The Monday Edition 12.23.02

Happy Monday and damn, I should have planned better. I’m Flea and what you are about to read is something that should have been taken more seriously, seeing as this is the most high profile job in these here parts, but was not due to the fact that it’s the holidays and I’m nearly dead drunk. But sociable and well fed. For the life of me I can’t remember the schedule I kept doing Saturdays and Mondays for a good stretch of time and finding something to talk about without being a total rip-off, much less considered a placeholder until time runs out. I think the old days was no one thought that Hyatte would ever come back, especially after I obiturized him, but he did. Now, I know he will be back in eight weeks and I well if you tell a friend of yours to click and then tell that friend to tell more friends to click and I surpass Hyatte’s readership,well then all bets are off. Oh f*ck – who am I kidding. As high profile as this gig is, it ain’t like I’m making a dime. I had a nice conversation with GRUT about writers and their writing- GRUT is a very talented individual and when he ain’t f*cking around, he can produce some good stuff. Hyatte too, but he keeps his best shit a secret. Eric S. is by far the most “give it all” writer on this site – he is miles ahead of anyone else and the son of a bitch doesn’t even have to carry a thesaurus in his pocket. As for me, I type well if I could translate a report to voice it would be better, but for now, you get voice in print – 411Mania = Flea’s News Reports in voice stream – only they don’t know it yet. I’ll tell them when they ain’t so f*cking nervous

Come on, let’s GO!

FIRST OFF

You know, let me tell you something coming into this I had know idea what I was going to talk about but this here pumped me up

At 10:30 AM on Saturday morning December 21 I informed my friend and XPW booker, Shane Douglas via telephone that I regrettably would no longer be working with XPW for reasons both parties have agreed not to disclose publicly.

Joey Styles

– Joey Styles HIMSELF on the newsline of the website he is co-owner of, 1wrestling.com

For the record, I would like to know who shit in Joey’s oatmeal. This guy here is one of the nicest guys in the world, who has seen more than his share of hoolums, thieves, pirates, jackoffs, and miscreants to not have to deal with, much less make a statement to whomever the f*ck in trying to get the best of him this time. I have personally met Joey many times and have done business with him several times, although neither of us would know each other in this different kind of life. Here is a very successful business man who gave his time and soul to Paul Heyman, only to get burnt and left high and dry once Paul E latched on to Vince, leaving the remains of ECW to creditors, while the memory of the best f*cking company to surface in anyone’s lifetime is nothing but celluloid, with one voice screaming like a shrill baby OH MY GOD!!!! BILL ALFONSO MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD!!! Joey Styles was the BEST one man announce crew in the business, oddly enough to a promotion that was never good enough for prime time, but made prime time wrestling what it is today. I met you know this story will be better without all the personal horseshit here is what I think of Stalyes and the latest latest

Joey Styles loves wrestling and does not like to be jerked around. Anyone who has talked to him for more than two minutes knows both of those to be a true statement. Joey Styles also likes to make money. Who doesn’t? It’s documented that Styles tried out for WWE (then WWF) as an announcer – Joey himself has told me – and said on record – that tryout was bullshit. Here was a guy that called ECW PPV’s for living, without a script, by himself, not knowing what was going to happen, on the fly loose, as a goose, free as a bird are you catching on? Joey Styles is not the type to take orders from a earpiece about what is what. He can get an angle over and a wrestler over 10x better than anyone is this business and that is without knowing who the f*ck is who .imagine what he could do if this shit was mapped out for him? Styles, by his own admission, laughed in the faces of WWF (E), with them offering low dollar and Styles being over talented and WAY to singled minded to conform to WWE’s standards. Good for him as the top guys make serious dough while I’m thinking of it, Vince is a f*cking moron for giving Lawler anymore than 30K a year a travel expenses sick f*cker. But Styles has a real job, and for the last two years has not been involved with “wrestling” until the last few weeks. Lets’ do this again ..

At 10:30 AM on Saturday morning December 21 I informed my friend and XPW booker, Shane Douglas via telephone that I regrettably would no longer be working with XPW for reasons both parties have agreed not to disclose publicly.

