Thanks to Hyatte, who said I looked handsome. I must remind him of a younger version of his father.
See, he makes all these jokes about how his dad rapes him
Nevemind.
Okay, let’s see what’s what.
JUNK NEWS! HUZZAH!
Sting is really upset with the necrophilia angle and thinks that the WWE is sick. After stating this, he dropped from the rafters and began whacking people with a bat.
Lance Storm used to work as a bouncer, but but nothing. Nothing.
Rey Mysterio is going to undergo knee surgery, so the WWE decided to take advantage of this and had their most exciting, crowd pumping, inventive superstar on their roster job to Albert on Smackdown. I know it’s only wrestling, but sometimes it really makes me want to scream in frustration.
Triple H returned to the main event, and Raw’s rating went back down. I’m going to take an unpopular internet opinion and say that it’s all HHH’s fault. I know, I know, he’s awesome and all that. When are you people going to admit that he’s not the wrestler he used to be? WHEN?
At a booking meeting, Vince McMahon declared Shock TV dead. So HHH put on a Kane mask and had sex with shock tv.
Brock Lesnar and HHH have gained respect in the locker room after their Survivor Series performances, working through injuries to put on great matches. One WWE superstar who saw the matches was quoted as saying, “I got the hook up! Holla if you hear me! My freaks and peaks are wild and freaky, and you know that I can go all night long! I have sex with lots of women who get under me and feel my white lightening! I’ve seen a lot of those punks backstage, and the freaks know I’m all the rage! Yeah! Ow! You missed the vein!†D-Lo then shut up.
Jerry Lynn was pulled from NWA:TNA, which means that the X-Title will spend a record two weeks on the same person.
Some Smackdown spoilers now, although lately Smackdown seems to be spoiling itself. ZING! I’m now at Level 8 Keithdom.
Dawn Marie wants to have sex with Torrie as Shock TV takes its last few desperate breaths. Still, the payoff is going to rule when we get to the hotel room and see Billy Kidman and Al Wilson having sex.
Stephanie just talks a bunch about stupid stuff. She shouldn’t even comment on the storylines. She should just talk about her period every week.
Crash Holly beats Jamie Noble via miracle of God.
Bill DeMott fights Funaki in the brawl to settle it all. Settle what, you may ask? No, you may not.
Brock Lesnar was interviewed via satellite, and talked with The Big Show and Paul Heyman. Shockingly, the three worked out their problems and promised they would never fight again. Brock Lesnar said, “Pinky swear on it?†Paul Heyman then reminded Brock that Brock wasn’t in the arena. Brock said he knew that, but figured the three could just put out their pinkies or something as a gesture. The Big Show tried to say that idea was retarded, but he had half a pound of ham in his mouth. Paul Heyman finally said that he’d hold out his pinky if Brock really wanted to do that, but Brock said he didn’t want to anymore. Paul asked why not, and Brock just shrugged his gigantic f*cking shoulders and turned off the camera. I sense trouble in paradise.
Billy Kidman fought Chavo as a scantily clad Al Wilson cheered him on.
Hey! A hip hop challenge between John Cena and Rikishi. The winner? The fans.
Angle, Eddie, Chris and Edge fight in a four way match to determine who gets to carry The Big Show to a two star Krazy Keith Klassic. The WWE may want to rethink this one.
Hold on, I have Matt Groening’s lawyer on the phone who am I kidding? He doesn’t read this shit.
Midnight, and still I can’t find an NWA:TNA review. Oh, there it is. Joe Somar. I think he was some message board guy or something. Good for him!
Roddy Piper blamed Vince Russo for killing Owen Hart. No, I KILLED OWEN HART! http://www.411wrestling.com/columns/article.php?columns_id=664
Not important not important one of the Harris brothers claimed that without him, there would be no NWA:TNA. Cause you can’t spell NWA:TNA without H, A, R, I or S.
Not important, not important EZ Money won some kind of 4 way X-Division match that ended when X-PAC SHOWED UP AND LAID OUT ALL FOUR COMPETITORS! THE NWA FOOLED US AGAIN! WOW!
Well, the big heel alliance in the federation are the Harris Twins and Roaddog and Vince Russo. Jesus f*cking Christ. Just fold, guys. Give it up and fold like a cheap suit.
The official banner for Terminator 3 is now up. You’ll notice the complete lack of Chyna.
Junk News. Huzzah.
PLUGS
Wow! Two smarks news reports by Tom Livingston! Hey, nothing against Tom Livingston, but don’t the Smarks have their own site? You know, they wanted their own section and they got it? Isn’t there a link to go to that section? Whatever. Hey, Livingston is okay. He put up a pretty crappy plug for me. I doubt he read it.
Oh, and why am I so pissy? Well, six months after the last one, A Wrestling Tale: I Want is now in our column section. I got 23 e-mails for it (or 25,000 according to the Hyatte scale), and this is one at random. I should have put a disclaimer it was a fiction column, and I forgot to, and now I feel kind of bad.
“I don’t know where this came from or what inspired it, but I have some experience on the subject.
In a situation like this, all you can do is cry and pray. i am not a religious man, but in times like the one you have mentioned, i have sort and found comfort in prayer. Not at church or anything like that, but when i am alone and i allow my feelings to surface.
I hope that this is just a masterful piece of fictional writing and not a real life experience, as no one deserves that.â€Â
Well, that was nice.
Gamble lost a bet or something. He also wants stories about your favorite jobbers. I’ll never forget the time that Jim Powers thought I stole his crack and beat me within an inch of my life. YOUNG STALLIONS RULE! If they were in the WWE today, they’d be known as the Young Stallionz!
That’s it. Go waste another fifteen minutes somewhere else, and if you haven’t, go read my new column. You’ll wonder why the hell I type this drivel.
