Welcome to the Second Week of the News Release. I’m Daniels and I’ll try not to incite any ‘net feuds with any other 411 writers… except Grut. He’s gradjeeatin from college soon and needs a good ‘net feud to get his blood boiling. Of course, his graduation ceremony will probably be better than the one for my Master’s, in which it f’n SNOWED in the middle of May.
Flea… I’m going to Smackdown on 1/21, airing on my BIRTHDAY on 1/23… does the $50 Grut offer still stand in January???? Hell, I’ll bring a sign that says “I’m a prancin fairy†for $50.
Big thanks to all the Music writers who either pimped me or sent me e-mail on the article last week. Also, thanks to Evocator for the info on Billy Milano. He’s all purpose music guy, AND can memorize an extra Evocation spell every day… even if he can’t memorize out of the Alteration school.
Also, it’s really good to see we live in a country where Speech is so Free, that a passing comment at colleagues 100th birthday party can lead to an expulsion vote from the Senate. What country do we live in again?
Top Daniels song for the second week running: Grey Street by Dave Matthews… the Busted Stuff version.
Those Angry Rockers (Week 2)
The “Feud†between Billy Milano and the guy who can sing but chooses not to, Serj Tankian continued this week. Serj had some brilliant commentary, that at least followed a coherent, thoughtful pattern.
“When was the last time Iraq attacked America? OK? When was the last time Libya or Panama attacked America? When was the last time Grenada attacked America? When was the last time Nicaragua attacked America? When was the last time El Salvador attacked America? Chile, when was the last time Chile attacked America? We have troops in all these countries. When was the last time they attacked us?”
The last time Iraq attacked America is up in the air, but I’d be willing to bed Saddam is bankrolling some of the terrorists who attack American interests outside the borders, IE: Embassies, Tourist suites, etc. A well-known statement is as follows: “Don’t fear the country with a thousand nukes. Fear the country with ONE nuke.†Saddam should have been dealt with in 1991 with a bullet in his head. As for the other countries, I have no idea and rather than look stupid, I won’t discuss them. But I will say that it’s probably what we like to call “preventative maintenance.†He goes on:
“We’ve got to really, really, understand what’s going on here. What’s going on here is a pursuit of business of business abroad, not for you and I’s sake, but for major multinationals who aren’t even employing American employees anymore who are opening shop in Indonesia and elsewhere because labor is cheaper, in Mexico, et cetera, et cetera. I wouldn’t even call them American companies anymore. Our government works for them and not us.”
Well, duh. It’s for the same reason companies are leaving NY and CA by the droves. America is becoming less and less business friendly, because your Democrats have this sick idea in their heads that they’re entitled to half the money a company makes. Yeah, there’s a dandy idea… “let’s motivate people to be successful by taking half their profits every year. That’ll motivate people to try to suceed!†GE, for example, is being charged half-a-BILLION dollars to dredge PCBs out of the Hudson River. The dandy part is: it was legal when they put them in there. Thirty years later, the Hudson is cleaning itself out rather nicely, and NY is giving it GE up the ass to make the Upstate Portion of the river basically unusable for the next fifty years. Yeah, that’ll motivate them to open more stuff up here. If the government doesn’t support businesses, the government becomes businesses. That is not America… that’s what we call USSR.
My new personal hero Billy Milano came back with:
“Serj, there are several terms for the kind of person you are. A person who uses his fame to bring attention to a plight but spends none of his own money to enact change. HYPOCRITE, LIAR, COWARD, DEMOCRAT!! If you find your balls, contact me, camel boy, at Xkrament@aol.com. I am correct that you own a computer? Maybe when you get out of your Jacuzzi or finish your sushi you bought on Hollywood Blvd., you’ll show some balls and e-mail.
Such a good sound bite. U2’s Bono says a lot of shit about a lot of political topics… and I personally don’t care for the guy’s politics, but he backs up what he says with actions. The counter example is Zack Delarocha (ex-Rage) who used to whine and bitch about a lot of various political issues, but do nothing to enact change, and just keep collecting his American paychecks while bitching about how bad America was… which is why I was never happier than when I heard the Rage Band would be joining up with a new singer.
“One other thing. I hope all these people with their ‘NO BLOOD FOR OIL’ shirts remember that slogan when it’s 105 degrees in August and they turn on their new air conditioners or when it’s 20 degrees out in January and they turn up the heat. These people are without shame! I personally sleep fine! So f*ck Iraq, let’s take the oil!!!!!”
That’s my boy. Or drive their cars, for that matter. See how down on an Iraq war the country becomes if we have to go through an oil shortage like we did in the seventies which I, granted, did not live through but heard a lot about. I’d be interested to see how many people changed their tune.