In exchange for resigning my announcing duties on such short notice, I have returned to XPW all of the payments I have received from them as I had not deposited any of their checks. Therefore, XPW received my announcing services for one live event and three weeks of television gratis. In addition, XPW has a video featuring my likeness and performance which they can and will sell.
I hold no ill will toward XPW and I hope the feeling is mutual

It struck me odd that Joey Styles would work for XPW. They are the company, if you didn’t know, that tried to disrupt an ECW PPV show. I should do dome research and tell you which one, but nope it’s the PPV where Jerry Lynn wrote in Corino’s blood I think anyway Dreamer and Justin Credible were about to fight when some cocksucker from XPW got on Francine’s shit and Dreamer had to go bust some heads. This lead to EVERYONE (ECW does NOT equal Kayfabe) jumping the XPW crowd and from the reports I read, Big Sal and New Jack tuned them f*ckers up. And them some. So why would Joey Styles agree to work for a company that attempted bullshitonomics on ECW?

Joey said why, but it was so convoluted and full of shit that I refuse to print it here. It looks like he came to his senses and dropped this promotion like a sack of hot potatoes. Or maybe it’s an angle. Good lord I hope not Joey Styles is way to talented to be mixed up with a half assed promotion trying to suck the nutsack of what is left of the Philadelphia hardcore crowd. RoH has got it right – just give the bastards some good wrestling and they will pay your bills. I think Philly has seen their fare share of BLOOD or at least as much as they will pay for. I wonder sometimes what it would be like if Joey Styles was calling Smackdown with Tazz, instead of Michael Cole. Nah it would never work – the first time Joey would get a “company line of bullshit” his ear, he would probably just shoot. And then Tazz would have to choke him out. Thank God that show is taped we could never have something like that on live TV

HHH IS GOD AND HERE IS WHY

Hey! It’s another wake up cal from The Rat Diva!!! Read along and if YOU have comments, I will tell you how to send them to her in a polite fashion, instead of being the prick you are! Merry Christmas! Flea is full of good cheer! and I’m sparing you the italics!

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Triple H Meets “Big Poppa Chump”

Okay, here I go again: I’m about to go off on another rant, so if you can’t handle it, you’d best fast-forward to the rest of Flea’s report

Item One: What year is it?
Am I the only one, or have some of you out there also noticed that when Steiner calls for his “freaks”, it feels like we just warped back in time approximately five years? I can’t stand people who use dated language, especially when they do it over and over

Item Two: Who decided that Steiner was such hot property?
I mean, I admit that I haven’t seen Steiner in action in a while, but how OLD is he? I don’t remember him being that good in the first place

Item Three: Could you get some mic skills, please?
I mean, he’s passable, but nothing to write home about, especially considering what he must be costing the WWE.

Item Four: Annoying theme music
If I wanted to hear police sirens blare, I’d get into a high speed chase. (To any and all officers of the law reading this, this is purely a joke. I have the utmost respect for the law.)

Item Five: Sausage should be eaten, not attached to people’s arms
This is just a personal opinion: but every time I see his huge, pink, vein filled arms, I’m reminded of a sausage that’s just about to burst out of it’s casing. This is NOT a turn on for me.

Item Six: Big fish in a little pond, meet God, also known as HHH
Well, this should be pretty self-explanatory, especially for those who know how much I love Trip. I feel like ranting anyway, so Trip has proved himself to be much more than Scott Steiner. Beyond his wrestling personae, Trip has proven himself as a human being. I give credit to all those who have come back from devastating injuries, but Trip will always have a special place in my heart because he has weathered an immense storm and come out of it stronger. Considering all the trash lobbed at him by the IWC and others, he has still managed to stay calm and deliver segments that are worthwhile. (Oh, while I’m at it, thank god that the WWE woke up and put the Dudley’s back together!!)

