Hello, I’m Flea and we’s fixin to wrap up another year,
going on three years of not being sucked into outer space due to the Roman
Calendar hitting 2000. In retrospect, what a load of horseshit that was – did
you really think the world was going to end? Hell, that same hippie has been standing
on the corner of an intersection in California since 1965 holding a sign “THE
WORLD IS GOING TO END” – you really think whoever created this universe would
give that filthy, delusional prick the satisfaction of being right? No chance
in hell. So 2003 in only a few days away and oddly enough, the world may end
this year if the wrong people start pressing the wrong buttons. Mutually
Assured Destruction. Or as Smokey would say, “stick your head between you legs
and kiss your ass goodbye!” That’s just what I need – a f*cking nuclear
war… talk about having your weekend ruined. But that’s all talk for another day
– let’s concentrate on THIS weekend, where I present to not only a whole bunch
of words below but also… THE IWC 100! Will anyone care? Not for me to decide.
But until then, here is what is happening…
Let’s get to it…
TOP STO… .
Before we get started , there are two things I would like to
address. Let’s title this -ÂÂ
FLEA’S SELF HELP GUIDE / HOW NOT TO BE SUCH A LAMEBRAIN
A couple scenarios from what I saw on the Armageddon PPV
Albert, Batista, or anyone that is not “cool to like “
(based on IWC standards) comes out to NO CROWD REACTION – Vince is a fool and a
“big man freak who hates anyone not 6’5” and is insulting our intelligence by
pushing them because they are NOT OVER due to lack of crowd noise. “Doesn’t
Vince listen to the fans?” “How can he push them when the crowd doesn’t care?”
But then…
Chris Benoit and Eddy Guerrero wrestle in absolute silence,
save for a bunch of BORING chants, and it’s the FANS that are stupid and
uneducated and Vince is a fool to listen to the fans. “How can he listen to the
fans, who wouldn’t know OVER and TALENT if they came over and introduced
themselves?”    ÂÂ
I guess that’s just one of those unexplained contradictions
that go better left unsaid. Much better unsaid, if you catch my drift…
Kinda like this one…
Hogan on HHH: “Great backstage politician”
TAKEN AS GOSPEL! “Boy Howdy! We were right about that HHH
guy all along. Hogan said so!”
Hogan on Anything Else, pick the topic
FULL OF SHIT!! “Boy Howdy! That Hogan sure has some nerve to
try and snow us over with his lies and exaggerations! You can’t believe a WORD
he says!”
Please be consistent in your bitching. There is nothing
wrong with being a hypocrite; it’s tough to go through life without a little
hypocrisy. But when it’s clearly a black and white issue, pick one side or the
other – it will help your opinions carry more weight. Just some Flea advice for
you.   ÂÂ
Back to the news…
TOP STORY
Some year. In “research” for this end of the year column I
scanned the archives for what I was writing about this time last year and
found… my optimism really bent me over and raped me. Actually, it was not my
optimism, because I still look at things the same way I did last year, but I
had high hopes that despite “smart opinion” to the contrary, there was NO WAY
IN THE WORLD Vince and Company could spend an entire year with their head up
their asses, both creatively and business wise. Here was my request for a
kinder, gentler, New Year…
… .the jury is still out if the Internet Wrestling
Community’s New Year’s Resolution will be: “Hey, let me just kick back and
check out what’s going on from now until Wrestlemania before I rip the Fed a
new asshole about…
· Kevin Nash is a power hungry, lazy no working piece of
shit who has more luck than O.J. Simpson. Imagine! This is the second time in
his career where his timing has been PERFECT to be in high demand and contract-sinign’
ready when a major shake-up is needed.
· HHH is coming back when the glass ceiling has been shattered and will regain
control by holding down all the young and upcoming talent.
· X-Pac, HBK and Hall are primed to reform the Kliq with the two backstage
politicians above and will rule the Fed with an iron fist concerning angles and
pushes.
· Poor Some Other Guy is going to get screwed like a $10 whore on the receiving
end of a whisky dick by all these power hungry, self serving pricks.
style=’font-style:normal’> – FLEA! – The Monday
Edition, 12.31.01
Well, I certainly stayed true to that Resolution. However,
the IWC is so goddamn predictable, it would not take long before EVERY ONE of
the above gripes and complaints were beaten into the ground by nitwits that
have subscriptions to the Torch and Observer and know how to login to message
boards. Hell, even people with their own columns / reports managed to go on and
on ad nauseum re: the topics above. I really hoped that Vince and the Gang
could put together a rip roaring year of Sports Entertainment just to shut everyone
the f*ck up, but it didn’t happen – the writing staff stepped on their dicks
from Day 1 and the only real saving grace all year was Hogan nostalgia and the
matches put on by Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Brock Lesnar, HBK, HHH, Some Other
Guy, everyone named Guererro and the next break though star, Edge. But ignoring
the good stuff for a moment, let’s go back and review the four items of mass
bitching and see how they turned out one year later…
· Kevin Nash is a power hungry, lazy no working piece of shit who has more luck
than O.J. Simpson. Imagine! This is the second time in his career where his
timing has been PERFECT to be in high demand and contract-sinign’ ready when a
major shake-up is needed.
