The Saturday Matinee News Report 12.07.02


#1 Contender match: HHH v. Some Other Guy

– Netcop, Smark RAW Rant 12.2.02

Ok. First off, Some Other Guy is MY gimmick and it refers to Chris Jericho. I have been using it for over a year now and have received much grief from all the Jericoholics, but no problem there – just damn, please do not bastardize or infringe on my gimmick, especially with someone like RVD. I don’t ask for much around here, but please let me have at least a few things for myself! Not that any of this will be taken seriously (or read for that matter) and I really shouldn’t even bother to bring it up – I know the hierarchy around 411 and Flea might as well change his name to Pocacuntas. So from now on, anything I say may be used in whatever bastardized form any of you see fit – we know who brings in the * business * around here so I am more than willing to kowtow, if necessary. And I LOVE shoot comments that aren’t suppose to be shoot comments .

Where do we go now? Well, if you live in Florida, my bet would be St. Pete for AXL F’N ROSE and whatever band he has with him for the Chinese Democracy Tour. Oddly enough, it’s almost 11 years to the day (12.28.91) that I last saw GNR, same place (same town anyway) and man does that bring back memories. That was the winter that I turned 21 and was the first real concert I went to that granted me the privilege of paying a whopping THREE dollars for a draft beer. I gladly paid it, just because the thrill overshadowed the obscenity of concert beer prices, even though we had plenty of drugs to go around and needed more beer like the girl flashing her tits needed another backstage pass. Fast forward 11 years and beer is now around 6 or 7 dollars, which I refuse to pay, just out of general principle. Besides, the drugs are better these days and I have a flask, so I’m sure “loaded like a freight train” will be just more than the words to a song that brings back nostalgia in spades.

Where the hell are my manners? I’m Flea and welcome to Saturday – Happy Holidays, whichever one it is you celebrate. Celebration is in the air, as not only am I attending the above mentioned GNR concert, but will also be at RAW in Orlando, 12.16.02! For which one do you think I should provide “on site report”? Executive decision just made says neither; it’s hard to takes notes when you are having fun. So look in the music section for GNR (someone will do it, I’m sure) and check the main page for “live” RAW notes – these kids usually chomp at the bit to have their names in lights. I will, of course comment on the whole thing in the upcoming weeks, thereby guar-an-goddamn-teeing you will be on the reading end of a few thousand words of rambling.

And for those of you that asked, yes the phone call Hyatte referenced in last Monday’s MidNight News was 100% accurate. Except I’m 32, not 30. As far as the piano thing, I had already played Knock Three Times, and a Stones medley, with everyone generally having a good time before I got sidetracked and ended up doing around 9 minutes of Comfortably Numb (totally instrumental – the lyrics to that song suck shit), which is probably my favorite song to play, although I never have learned how to end the damn thing. If I would have shaved about 5 minutes I could have played what I originally sat down to do – Traffic’s “Low Spark of High Heeled Boys”.

The percentage you’re paying is too high priced

While you’re living beyond all your means

And the man in the suit has just bought a new car

From the profit he’s made on your dreams

But today you just read that the man was shot dead

By a gun that didn’t make any noise

But it wasn’t the bullet that laid him to rest was

The low spark of high-heeled boys

Yep, that’s a good one. Track it down if you have never heard it. My favorite of anything Winwood ever did, which covers a lot of ground. There was also the idear of playing Floyd Cramer’s “Last Date”, on my original list, which means the next time, hell, I guess “Comfortably Numb” is sayonara. So there’s the rest of the story. I thought about filing a complaint in regards to the room decorations, but some things are just better left unmentioned, if you catch my drift.

One more thing – I think Maynard G Krebbs said it best


Let’s get to it


It’s weird, but sometimes you just can’t prevent getting f*cked. Instead of being an overbearing, over critical “smart” member of the Internet Wrestling Community, I try my best not to come off as a know-it-all, my-opinion-is-the-most-important-and-you-are-stupid-for-not-taking-my-word-as-gospel” and just try to present an accurate representation of what I see and how I feel about it. If that makes me a “mark”, so be it – I have been called worse by better people, trust me. But that’s not really the issue here – what I’m getting at it I spent a majority of last weeks column giving my opinions of NWA-TNA from a fan’s point of view, pointing out the negatives and positives and eventually coming to the conclusion, that yes, the promotion does have faults but overall, they have a good program and it’s well worth your time to check it out. Typing all that last week also got me hyped for THIS weeks show, so with more than a little anticipation and enthusiasm, I tuned in Wednesday Night and got this

Roddy Piper.