The point of all of this is that Steiner is no match for Trip. Steiner might be muscular but he has ALWAYS been lacking in the major departments that separate the pretenders from the real stars in professional wrestling. I’ve heard that Vince likes “big guys”. That’s all well and good if they carry the charisma and mental acumen that the business requires. His other major offering in the “big guy” department is Brock Lesnar, and do I really have to go into what he lacks?

Nice try, Vince, but no dice. Other than the Rock, you’ve yet to find one wrestler who can match Trip hell, you’ve yet to find anyone else who can really excite the fans and bring the whole package to wrestling.

Bottom line, let’s get back to the days when wrestling was more than pumped up bodies

This has been, cheeky as always

TheRatDiva

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All comments and questions can go to TheRatDiva@aol.com. But still feel free to tell GRUT Merry Christmas

HEY ERIC S !!!! I THOUGHT MORONS ONLY USED AOL?

After over a year and who knows how many columns I FINALLY got a flame mail worth posting! See, I make it a rule not to post reader mail (except under extreme circumstances – contest winners, etc), so it seems like I RARELY receive “flames” – at least not the kinds that Eric S (and Hyatte for that matter) seem to attract. This, by no means, is an invitation, because writing nasty things to me will not make your monkey ass famous, only ignored. But in the Spirit of Christmas Giving, I will entertain this one, only because it seems to have come from the heart

Hey parasite,

goodday sir

ca

staceyclem@comcast.net (Stacey Clem) or cahoneycutt1@cs.com

Ain’t that something? The only question I had about all this – what is “Mein Koph”??? As mentioned, Stacey, or ca, this is my Christmas present to YOU!!!!!!. Just think, if you would have posted these comments on a message board NO ONE WOULD HAVE READ THEM! Now you are famous! Merry Christmas! Wouldn’t it be funny if “Stacey” got a bunch of email with the above comments included? You think “she” really sent them? Not that I’m asking you, the reader, to mail the address above, but I just think it would be cute if illiteracy is cyber-space promoted! God forbid I promote INCEST!

FLEA IS NICE

Hey you! Yeah, you .you tongue tied mofo ever been caught in a trap and can’t walk out? Pulled over by the cops? Wanna impress some girl but don’t know what to say? Just want to f*ck with someone’s head? Well, here is the thing for YOU! Flea rules! Embalm this into your memory

• Ten lyrical, spherical diabolical denizens of the deep who hall stall around the corner of the quo of the quay of the quivery, all at the same time.

Saying the above will prove you ain’t drunk, you ain’t stoned and YOU have a colorful way with the English language, not to mention a pornographic memory. That ain’t the right word but you know what I mean. Memorize the above and you will be great! And before some asshole sues me, I stole that from Jerry Lewis, the funniest man on Earth, regardless of what telethons and people with common sense tell you lesson of the day!

AND JUST TO SHOW I’M IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

Here is a song that I do every year on the piano beats the hell out of singing Elvis this one is totally ripped off from John Valdy, but he did give me permission all I had to do was show him how to transpose Street Fighting Man and agree to say nothing about him with Sandy nope Flea don’t tell : – )

12 twats a twitching

11 testicles tingling

10 nipples nippling

9 lezbos licking

8 gaping assholes

7 scrotums swinging

6 sacks of shit

5 MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 flying f*cks

3 French ticklers

2 brass balls

and a HUM JOB IN A PEAR TREE

Yeah

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

The Fed is in Oklahoma! Glad I ain’t. Spoilers are coming your way alll on tape until the New Year, be SURPRISED and don’t read nothin!!!!

PAGE SIX

Just thinking about he Holiday Season as far as 411 News goes .

Next up you get the GRINCH! And for my do-rey-me I wan’t some GRINCHNESS!! then comes a guy who already celebrated the holidays (if you can’t figure that out, ask him) and then Hashish, who for all I know, is some kind of Devil Worshiper and then ME .FLEA! next weekend will be a big f*cking deal so I think you should read and read and read and then come back and read me next week. and what else? .

My advice would be to read yesterdays news, good stuff..even GRUT says so!

And why am I pimping next week? well, come back next week for THE IWC 100!!! Who could put this list together better than Flea ? Answer to that is NO ONE!

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.