The Saturday Matinee News Report 12.14.02


Greetings to all of you weekend warriors, I’m Flea and you got me for the next two news reports, not to mention consistant double shots Saturday and Monday until Hyatte hey! wanna know what he’s up to? Here’s a taste

from last Tuesday, concerning the topic of The Upcoming IWC 100 (coming soon! – details below).

Hyatte: “********* (name edited by Flea for suspense purposes) is in ******** position?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! (edited again suspense, people!!!) then .then then .


No shit gang the guy went off. I just lit a cigarette and drank my beer while he got it out of his system. It was an interesting change of pace, to say the least. Anyway IWC 100 coming soon!

HELLO GRUT! Con – GRAD- u – lations!!!! You did graduate, right? Yes, and maybe I WOULD KNOW if you dropped me a line now and then – just remember what I told you: the world needs a another Jewish lawyer like .eh ALL THE BEST KIDDO!!!! Worse comes to worse, I’ll add you to the payroll.

While I’m on the topic of fellow news reporters here at Four Uno Uno – damn, Eric. S!!! All those drugs can’t be good for you, pal , no matter what the shrink says. Actually, that Shrink dude of yours has mellowed you out something fierce – at least I think so. I was looking over some of your old stuff the other day and goddamn, you used to be a First Class Grade A PRICK with a vocabulary! And you know I mean that in the nicest way. Most of these people that think you are mean now just don’t even know. Best of luck and my advice would be to just stick with booze. Sure, it’s a depressant but if you have to be depressed I can’t think of a better way to do it than with a good Vodka buzz.

Let’s get to it


The Armageddon PPV is Sunday Night and much like the last several PPV’s has been met with apathy and disdain by much of the online community. Oddly enough, the more people say “It’s gonna suck dick” the more that the shows deliver in spades. At least two or three matches anyway. This show looks to be the same as we have TWO big matches that will determine the future direction going into the “Road to Wrestlemaina, a “smart marks” dream match and lesbian love – oh! and RVD is no where to be found! HA HAH AHA HA. Let’s see waaaazzzzzuuuup .

World Heavyweight Title Match 2 out of 3 Falls (Street Fight, Cage Match, Ladder Match) – Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H

As far as HBK goes, I really wish they would turn him back into an insensitive out for himself prick as opposed to a namby pamby “I’m just thanking God to be here” wimp – his “overcoming odds” was good for his “one last match” but if they have any intentions of keeping him around, I would prefer the cocky HeartBreak Kid – the one who told you he was the best and then proved it

FLEA!!! – last week’s Saturday Matinee

.ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

– St John 16 (that’s from the BIBLE, you f*cking heathens)

Putting aside all the nay-saying going on about this match, HBK’s performance Monday Night was exactly what I was looking for. He dropped the elbow into the dumpster (and yes it was full of stuffing and things that don’t hurt – this ain’t ECW where you have people killing themselves by dropping on cement from 10 feet so a few hundred sadistic assholes can chant HOLY SHIT) and then popped out and cut a classic HBK promo – ending with “because I can”. Fucking beautiful – I love that line. Unfortunately, the political circumstances surrounding this match have reached epic proportions; HBK’s nostalgia trip is being viewed as a failure and HHH is catching more and more shit from the “smart” crowd, all for NOT LETTING RVD AND JEFF HARDY walk all over them. Jesus f*cking Christ guys, do we have to go through this same thing over and over? Riddle me this (if you are the type that equates high ratings with quality shows) – why is Smackdown “floundering” with “sagging” ratings? You have Benoit, Angle, etc on that show – where is the HHH Effect holding everyone down over there? Is osmosis happening and no one informed me? Is HHH secretly plotting to keep Big Show at the top of the heap? And if so, why? Are you as sick of these questions as I am? Well then quit blaming every f*cking thing on HHH and move on with your lives, it’s getting old. Of course, HHHating is a good gimmick – not on par with say, something like SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN, but I can’t expect all of you f*cking hacks to be as clever as I am. 2 out of 3 falls, each fall with a different stip and most likely a 45 minute contender for “Match of the Year”, if any of you can remove the blinders and just enjoy the match. “Oh but we need someone NEW in the Main Event Mix, Flea! What’s wrong with you?” Sure, I’ll take RVD or Some Other Guy or Booker over HBK any day of the week and enjoy it .with a f*cking gun to my head.. HBK at ¾ speed is better than all three of them combined. I don’t give a f*ck if you do not agree with me, because most of you have had your minds warped by all of these “smart net people” who will lead you to believe that “if you do not think HHH and HBK suck and are holding everyone down, then you just have no business discussing wrestling.” Whatever and then some I fully intend on marking out for this match and then TELLING you how much I enjoyed it in the Monday Edition news report after the PPV. Because I can.