Roddy Fucking Piper, who hasn’t done anything worthwhile in 10 years, unless you count whining like a little cunt about how the business has become “sickening” due to an overemphasis on Sports Entertainment. “What happened to WRESTLING?!?!” Piper has been crowing the past few weeks, while all the time reminding you that yes, indeed, he has a book for sale. Roddy Fucking Piper, who has always looked out for himself first, no matter what he or anyone else tells you, is now the Champion of what is right and wrong in the wrestling business and will tell anyone who listens to him that “he will be a one man crusade to clean up the sport if he has to” and buy the way “Buy His Book”. Roddy Motherf*cking Piper, a shell of his former self and a bitter, bitter man has gone on record threatening the life of Vince Russo as well as calling anyone involved in the sport nowadays a “degenerate with no respect for how business is done” finally decides to make his triumphant return to the ring for the NWA-TNA, using his allotted time to air his grievances and pretty much kill the live crowd with his disjointed ramblings as his hostility towards Vince Russo. Of course, the main item of news about his “shoot” was the mention of Owen Hart and how Russo is to blame for his death. Before we get into that, here is an excerpt from Piper’s “explanation” of what occurred

nobody in the NWA Organization authorized Vince Russo to come to the ring. This was not scripted and as you can see by Russo’s demeanor in the ring, a total 100% shoot. Apparently, Russo listening while getting ready for his segment of the show, couldn’t resist coming to the ring. As seen live, he wouldn’t speak unless he was given the mic and when he wasn’t (Piper’s Pit Rule #1-Never surrender the microphone), they were forced to send The Harris Brothers to the ring to get the situation under control. This further complicated the planned storyline of The Harris’ aligning with Russo 10 minutes later as if it were scripted, why wouldn’t they have turned on Piper.

Then this

Roddy Piper also wants to stress that his comments regarding Owen Hart were 100% from the heart. He does not forget that there are children that have to grow up without a father and that nobody was ever held accountable. Although the way it played out, it looked like an angle, Roddy Piper for no amount of money would base an angle, payoff, or promotional venture including his book, which has been unbelievably successful with major National Media, around an incident that to this day, still brings a tear to his eye. Case Closed.

Of course, the statement ended with plugs for his “Roddy Gets Pissed” Shoot Interview as well as a reminder to purchase the book. Having digested the whole thing, I can sum up Piper with two words


This, to me, is about as low as you can go. I don’t really give a rat’s ass if he blames Russo for Owen’s death, but to bring that up to sell a few copies of a book is revolting. And if it turns out that this was nothing more than an angle to further cement Russo as the Anti – Christ, then Piper can go straight to hell. I’m sure Russo, in his infinite wisdom, will turn this into “hey, this is real life! Don’t change the channel!”, which is his trademark, but Piper is the one to blame here, not Vince Russo and certainly not anyone involved with the wrestling business. Piper will make himself look like some kind of innocent victim here, which is the #1 Rule for any self serving asshole – “I was just saying what was on my mind! Was I wrong in saying what I did? It’s the TRUTH isn’t it?” Eat Shit and Die, Hot Rod. No one is to “blame” for Owen’s death – it was an accident – and the wounds, although they can never be fully closed, have healed to the point that Owen can rest in peaceas opposed to being dragged out of his grave to further promote the book sales of a self-promoting has-been, who knows that the way to SELL SELL SELL is to generate controversy.

And while I’m on topic, here is something else from the Hot Rod:

Now, my point is, the ones that are bashing me are the only ones that are asking money to tell about the account you want. I do realize this also, that if it wasn’t for the very fans that are mad at me now, I would not have a life. So I care a lot more about you than you think I do, I guess I just go about things a little different, as you will see in the PiperView shoot interview.

– Another f*cking Press Release, this time he blames Meltzer and Keller for taking him to task.

Read the entire thing on the newslines, I can’t be bothered to reprint it here. But as you can see, after incessant whining, Piper REMINDS YOU IN CASE YOU FORGOT, that, yes, he has a book and YES, he is doing a shoot interview. Jesus, some people have no shame.

The only leeway that I will give all of this is I am hoping it really was a shoot. If Piper returns next week to continue the “fight for what’s right” well, I don’t really care one way or another. NWA-TNA lost me as a viewer once and have managed to do it again. Not just because of Piper, but because the show obviously has no intentions of doing anything substantial at this point. If the most creative idea you can think of is the abortion of a show that I watched the other night, then you deserve what’s coming – what that is, I will not speculate upon, all I know is they will be doing it without me. Oh yeah, go buy Hot Rod’s book. If I knew he needed the money that bad I would have just mailed him a money order. Sometimes it’s just easier to pay people to go away than it is to have to put up with their bullshit.