Dave Needs Diamonds
Diamond Dave (that’s David Lee Roth to all you young’uns out there) is suing former bandmates in Van Halen for owed royalties. Dave is claiming that Eddie, Alex, and Michael (and according to their live album, fifth member Jack Daniels) signed a secret deal with Warner Brothers in 1996 that increased their royalty payments for Roth-era albums while cutting Roth out. Dave is claiming the band has cost him more than $200,000 through the end of this year. When asked Dave said:
â€Where the bloody hell else am I going to get money fromâ€
Actually, he didn’t really say that, but that’s what he’s thinking. If you needed anymore proof, he’s not only suing the band for the royalties, he’s thrown in compensatory, exemplary, and punative damages… along with bankrolling his legal fees. I don’t know what any of those damages mean in non-lawyer terms, but I’m guessing it adds up to a lot more than the initial $200k.
All told, Van Halen released six albums with Roth, most of which he had a lyric writing credit on. If he wrote the songs, he deserves any Royalty upgrade the rest of the band got, and also the legal fees he has to pay to get what’s rightfully his. The rest he can suck on an egg.
The thing with Dave, is he does all this crap to himself. He’s an 80s rocker who doesn’t realize his life is nostalgia tours now. No one cares. He had a chance to get back with Van Halen, and he screwed it up. He then had a chance to be part of, what should have been, one of the biggest tours of the summer and managed to piss off Sammy Hagar, who seems to be a pretty easy-going dude. So, while I do think Dave should get any cash owed him for stuff he wrote, I find it difficult to feel bad for him when he’s f*cked up every opportunity he’s had to get a new gig… simply because he doesn’t realize that he’s not the center of the world anymore. See also: Rose, Axl.
In a related story, Eddie Van Halen is now cancer free and are currently working on a new album. They don’t, however, have a singer since bouncing Gary Cherone in 1999 after the Van Halen 3 release… which was one of the weaker VH releases ever.
My Opinion: they made a huge mistake dumping Sammy Hagar. I’m one of the few who will admit to liking both versions of the Band, because they both had some really good songs. The Cherone album is basically barely a blip on the radar that no one remembers. If you’re going to replace a lead singer, you at least need to prove yourselves with a strong album to back him up. A mediocre album with Sammy singing would have been ok… a mediocre album with an unproven singer defaults it to a bad album. Then, Sammy going out and putting out a really strong solo album makes the band look bad and petty. ESPECIALLY considering the fact that Cherone was from a particularly weak hair band, and didn’t even have a strong rock anthem (I Can’t Drive 55) behind him first. Extreme wasn’t known for much except being confused with Firehouse, and also, Cherone got the “The new lead singer is from WHAT band… BWAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA†effect. Of course, the Van Halen brothers also got what they wanted out of Cherone… a puppet lead singer who was just happy to be there and get paid, and wasn’t going to rock the boat any. Much like Michael Anthony, basically. He knows he’s got a good going, and keeps his mouth shut and plays his endless string of quarter-notes.
More Royalty Spats
The Courtney Love of the last generation, Yoko Ono, is considering taking Paul McCartney to court over the writing credits given on his new album Back in the US. Get this… McCartney listed the credits on the album as “Paul McCartney and John Lennon†rather than the standard “Lennon-McCartney†crediting.
So, let me get this straight. He’s crediting the songs properly, but instead putting his name first… and Yoko wants a payoff for this? Apparently, this runs counter to an agreement John and Paul made more than 40 years ago… which Paul says doesn’t exist. Hey there Yoko, they aren’t your songs, in any sense of the terms. You didn’t do anything but burn John Lennon out. When asked why she was doing this, Yoko said:
â€YAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYA.â€
Which, loosely translated means:
â€Where the bloody hell else am I going to get money fromâ€
This Week’s Releases
Last week I attempted to do some research and have a listen at the release single of the albums that were dropping (yes, the other writers are correct… the use of the term “drop†is very liberating. It makes me feel hip). This week, there isn’t one album I would consider buying. So, for you folks who are wondering, this is what comes out today:
Nas: God’s Sun. I never liked Nas… he just never did anything for me… even when I did listen to the occassional rap song.
Monica: All Eyez on Me. The butchering of the English Language continues… because Z’s are COOL, man. Didn’t Monica just have a release last week? Oh no, wait… this is the one that’s pregnant, right? Bah, I can’t keep these one named R&B stars straight.
MTV Unplugged: Dashboard Confessional. Who? When is the Staind Unplugged album coming out?
The White Stripes: The White Stripes. Another band that just doesn’t do it for me. I guess I don’t get high enough to enjoy this band.
