Interesting weekend for me. I went through the Upstate New York version of putting a black line through the Fifth Amendment… that being a DWI checkpoint. For those of you who have never had the pleasure, that’s where they pull every car over and inspect it, and you, to see if you are doing something wrong, or have been drinking. I would go into it here, but I need some reason for you guys to read the Music Column tomorrow, since it’s Christmas Eve and roughly five people will look at it otherwise. So, tune in tomorrow to The Music Section read about Daniels’s adventures with the Law.
Those guys over in the music section are really touchy. I was noticing this yesterday. I think they don’t like us wrestling folks invading their little zone. I get a lot of anger from some of them. I think I know why, but we can go into that at another time.
Gamble, last week: Despite these comments, the Republican Party has allowed him to stay on as one of their leaders. If you’re in favor of segregation and racial discrimination, vote for the Republican Party. However, if you want to leave these ideas in the past, then vote Democrat.”
Talking about a possible campaign platform if Lott had decided to say on. It’s liberating when even Democrats realize their most powerful politics is race-hating and fear-mongering. “Vote for this white guy, he feels your plight better than THAT white guy.” “Vote for this guy, he won’t let you die waiting in line for perscriptions.” “Vote for this guy… he won’t try to take to make you get a job and give you money away for sitting at home and doing nothing… after all, the people who’ve worked hard for their money, well, it’s their DUTY to give it you.”
And also, F Scott Keith for stealing the Back to the Future trilogy review from me. Assface.
But, I want to get rolling with this thing today and get it over with.
Raw
About 15 minutes in, you know it’s going to be a useless night, as we are supposed to have a HHH appreciation party tonight. Wait, isn’t EVERY Raw a HHH Appreciation Party? Confusion ensues when Chief Morely booked Steiner’s contract signing into the main event and Bischoff booked HHH’s belt ceremony into the main event.
Maven and Nowinski worked a very decent match together. It got bumped from the PPV due to time contraints…. Because we needed that Torrie/Dawn Marie segment kept because that was what the fans wanted to see. Remember that folks, the reason Vince keeps the lesbian stuff around is because YOU WANT TO SEE IT.
Don’t you?
Shawn Michaels came out to say he wanted the title match extended to best three out of five… and he wanted it RIGHT NOW!!!! Jericho came out for the response, and ran down Michaels for being too old. The old Shawn Michaels would have bucked the odds and silenced the naysayers. The old Shawn Michaels also would have come down with a mysterious illness and lost the title in a Smackdown Darkmatch in Rio Dijanero.
Christian beat Golddust with a rollup that ended up in the corner with both Christian’s arms draped over the ropes. The ref, while counting, managed to fall out of the ring and STILL not notice Christian was in the ropes.
Eric offered the top of the hour slot to HHH for the appreciation ceremoney. But HHH decided that he only deserves the main event spot on the show and, if he didn’t get it, he’d pull an Austin and walk off with the belt. Well, big deal, hoss, you got handed that belt… I don’t think it’d be too hard for Bisch to hand it to someone else and say “you da new man, buddy.” He also called Steiner a “jacked up piece of trash” which is funny on a couple different levels.
Coach interviewed Kane and RVD. RVD is trying to mellow out Kane, who is now sick of being a clown. And here we go with some more WWE bipolarness. For six months or so, Kane was doing Kane-a-roonies and dancing with Rikishi. Now, suddenly, he’s forgotten all that and just hates everyone again.
In another Handicapped match, it was RVD/Kane vs 3MW/Batista. Batista left partway through the match because 3MW wasn’t tagging him in. Afterward, 3MW lost to Kane again. Good thing they brought the guys up… because we needed more jobbers on Raw.
“Back When Raw was Good” moment of tonight. Mankind winning the belt. That was a pretty cool moment that the Internet spoiled for everyone. Go NET!!!
Jeff Hardy beat D’Lo, which was an afterthought to a new Nation push for D’Lo. See, D’Lo’s foot was on the ropes when Jeff Pinned him. The ref came back to apologize, and D’Lo informed us that the ref was a racist and was keepin him down. See, D’Lo didn’t lose cuz he sucks, he lost cuz the MAN is keeping him down. If they turn Booker heel and try to do this Nation nonsense again…
Stacy and Test did, basically, a commercial for Bod body spray. In the background, Raven was watching… this flushing another stipulation. Something, though, that could be cool if they went in a good direction with it.
Chris Jericho had Booker T in a match that should have been the main event, rather than the stupid talking non-match event that they had. But, then again, no one really likes Booker and Jericho as much as HHH, which is why we are having an appreciation night in his honor. The Nitro finish took over this match as the tag team partners come in to end the match with no finish.
The “Main Event” was video package of HHH’s career and him telling all of us how great he is. Steiner, of course, made the interruption, with HHH getting the line of the night with “Here, you have to EARN your title shots” while holding a belt over his shoulder that was handed to him. When it came down to brass tacks, though, HHH backed off and left Steiner yelling alone in the ring.
Well, this match will be interesting, as it’s two guys who are so juiced up, their muscles slide off their bones if the walk too hard. Ahhhh, roids. Gotta love them, even though Steiner STILL has breast implants in his biceps, and I ask anyone to prove me wrong.
The HHH ceremony was pretty much more fellatiating of HHH. Must have been one of those “Austin had one, I think I should have one, too.” Austin’s was, at least, interesting… with singing and milk and Austin looking like a fool.