And as far as any further mention of NWA-TNA, you won’t find it here after this week. And I take back every nice thing I ever said about Percy Pringle too another guy who cries the blues about WWE and the product they promote but obviously has no trouble throwing down with a promotion that still thinks Shock TV is relevant and will entice people to give a flying f*ck. And for Jeff Jarrett not to have punched Piper in the face on the spot either proves it’s an angle, or truly reveals that the tears he shed at the Owen RAW were nothing more than an excuse to get some much needed sympathy heat, as opposed to no heat at all.

Goodbye NWA-TNA and out of respect for your pocketbooks I will not ask for a refund from Time Warner Communications. Feel free to choke on that ten bucks.

***** LATE BREAKING NEWS – I just logged on to and wanted to hear his “shoot” interview firsthand and I’ll be Jap f*cked and bitched slapped – that useless cocksucker wants to charge me $4.95!! to hear his worthless bullshit. Just when you think you have seen it all, a jackoff in a kilt wants to take a train ride through my pockets to pay for his I don’t know, why the f*ck does Piper need money all of the sudden? The asshole is pimping a stupid f*cking book and shitting on every f*cking friend he has left, but how the f*ck did he go broke? Medical Bills? If so, no wonder he pushes so hard for a Wrestlers Union. Well, f*ck him and the hip he limps home on why he did last night was inexcusable .which was, if you don’t remember after all this typing..

Piper invoked the name of Owen Hart to make money

Just typing that last sentence calmed me down. I don’t read anything that I write until usually Monday morning (after it’s been posted for two days) I still don’t know why I’m resisting the urge to scroll up because that really probably came off very profane and ah shit .f*ck Roddy Piper I remember what I was typing now. But I have nothing more to say about all that. I think this is the final nail in the coffin of the timeless tale “The Coconut That Changed Everything”.

I’m sure by 3am there will be an online transcript of Piper’s interview. I don’t think I’m going to add anymore to this section


Shock TV!!!!!! Vince McMahon says it’s gone the way of the Dodo Bird, which is a pretty good analogy, if you ask me. When we look back on this 10 years from now, the actual expiration date of “Shock / Crash” TV was October 5, 1999 when Vince Russo and Ed Fererra left McMahon high and dry for the greener pastures of WCW. Since that time, no one on WWF / E’s staff has been able to craft the type of story lines Russo / Ferrara did, using McMahon as the final approval and present the product in a captivating way. After they left, the then WWF (with Vince McMahon taking total control) put on a string of quality shows and PPV’s that really did not start to flounder until the whole “Who ran over Austin” angle and did not finally die until Austin was turned heel and WWE had no idear on how to run the WCW Invasion without having at least one creative mind on staff. Well, they did have Heyman, but they pretty much did away with his involvement to grace us with Lawler’s presence and a “hotshot” Flair angle. Since then, it’s been one shocker after another, with each attempt hitting a brick wall. I’m not one to buy into the whole “politics is what is making bad shows” logic – it’s bad writing by a bunch of hacks who can’t even script a proper ref bump. So Vince says “No More Shock TV” and well know what’s weird now that I think of it? As ridiculous as the whole “Shock TV” thing is, they are the only segments of the show that have been written with any sort of coherency. Gay Wedding? Good TV. Katie Vick angle? I’ve seen worse clusterf*cks from ECW (and before you ask – think about the Missy Hyatt / Jack Victory / Justin Credible / Steve Corino angle) and if done well, can be the most logical and well produced segments of the show. Now with no more “Shock TV” to write and produce, do you think that the current writing staff can book a wrestling show? The only saving grace at this point is Heyman on Smackdown, which ain’t even the reason that show is so good. Give that credit to the wrestlers (who fortunately have been given leeway to have blow away matches) not to mention any “backstage segment” that Angle or the Guerreros are involved with will always be good, regardless of the topic. So Vince’s whole “Mission Statement” sounds good on paper, but do you think the programs will actually IMPROVE to the point of being able to produce a 6.0 rating without even trying? The answer to that question lies with one man

Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Just to backtrack a little – the big news going around at the moment is the HUGE spectacular being planned to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of RAW. Big names, old faces and a many surprises are rumored to be in the works, as an “Open Invitation” has been given to anyone who has ever appeared on the program. I will expound on this in future columns, as I think this will be an actual watershed moment for Vince and Company to prove they are still relevant and can still captivate interest without resorting to pimping themselves shamelessly on talk shows. The hype for this will be shoved down our throats, which ain’t a bad thing – it’s a surefire way to get yourself back in the news and will be a perfect opportunity to showcase the talent as the hardcore buildup for Wrestlemania will begin obviously not with all the talent on that particular show, but it will be a good advertisement for the existing roster to remind everyone out in TV land that the shows are not all bullshit. More on this as we get closer to the date – I’ll need something to ramble about

