The Saturday Matinee News Report 10.19.02

Welcome to a PPV weekend, I’m Flea and I think Godfather Part III was EXCELLENT, despite a reputation to the contrary. Of course, no movies are better than the first two – but I think that III is unjustly classified as sucking. How are you? Feel free to disregard the way the column ended last week as I AM here and will be here until I ain’t. Obviously, what I did last week went over EVERYONE’S head, which does sometimes happen. Think about history, especially mine here at 411. What happened this time last year (specifically 10.17.01)? I will also be here for THE MONDAY EDITION, as Hyatte gets his contractually obligated week off, presumably to rest his creative powers. So with all that out of the way, I’ll get started here in just one moment

Quick note to Ron Gamble – no offense and the little tirade was not meant towards you. As a matter of fact, the generalizations I use do not apply to anyone currently on staff here at 411 well maybe one or two people, but I respect the fact you ain’t watching. But you should. I had to go through watching my longtime hero Cactus Jack turn into a f*cking sock-toting goofball, so anything that they do nowadays is nothing but a thing. BTW, even my kid calls me Flea.

HEY GRUT!

Oh and before I forget, FLEA NEVER EDITS! And Charlie still don’t surf.

Let’s get to it

TOP STORY

Okay I put my ass on the line last week defending the “Kane is a murderer” story line and got caught with my pants down, seeing how it turned out. But you know what? My pants are down so that you can kiss my ass. I laughed and laughed and laughed when I saw the RAW rating – basically the same as last week but the SECOND HOUR actually INCREASED! Now then, when all these experts are lambasting the viewing public for being “disgusted” and “revolted” by the H / Kane angle, they don’t seem to point out that NO ONE TURNED OFF THE SHOW! Isn’t that odd? Of course, the angle is pretty ridiclous, so for shits and giggles I went back and watch Best of RAW Volume II, when the WWF was at their peak. Know what I saw? The Satanic UT and the whole “Ministry of Darkness” and “Higher Power” angle. Now, if you can justify to me how that was better than this H / Kane angle, be my guest. As a matter of fact, don’t because I don’t really care to hear it. Check this out

The thing is people put a lot of stock in the Internet, too much stock in the Internet. There is maybe 10% of those people that care that much about wrestling to go on the Internet to read the scuttle butt. It is a very small segment of our overall fan base, and it is also filled with a lot of 14 and 15 year old kids, who’s opinions have been taken as that of the Lord. So and so says this and than you find out that the guy is a 20 year old college undergrad, who suddenly worked himself into a position of high influence for some reason within the confines of the Internet. Hey, whatever, I mean, that is great. If you are on the Internet and you like reading about wrestling that’s fine. It’s just not for me personally. I have had enough of it and don’t want to associate myself with that kind of negativity anymore.

Some Other Guy – interview with Eric Gargiulo, Pro Wrestling Weekly

I’ll get back to his later in the column, I think.. as of right now, let’s check on the PPV this weekend, titled NO MERCY:

WWE Title Hell in the Cell Match – Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

This would be a Hell In The Cell match and presumably the blow-off between these guys. I’m a little peeved that they would make this the UT’s signature match, seeing as the best angle over the last 2 years was Cactus and his retirement match – IN THE CELL. But I won’t let that stop me from wondering just how brutal they are going to make this one. An absolute massacre of UT is in order, compete with tons of BLOOD and all the goodies that supposedly go along with a good old fashioned blow off. The issue on Smackdown is that UT CAN wear his cast, which didn’t make all that much sense, seeing as all the cast issue did was make Brock look like a big ole scardy cat. I’m assuming this is going to be used as “psychology” during the match, but I think having the two of them beat the snot out of each other would work just as good. By the way (and I thought they would do this) UT is planned to take some time off so I think that means look for a UT injury angle. Any way you slice it, Brock should be dominant in victory, continuing his reputation as a legend killer.