WWE Title Match – The Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Here is a horse of a different color. The Big Show is defacto champ as Brock waits out an injury (keeps from getting a big ego by being pushed to the moon) and Angle draws the purgatory straw (he can afford to j.o.b. because Angle has Ric Flair disease – he can bounce back from ANYTHING and still rule) to most likely LOSE LOSE LOSE to Big Show. Why? I don’t know, except this will round out a year that’s been full of misfires, restarts and general confusion on who should be the Top Dog on Smackdown. I figured that Brock would be a dead lock to not lose until WM, but obviously Vince and Company have a different idear on how things should be. Popular rumor going around is that Angle needs time off for knee surgery, so they are doing a “built in angle” to Angle angle into an angle. Huh? I don’t know either, because if you are going to have an inactive champion, let it be someone who can promo his ass off while idle. Show ain’t wrestling, and prefers to let Heyman do his trash talk – which is the best thing about him being Champion. But no one is taking his reign seriously and Kurt Angle has gone on the record saying that he “would like smaller, more agile opponents to work against. Big Show, if you didn’t notice, does not fall into THAT category but Angle, as always will do his best to make this match as good as it can possibly be. I still question the “smart money outcome” of this whole thing and would be rather pleased if Angle got the belt. I think the wild card in all of this is Austin – where does he fit in when he returns (supposedly to Smackdown) and do they want him in the title hunt. Here’s an idear – have Brock cost Angle the match and then DECIMATE Big Show, with the PPV payoff being a BIG ASS STAREDOWN betwixt him and Angle. Ah, f*ck it I’m no good at Fantasy booking and let’s just watch Angle pull the best match out of Show that’s humanly possible. The chips will fall into place later. More on Angle and Brock later in this here report, yo.

WWE Tag Team Titles Elimination Match – Some Other Guy & Christian vs. The Dudley Boyz vs. Booker T & Goldust vs. Lance Storm & William Regal

It looks as though everyone is rooting for Book and Goldust to win, which seems logical enough as they have been chasing and chasing and chasing to the point of GD almost giving up until Book played the “homie” card and straightened the dumb, redneck freak the heck out. Good story line and GD seems to be putting everything into his most recent trip through the Fed – actually wrestling good matches instead of being a lazy pile of shit. Can’t say enough about Booker, who always looks good and is also making the most of being relegated to the tag ranks while the Main Event straightens itself out. Same can be said with Some Other Guy and Christian, who have made for a good, cocky heel team and foils for just about everyone on the show. The Dudley’s are still the Dudley’s – one trick table ponies still living in 1999, but still able to get the crowd involved in their matches, which is better than silence any day of the week. Quick side note about Bubba – did y’all REALLY buy him as Champeen? Then why is it HHH’s fault for confirming the obvious? Read that again and insert Jeff Hardy’s name. The wild card of all this is the Regal/ Storm team, who seem to be the favorite of the “office” (whatever that means) and may be primed to pull and upset here. Elimination matches are always fun because, using ECW Booking Principles, Book and GD will be tossed, followed quickly by Guy and Christian, leaving Duds and Regal/Storm to carry on and on and on and on and on and on until someone goes through a table. Prediction? I have seen enough of these matches to predict that we will be on “smoke break”, getting glassy eyed for the next few matches (or until they show the Women’s match). Elimination of Sobriety is what I have called these matches for years and I don’t see it changing at Armageddon. Go Book and Goldust! You have the entire Internet Wrestling Community behind you!

Hey! I just realized that Book did the j.o.b. in his hometown! That was a TRADE OFF for winning the belts at PPV right? Sucka

WWE Woman’s Title Match – Victoria vs. Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

