The Saturday Matinee News Report 12.21.02

Archive

Here I am back north for the holidaze and damn, is it nice to get back to where I belong. The weather is 35%, which is perfectly acceptable everywhere but Florida and the skies are relatively clear, if you don’t count the smog and pollution. That’s the nice thing about Orlando, or Florida in general skies are always sunny (when it ain’t raining) none of this gloomy overcast bullshit. I think Walt made some kid of Mickey Mouse deal with the Devil, but then again I think the same thing about Doug Flutie, so who knows. I took a nice walk around Little Italy, bar hopping and eating all afternoon and early evening until I realized that EVERY FUCKING PLACE HAS BANNED INDOOR SMOKING! Jesus Christ, is this what Florida is going to turn into? The first eight places I went to didn’t say a word, but they were all restaurants and bars of friends, so they were more than willing to overlook my chain smoking, for old times sake. But a couple places later, I was politely informed that I “have to smoke outside” I responded, “No way, it’s too cold out there.” . “New law, sorry” well f*ck. “can I drink outside?” they had no problem with that and set us up on the patio, gave us a few candles, three ashtrays and promised to bring a round of drinks every 20 minutes or so. So it was a little cold big deal! I wanted to drink and smoke, even in 30% weather – IM’ HARDCORE!! I’M HARDCORE!!! but f*ck that shit in Florida, I can’t sit there and sweat like a vegetarian at an orgy – Hope the outside is air conditioned. Gonna find out soon enough, I guess.

Oh HEY! Or should I say HO HO HOWDY nah, I’m in Little Italy so it’s HO HO HOW YA DOIN? Fucking wops. I’m Flea and I’m all yours this weekend. No really, ain’t nothing I’m doing but surfing the web, watching some ball games and typing a couple reports. The girls have made a weekend trip to NYC, as my kid gets to experience her very first NYC shopping spree!!!! Well Yee and f*cking Hah. I’ve seen that action and she’s in for a treat. Of course, I might as well had told her Santa ain’t real, because every f*cking bum in town is going to be dressed like Santa, or some kind of Homeless Elf – “HI! I’m Piece of Shit, the Homeless Elf! Can I have what’s in YOUR bag?” Ah f*ck you and your NYC. But I’m sure they will have fun. Nothing like Times Square at Christmas Time. Beautiful.

So I’ve got a case of Red Stripe beer, some Knob Creek and some party supplies and I’m just gonna surf and surf and surf. This “Way Back Machine” web archive thing is the dead nuts!!! – I have all my 97-current IWC memories right at the tip of my fingers. Let’s have some fun this weekend the f*cking site better be up .

Let’s get to it

TOP STORY

“Just hearing his name makes me want to puke.”

– Bill Goldberg in a recent on line chat

I know how he feels. The Big Story going around this week is the rumored and gearing-up-to-be-hyped down-our-throats-match between Goldberg and Rock E at Wrestlemania next year. As a matter of fact, the bald headed prima donna even went out of his way to grace us all with an on line chat – here are some excerpts

Ah, piss on that sloppy, overrated menace. His on-line chat was nothing more than a obscene performance of vanity and taking himself way to seriously, simultaneously severely exaggerating his use for the business and managing to take a shit on the business, with his “better than everyone comments”. Oh sure, he was very gracious to the top stars like Rock and Austin but check this out

Q: Would you be interested in facing Rob Van Dam and some of the other mid-card stars?

Goldberg, the prima donna: “The key there is mid-card stars…no offense, but no thank you!”

Well ain’t that cute. As much as I dislike RVD, Goldberg does no one any good by saying things like that. UNLESS he wanted to come in as a heel, which well all know his “heart just is not in that”. God forbid he disappoint children who can not tell the difference between real and fake. So this is no gimmick, those are his true feelings and normally I would have no problem with someone calling a spade a spade, but Jesus Christ! Goldberg has NEVER done a damn thing for wrestling! Oh sure, he was over for a little while, but with a roster like the 98-99ish WCW, that’s like saying Coors Light is a great beer, simply because it’s the only one left in the refrigerator. But if you listen to him, you would think he is the second coming and everyone else in the business not named Rock or Austin is not on his level. Here is another comment, this time directed at HHH

Q: (well this is more of a statement than a question, but none of you would have understood a big “S” in lieu of a Q..) Elaborate on your problem with HHH.