FLEA: I stayed positive as long as I could about the N.W.o
until it became very apparent that * I * was the only one who gave a
shit about this – all parties involved included. By Spring, Hall was gone, Nash
was crippled and the story line died a horrible an unsatisfying death. The only
“redeeming” quality about the inclusion of Hogan, Nash and Hall was the return
of Hulk-a-mania, which was a nice little injection of emotion and nostalgia, in
a promotion that had become nearly void of any kind of “connection” with the
fans, unless you count “WHAT?”, “WHAT?”, “WHAT?” as genuine fan interest. And
speaking of Austin, the influx of the above mentioned members of the New World
Order sent Stone Cold into a hissy fit – resulting in him walking out and then
being charged with domestic abuse. So yes, I had high hopes when the story line
first started, but I would be a fool to say that it was anything other than a
monumental failure.
“Because….I’m going to….KILL…what I created! I’m
gonna kill it! I’m gonna kill my creation! I’m going to INJECT the WWF with a lethal
dose of POISON. If anybody’s gonna kill my creation…I’m gonna do it."
 – Vince McMahon, Smackdown 12.24.01 – introducing the concept of the N.W.o
And I’ll be damned if things didn’t start going down the
tube shortly after that. What should have been a gold mine never got of the
ground, leading to a year long decline in the ratings and attendance to live
shows. As mentioned above, I thought it was a good idea and enjoyed the
programs while they played. But looking back, it was poison. Next
topic… .     ÂÂ
· HHH is coming back when the glass ceiling has been shattered and will
regain control by holding down all the young and upcoming talent.
Talk about beating a dead horse. HEY! GO WRITE A COLUMN OR
POST A MESSAGE ABOUT HOW HHHORIBLE HHH IS! Nothing like originality!! Actually,
I don’t buy the “glass ceiling theory” and probably never will. But the above
comment is a perfect indictment of everyone who thinks the are “smart” and have
the “backstage political scene” figured out based on 3rd hand rumors
from “sources” and a jaded perception of how business, in general, works.
Granted, the Wrestlemania program between H and Some Other Guy was horrible,
but how anyone can blame HHH for Other Guy having to pick up dog shit only
proves that many people’s heads are buried in the sand in regards to ANYTHING
that HHH is involved with. Anytime he wins, “Glass Ceiling!” is shouted. H was
not to blame for that angle – the writers are. And that does not change the
fact that Other Guy was champeen for many months and it was a foregone
conclusion that HHH would win the belt back anyway. Same thing can be said
about his program with Kane – he needed an opponent an no one in their right
minds would dream of giving Kane the Top Belt – . the Katie Vick angle used to
promote this match was not HHH’s design – once again it was the writers. I have
said enough about supposed “contenders” like RVD and Bubba Dudley; it’s odd how
no one gives a crap about these guys until it appears that HHH is “holding them
back.” I will say this one more time – IT IS NOT HHH – IT IS THE CREATIVE AND
WRITING STAFF!! Have you ever noticed it was only when HHH started “officially”
screwing Stephanie (i.e. it was no longer an angle and they no longer kept
their relationship a secret) that everyone started crying the blues about his
abuse of power. Hell, check this out from, well, it’s one of his more famous
“rants”.   ÂÂ
But I guess my point is: Don’t blame HHH for the politics,
blame Vince for allowing it.
–
Netcop, SmarK V. The Glass Ceiling!
That was actually one of his best rants (except for the fact
that it was all centered around Netcop’s being “held down” by CRZ, but that’s a
story for another time), even though I agree with very little of it. If you
have a chance, go check it out – the whole thing reads like a “smart” bible for
anyone who believes that people like Benoit (who can’t talk and has never
expressed an interest in resembling someone with a personality) and Jericho
(who was given his run at the top and was moderately successful, but whose in
ring work seemed to take one big nose dive when he was given the ball) should
be made champion and anytime HHH is in the main event is because he is “holding
people down”. If in fact there is the rampant “political mis-doings” as so
“accurately reported by Da Meltz, Keller and Scherer, then why blame HHH? And
if the story lines suck, why blame HHH? The ratings for RAW do not “suck”
because HHH is on top. The ratings are down because NOT ONE FUCKING THING (cept
Hogan) has been thrown out there to attempt to attract excitement and mass
hysteria about WWE’s product. Unless you count Necrophilia and Gay Weddings,
which were for shock value, instead of a ground swell of support that
accompanied Austin’s rise to the top or the entertainment value of someone like
Rock – E. Here is a quick test for you… which appeals more to you, as far as an
interest in “angles” to promote frenzied excitement for television?
