The Little Things 12.11.02: Goldust, Jericho, Richards

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Welcome.

Before I get to the column, an introduction (one that has a point related to the column, I promise). What better place to kick things off than in the wonderful wrestling year of 1996.

I returned to watching professional wrestling on WCW Saturday Night and Monday Nitro in early 1996. BEFORE the nWo storyline dominated the company and garnered mainstream attention. If wrestling is the “theater of the absurd” that WWe CEO Linda McMahon suggests it is, 1996 began as a year bursting with Tony Award-caliber candidates. Characters like Loch Ness, The Ultimate Solution, Z Gangsta and the Dungeon of Doom were trying to topple Hulkamania like it was 1986. Alex Wright still knew how to dance, John Tenta was about to shed his former identities as a shark and avalanche in favor of embracing a new one as a human being and the Booty Man well, he was just a man who liked booty, I guess.

And you know what? I liked it. I even ordered Uncensored 1996 and my interest continued to grow from there. I think it is funny to involve a frying pan, high heel shoe and/or piping hot coffee in an athletic event. Hulk Hogan is STILL entertaining, too. What do you think about that? A mark, you say? I say that is an overused and abused term. The IWC likes to lob that word around; but, then again, it is getting so cynical in the IWC that you could substitute “mark” for “fan” and nobody would know the difference. The point is, if you and your kind can derive some value from a wrestling clown, a lucha libre spotfest, a technical masterpiece between Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit or an incoherent promo by Scott Steiner, why should you care about declining ratings, HHH’s ego or what anyone else thinks?

This column arises from the contention that we, as wrestling fans, share basic common values that endear us to the sport. Basic concepts such as men grappling in a ring, the clash between faces and heels, the promo and crowd interaction keep us watching both on television and in person. However, as with any diverse group, we have differing tastes and different aspects are held closer to our individual hearts. Even in a time now where attendance is down, ratings are bad, etc., I believe that wrestling today still has something to offer every true fan of the sport. Even if they are the smallest of things

To prove my point, each week, I will take the ultimate challenge delve into the minutiae of the much-maligned RAW and fish out little things to be enjoyed, improved upon or opened for debate. I will leave the bigger issues for the other columnists, recappers, and reporters of this fine website to grind into fine powder (and trust me, they will). Feel free to send me little things you picked up while watching, good or bad – I will showcase the one I found most intriguing in next week’s column. As for me, here is the Big, er, Little Five for RAW 12.09.02:

1. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

It is hard to believe that a character floating in a sea of also-rans in this year’s Royal Rumble has made it as far as Goldust. His character embodies what is most fascinating about the wrestling industry: it has its ups and its downs. From a wrestling standpoint, his ring work has been solid, garnering pops from the crowd and demonstrating an enthusiasm for his craft. I must admit I had the wind sucked out of me with the Storm/Regal win, but I was treated to some real character development soon after that took the sting off. A character with a checkered past shall we say wondering if he is holding his partner back is true depth that adds to the pay-per-view match. Thumbs up to this and to the crowd solidly voicing their disapproval of a Booker/Goldust breakup.

2. Jericho’s Book of the Month Club

I will consider this another segment that I dreaded but managed to enjoy thanks to one of the most consistently humorous wrestlers in the WWe. I can take shilling for Hogan’s book every week if Chris Jericho is allowed to step in and create imaginary chapters like the one he described on Monday night. Jericho has had to work his way through a lot since he joined WWe, but he may have found his niche with Christian as a tag team. Also, the Jericho Juke ‘n Jive is hilarious. Period. Wrestlers that dance are funny 99% of the time.

3. Grumpy Old Men

This one has been a long time coming (approximately since Bobby “The Brain” Heenan left the airwaves), but I think Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler might finally be developing something of an enjoyable chemistry in the form of bickering, crotchety old men. I want to believe this because most of us fans long for the days of a good one-liner from The Brain or some good old-fashioned heel/face bickering a la the days of Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura while we watch our wrestling. Among the barbs Monday were JR calling Lawler and “elderly man wearing a crown” and Lawler borrowing one of Ross’ homespun sayings when he described Jeff Hardy as being “a human being but getting beat like a government mule”.

4. Rico Suave?

I do not think the people in charge of costumes in the back have figured this out yet, but Rico is still the stylist for Billy and Chuck according to the goofy sideburns and wardrobe that qualifies him as a bouncer in a gay bar. If you are going to pair him with a couple of giant Samoans who dress up in hip hop gear (which is a stretch to begin with from a logic standpoint) at least try to change the wardrobe accordingly. I have had trouble accepting this trio based on this one point alone and it is a shame because Rico is a very talented wrestler. A simple wardrobe change or a classic “big guys gang up on the little guy” turn would solve a lot of problems, I think.

5. Smoke and Mirrors, Stevie.

We all know Steven Richards deserves more than wrestling women. However, fans of the guy are getting to see him on television a lot more, apparently out of his devotion to his craft impressing the big boss. The payoff is a spontaneous moment in the ring where he props Jackie’s foot up on the rope during a three count and exclaims to the ref in a very enjoyable, over-the-top manner, “Oh my God! How’d she do that?!”

Classic. See ya next week.