“I think someone needs to teach HHH the meaning of the word RESPECT. The real story is he opened his mouth about someone he knew nothing about, and I just wanted to let him know I didn’t appreciate it very much!”

I’m sure he is talking about that 3 year old confrontation he had with HHH at an autograph signing. If memory serves me correctly, H questioned Goldberg’s dedication to the business. Now then – you can say or feel how you want about H and his supposed “backstage politics”, but you are a dumb, blind fool if you think he is not 120% passionate and committed to the wrestling business. Depending on your point of view, his motives may be misguided and for lack of a better word “suspicious”, but his love and respect for wrestling should not be questioned. And the “respect” comment is coming someone who has been milking an AOL contract dry along with milking various “injuries” since he didn’t get his way in WCW. And that statement also shows how goddamn ignorant Goldberg is about the business – a lot of people would pay money to see that match, but if I was HHH, no way in the world do I step into the ring with him – Goldberg actually LIKED Bret Hart and looked what he did to him. Combine his sloppiness and his total lack of regard for his opponent, with an actual ego / jealousy fueled hatred as motivation, and you are just asking for trouble. I’m sure HHH could handle himself, but who would want to have to worry about something like that? It ain’t 1930. This next one is in regards to his work schedule

Q: Would you take a full-time or limited WWE contract?

Goldberg: “I’ve always been a firm believer that less is more…it’s not special if you see it every night.”

So much for the house show business. And I’m sure that will go over big with the locker room – a guy gets who knows how much for a “special attraction appearances (I’m sure it will be at least seven figures) and doesn’t have to travel or work a full time schedule. Ain’t that something? See, Hogan could do stuff like that because he is 50 years old and is, after all, HULK HOGAN, a man responsible for most of the modern generations’ gainful employment. Including Goldberg’s. But for Goldberg to come out and say that shows an obvious disdain for everything most wrestlers live for. So why in the world Vince would want to bring this lecherous jack-off into the mix is beyond my realm of comprehension. EVERY hot-shotted angle since the purchase of WCW has been screwed up royally, mainly due to the writing staff having their head so far up their asses they can see daylight. Why would this one be any different? And the million dollar question is this

Q: If WWE changed its style to reflect more what you believe in, and you went to it, would you have a problem taking a fall to someone like Brock or Austin?

Goldberg: “I’ve never had a problem taking a fall to everyone, if it was realistic and fit the storyline.”

For those of you new to all of this, “fall” in the context above means the ol’ “j.o.b. on p.p.v” That statement is so ludicrous on so many different levels I’m surprised anyone with an IQ over 27 is not puking in their shoes with howling fits of laughter. I can see it now

WWE: “Hey Bill! Here’s your story line! We will give you 1 million dollars to show up at the PPV and JOB to Matt Hardy

Goldberg: “That doesn’t fit into any story line and is not realistic”

WWE: “Well, seeing as you refuse to show up for TV and / or house shows, it’s tough to craft a story line. And if you want realism, realistically, we are FUCKING NUTS to pay you at all, but here’s that Million – we want to create a star – MATTITUDE IS ON IT’S WAY!!”

Goldberg: “That doesn’t fit into any story line and is not realistic”

WWE: OK, here is TWO MILLION, Please put Matt over!”

Goldberg: Well, I guess I can do that – but I want a DQ ending and I have to get my heat back

WHO THE FUCK HAS THIS GUY BLOWN TO GET THIS KIND OF TREATMENT? WCW could not have been that bad as to find the need to create and unleash a monster like this on us .was it? And how desperate can Vince McMahon be to even consider something like this. He has Austin coming back, Rock E will be around, Angle and Lesnar are ready to tear the house down, and a whole roster full of wrestlers that are much better than the shows that have been presented to us. I think everyone will agree that WWE as a product needs work – but it’s not bleeding and dying as everyone in the Chicken Little Smart Crowd will have you believe. One or two story lines and the staff staying healthy will get the product back on track – I’m predicting around Wrestlemania time.

