As I was saying yesterday, I went through the Upstate New York version of putting a black line through the Fifth Amendment… that being a DWI checkpoint. For those of you who have never had the pleasure, that’s where they pull every car over and inspect it, and you, to see if you are doing something wrong, or have been drinking.
After a full day of shopping yesterday I went home to drop my packages off, and let the guy who went with me do the same. We then decided to go to a comedy show (John Valby/Dr Dirty for anyone who’s heard of him). I’m driving along, when I see up ahead the tell-tale signs of 6 police cruisers on both sides of the road with their lights going. Now, keep in mind, this is a good half mile back I can see this, which leaves me plenty of driveways, sideroads, and U-Turns to take before I actually get to it. Also keep in mind, at this point, it’s 9:30 pm. Anybody who’s anybody hasn’t even started drinking yet. But, the officers are serving and protecting (or something), so we’ll give them a pass.
Also, to give you a visual, I drive a 2003 Grand Am with the SC/T conversion package. It’s a nice car… and it’s a sporty looking car. It looks like This but black. So, it begs to get pulled over. So, I decide I only had a beer today with lunch, and that was bout four hours ago, so there’s nothing they can get me for, minus my lack of front license plate… because in NY, you need a front license plate for some unknown reason.
So, I pull up and stop. The Sheriff’s are a forty year old guy and probalby a 30 year old woman. The woman starts to remind me of a parrot perched on the guy’s shoulder, because she just kind of echo’s everything the guy says. I’m pretty sure she wants to look in my window and say “I am am an officer of the law and YOU WILL TAKE ME SERIOUSLY†in her bubbly, cheerleader voice.
Sheriff *shining the light at my registration sticker and then through my entire car… looking for bodies or bags of coke, I guess*: This is a State of NY Saratoga County DWI checkpoint, have you consumed any alcohol tonight?â€
At this point, I immediately find it difficult to keep a straight face. Why yes, officer, I can’t believe I actually found the keyhole to get the car running. You’re actually holding me up from going to get some more. I’m on my way to the bar now… I’m not QUITE hammered yet, but if you are here at about 2:30am, you can catch me on the way home. It’s only 9:30… who’s even started drinking yet?
Me: No sir.
Sheriff: Where you coming from?
All the BARS that are behind me. That being the American Legion, which I can’t get in to and Bendons, which is more a restaurant than a bar.
Me: Home
Sheriff: *Looking at the kid in my passenger seat. Who is trying not to laugh at this point*: Where’s home?
Now, I feel it necessary to explain the road the checkpoint was on. I don’t live in a raging metropolis. The road I was on has exactly ONE town behind it within 20 miles. People only use this road to get between the town I live in, where there is hardly anyone, and other towns where there actually are people.
Me *stating the obvious*: Stillwater.
Sheriff: OK son, where is your front license plate?
Chick Sheriff: It’s illegal not to use it, you know?
Me *again stating the obvious*: I don’t have it on.
At this point, I think the officer got mad in the line of serving and protecting me because he gave a slight dirty look before continuing. He also got a bit snippy after this. I guess because I wasn’t quaking in fear of his awesome power. At this point, the worst he can do to me is write me a $50 ticket for not displaying my front license plate, which I can get thrown out just by putting the plate on and having an officer sign a waiver within 24 hours. The worst he can do is be a pain in my ass by making me go to court to prove it’s on there. I also have nothing but shopping bags in my car, so he has no probable cause to do anything else but hassle me.
Sheriff: I can see you don’t have it on, but you didn’t answer my question.
Chick Sheriff: Yeah, where is it?
Me *Shrugging my Shoulders*: In my trunk.
I told the truth. No reason to lie to him. He can give me the ticket either way. Much like a Corvette, certain Pontiacs don’t look right without the cover where the front plate should be. I’m not hurting anyone… and, in fact, I’m just trying to help the cops out by giving them a reason to pull me over when they need to.
Sheriff: Why’s it in there?
