The Week In Wrestling 9.29.02

Archive

I made my first contribution to 411music this past week. I did a First Listen to Nirvana’s new song. Boy, let me tell you… I’d forgotten how testy folks can get when you insult their musical taste. I was told “you don’t understand Nirvana” more times than I care to discuss. Which is Bull. “You Don’t Understand it” is the ultimate bastion to people who have no counter-argument, and who don’t understand why people can not like something. If you’re arguing music, and all you can come up with as a counter-argument is “you don’t understand,” you lost the argument. Most of the problems with my views was that the song sounded unfinished, and I was told that this was direction Kurt was planning on taking the band, away from the traditional verse-chorus-verse structure of popular music.

Well, I got news for all of you. That song does not stray all that far from verse-chorus-verse music structure. It’s damn near exactly the same as every other Nirvana song ever released. Catchy, simple bass-line, mumbling verses and screamy chorus. If you want to hear songs that violate the verse-chorus-vers structure, try Nightfall or Broken Glass Memories from Section 8. THOSE songs don’t repeat words at all. THAT’s out of verse-chorus-verse structure not this.

So, in response, another member of staff wrote a Counter-First-Listen… which goes a bit beyond a “first listen.” So, the Nirvana fans got what they wanted… a hardcore fan to review it and say everything was great. The casual fans got mine… which didn’t. BUT MINE IS RIGHT CANKAYA… KNOW YOUR DAMN RULE LOWLY MUSIC STAFF WRITER!

Moving on to other music news, the record companies have decided to flood networks with dummy files to try to discourage online trading because, dammit, that will work. Again, peer-to-peer swapping is what is causing the record companies downfall. It doesn’t have anything to do with CDs getting up into the $25 area. Damn previews, let you know if the whole CD sucks before you go out and waste money on the first single… see Disturbed’s new CD for an example. Hilary Rosen was quoted with saying “I can’t foresee any scenario where it would be in our interest to go into anybody’s computer and delete a file,” Keep THAT in mind next time there’s a massive virus which just happens to delete anything with an .mp3 extension.

Also, the music industry has launched an ad campaign with the likes of Britney Spears, Madonna, Nelly, and Puff Daddy talking about how downloading music is the same as walking into a store and stealing a CD. Not even close… I’ve done both, and it’s MUCH easier to get caught if you steal something in a store. I mean, you don’t need a big, bulky Starter Jacket, a magnet, or any of that stuff. Britney tells you that “people go onto computers and steal her music.” Well, it’s not her music to begin with. Some fat old executive writes her music, her lyrics, and her dance moves. She’s just a conveniently hot body to go out there and sell it. She could be replaced in a heartbeat. And Puff Daddy with “When you make an illegal copy you’re stealing from an artist. It’s that simple. Every single day we’re out here, pouring our hearts and souls into making music-what if you didn’t get paid for your job? Put yourself in our shoes” OK, I’ll take the hundreds of millions your STILL making on concerts and royalties and I’ll just have to deal with a couple of million that I lose anyway. If you want to get paid without question… get a real f*cking job.

But, a user on alt.general said it best: “Yes, my friends, the artists are hurting badly. It is estimated that many of them will only make $100 million or so this year. They are starving and will soon be homeless. Eminem moving back to Detroit with his mother. Britney Spears moving into a car. And Elton living in the trailer…Here is how you can help: Just be willing to pay $20 for a CD that should sell for $7 and you can make for $4,”

But, I probably just don’t understand.

WWF

Raw

There really wasn’t a whole lot to say about Raw one way or another. It just didn’t generally click at any point in the show. I found myself flipping to football quite frequently, but the parts that did stand out:

Booker and Dust watching the monitor backstage and busting Bischoff’s balls about having ass in his face. Then Booker gets the Island Boys, thus FINALLY setting up a Raw feud and doing SOMETHING with tag teams on the show with the freakin tag team champions. Yes, believe it or not, the WWF DOES still have tag belts. Is Bischoff really in charge of Raw, because the belts are treated with about as much respect as they were in WCW.

Nowinski was in a class room to cut a promo on Tommy Dreamer. I’ll refrain from the already played out Dean Douglas references that have been making the rounds. However, there are worse things then a Nowinski/Dreamer feud. A Randy Orton/Stevie Richards feud, for instance.

Speaking of which, Orton was the “big Smackdown jumper” and had a match with Stevie Richards (goddam, I’m PSYCHIC!). Orton needs something… another finisher besides a flying f’n bodypress, for instance.

Ric Flair helped HHH retain the big gold belt because he realized H was right. You know… f-it… HHH looks like HeMan and now snaked HeMan’s logo, too. From now on, HHH is now HeMan. His arch nemisis will be Terri, also known as Skeletor… SMELL THE RAITINGS.

Ric Flair helped HeMan retain the big gold belt because Flair realized HeMan was right, and Flair was pathetic. Now, he’s going to teach HeMan how to style and profile with the best of them. Damn, if the real world worked this way, whenever someone stole your girl, you’d coach them on how to make her squirm. Wouldn’t life be so much easier?

Jericho totally needs to split all the belts and carry all six (and yes, Craig, it IS six) belts to the ring with him… it would be so… HIM.