Around this time last year, I was very vocal in the pending return of the N.W.O., thinking, if booked right, could lead to many intriguing story lines and a kick in the ass that the business needed after Vince and company stepped in horse shit presenting the whole “Invasion” angle to the unwashed masses. Unfortunately, injuries, personal problems and a total lack of competence by everyone involved killed the N.W.O angle dead as a door nail. The only redeeming quality (and really, the only thing that made sense from start to finish all year) was the return of Hulk Hogan for one last run at the top. Sure the matches were lousy from a technical point of view, but that old “Hogan Magic” was the nostalgia du jour and everyone he wrestled went out of there way to make him look like a viable threat instead of a washed-up has-been. And at the end of the run, Hogan was a total pro and started Brock of on his “monster heel push”. All of which was good for business – if you are going to have a featured attraction, that’s how you want it. I see nothing redeeming about Goldberg, either from a in ring standpoint or a long term effect of the future of WWE. Rock E should be enough of a “featured attraction” if, in fact, he continues to be an actor instead of a wrestler. For my money, Rock is 10x more talented and entertaining than Goldberg could ever be, not to mention, he is very loyal to Vince and the WWE family. Compare Rock’s feelings to these of Goldberg

“I don’t trust anybody unless their last name is Goldberg.”

The only thing I would like to see if the are out of their minds enough to pay this useless slug a dime is for him to work a program with Chris Jericho and eventually put Jericho over. That always bothered me; at the height of Jericho’s “run” in WCW, Goldberg refused to work a program with him. But looking back on that, it was WCW’s treatment of him that lead Jericho to the promised land and into the megastar he is today.

Maybe Goldberg does have a place in the business – while he is too much of a prima donna to do what is best for wrestling instead what is best for himself, he drives the wrestlers around him to step up their game, knowing that possibly there is light at the end of the tunnel as eventually anyone who has the attitude of Bill Goldberg is not long for the business – it’s not like taking the money and running is against his saintly principles.

HEADLINES

Despite being amazingly mediocre, both shows this week continued in the right direction of a build up to Wrestlemania, with two top feuds getting the lion’s share of attention. RAW featured Steiner vs. HHH, which has lead to conflicting opinions of most if the “in crowd” amongst web writers. Many hated it with a passion, calling it boring and bullshit while none other than Wade Keller came out and said it was the greatest things since pop-top beer. I’m right in the middle on this one so far, just because NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TO CALL IT BULLSHIT, but HHH is in no condition to make Steiner look like good in the ring. H has been carting around injuries since his original quad injury last year and it’s starting to show in his ring work Unlike someone like Austin, who is a bonafide cripple, H cannot bring the “punch / kick / brawl” intensity to his matches like Austin (and Rock for that matter) when he’s banged up. Steiner will need all the help he can get – although I have been reading good reports on his house show appearances. But I do like the angle and the way they are presenting it – H is at his best with the “back down” routine, as evidenced with his feud with Cactus, but not much since then, for various reasons that have now turned into demented web writer “fact”. I think this feud will be third, possibly 4th in line behind Austin, Brock vs. Angle, Rock / Goldberg and maybe even HBK / Some Other Guy. That’s odd for a World Champeen feud but it does kind of undermine the whole “H wants to bury everyone by being on top argument” doesn’t it?

Also on RAW were continuing stellar performances from Booker T and Goldust, as well as the above mentioned HBK / Some Other Guy disagreement – one that culminated with Guy getting some Sweet Chin Music. See, this is the Some Other Guy I like: his promo was top notch and he took that kick to the face like a MAN! I’m looking forward to a match between Guy and HBK, as Other Guy is quickly becoming one of my favorites, after years of disappointment and disgust in my eyes. I’ll explain this more at some other time, quite possibly the New Year’s Column. Looks like they are going with the “holdin a brother down”angle with D’Lo, which I think, while not on the mid-card angle scale of say, Mattitude or Rapping Wiggers, it’s definitely above being a fag or even worse, a fat Samoan jobber tag team. Good for D’Lo and glad to see him back. As well as Raven, whose work on Heat, while not as “great and inventive” as some people would have you believe, is pretty entertaining and would make for good RAW filler. ANYTHING other than RVD and Kane, for crying out loud. Oh and I was at the RAW show by the way. Nothing really to write home about – good show, hot crowd and it was great to be able to give Bischoff the finger and tell him to FUCK HIMSELF, live – just like the old days. But overall, I liked the RAW July 2000 show much better.