Back to Austin. Fan interest is obviously there for his return and all sorts of rumors are flying; Austin would prefer to go to Smackdown as opposed to RAW. Right away, everyone is saying “because of HHH” but that ain’t it. It’s the writers who Austin despises, not H. Besides, when he returns, NO ONE will bury Austin this time. My thinking is he will have carte blanche over control of his character, answering only to Vince himself. Of all people Vince can depend on at this point, it’s Austin – and that includes the Rock, who is apparently reneging on his “WWE First” stance. Austin, providing he gets his way (and he should) is a proven performer and one that will captivate the interest of the unwashed masses. Besides, we never got to see the Austin / Eddy feud, which is exactly what Austin wanted to do before he walked out. Austin vs. ANYONE will be gold and they might as well as ride the Stone Cold horse until it can’t go no more. Personally, as I mentioned last week, I’ll be glad to have him back. So, although it looks as if the whole “Shock TV” era has finally been put to rest, get ready for the Stone Cold era Part II as he is more than capable of providing us with enough entertainment to make watching worthwhile – not to mention he can keep everyone else diverted while Angle and Brock have a feud to beat all feuds. Works for me, ladies and germs. AND GRUT, of course.

Hey! For all you out there that bitch about HHH winning, Top Stars Not Willing To Put Anyone Over and more specifically, RVD having to do the old J.O.B AGAIN, do you realize that RVD did NOT have to look at the lights for over TWO YEARS in ECW? And when he FINALLY lost, it was because of “interference” making his opponent who had been chasing him for all that time (Lynn) look like a fool? Just thought I would bring that up

Moving along to some RAW and Smackdown stuff – not horrible shows like everyone is saying, it’s just there is not a lot going on right now. There seems to be a quandary as to pushing new talent and what the Internet Wrestling Community perceives as “should be happening”, which is where I imagine 99.9% of you obtain you opinions / read about stuff / bitch about things. WWE pushes Batista (who if you ever watch OVW, he’s a bad ass monster w/ talent) over Hurricane and everyone screams foul. Of course, HHH wins his match and everyone ties a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree for poor witlle RVD – see the prior paragraph for my opinions on that. I will agree with the oddness of another hometown loss for Booker T, but I think he will survive. I’m not sure what the hell they are doing with Val Venis, other than making him a cog in the Bischoff machine with a conscience – but he seems to have a very selective enforcement policy. As far as HBK goes, I really with the would turn him back into an insensitive out for himself prick as opposed to a namby pamby “I’m just thanking God to be here” wimp – his “overcoming odds” was good for his “one last match” but if they have any intentions of keeping him around, I would prefer the cocky HeartBreak Kid – the one who told you he was the best and then proved it. I have nothing more to add about HHH except that I think time will tell that all of you have trumped his evilness up to levels of absurdity and will have egg on your face when it’s all said and done. But keep on writing about him and how he is destroying the business; that beats having to put any thought and / or effort into your columns.

Smackdown featured a sweet match between Chavo and Kidman, which restores my faith in the Crusiers for another week – these guys (Chavo anyway) can work a solid match a keep the crowd going, all they have to do is take their time and pretend like shit hurts. The 4 way match was DESTROYED by UPN taking 18 commercial breaks during the action, which made me miss several things, as I do not sit though commercials. I like when they front load the show with ads and then give me the final 20 minutes of ACTION ACTION ACTION, but that rarely happens anymore. Still, a very good match with Angle getting the win and supposedly moving along to the PPV to fight Big Show. It seems to be a forgone conclusion that Big Show will retain the title, which is probably one of those “facts” made up by Meltzer and then taken as gospel. From what I have been reading, Angle has a hurt knee and needs time off so somehow that equals a Big Show victory. Same way that Brock’s injury = Big Show’s last win. You know, I was more than willing to buy into all that until I read this –

There have been reports for several months that Brock Lesnar is letting his fast and hard push on TV effect his attitude out of the ring.

Some say Lesnar acts like he has a big head and has some ego problems backstage.

There are some reports that Brock’s loss to the Big Show at Survivor Series wasn’t simply to get the title off the injured Lesnar, but could have been management’s way of putting Lesnar back in his place.

WWE has a long history of booking to make sure egos don’t get out of control, and this could be another example of it.

– Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter, via either Hashish’s or BOSS’S subscription.