I’m digging this crazy Victoria chick almost as much as anyone on either show not named HBK, Angle or Guerrero. Her vibe with Stevie rocks, as we cannot get enough crazy mofos running around for my liking. (Hugh Morrus does not count – I mean creepy crazy, like some chick with an ear biting fetish.) The only problem is, EVERYONE KEEPS THRYING TO KILL HER!!! Jesus, the chick has been pummeled with potatoes not to mention DROPPED on her sanity-challenged head by sloppy workers, it’s amazing she ain’t officially Victoria Drozdov at this point. How Jackie ended back up in this mess is beyond me. Trish Hyatte is here to redeem her loss from Survivor Series, that much I do know. Should be a good enough match, I guess.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Here is your token “workrate” match of the night and should be perfectly acceptable, if not downright f*cking awesome. I like stips like this match – they don’t like each other, so they are going to FIGHT! See, I need simplicity like this because hmmm I don’t know why. I guess it reminds me of the old Kevin Sullivan / Blackjack Mulligan feud, without all the Satanic overtones and some 98 pound weakling screaming “Daddy Daddy, what have they done!!!” Luckily Barry was a BAD SUMBITCH and redeemed that little crybaby Kendall. Oh yeah, Dusty hanging Sullivan from the rafters helped, too. Did you know that crazy broad that hung around with Sullivan back in those days was LUNA VACHON? Straight out the ocean, the whole lot of them and then the PURPLE HAZE walked around with snakes coming out of his mouth until Blackjack couldn’t stand no more. Actually, the last I remember about this whole thing was Blackjack getting stabbed with the SPIKE at the Eddie Graham Sports Complex, leading to Satan winning for the evening and every f*cking burnt out devil worshipper on acid seemed to be regaling in joy, while the bikers and rednecks sipped their beer and cursed the words “redemption” under their breath. That ending of that night is very clear now as opposed to almost 20 years ago, the highlight being my Mother yelling at the “scum of the Earth” to get the “f*ck away from her car”. Yeah, even the Satan Worshippers know better than to f*ck with a crazy hillbilly woman. At 13, it never even occurred to me to try and cop a joint from anyone – my how times change. These f*cking teenagers are all kinds of doped up these days. But back to Sullivan – it’s weird how stealing a man’s wife can affect your career – even to the point of being a martyr for not receiving your “proper push”. Here’s an idear – go to work Monday morning and find out who your boss’s wife is. Good. Now go lay the charms on her. Great. Then f*ck her and cause her to leave her husband. PERFECT. Then use as your defense “Well, it started of as an angle and we just fell MADLY in love!!! guaranteed at least two groups of people will be listening – The Unemployment Office and The Nut Hut. Oh, and probably all your “friends” who say what a good worker you are and how this mistreatment is unjustified. Thankfully, you OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEVER LEARNED HOW TO PROPERLY COMMUNICATE! Or show any kind of emotion or personality!!!! Too bad for you, but it’s your own f*cking fault that you never made it big – keep your dick in your pants and maybe someday YOU will be a contender! Eddie, on the other hand, is a recovering drug addict working on his 3rd chance, and is probably the most entertaining person on either show, both with promos and in ring ability. What all this means is – regardless of how you feel about backstage rumors, inside innuendo and the personal lives / political dealings of the wrestlers, A GOOD FUCKING MATCH IS ALL THAT COUNTS.

Kane vs. Batista

What should happen here is Batista SQUASHES Kane like a grape. Kane has had every chance in the world and has remarkably failed to deliver every time. I do not really care to hear the line “Oh it’s all HHH’s fault that Kane is not over, he held him down! BULL-SHIT! Kane has been around for around five years now and has NEVER proven himself worthy of anything more than Mid Card / Tag Team and yes, he has been handed the world. So the Katie Vick angle sucked. That still doesn’t change the fact that he pales in comparison to the intensity or “workrate” of 90% of the roster. Batista, on the other hand, has looked very intense, quick and powerful in his squashes. I have also seen him in OVW (Thanks Drew Deuce!) and if he can stay healthy, has a great future ahead of him. As mentioned, I think it’s point proven that Kane will never be The Next Big Thing, but will continue to be “over” due to his character and entrance – to me that = mid card for life. If you are REALLY serious about WWE pushing new talent over “staleness”, you will also be hoping for a Kane ass kicking by Batista, squash, squash and squash. However, if you want to blame Kane’s misfortune on the Big Bad HHH, by all means go ahead – while you are at it, go flush your head down a skanky 7-11 toilet, too. Shit is shit, you know.

Edge vs. Albert

Oh God, I feel like I’m caught in a nightmare. Because of this match? No, silly gooses (geese?). Because everyone with their negative smart goggles on cannot see the forest through the trees, as usual. A-Train is being set up a squash fodder for Undertaker, that much we know. Now then, if UT has to “bury” someone, isn’t it better that it’s ALBERT instead of Matt Hardy (or Edge for that matter)? I said this last week and I stand by the statement – this match is most likely the final key to Edge’s ascension to the Main Event level. I guarantee you all of the agents, bookers and Vince himself will be watching this to see if Edge has what it takes to “carry” a big stiff to a decent – very good match. HBK went through this, as did Bret, Stone Cold didn’t have to because he was a cripple (and over beyond belief anyway), Angle had to do it, hell, even HHH had to go through this – kinda like a purgatory for “almost there” Superstars. Yes, Vince likes big men, but he ain’t as stupid as some people would have you believe. Edge has $$$ written all over him and Albert, well unless something miraculous happens, he will be forever on the “push once a year” list. Which is fine – they don’t call these guys “jobbers to the stars” for nothing. So never fear – Edge will be just fine, this match will be just fine and when Edge is Main Eventing PPV’s late next year and into 2004, all of this will be forgotten.

