I got approximately 2,000 e-mails last week in regards to the column… but I’m using Hyatte’s exaggeration system… which means, in reality, I got 0 emails from you all last week. NOT ONE OF YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS WROTE ME ONE HAPPY ANNIVERSARY NOTE.
Come on, I’m an IWC writer. I beg for self-validation through e-mails.
We open with a tag title match. It ended the first time on an odd pinfall where both guys shoulders were down, but the ref gave the match to the Frizzy Blonde Champions. Right after, Shawn Morely (That’s what Val Venis is going by these days) comes out to say that Bischoff has appointed him his new Chief of Staff (Okaaaaaay). And, since both guys shoulders were down, his first action was to restart the tag title match. OK, we establish Val as a guy who makes sure the wrestlers play by the rules… he also appears to be leaning toward the face side. Gotcha, I can run with this. Go to commercial and come back in the middle of the restarted match. The Dudley’s win with a 3D and Bubba makes the cover. Morely comes out again to inform us Bubba was the illegal man in the match and therefore, the pinfall does not count. OK, way to go at establishing Venis as a guy who is watching this match and making sure all the rules are followed. And it doesn’t matter what side the wrestler is on… he’s just going to make the right call. I get that… I understand. So, we restart the match YET AGAIN. This time, the match ends with Jericho giving Bubba a low blow, followed by a belt shot by Christian, into the Walls of Jericho and Bubba taps out. OK, the guy who makes sure ALL THE RULES are followed is going to come out and set this right, correct?
Nope. So, now we can’t even keep storyline continuity through the same segment? That’s perfect. Way to gussie up that writing staff. But, as JR says, it’s ok to make fun of us for making fun of them because they need new writers. After all, they know best.
Jericho and Christian got out of the shower to find that the Dudleys had made off with their bags. Hurricane pointed out that they had been a victim of larceny. Christian gets the line of the night with “You’re a crime-fighter… Why didn’t you stop them?!”
In fairness, Victoria is getting better at the freaky chick role. She grabbed Stacy backstage and covered her mouth… then licked her. I licked my hand, hit rewind, and got to strokin.
Maven still gets crazy pops. Nowinski tells us before the match that Maven only won Tough Enough because he played the sympathy card and told the judges his mother was sick with cancer. Maven dove through the ropes to go after Nowinski and got knocked da fock out with a book. I still think these too (And Greg, the dude who went out with the back injury) are still the only legit people to come out of Tough Enough. I don’t really see anyone coming out of the fresh crop either. The surfer dude looks too much like Jeff Hardy and Jonah looks too much like my college roommate. All the rest of them look too generic to be wrestlers.
Rico has quite the set of bitch tits. He’s not the Rock, though, so I doubt Vince is going to spring to get them removed. I also have quite the set of bitch tits, but I’m not paid to look good.
Besides, I’m an IWC writer. By default, I’m a fat, lazy slob who has nothing better to do with his time.
Victoria beat Trish in a rematch with the Widow’s Peak. It starts as a Gory Special and ends with Victoria sitting down and driving the back of her head into the top of Trish’s.
Bubba and D-Von brought the Frizzy Blonde Champion’s stuff to the ring. They threw Jericho’s shirt and Christian’s pants into the crowd. The champs came out:
Jericho: You think this is funny.
Bubba: Yeah, actually, I do.
They then proceeded to throw the whole bag into the crowd, which I’m sure incited riots. Spike then came out to yank the towels off… and they immediately went to a wide shot, with JR and the King insisting they were naked.
Shawn Michaels and RVD were on their way to a perfectly good match, but HeMan came out to put a stop to that. Can’t have anyone showing him up on Raw. RVD hit the five star, and then HeMan pulled him out of the cover. Presumably because he wants to beat Shawn for the title. RVD got a Pedigree on the floor, which means he probably won’t be concious for Raw until sometime after Christmas. HeMan then gave Shawn a backbreaker across a steel chair.
Nope, didn’t watch it. Was stuffing my face with Turkey. Then I went bowling. I actually forgot Smackdown was on until I saw Afterburn yesterday.
The Week In Wrestling
I was actually considering just rerunning last year’s column in place of this. Then I remembered that I started typing it on Monday while I was watching Raw. However, going over my stuff from last year, a couple things stick out.
Last year at this time, I was stressing over finals. Now, I’m out of college and have a real job. I am torn between missing college life and looking forward into the future. There is a really, REALLY good set of short stories to be written about the time between when you get out of college and the time when your career takes off, and I hope that someday I have time to put them to paper. This period between being a totally irresponsible college student to a responsible career-oriented person and trying to balance the two.
Jeff and Matt Hardy are edging closer to a break up, but it might be too late for anyone to care. Matt thinks Jeff is selfish and he thinks Lita is taking Jeff’s side. [ ] I don’t know if either of the Hardys really have the acting ability to make the breakup thing work. Both of them are stiff, wooden, and have a twang that make them hard to listen to. No offense to any southerners out there intended… but Ric Flair dropped his accent to be a public speaker… there’s a reason for it. The Hardys have tremendous in-ring charisma… but they have no microphone charisma.
Yup, I was half-wrong here. Matt Hardy has pretty much dropped his accent and managed to become one of the more entertaining people on Smackdown. Jeff, however, is still doing the exact same stuff he did last year at this time and I don’t see him ever changing.
RVD is still fighting for the hardcore title. This is going to be a Shawn Michaels thing… Vince is convinced RVD can’t draw, because he’s not big enough. Eventually, the fans are going to revolt to the point he has no choice but to push him. Like him or hate him… RVD is what people want right now.
They tried but RVD lacks that oft-mentioned “WWE style.Ã¢â‚¬Â Therefore, he’s been buried. I would be shocked SHOCKED to see RVD remaining in the world title picture with HeMan back.
Regal started a feud with the Big Show by pissing on his leg. In case you don’t think you read that correctly, go back and check it out again.
A year ago, your current world champion was having his leg pissed on to have something to do. Chew on that for a minute or two.
Lance Storm is mopping the floors at WWF-NY. Normal people would assume this meant a push is in store for him. I, being a realist, assume this puts him in line for the European Title.
Did he even get that? Besides the joke of a tag title reign he had, where he didn’t even get to BEAT anyone, what has Lance Storm done in the year?
The Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club was in full effect, and the Undertaker made his sweet “Do you think you’re better than me?Ã¢â‚¬Â question to JR.
A year later and where are we?
No place better, that’s for sure.