A Wrestling News Report 9.26.02


Guys, it’s been a great run. Honestly, I can say that I enjoyed doing this so much that I can’t begin to put it into words. Whether you loved me or hated me, you read my work. You justified my reason for doing this. Some of you enjoyed it so much that you helped me out when I needed you the most, showing my friend total and utter kindness when they needed it the most. I wanted to stay for you, but I can no longer go on typing the same drivel every week. You’ve all noticed, and you’ve let me know it. Therefore, although it really breaks my heart, I am now announcing my what’s that music?




Oh man! It’s Triple H. He did this when I tried to drop out of high school also. Damn it! Thanks Hunter, now I’m all wet! Yeah, I know that people depend on me. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to Flea the satisfaction, but still, I have to get out. Well, I just got a Playstation 2. I also bought The Thing. It’s awesome. It’s like you’re a baby sitter for insane army commandos. OW! You slapped me! I am not pathetic! That’s it, Hunter! I can’t retire now! Not before I job to you!

Anybody want to take my Human Genetics course for me? I’ll pay you every cent that the site has paid me.


Man, I really don’t feel like it.

But NEWS!!!!


Hey, Bubba? Ready for that big push? Ready to join the upper echelon of WWE superstars? Ready to be the next Mick Foley? Because I see that happening very soon for you. You’re the type of wrestler who’d give an arm to be great.

What happened to Bubba? Oops! Sorry, I didn’t mean it like. Boy, you’d think I’d have gone back and deleted that, wouldn’t you?

The big stockholders meeting takes place this Friday for the WWE. I can’t wait for Linda to use corporate lingo to describe HLA.

Steve Austin is still in the news, as he now wants to rebuild his marriage before coming back to wrestling. Good idea. No, seriously. Good for you, Steve. Although you probably won’t, may I suggest that you stop drinking? It’ll make things much easier on the marriage, although it will be harder for you.

I know, I did drunken Smackdown. I never beat my wife.

TWO OF MY SOLDIERS WERE INFECTED! They became beast creature things of some kind. Don’t worry, me and my new friend killed them. I guess there are some people you just can’t trust, WIDRO!

Terry Taylor may be back in some fashion with the WWE. Al Isaacs has been betrayed once more. By the way, if you read my column I’d love to hear from you, Al. I was a big fan.

The odds that he reads me are 80-1. I’ll take those odds.

Scott Keith hates Triple H, but there aren’t many people who Scott Keith likes. I like to think that we have a special relationship. A very special relationship. A kinship. A brotherhood. We’re in love.

Jesus. The WWE is thinking about doing 19 PPV’s. Nothing like charging 70 bucks a month to see HHH fight Steven Richards and Undertaker beat the crap out of Benoit. Color me SOLD!

I like the Hurri-Kane. My favorite thing was when the Hurricane entered the ring and gave Kane the thumbs up, and Kane nodded. I found it hilarious.

I was listening to K-Rock, and they’re promoting the shit out of some indy show in NY where Terry Funk fights Chris Candido in the main event. REAL WRESTLING RETURNS TO NY! Thank God. That fake wrestling was beginning to eat away at the core of my very being.

Nicole Bass is a f*cking idiot. So is anyone that harassed her.

On NWA: TNA, they took another step towards shutting down. Again, I’d just like to reiterate that the sooner they close down, the happier I’ll be.

Lance Storm is very glad to not be dead after Bubba Ray dumped him on his head.

Lance Storm is still in a lot of pain, because a disc drives him insane.

Lance Storm is still a happy chap, although his neck Bubba almost did snap.

Lance Storm was fired for gross incompetence.

Eric Bischoff didn’t tell anyone that he was the priest or justice or something in the Billy and Chuck marriage. I guess that’s why it was so awkward between the two of them after Paul Heyman offered Eric 50 bucks for a blowjob.

Tough Enough 3 has wrapped up filming. Tough Enough 4 will start looking for contestants as soon as Tough Enough 5 finishes setting up a location and Tough Enough 6 gets out of the bathroom.

RAW did a 3.6 this week on the Richter scale.

Al Snow is going to get 3 weeks off after Tough Enough 3 finishes up. Then it’s back to jobbing to Crash Holly.

The big news from Smackdown seems to be that Edge and Eddie have an amazing match. A ladder gets involved, although it was not a ladder match, and the ref doesn’t ring the bell. Still, let’s have a few small ref bumps and through out the main event of a PPV, shall we?

Hey, to everyone being so hard on the Undertaker, give the guy a break. He’s gotta use his political powers backstage, now that he doesn’t have his urn anymore.

For all of you wondering where Hyatte went, look into your hearts.



1. Smoking.

2. Sex.

3. Television.

4. Eating.

5. My friends.

6. Writing.

7. Getting paid.

8. Getting free money.

9. Self mutilation.

10. Showing pity.

Yeah, that just about does it.


So, Brendan Johnson, you think you’re a big enough name to write your own column now? Well, let me tell you something, you’re not! You’re a nothing! A no one! A big fat zero who bitches about the cruiser weights like the rest of the Internet! You disgust me, Brendan Johnson! YOU DISGUST ME TO THE VERY CORE OF MY EXISTENCE!

Actually, it’s not half bad.

Hyatte has Raw 2 and Nitro 2. Required reading for anyone who hates the Jewish race.

I’m kidding. Hyatte loves Jews. Loves to gas them!

I’m going to get letters for that one. A quick reminder that I’m Jewish, people. Another quick reminder that I’m a big Hyatte fan.

Bob Barron reviews Supertape 2, keeping 411 on the cutting edge.

Ron Gamble hates wrestling. By the way, f*ck War Games! What, the match is going to be better because it’s a handicap match and they’re in a cage? War Games was so good because of who was in it. This just wouldn’t matter for shit.

Crap f*ck shit! Keith is back with a new retro rant! I honestly don’t know why I cursed before that.

If you can, go see the Secretary. It’s an amazingly funny and perverse movie.

Fenix TV has split up. WHY GOD? WHY?

I’m f*cking awesome. Kinda drunk. I’m done with all this hit. I gotta go kill me some weird monster dudes.