-Corpse f*cking
-Falsified Homosexuality  ÂÂ
-Some Bad Ass who hates his Boss and will do everything he can to defy
authority.
Having HHH job to R.V.D. on every PPV of the year would not
have changed the fact that the writing and angles were piss poor. Some may say
that having a burnt out pot head as your champ is no different than a beer
swilling redneck, but Cheese and Rice (out of respect for GRUT, I will not take
the name Jesus Christ in vain – come to think of it doesn’t really care, does
he? Har HA!)… but JESUS CHRIST! RVD couldn’t draw more than a couple thousand to
ECW. I hardly think he is the commodity to lead WWE into the future – he is
simply the latest “underdog” that is the currently the IWC’s favorite in an
attempt to prove that HHH is a political monster. Point is, the “Glass Ceiling”
is only used when applicable. HHH’s program with Steiner is being built like it
should, and HHH will lose the belt to him – because it’s believeable – and
because the writing staff is, so far, going out of their way to make this
interesting.
· X-Pac, HBK and Hall are primed to reform the Kliq with the two
backstage politicians above and will rule the Fed with an iron fist concerning
angles and pushes.
Didn’t work out that way did it? X-Pac and Hall are gone and
HBK, while given one more run at the top, is hardly “ruling with an iron fist.”
The HHH / HBK story line made sense, although it was a little rushed for my
tastes. Another thing I have mentioned before is that a 50% HBK is better than
most of the rest of the roster, performance wise. Did he deserve to be “pushed
to the moon”? That’s up to you. But this is another case where nostalgia
trumped all the supposed “political games”.     ÂÂ
Poor Some Other Guy is going to get screwed like a $10
whore on the receiving end of a whisky dick by all these power hungry, self
serving pricks.
I think “screwed” is kind of a misleading. So is “buried” or
any other synonym that has been bandied around in describing why Some Other Guy
ain’t champ. I look at it this way: The Fed had two goals that they
successfully accomplished this year – Hulk – a- mania and the push for Brock Lesnar.
Seeing how, at the time, there was only one Unified Title several people got
lost in the mix in between Hogan’s “final” run and the ascension of Lesnar to
the Main Event. I was not crazy about them bringing back the Big Gold Belt, especially
after going to so much trouble to unify things, but what’s done is done. The
RAW title was used to give HBK a “final” shot at glory and is now the focal
point of the program between HHH and Steiner. Again, some people get lost in
the mix – Guy was one of them. However, he future is not so bleak – he has had
some pretty damn good tag matches with Christian, most recently the knock down
drag out with Book and Goldust on this last week’s RAW. He also looks to be set
up for a program with HBK, which I think is perfect. Some Other Guy can use his
personality and mic skills (at which he is one of the best in the business) and
HBK’s charisma and selling of Guy’s shitty offense will make the matches very
good, if not great. Not a banner year for Some Other Guy, but there was a whole
lotta nostalgia happening as some people needed to be relegated to a lessor
tier in order for the Glory Days to be revisited. That’s what happened, not a
“burial”. At least in my opinion.  ÂÂ
So what will this next year bring us? The return of Stone
Cold and Rock, a killer feud between Lesnar and Angle, HHH – Steiner and
hopefully NOT that piece of shit Goldberg. Business has picked up recently as
solid story lines are taking the place of hot-shotting and nostalgia – and I
hope they keep it that way. I think everyone is in agreement that WWE has the
most talented roster in the history of the business and all it would take is
for some long term planning and a solid goal to stick to and the “mainstream
fans” will return. It ain’t hard to find them – they are all on the corner of
Stone Cold Heel Turn and Failed Invasion Boulevard, right where Vince left
them.ÂÂ
HEADLINES
RAW continues to improve as both Kane and RVD opened the
show and then got the f*ck out of there. Oops, they came back and did some
promo work. And before you say “Flea – why aren’t you blaming the writing staff
for THIS??!?!” – because even though the material is shitty (see Eddy/Chavo vs.
Wiggers below) talent can make anything presentable and at least entertaining.
This wasn’t. It’s about time someone worked “Down Wit Da Brown” into wrestling
– for those of you that are not “hip” like Flea, that phrase is used to entrap
white women into the lair of a black man. Trust me, I have seen it in action
and it works; albeit on a guilt trip level as the girl thinks she can make up
for all those years of slavery (not to mention oppressive parents), by getting
some stiff black cock, preferably bent over a leather couch in a 24th
floor hotel room. So D’Lo is playing the “brother” card and everyone is
freaking out about the inclusion of “racial overtones”. Get a f*cking life will
you? Black and White people DO coexist and to bury your head in the sand ain’t
gonna change that. This angle has money written all over it, especially if they
just let D’Lo talk smack and complain about being “held down”… ;
Just thought of something…
If ANYONE has the right to complain about being “held down”
it’s D’Lo. His career was nearly ruined by an unfortunate mishap that crippled
Darren Drozdov. THREE years later and he has returned from purgatory. Compare
that to someone who held a TV title and didn’t have to look at the lights for
most of his career and then given a big money contract, merchandise and
commercials. Fuck you and God Bless D’Lo.