Sometimes, I’m glad I’m a dumb as a bottle of Vodka because no one can seem to keep their “smart logic” straight. I’m all for Angle losing, as long as it’s due to Brock somehow, and their rumored “dream” program gets started. Hell, they can keep the belt on Show until the Rumble for all I care. It’s pretty obvious that neither Top Belt is being taken very seriously, so they might as well build some feuds and then insert the belt in where it fits. Kinda backwards logic, but it makes as much sense as anything that’s currently going on. I’m also not a fan of suspension angles, only because they have been beat into the ground. A personal favorite of mine was the ole LOSER LEAVES TOWN, although, with the Internet the way it is, they would probably spoil the fact that IT’S REALLY BROCK LESNAR AS THE MIDNIGHT RIDER- WWE AIN’T FOOLIN ME!! Yeah, tell me once more how H can work through a quad injury, nearly have his throat crushed by an amateur high spot artist / professional menace and still be the biggest piece of shit in the business. But seeing a “suspension” is as close as we can come, it does create a certain additional animosity for a feud than hanging by the skin of its tights to Brock’s intensity and Heyman’s endless supply of “making you give a f*ck” promos. Also of note on the show was Bill DeMott, who still has not developed a healthier finisher than the Moonsault, which, I ain’t a doctor or anything, but isn’t that a bad move for someone with two shot knees? At least he doesn’t get hit in the head with chairs anymore. And for those of you curious, I have no problem with Albert being in the mix – they just need to get him some new clothes and a new name. I think the time has come for Edge to prove himself worthy of Main Event status without having to depend on the in-ring genius of Eddy, Benoit or Angle. He passed the first test with Regal – now let’s see him pull off some good matches with Albert. Dawn Marie and Torrie as lesbians won’t work without a little leeway from the censors, so I don’t even know why they bother. But I’m glad they are trying, as I get entranced by anything Dawn Marie does. And as for Benoit – HELLO MR CRIPPLER! Arn Anderson is still RIGHT THERE to help you through what normal human beings call “promos”. Wouldn’t hurt to spend some time on the road with him. I remember Tully! Don’t you?


Follow-up to another plug (not mention very a very nice conversation! Hello Miss G!)

Hey Flea –

All right, here’s the deal: Round Two of the Miss Galatea Wrestling Collection Clearance eBay Auction is finally under way! WHOO~! There are more videos, figures, games, and posters etc. available, however my featured items are several HUGE lots of WWF Magazine and Apter mags! Plus, for the 18 and over perverts out there, something very, VERY special… A mint condition issue of Chyna’s first Playboy Magazine appearance from 2000 AND the September 1998 issue of Penthouse Magazine with the WCW Nitro Girls! Good stuff, eh? And don’t ask why I have pornography, just plug it! Much love and luck to your wonderful, loyal readers – those that bid on something anyway. :)

My Auction Link –


Miss Galatea

Now there’s some deals, pilgrims! And jeez, I have taken for granted that all of you are over 18 years of age. I can understand you not being old goats like me, Gamble, Eric S., E.C. (might as well call you B.C. you old coot!) umm .Hya ..NO HE’S 23! I SWEAR! 23! .ah shit anyone else old out there? BOSS and HASHISH might as well be in diapers .CARLOS ain’t nothing but ah f*ck I’m trying to think of twenty one in Spanish BLACKJACK!!!! a new guy Dave Dymond (talk about a pseudonym) is my age, and the other new guy CLIFF MANSFIELD (who has the coolest f*cking name on Earth .guys, if you can’t get f*cked with a name like CLIFF MANSFIELD, then you better buy a better supply, if you como se llamo.) And by the way guys, you better pimp this f*cking exercise in futility in your next column just because they don’t talk to me don’t mean they don’t listen .ah, who the f*ck am I kidding? Bitch at Hi-8 for plugs, I’m off that duty

Oh yeah..and welcome! Good stuff just don’t try and reinvent the question mark. That gig is booked


One more note about NWA-TNA: it looks as though everyone is getting into the “shoot with your real feelings and we will make a story about it”. Up to bat now is one of my favorite people in wrestling, Iron Mike Tenay, someone who is probably the best announcer in the business at this point (anyone remember why he is not on WWE’s payroll?). Tenay has been vocal in his disgust (on air!) with Vince Russo and has this to say in a recent interview

“You can call it just a wrestling storyline or wrestling angle. But everything I said about Vince Russo came right from my heart,” Tenay said. “This situation is as real as anything I’ve ever been involved with in professional wrestling.”

Having been burned so many times by this type of stuff, pardon me if I am a little skeptical. But Tenay continues with this

“Very simple, he(Russo) has a total lack of respect for professional wrestling, particularly the wrestlers who bust their ass and risk their lives in every match,” Tenay said. “He proved it time and time again in WCW by making champions out of everyone from Judy Bagwell to David Arquette.”