Prince: One Night Alone Live. Hey, this is the famous millionaire who sued a guy for running a fan site with links to mp3’s of his stuff. Certainly sounds like someone I’d want to support. Prince should be happy anyone still cares enough about him to RUN an f’n website.
S Club: Don’t Stop Movin. Do they mean Senator’s Club? How many shots of it do you have to do so this band doesn’t sound like every other corporately constructed group (I refuse to call them bands) that exist right now? The world may never know.
Gangs of New York Soundtrack: The first movie Leonardo DiCaprio’s been in since Titanic that has a chance of doing well. I have no idea even what the movie’s about. According to IMDB, The film starts in 1846 and ends in 1863 with the draft riots. The setting is New York’s five points, the most violent part of the world at the time. The story is risen out of the conflicts between the white Anglo-Saxon “natives” and the Irish immigrants coming into the five points. One boy needs to avenge the death of his father…. Ok, so that helps not at all. I’ll guess it’s all scores, though.
Does This Mean No More Eating Feces?
Corey Taylor of Slipknot told the press last week that Slipknot’s hiatus was almost over to head back to the studio for a new album. He also said that, were it up to him, he’d not be going back to the studio with Slipknot just yet. In Cleveland Scene magazine, Corey Said:
†We really kind of kicked our own asses, in a way. I am totally ready to go and do another Slipknot album, but I’m not going to do it until [the Stone Sour] album plays itself out. If you’re out there selling 50,000 albums a week, and you have the opportunity to do a huge f*ckin’ tour with a couple of bands that kick ass, then why wouldn’t you? The kids are gonna be there, and they’re gonna want the album no matter what. So why not take the time and set up something else, and do both? There really hasn’t been any negativity towards [Stone Sour] from [the rest of Slipknot]. Paul’s really into it, Chris is really into it, and those guys have come to the shows and hung out and shit, but it’s one of those things where we’ll see what happens.”
Taylor realizes that 1) Slipknot got him over. 2) People are more willing to buy good songs that are thought out and well played rather than nine jackasses slamming around on stage and eating shit (literally) to shock people into going “that’s pretty cool.†3). He’s over, so there’s no reason to exert himself on stage when people like his chill band better and 4). Radio is much friendlier to Stone Sour songs than pounding metal.
I predict Slipknot will fulfill whatever commitment they have left to Roadrunner and officially break up and let the side projects take over. Jim Root, in Chart Attack, said that a Stone Sour summer tour is officially planned, but could be put on hiatus if the Slipknot recording sessions go well. Most of the band are just wrappign up tours with Stone Sour and Murderdolls, both side projects.
Reading between the lines, no one in Slipknot really cares to be in there anymore, because they can’t keep shocking fans with doing new shit. All that’s left is for one of them to get shot or blown up on stage, and I don’t think any of them are volunteering.
He also said you will never see a Slipknot/Stone Sour joint tour, so stop hoping fanboy.
F’n Nevermind
In a move that shocked no one, Q magazine voted Nirvana’s Nevermind as the top album of all time. In the article they said:
yeah… Kurt shot himself so we felt we had to do this… again
Actually, they didn’t, but they might as well have.
Perhaps THE most overrated album of all time… considering, even if you’re just talking about Seattle bands, Alice in Chains Dirt and Pearl Jam Ten basically wipe the floor with it.
Nirvana fans Click Here to tell me I don’t understand.
Speaking of Seattle
James Marshall had this to say in Yesterday’s News.
Daniels stated that Pearl Jam wanted to be the new ‘Pink Floyd’, or something. To be honest, I can’t see a single parallel between the two. He also said that they hadn’t rocked since ‘Vitalogy’. This will be of no interest to most of you, but if you’ve got a copy of ‘No Code’, just flick through the tracks, ‘Hail Hail’, ‘Red Mosquito,’ ‘Lukin’, ‘Smile’… Sure sounds like rock to me… Hell, Lukin sounds like punk rock.
Following No Code they came up with ‘Yield’, arguably their strongest studio album, my personal favorite with ‘Vs’ coming in a close second. I’ll won’t bore you going through all the rocks songs on that album, but suffice to say, it’s a straight up rock record.