As I was saying, I think this angle has money written all
over it. But they cannot go half assed or let things lapse into the whole
“Nation” angle, where the focus was around mid-carders spray painting “nigger”
and “porch monkey” in locker rooms, with no real payoff. Just let D’Lo trash
talk, seduce..ah who the f*ck is the chick… sorry… seduce ERIC S’ “I’m off the
PAXIL and you are all mine mine mine” dream woman Stacy and then pimp around
the Fed like he is a bad mother f*cker. I know D’Lo can pull this off and I
hope they give him carte blanche with this character to be the entertainer he
is. “If I was WHITE, you’d count!”. Perfect!!!!! And something that many
viewers at home can relate to – as much as people hate to admit – yes! there
ARE black people that watch WWE and they LIKE to see a BROTHER get his fair
share of the pie! Only people who get offended at this type of stuff are the
same ones that always have to preface every lame bra and panties match with “oohhhhhh
I LOOOOVE watching girls cavort around there unmentionables, but it really has
no place on the show”. Fangol.        ÂÂ
Also on the show was the above mentioned killer tag match
between Guy / Christian and Book / Goldust. Great segment to set it all up,
rock solid match and everyone came out smelling like a rose. Somewhere the show
turned into an arm wrestling match, which are always silly, but it got the
point across – HHH fears Steiner and the crowds are eating this up with a
spoon. I’m hoping that they don’t blow this off in one or two months, but give
us an extended series all the way through Wrestlemania and then a final
blow-off at Backlash (or whatever the PPV after WM is this year). It’s tough to
say what’s going to happen, especially if you count the uncertainty of both
competitor’s health at this point in their career. But so far, so good with the
build-up. And wouldn’t you know it? JR finally got his comeuppance in front of
his hometown yokels. I think the main point of all this was to continue the
feud… nah… this was done to give the Oklahoma crowd a nice, happy Christmas
present. It’s not all politics and angles, folks.
On the Smackdown side of things – here is one for your
“perception is reality” files. Did you notice that joint in Tulsa was packed to
the rafters? Did you also notice the rafters didn’t contain a 2nd
level? I’ve seen reports of “small crowd – WWE sucks – they are going out of
business” but I would take a crowd like that ANY DAY as compared to 14,000
assholes in Cleveland sitting on their hands. Besides, ECW would have killed to
be able to fill an arena that size – WCW (towards the end) as well. I guess my
point here is business appears to be picking up so please put your doom and
gloom away.  ÂÂ
Speaking of doom, would Bill Demott do me a favor and go
away? 2 hours working on Crash’s ARM and his finisher is a moonsault. Oy Vey. Mattitude
kicked the little kid’s ass and continued to get Mattitude over as
entertaining. Have a mentioned how a little dedication to your craft can go a
long way? For all of you whining about Matt being passed over for Albert, just
relax – who do you think will be around long term? Fantastic tag match with the
Guerrero’s vs. Edge and Kidman. And to follow -up to the above analogy between
Kane / RVD vs. People with talent – check out how Eddy and Chavo worked with
the Cena / B2 material. Lousy stuff but they made it entertaining. Not to
mention I always think there is a place for “wiggers”. Ain’t like the kids
nowadays are ashamed to act like that. When I was growing up, you used to get beat
down for trying to be a street thug, especially when you were whiter than
Wonder Bread. But hell, it’s the norm now, and I think Cena and Buchanan are
doing a terrific job, considering what they have been given to work with. And
can someone tell me WHAT Benoit was looking at during his interview? Ain’t the
announcer he was more to the right – wasn’t the camera, because them he would
have been looking at ME! Must have been CUE CARDS, which… well, it’s a start.
PERSONALITY (walk) PERSONALITY (talk)… ha ha ha ha ha… HAWr!      ÂÂ
Speaking of Benoit, that was a top notch segment where he
punched Big Show in the nuts and then laughed like he invented the knock- knock
joke. I’m convinced he has SOME KIND of personality in there, maybe Arn
Anderson should use that crowbar he used to carry around to pry it out of him.
But when it came time to do what he does as good as anyone, Benoit came through
like a champ and made Show look like a monster – even moreso than Angle did.
And the beatdown segment after the match was top shelf – THAT’S how you
introduce new talent and a new stable – a good old fashioned beatdown. So
Benoit will go onto the Rumble and face Angle, who has not only Heyman and Show
on his side – but newcomers Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Hass as “Team Angle”.
I would be remiss not to mention Angle’s promo, where he resembled Colonel
Kurtz, compete with rambling, bald head and evil eyes. Angle is on another
unbelievable roll right now and I can’t wait to not only see him vs. Benoit
again, but the impending match-up betwixt he and Lesnar. No way in the world
this one can be screwed up, considering who is involved.