Dawn Marie/Torrie Wilson Footage – presumably of them swapping spit

As much as I absolutely love Dawn Marie, and as much of a piece of ass Torrie is well, let’s just say this

Now then, I’m not going to be like the rest of the “cool” guys on the web and preface my statements with “I have ABSOLUTELY no problem with lesbians”. That statement (which I have seen in 99% of the columns or comments addressing this issue) never fails to crack me up. It is as if their masculinity is in question if they speak in a negative light about the topic.

So none of that here. I couldn’t care less about lesbians at this point in my life – it’s all “been there done that”. The thrill is gone as far as watching two women pantomime supposed lust for each other, even if their intentions are actually Sapphic. Outside of maybe a porno flick all this “lesbian chic” that has found it’s way into modern society is just boring. Oh yeah, the crowd popped and I’m sure that all the people who have no problems admitting that they are “just ABSOLUTELY fine” with the scene were no doubt sprouting wood while making sure the record button was pressed, just in case the need to slow-mo the pending Hot Lesbian Action would come up later in the evening. But for me, the whole thing is just one big pile of manure masquerading itself as “hip”, when all bets were off for any kind of lesbian thrill after Hollywood got involved (i.e. Rosie and Ellen), making “coming out of the closet” the “in” thing. Hot lesbians are supposed to thrill me? All this talk about forbidden love is supposed to make me care and not watch football? Watching two girls make out just flat out bores me. Especially when the aforementioned “payoff” (chicks really doing some nasty stuff to each other) just is not going to happen.

– ME!!!, once again – The Saturday Matinee 9.14.02, talking ‘bout HLA

I don’t think my feelings have changed on this matter. But hell, if you have to put two Women in the wrestling business together, I can’t think of two I dig more than Dawn Marie and Torrie.

Also of note is RVD at WWE New York in lieu of wrestling on the PPV. Oh sure, people are crying all sorts of foul on this but I’m not one of them. I’ll talk about this more in the ROLL THE DICE section, so stay tuned. Meanwhile, cancel your plans for Sunday Night and tune into Armageddon. I’m still waiting for all of you chumps to put your money where your mouth is and “Pay to see Eddy and Benoit go at it on PPV. THAT would be worth the price by itself!”. HA HA HAHA, I knew you guys were full of shit saying that.


How about some RAW and Smackdown stuff?

RAW – as mentioned above, I really dug the HBK “cocky” promo – it’s about damn time. Other than that, it was not really that memorable of a show. And once again, people keep trying to KILL that sexy little nutbag Victoria – this time it was Bubba who forgot that dropping people on their heads is a bad thing, not a good thing. Not really a bad show, but nothing that makes me sit hear at 2am Saturday Morning and say “wow!”. Checking the ratings, it looks as though the second hour actually increased, meaning that people ARE NOT turning the channel as the show progresses. Odd how no one mentions that (at least no one that I read this week). Flair’s promo was beautiful, but they always are. I’m liking his dynamic with Batista and if Kane doesn’t bury him (ha! the worm has turned) at the PPV, Batista’s intensity and Flair’s magic on the microphone can lead to good things down the line. The “acting” segment by RVD continues to be an embarrassment – Jesus, the guy is like Benoit, except with 1/3 of the talent. Speaking of Kane Burying people, nice job showing Three Minute Warning the early door to jobberville. Sorry if I sound so negative, but I am just about fed up with everyone laying the badmouth to HHH and HBK when more grievious offenses are occurring in the form of a Big Red No Selling Mid Carder and a “duuuuuuuuude” who hasn’t improved his moveset or character in four years. Of course, when THEY do it, it’s the writer’s fault. Selective enforcement of Smart Logic (or lack thereof) if you ask me.

