Let me just say that what you’re about to read is not one of those official or ultimate top ten lists, like when Ross from Friends made a list of celebrities he’d be aloud to do it with and then laminated it to enhance his dorkdom. No, this list is more in line with those fun little top five lists that John Cusack and Jack Black sprinkled in throughout High Fidelity. Below are twenty moments – ten I liked and ten I didn’t – that stood out to me this year in the world of wrestling, specifically WWE.
So without further rambling, here are 2002’s Best & Worst WWE moments.
2002’s BEST
1. Best surprise in-ring comeback: Shawn Michaels at Summerslam. Not only does HBK still got some left in the tank, he’s proved he’s still got the goods to put on one hell of a match. Not bad after a four-year layoff, hah?.
2. Best new entrance package: Matt Hardy, Version 1.0. From finding out Matt Hardy’s bedtime to seeing how many states he’s wrestled in, these hilarious tidbits subtly (or not-so-subtly) give Matt Hardy’s character a perfect pinch of pomposity. In the immortal words (or word) of Emeril Lagasse, “BAM!”
3. Best use of the “Tree of Woe”: Ric Flair, now and always.
4. Best promotion of a WWE superstar prior to their debut: Rey Mysterio. I think we all now know who’s “jumping out the sky.”
5. Best use of two icons whose names are synonymous with gimmick-based superstardom: Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock at WrestleMania. An instant classic, to say the least.
6. Best use of chewing gum as it pertains to character development: Nidia. I remember a random episode of Smackdown! where Nidia wrestled and before she entered the ring she placed her chewing gum on top of the steal post. Then, after the match was over, she, in true trailer trash fashion, took the gum from the ring post and put it back in her mouth. A small, yet memorable detail that really showed me how hard she was working to shape her character.
7. Best series of cameo appearances from a wrestling legend with a cane: “Classy” Freddie Blassie. That dude pops up on every highly dramatic pre-PPV video package these days, and that’s pretty cool if you ask me.
8. Best 1980s Pop Culture/Board Game Reference: Even though it’s one of the newer occurrences of 2002, I must say that when RVD presented Kane with Hungry Hungry Hippos I just flipped out (in a good way). That was just the funniest random segment I have seen in WWE since the Austin-Angle-Vince cowboy hat scenario, and it ranks right up there in personal favorite TV moments along with when the Kool-Aid guy burst into the courthouse during the first episode of The Family Guy. Oh yeah!
9. Best Raw performances: Booker T and Goldust. First there was tension and then hilarity ensued. The promos that these two cut in 2002 were the saving grace of Raw during its elongated down period, and the relationship between the two has intensified as of late since they fought for and earned tag team gold. Raw looks pretty good these days with Steiner and HBK on board and with Chris Jericho kicking ass in all aspects of the game, but not so long ago the single reason I still managed to bring myself to tune into Raw was to see what Booker T and Goldust were up to.
10. Best Smackdown! performances: Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman show the love while wiping out legends and then s*it hits the fan. As both characters continue to emerge in WWE, something tells me their hatred will bind them together for a long enough period of time that we will reflect on this relationship the same way we reminisce about the Austin-McMahon feud of the late 1990s. I, for one, am looking forward to see how everything unfolds between these two people who are blossoming in different but equally good ways.
2002’s WORST
1. Worst forced tag team breakup and subsequent failed singles pushes: The APA. Farooq, er, Ron Simmons, has done nothing since parting from Bradshaw, and the so-called Rugged Texan has spent a lot of time on the shelf due to injury. At least going through rehab has to be better than wearing that goofy cowboy hat and lasso while putting the state flag on the Hardcore title.
2. Worst pro wrestling-related Reality TV screw-job: Jackie Gayda and Linda Miles get picked as the two Tough Enough winners. Just ask Trish Stratus how that turned out.
3. Worst angle involving Canadians: The Un-Americans. Never liked it from the beginning, nor did many other friends and fans. Thankfully, the angle was scrapped so that the wrestlers involved could go in more tasteful and promising directions.
4. Worst necrophilia-based saga: Triple H gives a whole new meaning to the words “hard sell” as he does the deed with a mannequin to promote a match with Kane. Screw Katie Vick, where was Jeff from Today’s Special when they needed him?
5. Worst treatment of a wrestler by WWE: Raven gets banished to Sunday Night Heat for months. Talk about career homicide.
6. Worst Steroid job: Dave Batista At least we care about Scott Steiner.
7. Worst supposed real-life drunken stooper: Goldust allegedly gets so trashed on the notorious United Kingdom Plane Ride that he declares his undying love for and sings to his ex-wife Terry Runnels.
8. Worst use of the guard rail as a platform for a nonessential move: Jeff Hardy. Note to Jeff: If you can’t do the damn spot, then don’t do it. And lay off the paint, big guy.
9. Worst Raw performance: Eric Bischoff is forced to promote the Vin Diesel movie XXX, showing just how corporate WWE has become. Man, if there was anything that displayed how pathetic the Raw brand was at one point, it was that awful idea by WWE creative/marketing to force an XXX promo onto wrestling fans who wanted to see, I don’t know, wrestling, perhaps?
10. Worst Smackdown! performances: Al Wilson and Dawn Marie. The acting in this angle is just as horrid as when Mae Young and Mark Henry embarked on a torrid love affair that climaxed with Mae giving birth to a hand. I’ll take a Brooklyn Brawler match over any of this crap any day.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this edition of Counterfeit Pennies, featuring my own humble opinions as to 2002’s best and worst. It’s about that time where I put another one in the books, so have a safe and healthy New Year.
I’m out like a belly button.
– Chris Biscuiti