The other big (and final by the way) Smackdown jumper turned out to be the Hurricane, specifically so he could win the tag titles with Kane. Wow, two new tag teams in one Raw. Could they possibly be trying to jump start this division again? New Tag Team champions, HurriKane.

And the main event didn’t interest me in the least, so I didn’t watch it… but it was HeMan/Flair vs Bubba/RVD.

By the way, Vince McMahon has stated that all contracts are now binding, so there won’t be any more jumping. So, let’s see how long they take to remove themselves from THAT stipulation, too.

Smackdown

Smackdown was also somewhat forgettable minus a few segments, especially the Edge/Eddy no DQ match. It spanned two segments and ended with an UnPrettier off a ladder. Eddy got busted open hardway off it and got a standing O at the end of it. It wasn’t a ladder match, but there were crazy spots involving ladders. Eddy did his flip over the top rope flying Mexican thing sandwiching Edge between two ladders. Eddy hitting is STIFF powerbomb off the top of a ladder. Eddy got backdropped onto a ladder set up against the corner. The ref took a ladder to the face in one of the few legit looking ref bumps in the history of the sport. Just utter craziness all around. This should have been their PPV match, but I do understand trying to generate a buzz by having ridiculously phat matches on TV, especially with the new TV season warming up.

Chuck Palumbo is growing a beard now… because he’s not gay, you know.

Funaki… Smackdown’s #1 Interviewer, asks Brock for an interview, and he gets it in the ring. Funaki asks if there will be a rematch, and shows Brock the damn near busted chair… which forces Brock to beat the hell out of Funaki. Hey, I understand.

Matt Hardy got buried by the Undertaker, just making his character that much more fun. I wonder if Matt Hardy, Version 2 is going to be him wearing frilly booties, pink panties, large shoulderpads, and frolicking around with midgets throwing cocktail weiners at him 24/7.

… …

What? Like I’m the only one who’s ever had that fantasy.

Angle, Benoit, and Mysterio had a great three way dance with Mysterio coming out on top in his home town. He beat Benoit with the Hurricanrana Pin, since Benoit’s possibly the only uppercard person in the fed, besides Angle, who can sell it properly. All in all, Smackdown was a great, exciting show and I didn’t feel like I gave two hours of my life away to watch it. All good.

The Week In Wrestling

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to watch any TNA anymore, as the folks I watch it with aren’t… and $40/month for a PPV isn’t something I’m willing to pay… especially not for a show that’s slowly sliding downhill, from all reports I’ve read.

Speaking of bad PPV ideas, what’s this I hear about Vince wanting to expand the PPV season to 19 per year? I’m assuming this is two per month, minus the Royal Rumble, Mania, Summerslam, Suvivor Series, and KOTR. This gives each “brand” their own PPVs every month. Who really thinks this is a good idea? I can’t see any number of people spending $70/month for wrestling. I mean, I like wrestling, and I can’t even say I would spend that much. That’s a video game, half a rent check, or an upscale Albany hooker. I mean, it’s just wrestling after all. Split PPVs are a good idea, don’t get me wrong, but not like this I think it will hurt them in the long run. I personally am not buying two PPVs a month, but I hardly speak for the world.

Shitberg is back in the news again, as he will work for the WWF, but only if they won’t schedule him for house shows. I really hope this is final nail in the coffin to his WWF career. If Vince hires him for only television, that’s a REALLY good way to piss off his entire locker room. I guess his two years in the business makes him good enough to demand light schedules and stuff. God he sucks. Please Vince, I will invest in your company if you don’t hire him. I may even stop hating your daughter.

Also, rumor has it that they are considering renaming Raw to Nitro. I have disagree with Flea and say I don’t think it’s all that bad of an idea depending on how far they want to take the whole “Brand Extension” thing. Renaming Raw to Nitro would have been shocking, and would have possibly worked much better, during the Invasion now, I don’t know that it’ll mean all that much. Kinda like getting a blowjob AFTER sex. You don’t want to turn it down, but it just doesn’t have the same feeling. If they’re planning on sticking with this, then you really need to make it into two entirely different shows to make it work. Right now, it’s still Raw and Smackdown nothing is different. You’re going to tell me that Eric Bischoff has “full creative control” of Raw, and he doesn’t want to put his own personal touch on it? I mean, it’s BISCHOFF he would call it the Bischoff Wrestling Hour for Chrissakes.

This is part of continuity. We know how the Bischoff character works, he’s an egomaniacal control-freak who gets what he wants. He wouldn’t be willing to not put his own personal touch on the show.

Ultimo Dragon that’s what I’m talking about. If this happens, I’ll be a happy camper. Ultimo is one of my favorite wrestlers ever.

Personally, until this week, I hadn’t thought that Smackdown has been all that far above and beyond Raw, but it’s certainly turning out to be that way. I wonder how much of that is Steph doing her damndest to make sure her show has the better stuff going on. Wouldn’t be all that hard to fathom, would it?

Be really interesting to see if the give Bischoff a crazy, segment spanning match to counter with, won’t it?

Don’t expect it.

End Transmission.