Damn! Did you see Big Bad Booty Poppa Pump nearly RAPE Stephanie in the middle of the ring? Although none of you “too cool for the room” types will admit it, I’m sure you got your rocks off with the misogynistic abuse of a woman you all hate. As for me, I wanted Booty Daddy to give her a nice little erotic LICK while he was right in her face. Show her what Boom Shaka Laka is. Fuck, ANYTHING that could show me what hell Boom Shaka Laka is would have been an improvement. Where he comes up with this shit, I don’t know, but it looks like he will be doing it on RAW, due to the fact that Steph wouldn’t put out as promised. Come to think of it, whose dick do you think has shrunk more from “pharmaceutical enhancement” use – HHH or Big Poppa Daddy? The Benoit / Kidman – Guerreros match was fun, I just wish they would stop going to commercial when I get into it. I ended up getting hooked on “The Trial of Judas Iscariot” and missed a good chunk of it. It looks as though that Kidman is getting the “Egde treatment” – thrown in with the best of the game and see if he sinks or swims. I thought he did ok; when he sells stuff he ain’t all that bad. Torrie and Dawn got plenty of TV exposure but something here bothered me from Dawn Marie’s “passion play” to/for Al Wilson .

“Al, you have no idear .”

What is this, some kind of f*cking epidemic?

Anyway, now to the meat and potatoes. Brock and Kurt FINALLY meet, and they have the whole “mutual respect” thing happening – at least that’s what Brock thinks. Angle is just being a worm to get some extra protection in his corner so that Paul E doesn’t doublecross him. And it worked! Gives Brock a perfect excuse to screw Angle so that he can get his revenge on Show himself. My druthers would be for Big Show to cheat out a victory and Angle / Brock to form one of those “wacky tag teams” with Brock getting a surprise Smackdown victory to regain the title and stop the madness. Then build to WM – Angle vs. Brock, if need be. Again, Stone Cold Will have a huge effect on what’s what, I’m just not sure if they will put him back into the title mix right away or not. Hugh Morrus, I don’t care all that much about BUT LOOK OUT!! It’s Little Guido as Cousin Nunzio!!! Do you think those “ECW” chants were canned? Nah, couldn’t be – ECW rules all!

From the Newsline .

NWA-TNA: Total Nonstop Action will debut on PPV in Australia on January 23, 2003 on Main Event Television

Moving along, I caught Paul Heyman on the website’s webcast of Off The Record and it was interesting, as anything involving Heyman usually is. The host, Michael Landenberg, is probably the best around for conducting these interviews, walking the line between “work” and “shoot” without totally losing the audience with an overabundance of “inside” knowledge. Instead of ME rambling about what happened, just go HERE, MUCH MORE interesting than anything * I * could come up with.


If you have not done so, go check out the RSPW awards, where the smartest of the smarts smartly smart there smartness quite smartifically. Click Here to view them – once again, the whole she-bang was put together by the apparently now semi retired CRZ. I always like these awards – it’s like having your finger on the pulse of the smart crowd but being to far away from a knife to cut the vein. Always good stuff and if you should happen to disagree with the results, well

“I anxiously await the results of the awards that YOU run.”

-CRZ! 12.12.02, over in Wienerville, making his point

So go check it out!


