The Week In Wrestling: 11.25.02


Yeah, I forgot my one year birthday last month. Better late then never, right?

Flea. Once again, required reading re: Homeland Security. Most of the folks who read my article you have a lot of years left to live in the United States. When Big Brother stops being something you read about in 1984 and something that is really starting to happen thing are getting very, VERY bad. So bad, in fact, that I found myself agreeing with Chuck Schumer on Stephonopolis’s show this morning. THAT’s not a good sign. If I start agreeing with Hitlery (Thanks for that Eric!) Cliton, then it might be time for me to change states. Finally time to make that big move to parts unknown.

But, I will also say that the Homeland Security nonsense is the only problem I have had with George W so far. Of course, I’m one of the few people (I assume) that likes people who are rough around the edges. Al Gore is a politicial though and through. Polished, perfect speaker because he’s never been anything but. But that’s all he’s got going for him. And, if he does run again, I beg anyone who considers voting for him to Read His Book before you consider voting for him. Know the story.

******* For my soap fans only *********

For my OLTL fan readers have they not gone off the deep end or what? A mother has fraternal twins with two different fathers? WTF are the odds of that. Granted it’s not impossible, but the odds of it happening are beyond astronomical. Someone is going for the shock booking. I’m guessing with the recasting of Jessica Buchanan coming up, they’re going for a big heel turn at the same time. Just like in wrestling she gets a new look, she gets a new attitude. That must be why Natalie has lost all her balls and has become a cuddly ball of red-headedness rather than an evil, manipulative bee-yotch. Also, are Sam and Blair the ONLY people who don’t see this little arrangement being the lead-in to yet ANOTHER Todd and Blair reconciliation. And why do I think Michael/Mitch won’t let Natalie out of the wedding just like that? Seems far too easy.


This is going to be short and to the point this week as I have to get to work super early tomorrow so I can get out in time for a wake. So, for all you readers out there (and from what Widro tells me, there’s about 5 of you and two of you are Hyatte and Eric S (which means you other three are in good company) you get the super-cool nonproofread version of the Week in Wrestling.


Shawn Michaels opened the show and once again plays the “voice of the Internet,” saying that the necrophelia stuff offended him, not as a Christian, but as a wrestling fan on the other other hand, that Rebekah bitch from Tough Enough offended him as a male, because she had alien eyes and Thank God they punted her. RVD interrupted the congratulatory self-fellatiating and asked for a title shot. Bischoff said no, but he can compete for a title shot tonight with Booker T and Chris Jericho.

Non-moustached Alex Trebek: Booker T, Chris Jericho, and RVD of the World Wrestling Federation.

Daniels on College Week: Who are three guys who have no chance of beating Shawn Michaels on Raw, Alex and what the f*ck happened to your moustache?

So, the main event tonight would be a pointless three-way dance to see who would get the honor of jobbing to Michaels next week. It was RVD, by the by.

I have Peyton Manning as my Fantasy Quarterback. Is it asking too F**CKING much for him to THROW ONE GODDAM TOUCHDOWN PASS FOR ME?

The Dudz are back in full form and got to beat up 3MW for their return match. I give it two weeks before they beat the Frizzy Blonde Champions and one week before they turn on Spike give or take a year.

Stacy was on the phone with Test to tell him that she was going to the ring to ask the fans which Testicle shirt they all liked the best. My favorite testicle is my right one it’s bigger. My favorite Testicle Shirt is any one she happened to be licking at the time. None of you wanted to know this, but you are all learning it anyway. I don’t honestly remember which one won, but it said Testicle on it. The T-shirt should have been a picture of Stacy licking her lips with “I love Testicles” across it. As many people would have bought that as the shirt that won. She then used something to launch T-shirts into the crowd. Stevie Richards came out, and she shot him in the balls with the T-shirt cannon because, as America’s Funniest Home Videos will tell you: testicle shots are FUNNY. Then Victoria came out, beat her, and bit her nail off. That was totally unnecessary. Stacy gets a title match, as a result (ah, that women’s division) and loses but Trish attacks.

Scott Steiner, in case you didn’t know, is your hookup. If you listen carefully, right now, you will hear me hollaing, cuz I hear him. In fairness, Scott Steiner doing pushups in someone’s face after he beats them up is my second favorite thing in wrestling after Matt Hardy facts right now. Chris Jericho came out to interrupt the promo, thus guaranteeing his loss in the “No DQ main event.”