Me: I put the Pontiac cover on when I bought the car, sir.
Chick Sheriff: The Front license plate needs to be displayed on the front of the vehicle.
Me: Yes, I know.
Sheriff: Well then, Mr Violator (his words, I SWEAR I am not making this up), next time I see you I’ll write you up for the violation. Now get out of here.
Me: Have a good night.
Mr Violator? Do they teach Officer’s how to be obnoxious in cop school? I don’t know about you, but I’m really happy my tax dollars go to these jokers who have nothing better to do with their time but pull EVERYONE over and inspect them until they find something wrong. The most fun part of the whole thing is: I now have an ex-college roommate who’s a lawyer… so I know all the rules now… which makes life sooooooo much more fun. Call me silly, but I’d rather have the cops watching for people getting shot rather than making sure everyone is not drunk at 9:30pm.
Don’t get me wrong, I respect police officers… but I respect police officers who chase after criminals. NYPD, LAPD, Albany Police, Troy Police, Schenectady Police… even State Troopers. I have no respect for cops who build their career on harassing 80 year old men and innocent people for having their window tint too dark or having no front license plate, which is what 85% of Upstate New York cops are. Guys (or girls) who just want to have power over other people… and, for the most part, hypocrites who do the exact same stuff they hassle other people for doing. IE: talking on Cell Phones while driving, having a few and going home, etc.
Now that I got that off my chest, let’s move into music.
What’s Coming out Today
Stuff being released today, 12/24. Wait a minute… I’ll be goddammed, today’s Christmas Eve. HOT! Merry Christmas to everyone reading, even if you’re Jewish or Kwaazish or Jehovish… YOU’RE STILL GETTING A MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM ME!
Pretty lax week, as they generally assume no one is going to buy anything because it’s Christmas damn Eve. So, they put out only one album with a definite audience.
Various: We’re a Happy Family: Tribute to the Ramones. Never been a huge Ramones fan, but I suppose I understand their contributions to the music world. The only tribute album I’ve ever bought was the Black Sabbath Nativity in Blacks, which were both pretty good. Rob Zombie was actually responsible for assembling the compilation, and also took over the packaging and artwork for the whole thing, pretty much guaranteeing it will be elaborate and cool. Since this is the only release, I can include a tracklist, which is a pretty eclectic assembly.
- Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Havana Affair”
- Rob Zombie – “Blitzkrieg Bop”
- Eddie Vedder with Zeke – “I Believe in Miracles”
- Metallica – “53rd & 3rd”
- U2 – “Beat on the Brat”
- Kiss – “Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio?”
- Marilyn Manson – “The KKK Took My Baby Away”
- Garbage – “I Just Want to Have Something to Do”
- Green Day – “Outsider”
- Pretenders – “Something to Believe In”
- Rancid – “Sheena Is a Punk Rocker”
- Pete Yorn – “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend”
- The Offspring – “I Wanna Be Sedated”
- Rooney – “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow”
- Tom Waits – “Return of Jackie and Judy”
- Eddie Vedder with Zeke – “Daytime Dilemma (Dangers of Love)” (limited edition bonus track)
And that about covers that. Thanks MTV.
Soundtrack Market on the Slide
Due to the nasty Internet, movie studios are taking a hit on Soundtrack sales… basically because albums can’t sell on one track alone anymore… or a just on a collection of singles. Where you used to be able to put two new singles, then a bunch of crappy faux-bands and previously released singles, package it, and sell it as a soundtrack… it doesn’t quite work that way anymore. In an interview with Luke Eddins, a self-titled soundtrack bounty-hunter, he told Reuters that he hunts down unsigned tracks to lay them onto the album, because they’re generally easier to license.
According to the article, licensing a song from a high-profile artist can occassionaly run a studio up to $100,000 for a thirty second layover. Jeez, go figure, the music industry charging an astronomical price for something and folks looking for a lower cost alternative… imagine.