Oh yeah… more wedding stuff with Dawn Marie, Al and Torrie.
Next week, live ceremony. I predict they will leave that old coot at the alter
and run off together – but who cares? Ain’t like we could SEE their Sapphic
love affair. Just filler. But good filler, I suppose. As opposed to a Hugh Morrus
match or and RVD / Kane promo.   ÂÂ
FLEA IS NICE
So I’m on AIM minding my own business (Jesus, Flea rips off
everything!) and I get into a pleasant conversation with a dude named John C.,
who writes… ah hell it’s all in his intro… I said that I wanted an original
column and I wanted it now! I gave him a topic and wanted results, which is the
way you folks SHOULD be writing your stuff. Fuck all of that pondering and chin
rubbing and thinking about how great your final work will be when 10 people on
the Net finally read it. Just plug in and start typing- that’s what I do. So
here is something fresh and original and although it was like pulling teeth to
get it, I think all parties involved will benefit from Flea’s little crash
course in column writing. Enjoy!… .
Why am I here? I don’t know. Flea gave me a shot to write
so here I am. My name is John C. and I run a wrestling column website called
I’ve been writing columns online for over four years now at various places on
the net. Some of you may even remember the time when I appeared here on 411 as
a guest columnist when Hyatte was allowing people to send in columns. It was a
column about the Rock where I asked that people respect him more for what he
means to the business.
Anyway, I talked to Flea on IM tonight (Friday) and he gave
me the chance to write about something wrestling related. When I came up with
little to write about, he gave me a question.
“Tell me why Joey Styles is not announcing for WWE.”
Here’s your answer.
When I think about people that should be in WWE right now
one of the first people that comes to mind is former ECW play-by-play man, Joey
Styles. I really think he’d fit in with the product that WWE is offering these
days.
When ECW was in its prime Styles was always sharp. He did
a great job of telling the backstory of wrestlers, trying to explain why two
wrestlers are feuding and also throwing in jokes when the time was right. Of
course, he was also famous for catchphrases like “OH MY GOD” whenever something
big
happened or screaming “CATFIGHT” when two women would
characteristically
roll around on the ring in ECW.
Why Styles isn’t in WWE is something that none of us
really know. However, there are some things we know that could explain why he
isn’t there.
– Vince McMahon loves homegrown talent. He has never been
the kind of guy that likes to push people that were successful in other
companies. He likes to create his own talent. It even happens with announcers.
Look at Jim Ross for example. He was in the NWA for a long time when he came to
the WWF
in the early ‘90s. He got fired twice for various
reasons. My guess is that one of those reasons is that he was a “good old boy”
from Vince’s southern rival. He wanted to mold JR into his own. Jim Ross is no
longer the guy that calls every single move correctly and puts over the talent
better than anybody. Now he’s the corporate shill that says “Whatta move”
instead of “suplex” because in Vince’s eyes that is more appealing.
Another example of homegrown talent is Michael Cole.
Here’s a guy that worked as a news reporter before Todd Pettengill introduced
him to McMahon. (I read that in RAW magazine. Is it a shock that Pettengill
knew Cole? I think not.) When Cole started out in WWE he was considered a
dweeb, a loser and a nothing. While some of us probably think of him in that
way today, you can’t deny the fact that he’s a good announcer right now. He’s
worked his ass off to learn more about the business, to learn names of moves
and it shows.
– Joey Styles is a part owner of 1wrestling.com. Anybody
that’s been online knows that it’s a big site. It may not be as big today as it
was a few years ago, but it’s still one of the “big” sites on the internet. I
don’t think it’s likely that McMahon would ever hire
somebody that owns an internet site that thrives on posting news & rumors
about his company. I doubt we would ever see Styles in the WWE as long as he
owns a piece of 1wrestling.
– Money. I think money is a big issue. Because he has a
lot of experience behind the microphone he would demand a lot more money than somebody
like a Mark Lloyd or Josh Matthews. Styles has more credentials
than any announcer the WWE has on its roster other than
Ross, McMahon or Jerry Lawler. He’s done PPVs and TVs not only very well, but
he did it by himself. He was able to make things seem exciting even when he had
nobody to banter with. I think that’s a hard thing to do. How good would
Gorilla Monsoon have been without Bobby Heenan at his side? It’s not an easy
job. Like I said, not only did Styles do it, he did it very well.
– There is nowhere to put Styles. Right now the
announcing teams are set. Ross & Lawler are the franchise team of the
company whether they deserve it or not. I think it’s obvious that neither are
as good as they
were a few years back, but that’s what happens as time
goes on and the product becomes stale. Who knows, maybe they’ll be good again.
Even if they continue to be average, they won’t lose their spot. Why? Because
they are McMahon loyalists. They are people who have stayed by McMahon for a
long time and Ross especially has a lot of say politically. Could you really
see Ross giving up his seat so that Joey Styles could be the lead announcer on
Raw? I don’t think so.