Val Venis is part of Raw now, but is NOT to be called Val Venis, under any circumstances. He will be “paying attention to details.” We’re up to THREE people for the Big Show.

Flair had a match with Kane, which served to do nothing but bring Bautista out and beat up Kane. Bautista gave Kane a SWEET sit down powerbomb though. If they didn’t just do the monster thing with Brock six months ago, this would be good. Add Bautista to whatever stable Flair is forming.

You know, I may be in the minority, but I DON’T want to see the WWE f*ck up the Horsemen like they’ve done to everything else WCW ever did. We don’t need a 4 Horsemen run on Raw, because it’s going to suck. They killed the nWo, they killed WCW, they will Kill the Horsemen, too. Mark my words.

Thanks to Scott Keith, I know that JR told us that Shawn’s last match on Raw was 10/97 when it was, in fact, 12/97. I’d also like to point out to any readers who may work for the WWF that I APPLIED FOR THE TELEVISION RESEARCHER STORYLINE. I COULD HAVE HELPED YOU AVOID STUPID COMMENTS LIKE THAT. But I’m not bitter.

In fairness, I sent them my resume, and have no legitimate writing experience at all besides this. Masters in Computer Science doesn’t help for writing jobs.

Also important. HeMan didn’t appear on the show at all.

Thirdly important. The show ended with a tremendous camera shot of RVD and Michaels jawing at each other with Michaels hanging the belt behind the both of them. Beautiful camera work.


Didn’t watch it, but apparently Vince Russo was the guy under the mask. They’ve been milking this storyline for more than two months and RUSSO is the payoff? Thank god I STOPPED watching the show. And, for the record, it sure as shit wasn’t Russo the first couple of weeks he was on, because it was a fat white guy, NOT a skinny Italian.

Also the J of TMF’nJ finally got the belt. Wahoo.


Rey beat Jamie Knoble on a CRAZY move which saw him vaulted to the top rope, bounce back, and land the west coast pop (really had to be seen) for the win. Backstage, Jamie complains to Nidia that he’s in a slump and he has to call in his cousin for help. Nidia is not happy about it. I’m not happy either, because I have it on good authority that they’re going to run a Patty Duke angle. Yep, Jamie Noble is so good he’s going to play both Jamie Noble and Johnny Noble only, one of them will be gay and dress in frilly pink panties, feather boas, and jockstraps and have a midget version of Nidia escort him to the ring.

Remember, you heard it on 411wrestling first.

What? Everyone else can make up news, so can I.

Brock was waiting backstage for Paul and Show to arrive. Steph made him leave and threatened suspension if he touched either half of Paul x 2. He went backstage and Matt Hardy informed him, very honestly, that Brock needed a bit more Mattitude if he wanted to succeed. I agree entirely. Brock apparently didn’t as he proceeded to put Matt through a wall literally.

Kidman is your new Cruiserweight Champion and still is after he beat Tajiri.

Benoit and Chavo continued the streak of great matches for the smackdown six. I’ve decided I hate the term Smackdown Six and have decided to refer to them only as “Da Pimps.”

Heyman came out to Brock’s music and did the Brock Dance at the top of the ramp, then came down to mock Brock presumably to draw him out and get him suspended which works, because he hits Big Show with a chair. Steph, however, tells Brock that if he does ANYTHING ELSE tonight, he’ll be suspended. By the way, Heyman worked a “no rematch” clause into the contract for the Survivor Series match, yet Steph is guaranteeing Brock a rematch. Go figure.

Eddy and Kurt were actually the people of Da Pimpz who put on the match of the week this week. Smackdown continues to subsist on these matches.

Show’s title match ended with the presumed Brock run-in, who handed out another picture perfect F5 on a 500 pound guy. Unreal. So, does Brock get suspended get next week? That is the question.

My answer: does it matter? Brock gets suspended by Steph and shows up on Raw the next night. The suspension thing doesn’t work in this split.

Tough Enough

Most of the really annoying people are gone.

That’s all I have to say about that.

The Week In Wrestling

JR made a comment that rating must be down for Basketball because of their writers which is possibly the most ignorant f*cking comments ever made in the wrestling industry. As soon as basketball admits that it’s scripted, then you can make that comparison.

Daniels Fantasy update: Overtime and Manning still hasn’t thrown an f-ing touchdown pass. Sonuvvabitch.

Actually, it’s midnight I gotta be to work in seven hours and a wake in 15. So, cutting it off here.

Frickin Peyton Manning. I should have kept Maddox in.

End Transmission.