Reading everyone crying their eyes out over RVD and his non-appearance at the PPV got me thinking – why is it that everyone thinks this duuuude is the cat’s meow? Yes, he is fun to watch (until you realize you have been sitting through the same movie over and over and over and over ) but one the whole, he is definitely NOT the greatest thing since sliced bread. For reference, if you have time, go and check out the Heyman Off The Record interview over at the aforementioned Even Paul E mentions RVD’s flaws, which happen to be, in my opinion, almost everything except his athleticism. Going back to the days of ECW and the stars that came out of there, I think Al Snow is the one that got the Rawest of Raw deals. He is 5x more talented in his in ring and performance abilities, but outside of his goofy “Head” gimmick, he has never been able to connect with the audience. But back then (for a short period of time) NOTHING was more over than “Head” – it just never really translated to the big leagues of WWF (E). Compare that to RVD, who is considered “over” just because the studio audience is able to chant RVD and because they are “chanting” he is considered, by the “smart” crowd, to be under-pushed and in essence “buried”. Hell, the loudest chants I have heard this year are “Let’s Go (insert team name here) and “You Screwed Bret”, so by that logic, someone like the GOON should be fighting Earl Hebner for the belt in every PPV Main Event, waiting for a run – in from that “What?” fellow. I’m not a huge proponent of the star rating systems, but you do need a basis for comparison between matches and I think snowflakes are about the most widely used and accepted form of rating a match (or wrestler). I have yet to see RVD have anything close to *****, even in his famed series vs. Jerry Lynn. Sure, they were good, but Lynn was phenomenal at making RVD look like a million bucks – which with Lynn’s talent and all the times they fought should have been like a walk in the park. Fast forward to his matches since he has been in WWE – first off, he blew his very first move (the jumping Van Daminator when he and Dreamer did the run in) and since that time has done nothing to impress me – or at least nothing that everyone tells me I should be impressed with. His series with Jeff Hardy was fun to watch, but SPOT SPOT SPOT, was not even a ***** canine, much less a ***** match. He has had his moments, but nothing to prove to me that he would be a better champion than someone like Some Other Guy, or HBK, or HHH or even Booker T. As much as I do not care for Some Other Guy’s in ring work, at least he is solid and can sell his ass off – not to mention talk like a mofo. RVD’s promos (or anytime he gets around a mike) are like nails on a chalkboard to me; which is surprising – he has a natural charisma and probably his best feature is he is able to connect to an audience (unlike Al Snow). That’s why he will continue to be included in high profile matches, but until he can do anything more than flop around like a fish and talk like a burned out drug addict, I do not think he will ever wear the top gold. Well, he will eventually, just by default ( and if he even stays around long enough), but his title reign will be memorable in it’s brevity, at best. While I’m thinking of it (and I have mentioned this before) RVD (according to popular opinion) is one the most OVER wrestlers on the roster. Using the logic that “Someone who is that “over” does not need the Big Gold Belt – give it to someone who could use the extra help”, why should RVD even get a title reign? Oh. See, the “logic” I just mentioned only applies to HHH as he “holds everyone down.” I don’t think you can have it both ways. Well, you probably can, but it just doesn’t make any sense at all. Yes, RVD is not on the PPV – he will be hosting a party and regaling the New York crowd with his thumb pointing and “duuuuuuudes”. Depending on your point of view, I think that’s a good thing – he can’t hurt anyone from there with his sloppiness and at least the World crowd will get to chant about their “venereal diseases” (OUR VD!!! OUR VD!!! – HA HA HA HA .I love Herb Kunze) but if you take the side that “RVD not on the PPV is the worst crime in the wrestling business EVER”, just keep in mind that there was someone who got an even worse deal than him; someone with 10x the talent and tenacity, who f*ck, I was just going to close this whole thing by brining up Owen Hart and how he never got a shot at Main Event Title Holding – but I just remembered that his sloppiness almost ended Austin’s career. Okay. Switching up to the alt version, I think I’ll just name drop Eddy Guerrero. If Eddy ever ends up hosting the World in lieu of PPV performing (especially now that he has his shit together), then I will bitch. Until that time don’t feel sorry for RVD. Worse things have happened to better people.


Do you know who will be doing the Monday News for at least the next EIGHT WEEKS? Same guy that does the Saturday Matinee. Not sure what I’ll be doing when I don’t have a PPV to talk about, but I’m sure I’ll figure out something. “Shoulda planned ahead” springs to mind as Glorydog told me about this weeks ago. I do know one thing that’s prepped and ready!!!! THE IWC 100 !!! It will appear Monday 12.30.02!!! Who is number one? WHERE ARE YOU ON THE LIST?!?!?! Only one way to find out. Coming soon to a Monday near you.


The IWC Flashback this week is a person who recently celebrated 10 glorious years as a “contributing member” to the online wrestling scene. That person is Rick Scaia and here is a little something from around 1997, back in the days of Wrestlemaniacs as well as the He slips into his “alter ego” in this one and pretty much hit the nail on the head .here you go

FROM THE FLEA’S BAG – FEATURING “Big Daddy Who?” Rick Scaia

Putting Myself Over, Or Webpages That Suck v2.0

We’re still a couple months away from the nWWWo’s first anniversary… but silly li’l me, I just can’t help but get nostalgic a little early. Nostalgic enough to relive the very first “Big Daddy Who?” column which had all to do with Wrestling Websites That Suck.

Admittedly, it wasn’t my best column. But I’ll stand by the basic premise that upwards of 95% of all wrestling webpages suck. I only bring up this piece of nostalgia because it seems webpages that suck is a tres chic topic once again. Something to do with Lee Marshall bashing the hell out of the Internet…

I’m not clear on the details, but I guess the esteemed Mr. Marshall (who was most entertaining to me personally when he was firing off one line weasel jokes for about a year straight on Nitro) got all pissy because the popular rumor of last week was that the Travis Fucking Tritt mini-concert at Road Wild would result in a match or two being bumped from the card. A rumor that turned out to be false. So of course, Lee uses this as his damning proof that the Internet wrestling fans (and the webmasters playing to them) are complete wastes of time and space.