On Smackdown, the team of Cole & Tazz continue to
improve. You can’t ruin the chemistry they have. The commentary they present
each week is good. Not on Monsoon/Heenan levels or even Ross/Lawler in ’98, but
they’re still quality announcers. It would be stupid of WWE to break them up
for any reason even though Styles obviously knows Tazz well from their ECW
days.
There really are no other options. Heat and Velocity are
B level shows. I doubt Styles would be willing to work them. I don’t blame him
for that. He’s good enough that he deserves to be on one of the two main shows.
Problem is, there is no room for him right now.
Considering all of these reasons, I think it is unlikely
that Joey Styles will be a part of WWE anytime soon. Is he good enough to work
for them? Yes. However, the politics and money are too much to overcome, so if
you want your Styles fix I suggest you pop in those old ECW tapes because
that’s the only place you’ll be able to hear his high pitched screams these
days.
Of course, if he does come in I’ll be one of the first to
yell OH MY GOD while I enjoy the work of one of wrestling’s best.
That does it. Thanks to Flea for the opportunity. Hope
you guys liked it. Feel free to email me if you have
any questions or comments about this topic, my website or
me. Have a safe and happy new year.
John C. – wwfjohnc@hotmail.com
And thank you for writing! See, kids, there are more topics
to write about than HHH and how evil he is. Go check out his site when you have
the time… ÂÂ
THE ROSS SAYS THIS
In his latest Ross Report, Good Ol’ JR pisses on my
Cornflakes with this statement…
style=’font-family:Arial’>"Nice interaction on
RAW between Rob Van Dam and Kane this week. I am anxious to see where this is
headed. I would love it if both these athletes had breakout years in 2003.
There is no reason I am aware of that should prevent this from happening."
Yeah, I’ll give you a reason… BECAUSE THEY BOTH SUCK! And you
know, that dude that won the Powerball in West Virginny looks a lot like JR,
complete with a big stupid hat. I think the final figure on the Powerball prize
was around 317 MILLION dollars – he settled for around 110 million. Now then,
his interview after winning was highlighted and sound-byted by the guy
promising to be a Good Christian and “tithe” (that means “to donate in the name
of the Lord”, Harry Heathen) 10% of his winnings. Good for him, but that
statement was met with great ridicule by people who claim to be comedians,
goofing on the Hillbilly for “giving money to the Church”, instead of spending
it all on pussy and beer like any real man would. Well, ha ha ha and f*cking
ha. What you cocksuckers should be more concerned with is the fact that the
Federal Government waltzed in and sliced 50% right off the top, for no reason I
can comprehend other that the fact that the IRS is a rotten Gestapo. Lotteries
are State run, correct? The money from lotteries goes to “assigned programs” in
each state… … … f*cking A I can’t even make my point here without throwing this motherf*cking
computer into the wall. It’s not often I get upset, but when I see blatant
theft and no one even bats an eye at it, it just makes me f*cking ill. HALF of
this guys winnings! Where do you think that money… oh f*ck you IRS. To me that’s
a vicious crime far worse than throwing some dough in the collection plate c/o
Heaven “Lee” Father. And no one says a word. Unreal.      ÂÂ
ROLL THE DICE
Austin was on the radio, but didn’t say too much of nothing.
Looks like as he is keeping in shape, which is a good thing. He is going to
have a hell of a time keeping up with Angle, Benoit , Eddy and all the rest of
the wrestlers who are on career rolls in the workrate department. But I am sure
he can do it. Austin’s intensity makes up for the lack of being able to Hurricanrana
someone.
It looks like you can go to the World and be a part of the
RAW 10th Anniversary special. That means jack shit to me, because I
won’t be in NYC that day. I’m thinking BOSS, GRUT, and a whole bunch of people
should attend, but who am I to tell them what to do. Knowing them, they would
probably just get blasted drunk and still have to depend on some reader to
submit a report. But if you are in the area, please go. And send an “exclusive”
report. I’m sick of seeing “on-site” shit having to be “borrowed” from other
sites.
IN OTHER WORDS
HEY! E.C has a new Mind Squeezins up! I’ll save the rest of
my comments for the IWC 100. What, you didn’t think Unca Ed would be on the
list? Shame on you. “Persistence” alone got him into the top 50. E.very C.olumn
other than that… well you’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out…
Netcop has two DVD reviews up and hit the nail square on the
head in both of them… the Back to the Future set is in fun as hell to watch and
I did get my kid the Goofy cartoons, only I think it was for me more than her.
But go check out his reviews – good stuff. And he doesn’t blame HHH for Biff
doing the j.o.b. to any of the McFlys! Color me flabbergasted!
And go back and read Eric’s Christmas News column. Scrooge
does have heart after all…
Speaking of GRUT – what in the flying f*ck is The FLEA
Award? And why did Scott Hall win it? Oh, because we both live in Orlando! NOW
I get it!