I’ll give you Hail, Hail… but Red Mosquito and Smile I won’t. When I think of Rock, I think of Once, Jeremy, Not For You, Alive, and the like. Lukin sucks, so I won’t consider it here. You and I obviously have different tastes and opinions on what Constitutes “rock,†which is cool. I say Pearl Jam stuff is meandering soft rock… something you can hear in a doctor’s office or a supermarket and just kind of ignore. Their first albums were ROCK. When you heard it, it wasn’t background music. It kicked you in the balls and told you “YOU’RE LISTENING TO THIS MUTHAFUKKAâ€
Granted, Pink Floyd was an exaggeration… but when I said that, I meant, slow, meandering rock that, while decent, is not exactly what made the band famous. Barring the current album, because I haven’t heard it yet, I think Pearl Jam’s album quality went on a slow decline after Ten, except swapping Yield and No Code (the worst). Pearl Jam’s best work was in the early ninties and they were on top of the world. Ten was probably one of the best albums of all time, and probably would have been voted so if Eddie swallowed a gun in 1995.
She Really is This Damn Good, We Promise
Britney Spears has made the 2003 Guiness Book for most records sold by a teenage solo artist.
What a world we live in.
In other news, music pioneers Pink Floyd and Paul McCartney have taken up drinking and John Lennon was heard rolling over in his grave.
No More TRL Antics
Mariah Carey, unfortunately, scored a third place debut for her new studio disc called Charmbracelet. I only say unfortunately because we won’t get to watch a mental breakdown live on MTV again. We also won’t get a dissertation on “haters.â€
However, she was defeated by Shania Twain and Tim McGraw. No one, unfortunatly, has pointed out she was the only big hyped debut that week, and is riding on the power of a really, REALLY good single. If anyone would like to tell me how the rest of the album is, I’d be curious to know.
A cover of Def Leppard’s Bringing On the Heartbreak appears on the disc, much to the chagrin of Rock fans everywhere.
Speaking of Selling Out
Actually, I wasn’t, but it’s a reasonable transition. I haven’t listened to the new Def Leppard album, but at least a couple tracks were penned by Andreas Carlsson, the writer for the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync. If that wasn’t embarassing enough, front man Joe Elliot got defensive when Blabbermouth.net suggested that Def Leppard, in every sense of the word, “sold out.â€
“Absolutely not true. We don’t give a f*ck about cred. We give a f*ck about making a great record. We’ve certainly never been puppets and we’re not going to start now. And how many people other than the small minority of media people that pick up on the negative side of stuff give a shit?”
Well, pretty much everyone, from what I heard. I think it went over the top when Joe came out for a recent live performance wearing nothing but Abercrombie and Fitch and backwards, upside-down visor. God love him, though, he kept a straight face through the whole performance.
In actuality, Def Leppard hasn’t made a good album since the one right after Hysteria. If they want to try to change with the times, like an Aerosmith, more power to them… just be less obvious about it. I’m sure one of them has a teenage daughter… play a bunch of songs for her. Whichever one she likes the best, put on an album, make a single, and bang… you kept your own writing credits and made a sell-out song without selling out. Easy.
KISS Army
Following in the footsteps of last year’s Symphonic Metallica record, KISS will be peforming a live show with a symphony orchestra in Australia next year. The biggest news is that Ace Frehley is angry because no one contacted him before the deal was made. Now, he doesn’t think he’s going to play.
In other news, no one gives a damn. It’s f*cking KISS. Eleventy Billion people will order the show on PPV, buy the album, dvd, AND video whether Ace is there or not. All he misses out on is the payday.
View another site on Widro’s Network of Doom, EddieTrunk.com for all the sordid details.
The End of the World As We Know It
REM is touring next year in celebration of the 20th anniversary. Michael Stipe will probably whine about something political that we should care about because he’s a rock star.
In Other Writing
Over in the Reviews section, we have three new reviews by Evocator, Blackmore Knights, No Return, and Kevin Kinney. Matt Jones also reviewed Otep.
No articles. Lazy f!cks took the weekend off. The last column posted was Evocators, in which he suggested I earned a stiff beating for Christmas. If anyone disagrees and would like to show your appreciation of Daniels, “Click Here†to buy me something cool for Christmas. If not, just punch Evocator if you see him.
(Ed Note): Neither 411wrestling or Daniels actually supports the beating of Evocator, although we would understand it.
411wrestling and Daniels both fully support the
beating of Cody
Webster. He also has a fetish for household pets,
which doesn’t make him a bad person, just ask George
Carlin. He’s also a really a chick inside. I have no
problem with the guy, I’m just reporting what he said
in his column. He also asks me to come up with an
original idea… When the f*ck did we land in the Movie Zone
and enter into “A Beautiful Mind?†Whenever we did,
let me know, because the movie sucked.
That’ll about wrap me up for the week. 411’s top “Read While You’re High†writer is up tomorrow, when Claire does the Bubblegum Complex. Then some other folks including Cankaya and Marshall. Then, most importantly, ME again next Tuesday.
She feels like kicking out all the windows, and setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her, using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together, to grey.