Over on Smackdown, Paul E and his master plan took top billing, with him adding Kurt Angle to his stable in a continuos effort to f*ck with Brock Lesnar. Looks like the IWC is starting to rumble about Paul E booking himself as a major player, but better him than a lot of other people. Paul the maniacal agent is good TV, and the dynamic between him and Angle is gold. Big Show, is just there, but he’s a good hired heavy instead of featured player anyway. Lesnar / Angle has begun and I hope they do not shove this “greatest match ever” down our throats and set an unreasonable expectation. Oh, and Lesnar thowing that kid out of the ring was spectacular. Nice to see someone other than Jeff Hardy try and kill themselves. Cena and Bling Bling are relatively amusing while Chuck Palumbo seems to have resumed his role as jobber for life and I continue to hate Tough Enough with a passion, especially for being behind a new push for Hugh Morrus. Whatever. Mattitude seems to be back on track and the “black eye” events made me all the more suspicious of “how things work”. Matt goes on line and bitches about Albert getting a push instead of him. Next thing you know, at a house show (not on TV, with tape rolling) he gets STIFFED right in the eye by a Chuck Palumbo discus punch. I’m sure there is more to the story and anxiously await a newsletter recap to confirm my suspicions. But much like RAW, Smackdown was rather pedestrian, although you can’t blame them. An extended holiday break is coming and no sense in getting all rushed with things. The next three months will be very indicative of the future of the company and they might as well take this time to get their ducks in a row before shooting themselves in the foot with Goldberg. I think it would be wise to have a back up plan and now’s the time to do it. After the holiday break, of course.

THE ROSS SAYS THIS

In his latest Ross Report, Good Ol JR’s only item of note in the official confirmation that Stone Cold and Rock E are going to be back next year – something that all for us “in the know” types knew, but we can’t really say “I told you so!” until Ross puts it in his column. This stuff is getting more and more ridiculous all the time.

ROLL THE DICE

Kurt Angle had his knee worked on in Birmingham and should not miss any action, given the holidays and the Fed’s penchant for Main Events without wrestling. In other injury news, HHH is HHHurting from a charleyhorse, much to the chagrin of I don’t want to name any names but you assholes are vampires. But I’m sure your medical degrees account for your expert opinion on steroids and the effect they have on the human body. Who knew wrestling fans could be so “smart”. Hey! Irony! Flea rules!

The funniest thing I read all week was the Torch reporting that Little Guido, now known as Cousin Nunzio, is a paranoid crybaby whose feelings get hurt waaaaayyyyy to easily for anyone in a business such ass professional wres oops SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. Seems he will take it personally if you criticize his matches or attempt any kind of ribbing or hazing. I don’t know which is more amusing – the idea that this might be true or the fact that Keller thought this was newsworthy! “HA! An Italian that wears his emotions on his sleeve! I’ve struck gold!” ..ha ha ha ha ha.

Plans continue to be out together for the RAW 10th Anniversary – surprisingly enough Sable and Marvelous Marc will not be there, at least according to Mero himself in a recent interview. I think it would be more interesting to see Sunny than Sable, if only to show people what happens to you when you think you are better than Vince. Actually, that’s pretty far from the truth with Sunny – she’s just pretty much a f*ck up. But Sable and Chyna SHOULD be there. Come to think of it, I guess I should put together a list of people that I want to see as I’m pretty stuck for shit to do on Monday’s until Hyatte gets back. And nothing cute or clever like “Oh yeah, Gangrel would be great to see” or “I would give anything to have OWEN there”. HOGWASH, you f*ckers. It’s no crime to conform and just say Bret / Austin / Rock / UT / etc I don’t think you are any more cool by pulling some obscure name out of a hat that no one cared for the first time and no one will give a rat’s ass about THIS time. Come to think of it, I have no desire to do a list like that – I’ll think of something else.

IN OTHER WORDS

From now on, I’m on Flea’s payroll. Man, I always wanted to fight with Chris Hyatte wearing nothing but silk underwear while Flea clapped his hands together and yelled, “Fabulous, fabulous,” for a living.

– GRUT! Witty as usual in his news report

That can probably be arranged.

Ron Gamble did a column the other day and has this to say (while on the topic of his mother’s birthday)

Also, Flea? If you’re reading? She’s a bigger Elvis fan than you. She’s told me many times while growing up that Elvis should have been my dad, she has literally every record album (not CD or tape, but vinyl) he ever made — even the crappy soundtracks — and not one, but TWO velvet painting of The King Himself.

Hey, anyone who loves the King is a friend of mine! Happy Birthday Gaynell!

