cost the Intercontinental title by his brother, doesn’t even find him and put his head through a door? Come on, now. He can’t even get a backstage confrontation.
TNA will not have a live show again until 9/18. I guess I understand pre-empting the show on 9/11 because it’s very likely no one will buy it but I don’t understand next week. The show is going to have no income, basically, for the next two weeks. I, personally, am not going to order a two hour highlight show for ten bucks regardless of how cool it might be.
And, putting the Undertaker as the Number One contender for Brock’s title doesn’t make much sense to me either. Here was a perfect opportunity to try and sell a PPV on two NEW guys shoulders, and they just don’t have an interest in it. If there is any justice in the world, the Undertaker will put Brock over clean to try and elevate him. Brock should also NOT be limited to just Smackdown since they’re desperate to get people to buy him as a monster. Just having him exclusive to Smackdown is more of Stephanie not being able to look like she’s losing. After all, Brock was her first BIG signing from Raw. Can’t have him going back and making it look like it was for naught.
So now, we have Bischoff looking like even MORE of an underdog, and having to do even MORE to get over on Steph, which will only have the effect of getting Bisch over as the cooler owner. He must look at these scripts and pretend to hate them, just so they think they’re f*cking him, all the while knowing they’re just getting him to be the most over person in the federation.
I’m down to my last two days of working in a video store before I move on and get a real job. Unfortunately, one of them is tomorrow and I have to be up in six hours.
Until next week
End Transmission.
