The SmarK DVD Rant For South Park: The Complete First Season

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The SmarK DVD Rant for South Park: The Complete First Season.

Damien: “Why do they call you Pip?”

Pip: “Well, my given name is Phillip, but the others call me Pip, because they hate me.”

Damien: “Ah. Well, then I shall call you Pip, also.”

– It may surprise some people to know that for a while, there was no show I hated more than South Park, with the possible exception of the Tom Green Show. In 1998, when the show was sweeping the US airwaves and pop culture, we in Canada had to import tapes or download it off the internet (that was roughly a year before I switched to high-speed cable, so that was no small commitment in itself). Reading about this mysterious “South Park” cartoon in Entertainment Weekly couldn’t quite prepare me for the shock of hearing 8-year old kids talk like that. However, unlike the completely retarded crap that we in Canada were subjected to via Tom Green long before MTV picked up his show, I actually found myself laughing at South Park’s rather sly humor and social commentary. Despite the gross-out humor. I still hated the show, but I could at least watch it and find something to laugh at. By midway through the second season I was becoming a closet fan of the show, and by the time the movie exploded into theaters and turned “Uncle Fucka” into the most obnoxiously hummable soundtrack entry this side of a Disney cartoon I was converted into a full-blown fan of the show. It was weird then to go back later and watch the first season again with that perspective and realize just how brilliant some of things going on really were.

The Film:

At heart, South Park is the story of four grade-school kids in a Podunk, one-horse town in Colorado, but much like the Simpsons’ Springfield, it represents the world in general via a variety of stories doubling as wry social commentary, as written and directed by the genius duo of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Debuting as a poorly-animated film school project called “The Spirit of Christmas”, Stone & Parker created an underground sensation with a cheeky short film about a fight between Jesus and Santa Claus done in Mortal Kombat fashion. The result was a pilot done for Comedy Central, which was then shortened slightly into a second pilot and turned into a series from there. I’ve always felt that the original pilot was far superior to the one generally found on video releases, but we’ll get to THAT bit of griping a little later, don’t you worry. The first season contains 13 episodes, and they’re all here in order, and are as follows

Disc One:

– Cartman Gets An Anal Probe. The original pilot, which introduces most of the major characters, primarily Stan Marsh (the cute one), Kyle Broslofski (the Jewish one), Eric Cartman (the fat one) and Kenny McCormick (the poor one). We also meet Chef, the black school chef who lives in a Barry White album and dispenses advice to the boys which generally ties into lovemaking techniques and has faint tones of racism. The plot the plot you say? You’re watching the wrong show for considerations like that. It involves aliens using Cartman to communicate with cows via a giant satellite dish protruding from the most uncomfortable of places, but it’s all just an excuse to shock the hell out of unsuspecting viewers everywhere. Watching it these days, however, it’s not particularly shocking anymore and becomes easier to appreciate the beginnings of the running gags (like Stan barfing on Wendy) or wince at the ones which would quickly become tiresome (Kenny). And it’s still funny as all hell when Chef goes into a soulful love song while trying to give advice until the boys cut him off. As noted, I prefer the original uncut version, which fleshed out the plot points so that they actually, you know, made SENSE, but this is still gut-bustingly funny stuff if you’ve never seen it before, and a cool bit of history if you have. Sadly, the “kick the baby” running gag never caught on.

– Volcano. The introduction of Stan’s uncle Jimbo and his longtime companion Ned sees the boys going on their first hunting trip and learning the first rule of modern hunting: You can shoot anything you want, as long as it’s in self-defense, so make sure to yell “IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US!” before opening fire. That alone makes this a hilarious jab at groups like the NRA, but once Ned starts singing “Kumbaya” through the “ol’ cancer kazoo” you’ll be on the floor in seconds. The episode also demonstrates Trey Parker’s truly warped sense of humor, as we meet the monster Scuzzlebutt, who has a celery stick for an arm and Patrick Duffy for a leg. Oh, and there’s a subplot about a Volcano erupting (hence the title), but as you can probably figure out by now, things like salient plot points are secondary at best. A true classic.

– Weight Gain 4000. The first true Cartman Episode, as we get a scary insight into the mind of Eric. Upon winning (i.e., cheating) an essay contest, he decides to get in shape for his big TV appearance with Kathie Lee Gifford. Using logic that is truly straight from the mind of an 8-year old, he sees a commercial for weight-gain powder and assumes that eating that will make him ripped and chiseled. That gag, combined with teacher Mr. Garrison’s bizarre obsession with killing Kathie Lee (and really, can you blame him?) leads to one of the funniest payoffs in the entire season, as everyone’s plans go astray and somehow lead to Kenny ending up dead, again. Cartman’s cry of “Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!” spawned a minor pop culture frenzy, but the rest of the episode is the real deal.

– Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride. The episode that began Matt & Trey’s weird policy of having celebrities play the most minor parts — in this case, George Clooney as Sparky, the Gay Dog. The issue of gay rights is examined (and satirized) in a manner that is guaranteed to both amuse and offend people on both sides of the issue, which is exactly how it should be. Stan learns tolerance while the entire town bets on the results of an elementary school football game (thus making the outcome of a 72-0 game more important than you’d think) and the British kid just can’t get a helmet.

Disc Two:

– An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig. The actual title is “An Elephant Fucks a Pig”, but network censors won that battle handily. The gag here is genetic engineering, as Marlon Brando’s version of Dr. Moreau lives on via Dr. Mephisto and the boys come up with a really cool idea: Cross-breeding an elephant and a pig to give every home their own pot-bellied elephant! It turns out to be more of a complex procedure than originally thought, especially for poor Stan, who is getting beat up on a regular basis by his sister and getting no sympathy for it. Alcohol solves the cross-breeding problem, but the genetic engineering creates an even bigger one, in the form of a rampaging clone of Stan who is looking for revenge! And he’s only got one ass, thus making him useless. Don’t ask. A very weird and hilarious episode with a final payoff that only South Park could provide.

– Death. Matt and Trey tackle the issue of assisted suicide, via Stan’s aging grandfather, and also juggle the issue of censorship via the formal introduction of the vulgar “Terrence and Philip”, making for social commentary on their own persecution by special-interest groups intent on getting South Park off the airwaves. The suicide watch eventually leads the boys into a confrontation with Death himself, while the protesting parents (most of whom have a case of explosive diarrhea that provides cheap jokes galore) use very unconventional methods to convince the network to take T&P off the air. Amazingly, the show has two very good and very worthwhile points to make about both issues in between all the fart and shit jokes, which is kind of the point of the show in itself.

– Pinkeye. The first of many South Park Halloween specials, as Kenny is killed and turned into a zombie by a lethal combination of Worcestershire sauce and embalming fluid, but the ensuing series of murders is somehow mistaken by the medical community as a particularly nasty outbreak of Pinkeye. Of greater concern to the boys, however, is the upcoming Halloween costume contest, and in particular Cartman’s rather insensitive Hitler costume. This is one of the neat things about showing things from an 8-year old perspective, because looking through Cartman’s eyes without the context provided by adult experience, you can see how he’d think Hitler would be a cool-looking costume. In the end, the other boys have to go through one of the great rites of childhood, and hack their friend Kenny into little pieces with a rusty chainsaw. I think we’ve all been there.

– Damien. My personal favorite episode of season one is all about being the new kid in town, which is especially bad if you happen to be the son of the Prince of Darkness. You’d think having the powers of the dark lord at your command could get you a little respect from your peers, but no. Of greater concern, however, is the upcoming battle between Jesus and Satan live on pay-per-view, of course, as promoted by Don King. The brilliance continues as the fight unfortunately falls on the same day as Cartman’s birthday party, and NO ONE upstages Cartman when there’s attention to be showered on him and presents (pre-assigned by Cartman himself, naturally) to be had. The weigh-in and interview with Satan, where a reporter asks him about his involvement in the Gulf War, actually sets the stage in a subtle way for the South Park movie, and the eventual twist to the fight and the town’s reaction to it are the icing on the birthday cake. Amazingly funny from start to finish, complete with pop culture references galore and social satire out the wazoo. You too will wish you had someone to chant in Latin when you get pissed off. Matt & Trey got in some serious hot water with protest groups over this one, but in typical fashion, they laughed it off and proceeded to make even more offensive episodes later on.

Disc Three:

– Starvin’ Marvin. Another classic Cartman ep, as the boys unwittingly adopt a “starving Ethernopian” while merely trying to get the free watch. Cartman, in rare self-centered form, heaps abuse on the poor kid until an obvious but necessary plot twist sends him to Africa in Marvin’s place, leading to a showdown with the only person fatter and more obnoxious than Cartman himself: Sally Struthers. This episode illustrates one of the great principles of writing for the show — if the plot point is dumber than even the townspeople would allow, then make the townspeople dumb enough to fit the plot. But the real brilliance here is the subplot about the genetically-engineered turkeys invading the town that leads to a Braveheart spoof (complete with fake letterboxing) which of course ends up tying everything together again in the end. Cartman stuck in Africa with no food is funny enough to carry the entire show alone.

– Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo. The South Park version of the Christmas special, turned on its ear and pooed on. Providing some of the most memorable moments of the show and funniest songs ever put to music in a cartoon, this is the twisted tale of Kyle’s quest to find the true meaning of the season when you’re Jewish and believe in a talking piece of poo who brings presents to all the boys and girls who eat lots of fiber. Kyle’s wonderfully warped “I’m Just a Jew at Christmas” is only topped by the show-stopping hilarity of Cartman’s “Kyle’s Mom Is a Stupid Bitch (In D-Minor)”, which will leave you with tears in your eyes. This time around, the protesters demand that any potentially offensive Christmas images are eliminated from the town, until the poor kids are left doing a Philip Glass play in grey bodysuits. The live-action commercial spoof that’s snuck into the middle of the show will disturb you to no end. As an episode, it doesn’t have as much to say as “Damien”, but it’s probably the funniest one of the entire first season and one of the funniest of the whole run of the show. Take THAT, Charlie Brown!

– Tom’s Rhinoplasty. Based on a throwaway gag stuck into the background shots of the town, Mr. Garrison visits a plastic surgeon in order to get a new nose, and ends up looking suspiciously like David Hasselhoff. In his absence, the boys get a new teacher: Ms. Ellen, who stirs feelings of jealously in Wendy when it appears that Stan is in love. However, as Chef explains to the confused children, she’s not playing for the right team, leading to the boys frantically trying to learn how to lick the carpet (literally) in order to be better lesbians and thus improve their chances with Ms. Ellen. Probably the weakest episode of the season, since the double-entendres are generally only funny once or twice and there’s little else to the episode.

– Mecha-Streisand. This one is pretty much as out-there as you get. When the boys find a mysterious ancient triangle while on a school field trip, it unlocks an unlikely battle between Barbra Streisand, and Robert Smith of the Cure. As giant robots. Very bizarre and very, very funny, especially when Streisand tortures the boys for information as only she can. Also notable for Cartman introducing the world to the art of Rochambeaux.

– Cartman’s Mom is a Dirty Slut. The overly-hyped season finale sees Cartman going through an identity crisis as he worries about who his father is, which the other boys obviously see as an opportunity to exploit for money. You almost have to feel sorry for the poor kid by the end but then you realize it’s Cartman. This episode was left as a cliffhanger, only to return in incredibly mean fashion by swerving the fans with the “Not Without My Anus” debacle that nearly turned into a national crisis. But that’s for another review.

Overall, the episodes themselves are, for the most part, completely brilliant and remain as witty and cutting-edge funny as they were in 1997. The show only got better in later years, especially once the furor died down and Matt & Trey were free to focus more on the social commentary than the toilet humor, but the first season stands as one of the best, without a doubt. However

The Video:

The first problem with this set comes here, as the quality is just slightly above what you’d get by capping the shows from broadcast TV and compressing them with DivX or some other VCD compressor. The colors are brighter and fuller than on the original Rhino releases, but frankly the rest of the picture looks like shit compared to the South Park movie DVD — edges are “fuzzed out”, the picture is blurry overall from time to time, and it just generally looks like someone was asleep at the switch when doing the transfer. This is completely inexcusable for a COMPUTER ANIMATED show — a digital-to-digital transfer probably would have been entirely possible and looked infinitely better. The video itself is standard 1.33:1 TV aspect ratio.

The Audio:

The usual lazy 2.0 broadcast stereo. Does the job intended without any kind of dynamic range or surrounds. Given we’ve established that Warner was doing this set as half-assed as possible, I wasn’t shocked that they just used the same soundtrack.

The Extras:

This is the one that really pisses me off. My original motivation for buying this set was the Matt Stone & Trey Parker commentaries, but Warner pussied out and removed them at the last minute (almost literally), releasing the set with basically no extras as a result. You get some Comedy Central commercials disguised as “bonus promos”, two short music videos from the Christmas commercials (although Cartman singing “O Holy Night” is damn funny), and the Jay Leno Thanksgiving sketch where they make fun of his chin for 5 minutes. And that’s IT, kiddies. Maybe 10 minutes of stuff total. No “Spirit of Christmas” short. No original version of “Anal Probe”. No bonus interviews, making-ofs, featurettes, or even a paltry cast list saying who did which voices. The Matt & Trey introductions from the Rhino releases are included before each episode, but whoopee-f*ck — if you’ve already got the original DVD releases, you’ve already got them. In fact, if you’ve already got the original DVD releases, you might as well skip this set entirely because there’s NO reason to bother getting it. Warner usually provides quality releases, but they’ve botched the South Park license from day one and continue to f*ck it up in grand fashion with this wasted opportunity. Luckily, Comedy Central has attempted to atone for Warner’s stupidity by issuing the commentaries themselves, in a separate 5-CD package that you can receive for free simply by sending in your proof of purchase, and it’s nice to see that someone cares about what the consumer actually wants.

Ratings:

Film: *****

Video: **

Audio: *

Extras: DUD