Since I guess you’ll expect a response from me on that particular jab (and since I’ve got another couple dozen paragraphs to fill up if I’m to keep pace with recent lengthy columns here), I’ll just say that I’d suggest some sort of biblical warning be issued to good ol’ Lee. Something along the lines of making sure your own house is in order before casting the first stone. Please don’t e-mail me to correct my slaughtering of scripture. Bottom line is that anybody who works side by side with Gene Okerlund — who has the audacity to CHARGE us for what amounts to more lies and false innuendo in one month that I’ve personally been responsible for on the web in my lifetime — should be turning his gaze inward!

And oh yeah, I could also point out that readers of my page found out days before anybody in WCW got around to announcing it that Road Wild would be a 3 hour and 30 minute show to give time for Travis Tritt’s little dog and pony show. Thanks for the hot tip, WCW! You guys really kept us up-to-date with all the factual 411 there, didn’t you?

Somebody give me a cookie for beating them to the punch.

I’m sorry if that sounds like I’m trying to put myself over. Well, actually… I’m not sorry. That’s my whole mission here with this column. And it’s only going to get worse when I point out that despite my superficial problems with Lee Marshall pissing on the Internet, the fact is, he’s mostly right. Mostly.

The vast majority of the Internet wrestling phenomenon circles around pages that outright blow chunks. There’s such an unbelieveable concentration of pages that exhibit such self-importance combined with awful content that I’m hard-pressed to accept that there are actual thinking human being at the other end of my modem connection tossing this crap out there. I mean, they’ve either got to be joking around or just plain stupid.

I’m talking about fly-by-night newsboards here… masters of the “cut and paste” technique of “reporting”… folks who “check on a story” by making sure that both Scoops and the Daily Lariat is reporting the same thing… columnists who write at the 11th grade level (probably because they are 11th graders)… and any damn body who’s more interested in putting himself over and plugging his own work than in supplying interesting and unique content to readers.

Irony alert, I know. Here I sit, claiming I’m gonna be putting myself over. Get over it, already. Show me one other time when I’ve seriously wasted your time on OO or the NFD or anywhere else claiming to be anything other than the luckiest wrestling fan on the planet (blessed with the opportunity and resources to present a large audience with my own wrestling news and views). Allow me this one conceit. I’ve never filled up a column with “Check out my buddy’s page at”. If I’ve plugged somebody or something, it’s almost always been because it’s a page that I personally believe in and support. Anyway…

It’s gotta piss people other than me off that not only do these offensive sites exist, but they draw lots of readers. I want to puke every time I see some mention of the “thousand of readers” or “hundreds of e-mails” that these people get. Or maybe that’s just tied into the “putting onself over” thing that I also despise. Maybe those are completely fabriacted numbers. Whatever. Anyway, my point is these people are getting read, and I honestly have to sit here and wonder why ANYONE would bother when there are the handful of perfectly good, well-written, reliable, and entertaining pages out there to visit. Like mine.

Well, guess what? I have a theory.

There’s a vast bunch of audience members out there just as stupid and vacuous as the webmasters whose sites they visit! That’s right! I just called Internet Wrestling Fans STOOPID. I’d be worried, except for the fact that I’m pretty sure none of the stupid ones will be reading this. They’re too busy drooling over “’s Kick Ass Hell Yeah What I’m Cookin’ Who’s Next People’s Newsboard” which is no doubt chock full of completely butchered rumors stolen from perfectly reputable pages.

And in the meantime, the intelligent among you have discovered that there are a few Webmasters out there who are willing to put the time and effort into maintaining a real webpage. One where content is provided in a well-writted and entertaining manner, not just posted “cut and paste” style to a newsboard. Where the content is exclusive and relatively reliable, and best of all, NOT FOURTH- OR FIFTH-HAND. Where you know the name and personality of who’s providing this service.

They’ve got their pre-pubescent “I love Sable” (but wouldn’t have a damned clue what to do with her if she showed up at my house) crowd. We’ve got our college age and adult audience who’ve got a bit better taste, and a lot more grey matter at work. Then there’s always that lucky bastard Bob Ryder who’s somehow roped in both audiences… at least, I’m assuming the morons are attracted to his page, too, since they seem to get 75% of their material from Bob or his staff of fine writers.

And you’re damned right if you’re thinking that I’m (a) proud of the appeal to the smarter crowd, and (b) convinced that this appeal somehow makes me and my pages “better” than the rest.