I can’t argue with that, but again, I have a hard time believing any of these guys when it comes to what Russo is writing. I’m sure there is some sort of resentment (and from what I have read, Tenay and Russo do not even speak to each other) but I think much of this is cultivated by Russo to give it more of a “shoot” feel. Tenay, although I like the guy, is just not that good of an actor when he calls Russo a piece of shit. And thinking back, the person who conducted the “shoot” interviews with the WCW Stars when THEY were trying to give off the same vibe was none other than Mike Tenay! From this point forward, my suggestion would be to take all of these “I hate so and so” “shoots” with a grain of salt – not that I’ll be watching, thanks a lot Rowdy Roddy Fuck You.

There are some more things happening with the lawsuit between World Wildlife Fund and World Wrestling Entertainment. I read them and you are more than welcome to surf the news line for the latest. My opinion? I hate lawyers with a passion and anything involving lawyers and lawsuits makes me ill. Who is right? Who is wrong? Who cares. The lawyers will keep this tied up as long as possible so the lion’s share of any costs / settlements / etc. end up in their pockets in lieu of the companies involved. It’s sad, really, that both parties could not work this out without the words “slander” “class action” “and “undisclosed sum” being involved but that’s their problem and it’s too late to turn back now. Speaking of now, I just realized that I am passing up a chance to show my BRILLIANCE and KNOWLEDGE of the legal system and how this will effect everyone involved! Typed for you in bullet point format, of course – with sly and witty “Panda gets PILEDRIVEN” comments intertwined – but as I mentioned, the end of any discussion on this will be Lawyers get the steak , Parties involved get to suck a hind tit and the Fans of both companies get to gnaw on the asshole while getting cornholed into paying more for Animal and Angle merchandise. Go read for yourself, if you have the inclination.

OH HYATTE!!!!! No, sit down, the match is going just fine but I did want to tell you this

James Maritato is set to debut as Jamie Noble’s “cousin Nunzio” at the Smackdown house show tomorrow. He should make his TV debut at the Smackdown taping in Atlanta

So no, it is not that fellow Spanky you rambled about, but it is, in fact, Little Guido – just as Flea said. Now run along and round up the wirlie birds, the boys must play that game after water skiing.

Hyuck! cocksucker.


We continue the IWC Flashback this week with one of my longtime favorite “writers”, Christopher Robin Zimmerman, aka CRZ. No offense meant by putting “writer” in quotations – the actual term is “re-capper” and for many, many years no one was better at telling you WHAT happened on a show than CRZ. Unlike other famed re-cappers, his opinions consisted normally in the form of “inside jokes” wrapped in the details of just about every punch, kick, or promo that took place on the show. Seeing as that last sentence may have been a little “vague” in its delivery, let me spell it out for you: CRZ never beat you over the head with half baked “smart” theories or lame attempts at humor; when he was “on”, NO ONE could recap a show better. I always found it strange that no one would even attempt to fully emulate his style (not that they could) but if you * are * interested, the gig is open, as CRZ is now retired. For good? Tough to say – LUV does strange things to people (something I know as good as anyone). So anyway, if you have the patience and talent to fill CRZ’s shoes, knock yourself out. As for me, whenever I am put in the position to have to actually RECAP something, I blatantly steal his style and tone as much as possible – but I could never do stuff like that full time. Come to think of it, to this day, I still have not determined if it was some kind of deep-seeded mental illness that produced CRZ’s reports or the fact that, besides me, I can’t think of anyone who was (is) more of a “fan” and just loved what he was doing maybe someday I will ask him. Nah, some things are better left mysterious and vague.

Also, Go check out the archives at for the full report – and if you ever need to find out what happened / when it happened / and who said what, I can’t think of a better resource. Just keep in mind that CRZ dates things really WEIRD .(you know, that sounds wrong let me try this again)

CRZ’s way of cataloging by date is another thing I have never understood – 8 October 2001 I can live with – but when he uses the NUMBERS BACKWARDS ( 8.10.01) it throws me for a loop. Probably something to do with Star Trek or maybe it’s just one of those “West Coast Style” things that us East Coast people will never understand. What the f*ck am I talking about – I’m a hillbilly from Florida and the last time I checked we are the Sun Coast. But once you figure out how the reports are listed, it’s all good and it’s all gold

At any rate, below is from the October 10th 2001 edition of RAW is WAR and is what I consider the Best of the Best of anything CRZ ever recapped if I remember correctly, my message to CRZ after reading this was something to the effect of “Like I Wuz THERE!”. I’ll let you be the judge of that.