Smackdown
Kurt Angle gets the opening interview to thank Brock for the help at Armageddon, and Brock will get it… but just not tonight, much to the chagrin of Brock and everyone involved. But it’s not because Kurt is scared, mind you, it’s because Kurt already has a non-title match with Chris Benoit. Brock will get his shot next week, right here on Smackdown! Well, that’s certainly nothing to get upset over.
Big Show, on the other hand, is super angry… and beats up a locker to show how angry he is. Bully.
Matt Hardy went to Steph’s office to tell her he was ready for his revenge match tonight, black eye and all. The match was against Brock, and this was Hardy’s time to get back at Brock. But, in a cruel twist of fate, Hardy got something in his GOOD eye right before the match. He can’t possibly wrestle with lack of sight in both eyes. Instead, MFER #1, Shannon Moore, will take the match. Brock proceeded to Destroy Moore.
My new favorite wrestler is Bling Bling Buchanan. Trippa B. You can’t stop him, nor can you hope to contain him. It’s only John Cena that’s holding him back.
“Back When Raw Was Good” moment on Smackdown (which seems kind of counter-productive to the whole “feuding promotion” thing) was the Rock/Hogan pre-Wrestlemania microphone battle. I hadn’t noticed them blurring out the WWF logo on the turnbuckles until this, where they blur out the WWF logo on the Microphone AND the turnbuckles.
Angle comes out again to reveal that Paul Heyman has been hired as his new agent. Do they just make this stuff up as they go along? This makes no sense at all. Heyman then postpones Brock’s title match indefinitely (or at least until Wrestlemania). You know, making this feud make sense and keeping it logical isn’t all that hard… but they seem less than willing to do it. Just because you think of good ideas after you do something the first time, doesn’t mean you can just attach them at a later time and try to explain them away… unless you’re Vince and Steph… then you can do whatever the hell you want, apparently.
Nunzio jobbed already. Good thing they spent two months building to his entrance to job him out in his first match. That’s a good way to build up those new folks. If you’re going to feed people to Hugh Morrus in an effort to build him up, why not feed him people who are already ruined and who don’t have potential to do anything. Oh wait, that’s right, Little Guido weighs less than 300 pounds, so he can’t be good.
Cole tells us, again, that Edge has a torn ACL. You know, I could be wrong, but I think one of my buddies tore his ACL once in a softball game, and he was on Crutches for six months after an operation. Oh wait, my buddy is not Edge… who is not human and cannot be reasoned with.
The main event was the non-title Benoit v Angle match. Decent match with a Nitro finish with Brock and Show making the run ins. Heyman was thisclose to getting F5ed but got saved by Angle.
Not the greatest Smackdown of the ones they’ve been having of late, but still not bad.
The Week In Wrestling
More an overview of where they’re going with stuff. I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that they’re going to do whatever they want with Kane, with no thought or care about anything they’ve done in the past with him. But, I am interested to see where they go with some other stuff.
Raven’s appearance on Raw could be the sign of a good thing to come. He was beaten by Tommy Dreamer and demoted to Heat… however his return is watching Test and Stacy in the parking lot. I think they could do worse things than giving a rehash of the Tommy/Raven feud. I mean, they have something to work off, as Tommy kicked Raven off Raw. A feud with Raven will not help Test at all, though, so I don’t see why they are considering it… or if they are considering having Raven go after Stacy… which would also be death to Test right now.
I fear them getting it in their britches to turn Booker T heel. I have a feeling it’s going to be coming at some point soon. Especially since, out of that tag team, he’s the only one who can go heel. Golddust as a heel would kill what’s left of his career dead. He’s done the over the top heel thing with him for a lot of years, and it won’t work anymore. If they keep tabs on NWA at all, they’ll see the badass-nigga-heel works wonders. Now, with D’Lo having some racial issues, I can totall see it going on. I’m not saying I’ll like it, or that they should, only it’s something I can see.
Speaking of D’Lo, I said last week that it’s time to either do something with him, or fire him. Looks as though they chose the former. Then again, the WWF has a terrible time of starting something with a wrestler, going with it for a week or two, then dropping it if it doesn’t immediately catch on. However, a racially charged angle usually has the chance to catch on immediately. D’Lo will be hated quickly.
The stuff with Kurt was nonsense, entirely. There was absolutely no reason to put him with Heyman. Kurt doesn’t need it, nor does it help anyone. Heyman is more needed with Show and Albert. Kurt doesn’t need him. A three month slow burn between Angle and Brock was possible. For those of you who remember, remember Money Inc? The tag team of IRS and Ted Dibiase? They were champs for a long, LONG time based on ridiculous heel tactics like walking out of the ring to get countouts or gettind disqualified or completely ducking title defenses. By the time they actually lost the belt, people were ready to see them be drawn, shot, stabbed, and quartered… not necessarily in that order. This would be really easy to do with Kurt, by having him duck out on his match with Brock… and have them scheduled on Smackdown and not show up to them, all the while beating other guys in title matches. Just specifically not Brock. Let Brock win the Royal Rumble for the Smackdown belt. There’s a lot of ways they can make people detest Angle without throwing logic out the window.
But, it’s another of those things I think they just don’t care about. But then again, the Giants got a chance for the playoffs now thanks to the BIG BAD BOOTY BENGALS!!!! So life, as they say, is still good.
Here’s hoping they go somewhere good from here. I seem like I say that an awful lot, and I continue to be disappointed.
It’s got to turn around though eventually.
Right?
End Transmission