As such, most studios are going different routes with Soundtracks. For example, the two 8 Mile albums have many songs that aren’t even in the film, which is why a lot of soundtracks are now being titled “Music From and Inspired By†the film in question. Another route is from Sandra Bullock’s current movie titled “Two Week Notice.†They aren’t even releasing a soundtrack, instead choosing to release all the movie songs and scores to PressPlay, the online subscription music service owned by Vivendi and Sony.
Bob Dylan: Genious
Bob Dylan was rated in Blender magazine as the top rock genius of all time. I have no problem with this and have nothing but respect for Dylan and what he’s accomplished. I won’t even take off points for his son Jakob. Coming in at number two was John Lennon, followed by Chuck Berry, Eminem, and Bob Mar…
Eminem was Number 4?
The number four rock genius of all time?
Are they f*cking kidding? Paul McCartney comes in a 15 and Eminem comes in a Four? David Gilmour and Roger Waters come in under Eminem? For Fuck’s sake, even Dave Grohl and Kurt Cobain come in under Eminf*ckinem? I’ll even give Bob Marley credit as a pioneer… BUT EMINEM? Please, he’s not original… he’s not even any sort of pioneer. Hellloooo. Eric Clapton? Bob Segar? For God’s sake, give it to Dr Dre, EZ-E, or Fucking Public Goddam Enemy before you give it Emingoddamem. Dre MADE him. Is N’Sync on there too?
Eminem No. Dre Yes.
Please Watch Us… White Folks can Still Watch us!!!
In an effort to boost sagging ratings, the NBA will spend the last of it’s money to reanimate Frank Sinatra to perform during the halftime show of ABC’s Christmas Day Doubleheader. Pretty much, the spokes people of the NBA could just say “In an effort to get middle-aged to older white guys to care about the NBA again, we’re throwing a Sinatra song into halftime.â€
The spot will feature a digitally animated Sinatra singing “I’ve Got You Under My Skin†interspliced with live NBA footage taped at some point this year, as part of the NBA’s “Love it Live†campaign. At some point, the NBA decided they could market their sport just to kids… and now they’re slowly realizing they were sadly mistaken… because their core audience is gone… that being people who grew up watching actual respectable players… who COULD be safely idolized by children. Your Magic Johnsons, Larry Birds, and Michael Jordons. Now, we get Allen Iverson, who was arrested for beating his wife… and Latrell Spreewell who went after his coach with a 2×4.
The Spreewell debacle is when they lost me for good. I don’t even watch the playoffs anymore.
Guess what guys? It’s too late. You made your bed, and hiring Elton John, Santana, and Sinatra’s reanimated corpse to try to get people back isn’t going to work.
Guess Who’s Back
After donating a track to the Daredevil movie, Fuel is going back into the studio to work on their fourth studio album. With 40 tracks written, the band plans to put 20 on the new CD.
Now, they are saying this is their fourth studio album, and I only know of two others. I own Sunburn and Something Like Human (if that’s the right name… the one with Hemmorhage). Anyone out there have any info on the other album, e-mail me.
Pimps
I was going to write more but, well, it’s Christmas and I have some shopping left to do. I’ll leave you with some pimps.
Evocator, Matt Jones, Aaron Cameron, Cody Webster, and Michael Blaszkowski (a guy reviewed Christina? I hope he bought it for the pictures) all have new reviews up.
Rhett Walker Went to see Flickerstick, and he tells us about it.
Jeff Modzeleski wound up the Week That Was in the weekly rewind… but he’s an admitted liberal democrat, so be careful trusting anything he says.
Cody Webster tells us the Good, the Bad, and the Sad for the week, but doesn’t tell us which category he falls into. Click the link and decide for yourself. Careful though, he’s an Internet tough guy.
Eric Katz fills us in on the Indy info for the week.
Don’t know who the hell is going to be in next, being Christmas week and all. I’ll be in for a New Year’s Eve column next week.
Have a safe and happy holiday, regardless of what you’re celebrating. Be safe and don’t do anything stupid. Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night.