FROM THE FLEA’S BAG – featuring Christopher Robin Zimmerman

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN v. KURT ANGLE – When we come back, COMMISSIONER REGAL actually grabs Debra by the ear and tells her that this fine pair of WWF REFS will be delighted to escort her backstage – then HE takes the extra seat at the timekeeper’s table. Austin leaves the ring to protest – and Regal rises to meet him eye to eye. Austin pauses….and Angle’s music hits. Austin meets Angle at the base of the ramp and they’re gonna start early…about twenty minutes left in this show. Austin’s punch is blocked – Angle right, right, right, Austin right, Angle, Angle, Austin with a knee, Angle right, right, Austin knee, head to the apron, and slid into the ring, where the bell rings. There’s pyro smoke everywhere. Austin with a chop, chop, chop, Angle ducks the next chop, Angle with a right, chop, chop, chop – Austin reverses – Angle reverses back, right, right, right, chop, right, into the ropes, head down, Austin kicks. Austin off the ropes, Angle with a back elbow. Head to the buckle. Again. Angle with a right hand, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, Austin press! Five piston rights, off the ropes, Up Yours elbow finds the mark. Austin with the leg hooked – Angle out at 1. Into the ropes is reversed – ANGLE with an Austin press! Seven rights from the mount for Angle – clotheslines him back down. Angle waits for Austin to “get your ass back up” – double bird by Angle! KICK WHAM nooo Austin catches the boot before Angle can stun him – Austin with a bird of his own, spinning Angle around – Angle catches *Austin’s* boot and twists it around into the ANGLELOCK! Austin is like lightning clamping the bottom rope. Referee “Blind” Earl Hebner actually catches this and gets the hold broken – Angle stomps Austin on his way to the outside. Hebner gets put aside – but Austin is ready, ankling Angle and wrapping his left leg around the STEEL ringpost. Another trip around the ringpost for the left leg. Austin wants a third time but Angle pulls Austin into the post with his legs. Angle limps outside as Austin’s draped over the commentary table – head to the tabletop! Head to the table again! A THIRD bounce off the table. Angle carries Austin to the post but Austin breaks free and shoves Angle RIGHT into the post! Knee to the gut. “There’s your USA!” and he gives ’em a bird. Austin is bleeped in here giving Angle the badmouth…Angle turns it around and tosees Austin over the commentary table to the floor! Angle atop the commentary table! “Woow!” Angle walks around ringside – HE’S PULLING THE PADS UP!!! Angle back to Austin – right hand, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner is pleading for Angle to take it back to the ring, but it ain’t happening. Austin manages an eyepoke to turn it back around – knee in the back and Angle goes down. Austin takes a walk around the ring…and comes back – head to the STEEL steps. Chop. Another big chop. A THIRD thunderous chop. Austin elbows the back of the head and takes him down. Ha ha, fans in the first row chanting “Goldberg.” We’re FINALLY back in the ring. Angle comes back! “Iblockyourpunchyoudon’tblockmine,” right, right, into the ropes is reversed, their heads collide but Austin is back up first – another hammer dropped and Austin pulls himself back up. Angle placed in the corner – arm draped over the top rope, opening up his chest for the chop. Another chop. Angle fires back – right, right, right, right, Austin goes down, stomp, Austin is outside and he’s got the left leg again – hard into the apron – twice. Angle rolls out – we’re all outside again. Austin rolls Austin back in – Angle has a limp going – Austin with a chop block just to make sure we figure out he’s found a body part to focus on. Snapmare – to the headlock. Ross: “All I know is I saw Angle tap out…” Crowd chants “USA.” Ross: “I wanna correct myself, when I said I saw AUSTIN tap out fifteen days ago in Pittsburgh.” Ha ha ha. Angle back to his feet! Elbow to the gut, elbow, trying to run the ropes but Austin grabs the singlet and pulls him back into a forearm to the back of the neck, putting him down to the mat. Austin chokes Angle with the bottom rope…Hebner pulls him off. Austin with a snap suplex. Austin stomps on the hand – it’s the little things that Austin does so well. Snapmare…back to the chinlock. “Ang Gull!” chant. Angle back to a seated position – back to his feet – elbow – elbow – elbow – off the ropes, shoulderblock, off the ropes, Austin buries the knee. Austin laying in wait again – double bird – KICK WHAM NOOOO Angle hooks the arm and counters with a backslide – 1, 2, NO! Austin back up with a clothesline to the back of the head. Austin with a boot to the head. Stomp. Stomp. Austin grabs the legs…and stomps between ’em. Into the ropes, reversed, Angle with the sleeper! Austin reaches for the rope – Angle pulls him back to the centre. Austin is out with a jawbreaker. Hebner puts on the count…4…. 5…. 