World Heavyweight & WWE Intercontinental Title Unification Match – Triple H vs. Kane

For all of you HHH lambasters – think about this – he has SAVED this angle. I think most everyone (except for all the new viewers enthralled with this story) let me rephrase this: everyone on the Internet hates this angle. Maybe some of the people backstage, that has yet to be confirmed. What I do know is this was going down the tubes when Kane was talking, and HHH made the best of a bad situation. Give the guy some credit. H will also make this a decent match, but it ain’t gonna be a classic by any stretch of the imagination. It makes perfect sense for HHH to win here – if they continue they feud. It will also be marvelous to hear everyone bitch and complain that HHH used all his “power” to “go over”. Let me ask you this – do you think Kane would make a good champion? Me neither. Back to H for a second I mentioned last week that a good feud involves a “face” chasing a “heel”. I think everyone is in agreement on that (unless they are blinded by the “HHH EFFECT” ha ha ha). I see absolutely no reason for Kane to win here, except to appease the Internet and we all know how good THAT works!

WWE Tag Team Titles Match – Some Other Guy / Christian vs. Booker T / Goldust

I’m surprised they didn’t throw some kind of goofy stip in her like ladders or a cage, but I guess THE CELL is the only game in town. Should be a solid match by all four guys, Book and Goldust have been doing this team thing for months now and Christian always seems to work better with a partner. He and Some Other Guy is the wild card here as he seems to be the person with the least amount of direction as far as long term plans go. Go ahead and keep the Tag Titles on the bad guys and let them fight amonsgt themselves for another month or two until a singles opportunity opens up. And those are getting fewer and far between it seems. What will kill this match (and the RAW brand in general is the OTHER tag team match, which includes two of the best in the world, a future superstar and a midget who has hound a new lease on showmanship and marketablitly

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles Match – Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit vs. Edge & Rey Mysterio

I haven’t looked, but knowing people like I do, everyone is creaming their pants over this one, and for good reason. Angle and Benoit are phenomenal as a team, using the “one up-manship” gimmick in a way that hasn’t been seen since the drinking contest in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Edge has been tremendous over the past few months, while Rey seems to invent new stuff every show. Was he always this entertaining? It’s weird what an upgrade in production values combined with a marketing strategy NOT written in crayon will do for a fellow. I would be remiss not to mention that Benoit was at his best on Smackdown standing there like a POST while people cut promos around him. I think he has found his niche. As opposed to the other tag match, this one needs no gimmick – what it needs is about 45 minutes sandwiched in between the two ladies matches. That should keep everyone happy.

WWE Women’s Title Match – Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

This should be a good match between two of the best women wrestlers currently in the company. Backstory is that Trish cheated Victoria out of divadom. Rumor has it there is more to it than that, but I ain’t saying a word, whirly bird. Oh and thanks! Apology accepted wholeheartedly.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

I can’t think of a better eye candy match unless they went back in time and brought back Ms. Elizabeth. The backstory is Dawn Marie is fooling around with old man Wilson and Torrie doesn’t like it. Works for me.

Rob Van Dam vs. Ric Flair

Why do they do this to me? People can complain all they want about “soap operas” “lousy story lines” “bad booking” “HHH sucks” but nothing busts my balls as much as seeing Ric Flair like this. I’ll say this once just to let the cat out of the bag – RVD sucks. He always has and always will. Sure, he is fun to watch, but he is like a really hot chick who is bad in bed – all flash and no style. As far an “innovations”, he has been doing the same five moves for the last 6 years. Flair on the other hand, has been doing the same stchick for 20 years, but he has STYLE! Oh f*ck this match is going to suck dog dick. I hate to say that about a Flair match but he is no good around a schmuck like RVD. I’m listening to RVD’s shoot interview from 97 and oh lord he talks like he is the f*cking greatest thing since air conditioning. Meanwhile, while he was doing bong induced bingo hall flip-flop spots, Austin and Cactus were reinventing wrestling. Go figure. Fuck him and f*ck anyone who thinks Flair should be relegated to a punishment like this. Flair has gotten a good match out of everyone, but it ain;t going to happen here. I think I will take the time from this match and go give a pillow a stiff chop and then strut around like I’m Ghengis Fucking Khan. Then I’ll go smoke a bong and try to do a split legged moonsault off the staircase. Then I’ll get up, have a drink and wonder which of those two I could do for the next 30 years. You know what’s scary? Flair really didn’t get good I’ll take that back Flair didn’t really get LEGENDARY until he was almost 40. Think RVD will make it there? Me neither.

