Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 10.16.02

I dont think your Paul, i think your Marx. – LRQ001

Karl or Groucho?

You know, normally this one would get the full You’re A Moron treatment for the ability to have one missed apostrophe, one misuse of comma (should be a semi-colon or period), one missed capitalization, and two misunderstandings of the difference between “your” and “you’re”, in nine words.  This AOLuser, though, doesn’t deserve any honor like YAM.  He just deserves to wallow in his ignorance.  Grow up, bitch.

Let’s start off with a little wrestling discussion, just to shake the ol’ paradigm a bit.

NO!  MERCY!

Okay, we’re in the full gear-up for No Mercy right now.  Isn’t everyone excited?  I thought not.

Normally, UT in an HitC match would prompt some excitement, but Lesnar’s more on the level of the Bossman than Michaels or Foley in most fans’ eyes at this point.  It’s going to be a pair of lummoxes beating the crap out of each other yet again, only this time surrounded by chain-link.  It’s just another indication, like we needed any more of them, that WWE is creatively bankrupt.  “Gee, we’ve given Lesnar the title.  Who’s credible enough to challenge him?  Undertweener?  Okay, let’s do a match and Lesnar goes over…what?  We don’t have anyone else on tap for Lesnar?  Okay, let’s make sure that we book this one to set up the rematch, and in order to make it interesting, let’s make it Hell in the Cell, since that’s ‘Tweener’s signature match and everyone will think he’ll go over…Casket Match?  No, that’s the old ‘Tweener.  This is the bad-ass biker ‘Tweener.  Hey, it’s easier than building someone else up.”

You think that if Rhyno wasn’t out that Lesnar would have received this same push?  The temptation to team up Heyman’s new man-beast with his old one would have been too much for them to have resisted.  Lesnar could have got some seasoning in the tag ranks, done a program with Rhyno for a while after the inevitable breakup (and it’d be fun to see a face Rhyno), and gained some cred before getting the main event push.  Instead, they tried to replicate Kurt Angle using someone without Angle’s skill set on the stick, praying that Heyman would cover that area, and failed.  Hence, we have No Interest in the main event of No Mercy.

And as for the other side, the side that has to cover for the weaknesses, if Trip versus Kane wasn’t such a foregone conclusion, maybe, just maybe, it could have covered.  The only mystery here is if they’ll give Kane another one-day World Title reign to pop the crowd down in Redneckville.  I think that’s where the booking is leading to since Trip’s been more obnoxious than usual lately.  All we know for certain is that a sledgehammer will be involved in some way, shape, or form.  And the infamous Sledgehammer Of Plot is included in that assessment.  I’ll let BFM cover my feelings about this particular angle:  “Christ, I’ve seen episodes of Muppet Babies with more believable plots.”

I’d better not shoot my wad now.  I do, after all, have a Round Table to do on this subject later this week.  So let’s move on…

I AM TOUCHDOWN JESUS

When I said that Notre Dame was the lowest-ranked undefeated team in the polls this week, of course I realized there were teams who were undefeated ranked lower than they were.  What I should have said was that Notre Dame was the lowest-ranked undefeated team that mattered.  Who gives a rat’s ass about Bowling Green or Air Force (although they always had better PXes than the Army)?  And NC State?  This isn’t basketball season.  Wake me up when it is and I’ll care about that particular conference.

And Memo to SFVis420:  I did mention that the Giants were going to the World Series.  It was buried in the explanation for my “Dubbaya fixes sports events” section.  And, as I’ve explained, I’m not a baseball fan.  I loathe the sport, in fact.

THE PIMP SECTION

My God!  This is the first time in months I’ve been able to pimp Artie Martie!

It just wouldn’t be Wednesday without a Nason pimp, would it?

Gamble had his column put up while I was writing this.  Look, I have an excuse for being up at 3AM CT.  Everyone else should be dead asleep.  Anyway, go read it.  Another excellent column as usual from the Rev.  However, I’d rather shoot heroin through my eyeballs than try to come up with a PWI-style pimp for Trip/Kane.

SMACKDOWN SOMEWHAT SPOILED

While I was scribbling down the intro to this one, Bob Barron got his recap up (and don’t steal my lines, Bob, not if you know what’s good for you), so if you want full spoilers, go there.  In the meantime, since it wasn’t up at the time, I had to go over to…

Rajah had four, count ’em, four recaps from the crowd.  Say what you will about Toronto, they’ve got a savvy Net crowd up there.  Of course, if they didn’t all write like complete marks or repressed adolescents, maybe it’d be easier to read.  So I’ll glean some info off of them…on second though, my head’s hurting looking at Rajah, so I’ll just go to Barron…on second thought, the Rajah people covered it in more detail…my head’s starting to spin.  Let’s just get my feelings out of the way.  I’ll avoid commenting about Epilepsy since it sounds pretty dire.

Hmmmm, they actually get something in there that might spark my interest in No Mercy:  the finals of the Smackdown Tag Championship tournament.  Four guys that I actually like in there, and full NAFTA representation to boot.

Isn’t it nice that our favorite redneck couple is back together again after settling their differences in the way that all significant other spats should be:  in the ring, beating up a Japanese guy?  Now that spells “love” no matter how you look at it.

First Kane has a romantic liason that violates continuity.  Now it’s ‘Tweener doing the same thing.  Look, it’s all well and good that they’re getting away from the stupid gimmicks and humanizing these characters.  However, there are a bunch of us who still have fond memories of some gimmicks, and these two in particular.  One of my fondest memories of wrestling was watching Armed Forces Network’s free broadcast of SurSer ’90 while in Germany and seeing ‘Tweener’s debut.  Apparently, Kane was the last of the breed:  the final successful gimmick introduced by WWE before “reality” set in courtesy of Austin (although you could make a case for Flex being a gimmick).  For more in this vein of thought, read Gamble’s column.  Wrestling was so much more…well, innocent back then.

There is one old mode still operating, though:  when a guy isn’t getting over as a face, turn him heel.  Hello, John Cena.

Can someone tell me why Matt Hardy’s getting a push?  For that matter, can someone tell me why Jeff Hardy is getting a push?  And as for entrance music, did they flip a coin to see who’d get the familiar Hardy tune and Jeff won?

Torrie Wilson’s “dad”.  Dawn Marie.  Shower.  You may now go screaming into the night.

You know, there’s always one match on SD that makes me want to tape the show, but I somehow avoid doing it.  This week, it’s Angle/Benoit versus the Guerreros.  I love all of them to death, and they get about twenty or so to do their stuff, but that means having to put up with the other hour forty, and I don’t feel like FFing through all that just to get to this.  So I’ll give the VCR a rest.

AND IN OTHER WRESTLING NEWS…

Jack shit as usual.  WWE’s locked up tighter than a drum and the normal “previews” for NWA:  TNA aren’t up anywhere.  So unless you’re excited about the prospect of WWE’s Favorite Orthopedic Surgeon Dr. James Andrews providing care and setting up a double room/love nest for Billy Gunn and Pat Patterson, you’re SOL.  If anything comes up, WidShish will be on the spot while I’m toiling away at work.

Time to go there now, in fact, so enjoy your day.  I’ll be back for the Round Table, while Grut moves into the big chair.  You have been warned.