PAGE SIX
The IWC Flashback this week may be something you have never
read. It was an “exclusive” to a site that now resides in BOSS’S room of toys
and has not been re-posted for whatever reason. This is the Final Blow-off of a
feud between a Paranoid Hooligan and THE WEIRDEST PERSON to ever grace the
Internet Wrestling Community. I don’t have a title for this, so I’ll just call
it – “Unrequited Love”
FROM THE FLEA’S BAG – featuring Chris Hyatte
Cerebral Palsy.
Brain Anoxia.
Permanent disability with
weakness or paralysis of legs
Loss of bowel or bladder
control.
Frequent urinary track
infections.
Meningitis.
Coexisting defects or
other defects.
These are the delightful
little side effects that you can get when you are born with Spina Bifida,
the very disease Sean Shannon claimed to be born with and must suffer through,
all of his life. He admitted to having this disease in response to a challenge
made to him by Steve Corino to get in the ring as see how hard it is to be a
wrestler.
No wonder he’s so
depressed. He keeps peeing and pooping his pants!
Sean, Sean, Sean. What are
we going to do with you?
I didn’t even want to
write this piece. I mean, I suggested it off-hand to Dillard one day and before
I knew it, Jeremy Botter was shooting me an e-mail saying, "We Want
IT!!!" I am an impulsive sort, what I think is a good idea an hour ago I
think is stupid the next. I saw the petty little "I Want Attention"
stunt you pulled by sending everyone who wanted to check out Rantsylvania over
to your site. I actually sort of liked the boldness of it…. but that didn’t
mean I thought it was a cool move. Now, if you did it to the Shooters, or Wrestleline,
or even the Torch…. I would have applauded louder than anyone. But to do it
to the one group of people who supported you as best as they could, very petty.
No, after some thought, I
decided that I didn’t even want to write this thing. I said everything I wanted
to say about you, Sean, a long time ago. I called your house, harassed you,
goofed on you, kept harping and harping on you every week. I humiliated you,
made you, insulted you, and did the literary equivalent of ripping off your
clothes and making you walk down a busy street during rush hour traffic holding
a big sign reading, "I Am A Loser". I also found something you
wrote on
which got into your depression over how WCW created 3Count as a direct attack
on your person (Still inflict pain on yourself with coat hangers, Sean?) and
threatened to let everyone see it (I never made it public, but Luke Johnston
has it. He can now do whatever he wants with it. I release him from any promise
of secrecy.) I did everything I wanted to do and was all set to relax. Let you
go do whatever it is you want to do and leave you be. You had left Rantsylvania,
set up your own little site, and begged us not to visit. You left your old life
behind, you told the readers, (namely and only us), so please go away and leave
you alone. I was more than happy to do so.
Turns out you weren’t
quite done with your old life, now were you?
Let’s look at one of the
things I listed up there. I "made you". Yes, I did. Of course, I
didn’t have sex with your Mother twenty six years ago, oh no…. I waited a few
years before hitting that booty, but I most definitely helped make the Sean
Shannon "Internet Wrestling Personality" everyone loved to hate.
Without me to feud with, I sincerely doubt you would have learned enough about
presenting yourself in order to become any sort of presence around here. I
certainly gave you "Net fame", a visible fiend for you to rally
against and channel all your rage into. On the Net, you were a non-distinct
voice that had things to say but no way to make them heard. I changed all that.
I made you interesting. I had every one of my readers wondering who you were
and why I was taking shots at you. For the first time in your life, people
actually gave a shit at what you had to say, because of me.
You just couldn’t handle
it. See, Sean’s whole Internet persona was defined by his reactions, not
his actions. His ECW recaps are a testament to that. Having to attract
readers who wanted to see what ECW did on TV that week instead of just bringing
them in to hear what you have to say about whomever busted your balls that week
proved to be too tough for him to do on his own. No, he had to do it
"Mop-Up" style and write like me, only overjamming the recap with
negativity, having no idea how to do it otherwise. No, he couldn’t start
anything without boring everyone to tears, but when he reacted to flame mail,
or me, or the DVD Douchebags, or Steve Corino, or CRZ…. he was utterly
fascinating. He knew this, so much so that started to depend on it. This is
when you got into trouble. You kept reacting by going for the sympathy vote.
Your typical line was, "You’re being cruel! But I’ve been treated
cruelly before! Like the time I…" then go into a long heartbreaking
tale about abusive teachers, violent bullies, birth defects, speech
impediments, utter sadness, parents who don’t know how to talk to you, morbid
obesity. Over the last few years, you just kept piling on the drama. One misery
after another. One dragon that has yet to be slain after another. Man, you were
like a chick! No wonder you call yourself "Li’l Miss Rebel". "Li’l
Miss Drama Queen" is more like it.
The straw on the readers’
sympathy for you broke after that lame Corino excuse. Obviously, you enjoyed
trolling around the WebMd site enough to know where to find the story on a
really cool, really unknown "birth defect" that would not only offer
a great reason for bagging out of Corino’s challenge, but it will get TONS of
sympathy from the reader. Hey look! Sean is fighting against all odds again!!