So that’s your No Mercy PPV. It takes place in Little Rock, Arkansas where rumor has it that tickets are not selling very well. Estimations say around 5,000 have paid but I think they can add another 3-4,000 to that once showtime rolls around. Even if it isn’t sold out, I would rather hear an enthusiastic hillbilly crowd than a bunch of to smart for there own good Canadian goofballs like I got on Raw. Oh geez, did Hebner REALLY screw Bret? TWWWOOOOOOOOOO! Fucking morons. I’m not to sure how this PPV is going to come across on TV but everyone (meaning all the Internet crowd) is preparing for the worst. But don’t let that influence you decision to purchase the show and enjoy yourself.

HEADLINES

Stuff is happening in NWA-TNA as the first rumor I saw said that the current investors have a hard on for Vince Russo and want him to have full power and free reign over the product, pretty much relegating Jerry Jarrett to dude who will be walking around backstage doing nothing. Hell, it’s their money, they can do what they want I guess. However, the so called “racism” angle is going over as well as a coon in a room full of dogs and just may have been dropped altogether. No one really knows for sure, from what I have read. It looks as though Scott Hall will return and be on the lookout for EVIL 10.30.02. I missed the show this week but from reading the recaps it didn’t sound half bad. I think it’s obvious that Russo is pretty much running the show now whether you think that is good or bad is up to you.

The rating for Smackdown dropped TWO TENTHS of a point. But the “smart crowd” liked it so look for these ratings to be justified instead of buried under the rug like the RAW rating was. The highlight of the show for me was Matt Hardy and his Mattitude entrance, which completes the character makeover. Where they go with Mattitude from here is a good question, as outside of a fringe rub from the main eventers he ain’t done shit. Then again, it’s only been a few weeks so I guess I should be patient before jumping to the conclusion that someone is holding him down or that he is sucking Heyman’s cock in return for a push. Other than that, Smackdown didn’t do a whole lot to “sell” the PPV but at this point it doesn’t matter all that much. If the viewing public wasn’t enthralled with the Pete Rose commercials, the hard sell probably won’t work.

Did you know that another name for the popular backyard game Badminton is “whirly bird”??? I didn’t either.

In quick ROSS REPORT news (because I don’t see the need this week to do a whole section) JR says that Terry Taylor is going to be an agent backstage. Good for him – I always wonder when someone with Taylor’s talent isn’t working in the business what exactly he did to piss off the wrong people. No word yet on whether he’ll get any face time on TV, or even if he wants to. I’ll also go out on a limb and say he’ll no longer write for Al’s website. Bummer.

IN OTHER WORDS

EC will have a column available this weekend, I’m almost positive he will.

Josh Nason takes a look at Tough Enough III. Brad Jennette RECAPS Tough Enough III and for the third consecutive season Flea doesn’t give a rat’s ass about that show. But both these guys do a good job. Go check them out.

411 has MOVIES, MUSIC, GAMES and VIDEO reviews. Surf’s Up!

Also a quick thanks to CRZ. Thanks CRZ! Go check out his place when you get done with 411.

PAGE SIX

Sorry I had to cut this one short this week. I’ll make up for it with the Monday Edition, featuring PPV results, a premium Paul Bearer interview (good stuff), some other things as well as everyone’s favorite PARANOID HOOLIGAN has promised to make a guest appearance. Should be fun so come back and join me!

This has been The Saturday Matinee and I’m Flea.