And just like I won’t come out and name names of pages that I think suck, I don’t really feel the motivation to come out and name the ones I think are doing great. Obviously, there are the ones that I’ll wholeheartedly plug on a regular basis. Your 1Wrestling.Coms or your nWWWo or your MiCasa. But under that top level of 3 or 5 sites that I actually visit semi-regularly, there are, I’m sure, a number of other sites that are good at what they do, but I’m just not that interested in what they’re providing. Kind of like I’m more than willing to admit that Led Zepplin were some of the most talented musicians/instrumentalists of all time, but I don’t own a single one of their records, because frankly, the final product just doesn’t do it for me. But I digress…

If you really wanted to know who I think is doing a great job out there, the Elite Links on my Online Onslaught site (uh oh, first I’m putting myself over, and now I’m inserting a blatant plug!) should point you in a few dynamite directions. It hasn’t got ALL the good stuff, but it’s got most of it. If I had good things to say about a site, I’d probably say it there…

With one exception.

One guy who’s never gotten props from me. Herb F’n Kunze.

Talk about a guy who appeals to the intelligent among us web surfing wrestling fans! Well maybe not “us,” but “you.” Or maybe I’d even have to resort to “others like you.” Or maybe just come out and say “Dave Meltzer.” For the record, Herb doesn’t fall into any of the “stuff that sucks” category. He’s providing all original content, he writes at a level that does not insult your intelligence, and he lets us all know who he is instead of hiding behind a screen name and a fake persona. I’ll go on record right now saying that Herb’s one of the few in the 5% of webpages that’s doing something good and worthwhile.

I just don’t have to like it. But that stems from the fact that Herb and I are comically polar opposite types of fans, not from any lack of skill on his part. We’ll never meet, and probably never even trade e-mails again. It’s probably for the best, too. Herb would have to pretend he enjoyed the beer I’d feel compelled to buy for him, and I’d have to pretend that I enjoyed doing a little light work with differential equations just to be chummy. He can have his stopwatch, notepad, All Japan Women, and his doctorate. I’m perfectly happy with a 12 pack, a room full of other intoxicated dudes, my WWF Attitude, and my masters degree. But don’t think that means I’m sticking old Herb in the “Stuff That Sucks” category.

I just wanted to get that off my chest, since Herb is on the receiving end of many cheapshots. And will continue to be. Because it’s kind of funny how people who consider themselves wrestling fans can be so completely different.

By “different,” I am of course, referring to how I and other like-minded fans can be so mind-numbingly cool, while Herb can be so ultra-lame.

HA! [No really… after three paragraphs about that overly intellectual SOB, I get at LEAST one free shot, don’t I?]

Enough tangents… the point here is that while I’m lucky and happy to have what I’ve got, I can’t get over the fact that there are pages that suck out there accomplishing much the same things. So I take solice in the fact that they’ve got an audience that just doesn’t know better. In fact, I’d go so far as to say if one of their readers stumbled across OO or the nWWWo, they’d probably hit “Back” on their browser so fast it’d make your head spin. Because they’d need a dictionary and about 90 minutes to make it through an update or a column that didn’t use exclusively 2 syllable words and wrestler catchphrases. They’re too damn stupid to realize what they’re missing.

Or, in their own language:

They can’t smell what I’m cookin’… Because they remind me of jack-asses, and have got to be the stupidest sons of bitches I’ve ever seen… if they’d shut their mouths and know their roles, they’d realize that I’m the People’s Webmaster, the Best Damned Webmaster of all time; I guaran-damn-tee it… I am too sweet… Sucky webpages: You’re Next… for the thousands reading this page and the millions who prefer cyberporn and are instead enjoying bootleg footage of Pam Anderson blowing Tommy Lee: I’m bowdy bowdy and rowdy rowdy….. ain’t I great? That’s the bottom line, cuz I said so. And if you ain’t down with that, I got two words for ya:


Well, maybe that’s more than two words and maybe I just lost the gibbering fan boys again, but I think most of you can tell where I’m going with this… like I said, I’m putting myself over here.

In a way, I’m putting you folks reading this over, too. You’re damned intelligent individuals for sticking with one of the more high-quality opinion pages on the web. And for putting up with my self-serving tripe this week. Forgive me first, and then pat yourself on the back.

After you pat mine. :)

And always, no matter what, remember that all this ain’t nothing more than My Own Damned Opinion…..

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See you Monday!

This has been The Saturday Matinee and I’m Flea.

FLEA is an Inside Pulse Original in every sense of the word, from his unique style and viewpoint. You can send any feedback to, or just type it the comment box below. also but follow FLEA on Twitter @ryderfakin.