Go, Sean, GO!!! Dumb kid. You was so into getting pity from everyone that you
went a bit too far. If maybe you told everyone about this when I first started
talking about you, then it would have been different, but to just throw this in
after a wrestler confronted your bad, "I Hate Everything" recap, it
became laughable. You don’t have it, no one thinks you do, and no one feels bad
for you. You blew it.
One question. Why didn’t
you just tell Corino, "Look, I am a critic of wrestling. You are a
wrestler. It comes with the territory." Or why didn’t you challenge him to
an interview? Get some mileage out of an "Up Close and Personal with Steve
Corino" for your site? Done correctly, and you would have scored tons of
points with everyone on respect. Even I would have given you props. There were
so many ways to take care of this little thing…. but no, you wanted sympathy.
Sympathy is something you just don’t get in real life, I guess. Probably
because no one "gets you".
Actually, some people did
"get you". Scott Keith got you. Don Becker got you. Everyone who
contributed to Rantsylvania got you, and they believed in you and what you
created. They liked it here, Sean. They tell me they liked working with you….
working for you. They defended you whenever someone went off on you in
the Delphi Forum. They took pride in this quiet little place that was the only
independent web site to get a brief, but respectable review in Entertainment
Weekly. They were proud of their work here, and they were proud of working
with you.
Then you left. Just flat
out decided that you couldn’t take it anymore and handed the whole magilla over
to Scott Keith. Including about $1000 in overdue bills. The worst part is, you
didn’t even have the balls to tell Scott about it. You let him be surprised.
You deserted them Sean, the only people on this Internet who fully supported
you.
You dumped out on them and
said, "F**K You".
To make matters worse, you
opened that depressing little "Feel Sorry For Me" home page where you
droned on about how your "old life" was killing you from the inside
out. How the "old days" were creatively stifling, emotionally
traumatic, and destructive to your self-esteem. So, you got out of it before it
engulfed you. You fought back against the Dragons who called you
"friend" and slain them mightily by getting AWAY from them and
leaving them for dead! Ah, sing the songs of survival, Li’l Miss Drama Queen!
How did you old friends
react? Betrayed, angry, hurt, offended. After all, they knew you were an idiot.
They knew you were a loon. They were well aware that you are a weirdo. They
still stuck by you. They still wrote for you. They gave you all they possibly
could to make Rantsylvania a legit wrestling site, no matter how hard you made
it for them, they gave you their loyalty. Now they were the bad influences?
They were evil? They were what was killing you inside? Is it any wonder they
reacted as they did? Is it any wonder Don Becker wrote a short little essay
displaying his hurt at this betrayal? They were angry and reacted as such.
Honestly, you had no right to be offended.
But you were, so you
pulled that stunt on them and re-routed all Rantsylvania traffic away to your
site. It was one last power trip. Fueled partially because they had the nerve
to be upset with you, and partially because Scott had announced that they would
move somewhere else and get rid of any trace of you. I’m sure that had a lot to
do with the stunt, too. They were moving on and not dedicating every single
inch of space to you and what was wrong with you and how could they get you
back. They were moving on. You weren’t quite as ready for that as you told
everyone. You still had one more little trick to pull that would reminded
everyone that you still exist. Okay Drama Queen. You exist. They know.
Guess what Sean, they just don’t care anymore.
Here’s the deal. Rantsylvania is dead. The Smarks are alive. Since no one has ever accused you of being
either A: Smart or B: A Mark, you’re presence is no longer required. You can’t
touch them anymore. You can’t be a part of their site anymore. You made it,
it’s your baby, but they don’t want you in it anymore. You’ve been kicked out
of your own house Sean. Now if only your father would do the same.
To make sure you got the
message, they let me… me into your site to tell you outright. They are
even letting me run And Another Thing here each week. If you know the
column, then you know it’s not "Mop-Up Jr.", but it’s some damn fine
commentary, the best on the Net. If you don’t know the column, you will like
what you read. I promise.
Hey Sean, guess what? You
are dead to them. They will no longer go to your site. They will no longer
comment about you on this site. They will no longer give you any more acknowledgment.
You lost the only Internet friends you really ever made. And no one sympathizes
with you. I encourage everyone reading this to NEVER go to his site again. Not
to see his reaction, not to see how depressed he is, and not to read him tell
another tale of some impossible obstacle that God (or whatever he worships)
threw at him. Let’s put him on ignore and let him try to get a whole new
audience.
He doesn’t deserve any
more attention from us.
He keeps saying that he
has left his old life behind.
Hey Sean, guess what? Your
old life has now officially left you behind.
Good luck, Li’l Miss Drama
Queen.
This is Hyatte.
* * * * * * * *    ÂÂ
Come back Monday! It’s the IWC 100!
Thanks for reading The Saturday Matinee, I’m Flea