I’ll have a Blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same dear, if you’re not here with me
And the when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
You’ll be doing all right, with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

And much to everyone’s uptight perverted delight, Trent Lott stepped down as majority leader of the Senate today. As several people have mentioned, he was too good of a politician to not only say that statement once, but now three documented times. Of course, this has allowed the Democrats to attempt continuously promote any issue of race or civil rights in theirs and theirs alone. They say Republicans have done nothing for minorities and racial equality, which is an out and out boldface lie. The fact that people continue to believe and spew this revisionist self-serving shit speaks volumes about sheep and how they are led around by their noses. Read a f*cking history book, if you can find one that accurately portrays political voting records and stances instead of shoving down our throats the ideology of the Democratic Party using the “race card” in times of convenience against opponents. But at least Democrats are separating themselves from people with the names Clinton and Gore. As proven in the last elections, having Clinton pimping you is like standing on a corner arguing with a stop sign – you can’t win. Think anyone would vote for Gary Hart?

Holy Shit – Larry King has Dr Bob Jones on and is practically calling him a racist, only because he grew up in the South and at one time “segregated” was the way things were. Hell, although I lived up North for many years, I consider myself a “southerner” and have never had a problem with integration or things of that nature. I do find it odd that while I’m a Southerner and my best friend in life is a 300 pound bald headed black man, the folks of the supposedly “enlightened” Northeast, specifically a Queen fan in Rhode Island would send me this

Hey, Flea

Do you know what you would call Santa Claus if he was black?

(Canadian)

Happy HAW HAW HAWlidays

Hyatte

Same to ya, pal!

There are many new columnists here at 411, a few I have mentioned, a couple I have talked to and even more that I have read and enjoyed. It will take a few more weeks to get a grasp on everyone, but they looking like a fine upstanding group of writers. Easiest way to read them is to check out the column section everyday and see what’s going on. It’s worth your while.

I don’t have the link available, but the story is over on CNN.com – it’s about Star Trek and the perception of Trekkies, the only group more fanatical and obsessive than wrestling fans – but not by much. The only true separation is that wrestling fans do draw the line at dressing up like Ric Flair for live shows – although every once in awhile you will see some freak dressed like the Rock or Hogan. But, by and large, most wrestling fans are much more subdued. Go over there and read the article, good comments from Data, Picard and Troi. Especially Troi!

PAGE SIX

In lieu of a IWC Flashback I would like to use Page Six to give a special plug, in case any of you in the Northeast want to see a show. I’ll still be up here and plan on attending, it’s sounds like a good show and a good time. I ain’t above asking for free tickets, so if you would like to send some my way, you are more than welcome. Of course I don’t get the hits like some people do – but then again, I’m a nice guy and not a self centered condescending prick. And no I don’t mean YOU. Anyhow, here are some details and if you can attend, please do. Many people are regretting not seeing ECW – you never know where the next “cult promotion” will spring up Here ya go!

3PW
December 28, 2002
Belltime 8pm
Viking Hall at the corner of Swanson & Ritner Streets.
Philadelphia, PA
(866) 228-0326
www.3PWrestling.com

The card for December 28th features:
“The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes vs. Abdullah the Butcher

Too Cold Scorpio returns to the Viking Hall and is making a rare US appearance as he faces Syxx Pac!!

Sabu defends the 3PW heavyweight title against “Pitbull” Gary Wolfe

Ron ‘”The Truth” Killings takes on Kid Kash in a much anticipated rematch!!

A CZW match up of importance to be announced!

Also schedules to appear: Roadkill, The Blue Meanie, Josh Daniels, Jason w/ Jasmin St. Claire, Rockin Rebel, Joey Matthews, Rob Eckos, Matt Striker, and Devon Storm!

3PW tickets are available at:
Noise Pollution
619 S. 4th St. (4th & South St.)
Philadelphia, PA
(215) 627 – 7246

Hall of Heroes
Cherry Hill Mall
Cherry Hill, NJ
(856) 662 – 9329

Hall of Heroes
Echelon Mall
Voorhees, NJ
(856) – 772 – 9703

* * * * * *
And if you go, don’t forget to send 411 a report! We are about to be big time (even bigger? No way! Way!) so now would be the time to get into our good graces. It could be YOU wrestling with GRUT and Hyatte while I sip my Mint Juleps. Not likely, but the possibility is always there

This has been The Saturday Matinee and I’m Flea.

FLEA is an Inside Pulse Original in every sense of the word, from his unique style and viewpoint. You can send any feedback to ryderfakin@yahoo.com, or just type it the comment box below. also but follow FLEA on Twitter @ryderfakin.