6…. Angle trying to pull himself up with the ropes – both men up after 7, I guess – Hebner just stopped counting, really – Austin tries the punch but Angle blocks, Angle right, right, right, right, Austin tries to grab the headlock but Angle powers out of it, off the ropes, Austin ducks the clothesline, ducks again, Angle’s head is down and Austin kicks, chop, open-handed slap, Angle whipped into the ropes AGAIN, ducks a clothesline, AUSTIN with a sleeper. Angle backs him into the corner but Austin holds on. Angle backs up again – a third time breaks the hold. “Iblockyourpunchyoudon’tblockmine,” right, right, Austin put into the ropes but the whip is reversed, Angle lands a crossbody – 1, 2, no. Angle with a small package – 1, 2, NO! Austin puts Angle in the ropes, reversal, back elbow by Angle. Are these guys tired of running the ropes yet? ’cause I’m tired of typing it. Austin goes outside (well there you go) – Angle advances – Austin with a shoulder to the gut – sunset flip attempt by Austin…Angle fighting it off – regaining his balance – double bird (!) – and Angle drops into a mount, firing away with right hands (ten). Everybody back up – right, into the ropes (ugh) is reversed, and Austin tosses Angle over the top to the outside. Angle rolls out on the opposite side and grabs a chair. Regal is right there, though, and pulls it away from him. Austin takes HIS chair – Regal pulls that away as well. Austin back over to Angle with a clothesline. Austin walks Angle over to the Goldberg guys – gusthot – now walking over to where the exposed floor is STILL exposed – HE’S GOING FOR THE PILEDRIVER!! But Angle backdrops Austin onto the concrete! Chop! Chop! Chop! Right! Rolled back in – Angle follows – right, right, chop, chop, chop, right but Austin staggers out of its path and out of the corner. Angle is relentless – whip into the ropes, reversal by Austin – Austin catches Angle with the spinebuster! Austin takes time out to flip off the fans. Austin grabs the legs – steps over – Boston crab!! Austin really sits into it – he’s got Angle folded up…but too close to the ropes – Angle grabs – Austin pulls him back to the centre!! Again, Angle grabs the bottom rope – THIS time, Hebner forces the break, and Austin isn’t too pleased about it, shoving Hebner. Another shove for Hebner, Hebner shoves BACK, Austin shoves, Hebner shoves, HEBNER POINTS TO HIS PATCH!! Austin relents. Austin off the ropes, going for the Boss Man straddle but Kurt’s gone and Austin gets up close to the rope, staggers out with another middle finger for Hebner – walking into an Angle clothesline! Clothesline! Clothesline! Austin slumps in a corner – Angle chops, chop, climbs to the second rope for every punch in a Ten Punch Count Along! Austin put in the opposite corner…but he gets the boot up. Austin to the second rope – attempting a double axehandle but Angle blocks – and pulls Austin into a belly-to-belly overhead release suplex! Angle ducks a clothesline, waistlock, GERMAN SUPLEX! He holds on for a SECOND! He’s STILL got him…but Austin grabs the ropes – Hebner works on breaking them up – and completely misses Austin’s trick knee acting up. Austin dares Angle to get up – he’s poised and ready – middle finger – KICK WHAM NO Angle slips under, OLYMPIC SLAM NO Austin down the back – SHOVES ANGLE INTO HEBNER! Hebner does three twists on his way through the ropes to the outside…and clutches his right calf after hitting the floor. Austin rolls out again – THIS time he grabs the WWF Championship belt and comes back in – Regal is in hot pursuit. He wrestles the belt away from him. Another uneasy staredown betwixt Regal and Austin – Angle back to his feet – awwww shit. Regal turns round and clocks Angle with the belt. Well, there’s our shocking swerve for the night, I guess. Regal walks around the ring to roust Hebner as Austin hooks the leg – 1, 2, NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Ross: “NO! NO NO NO! YES! YES! ANGLE KICKED OUT! ANGLE KICKED OUT, BY GOD!” Austin is INCENSED. Austin, livid, jumps up and down in anger. He picks up Angle – dead weight – brings him to his feet – KICK WHAM STUNNER. 1, 2… 3. Ross: “Stone Cold Stunner on Kurt Angle…and Earl Hebner…is counting…DAMMIT – DAMMIT – DAMMIT.” Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new World Wrestling Federation champion. (17:21) “That Regal is a no good bastard! And Stone Cold Steve Austin – the referee didn’t even SEE what happened!” Austin forces Hebner up on his gimpy leg to raise his hand – Hebner collapses to the mat afterwards. Austin drops down to Angle, drapes the belt on his shoulder, and has a few words with him. Then he leaves, getting Hebner to raise his hand one more time. Ross: “Stone Cold is the WWF Champion – I’ll be DAMNED!” RAW Zone credits, WWF logo, see ya.

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Well, at least one person will bitch at me for the above

This has been The Saturday Matinee and I’m Flea.

FLEA is an Inside Pulse Original in every sense of the word, from his unique style and viewpoint. You can send any feedback to, or just type it the comment box below. also but follow FLEA on Twitter @ryderfakin.