The Monday Edition 01.27.03

Goddamn, can you believe what is going on? Rumors are flying everywhere and everyone seems to be trying to get a grasp on this mysterious situation / get the word out before everyone else, undoubtedly not stopping to check facts or use common sense. Hey, it’s all opinions and rumors before it happens anyway, so I don’t know what all the hubbub is. And although I have promised I would not get involved with all this mongering type of stuff that happens, the truth is I am on the inside and do have connections. So seeing that 1. Everyone seems to be interested and 2. I have a head start as far as actual confirmation on this story and therefore, oh hell why build suspense? I might as well just tell you the real story and stop all this speculation

CHRIS HYATTE IS ALIVE!

Yes, I know. That isn’t something that most people “admit” to caring about, which is perfectly understandable. So for the seven or so of you that ask on a regular basis – let me just give you a quote

“Who is Al Wilson and why should I care If he’s dead?”

I think that sums it up. Whether or not he is coming back is something I’m not telling at the moment. YOU know where to find me if you want further details. And yes, I’m talking to YOU.

Oh, hello there. I’m Flea and if the world ends this week, blame the Bucs. “Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Super Bowl Champions” rates right up there with “Hell, just go ahead and drop the bomb, who is gonna miss a bunch of Japs?” Hope you enjoyed the SUPER BOWL, something I will say and type without the fear of remuneration – God damn, people are such pansies when words like “copyright” and “lawsuit” and “you gotta call it something else” are all mixed together. IT’S THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL! If I wanted to call it something else, I would. But it’s the SUPER BOWL. And Tampa is the champeen. Unbelievable, especially when I think back to the days of the Big Sombrero with a bag over my head. Good game all the way around, with Tampa just coming out and knocking Oakland’s teeth down their throats right off the bat. For the third year in a row, the commercials were not that memorable – hell, at the moment it’s only four hours after the game and the only one I can remember is The Budweiser horses with a zebra in the mix for Instant Replay fun and games. My amusement at that was called “ridiculous” at least I think that’s the word. Whatever the word, it was not flattering – just as unflattering as the Halftime Show where Gwen Stefani decided to pull a “Axl Steiner” act and was gasping for breath / singing off-key by the middle of her song with Sting. Sting, the singer – not the wrestler, although both seem have in common the same lack of interest and passion for their respective business. Tampa = champs and I better move along to wrestling topics before I stop and realize that I have to fly to the West Coast later this morning and the world ending / something bad happening is weighing on my mind very heavily at the moment.

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

Yes, I know there is BIG NEWS re: Rock, but if you hadn’t noticed, I am ignoring it. Why? I’ll tell you right after I bring you the real biggest story out there and one that I’m getting a perverse thrill from

THE HEARTBREAK KID VS. A BLACK GUY WITH A 13 INCH PECKER

This article is from AVN.com

VAN NUYS, Calif.After over fifteen years carving out a name for himself in the adult industry, the last thing performer/producer/director Sean Michaels ever expected was an identity crisis. But that’s what he got when two weeks ago he received a cease & desist letter from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) asking him to relinquish his name.

“We received a letter from the WWE’s attorney asking Sean to give up his rights to his name, an agreement to cease infringement,” Michael’s assistant Pam Anderson told AVN.com.
It seems there is a wrestler named Shawn Michaels and the WWE organization is none too pleased that he is allegedly being confused with the porn performer, so they had attorney Lauren A. Bienes-Middlen fire off a threatening letter.

“At first I had mixed feelings about it,” Michaels told AVN.com. “I know that people often confuse the two names, but I didn’t realize it had gotten to the point where mine was just as popular as the wrestler. Then I felt a little slighted because I take great pride in what I do in the adult industry. They’re telling me that because I am in the adult industry, that is the reason why they don’t want the name association and I’m to cease and desist after working 14 years in pursuit of my career and building my dream. Now I’m supposed to give it up and walk away?”

Anderson continued. “They made a comment that ‘your incidental spelling variations of the same name does not change the fact that it is the same name and phonic equivalent of the exact mark. The use of Sean Michaels with your merchandise will confuse the consumers as to the source of which these services originated. Consumers who purchased your product will be lead to believe that these products have been made, approved or sponsored by the WWE.'”

“If we don’t sign that cease & desist letter than they will take us to court,” Anderson said. “Without the Sean Michaels name he has nothing left, that’s his company, his life, this is what he does.”
“I never even knew that there was a guy named Shawn Michaels,” professed the other Sean. “In 1986, when I applied for the DBA (Doing Business As) for Sean Michaels Productions, nothing came back. They gave me my DBA and let me do my thing. Then I trademarked my name four years ago. So I’ve taken the precautions to protect myself.”

“It’s really shocking,” Anderson added. “Why did it take them 14 years to make a comment about it? He has credibility in adult entertainment, he’s very high class, a business professional, so there’s no reason to cease using his name and he has the material to back it up. Sean did his first scene, in Adam and Eve’s House Party, back in 1986. The wrestler has been using his name since 1988.”

“My name is trademarked and spelled differently,” Sean wondered, “so why wait over 14 years to say something? We trademarked my name four years ago. His name has never been trademarked. Not only did the World Wrestling Entertainment lose the WWF title to the World Wildlife Foundation because they never trademarked it, but the wrestler Shawn Michaels himself has been sued in similar litigation.”

After a little research, Michaels’ attorney made a startling revelation when he went to check the U.S. trademark patent office record. He discovered that the WWE never actually trademarked Shawn Michaels the wrestler. There had been two abandoned registrations however, both dated in 1997.

And then there’s the matter of the ever-changing deadlines. “The letter was dated December 10th 2002, but we received it January 6th 2003,” Anderson said. “Then they gave us a deadline date to respond and sign by January 22nd. Then all of a sudden they said we had 60 days to show proof that Sean Michaels is who he is and has been using that name for several years. They know that they dropped the ball somewhere or why would they extend it 60 days?”

“My take on it is they think I’m just talent and I have no recourse,” said Sean. “So I decided they have another thing coming and called my attorney and I am letting him handle the matter. They have a lot of money, a billion dollar company, and are coming after me, a guy who owns a corporation but is nowhere near where these guys are. The issue is the popularity of what I do and what he does and the conflict of that.”

“They have asked me to provide proof of the first time I used the name, fine, but we’re asking them to do the same,” Michaels stated. “As far as I’m concerned the damage has already been done. It’s a slander to me and what I believe in and who I am and how I represent myself. I’m going to counter sue them because it has already cost me a couple thousand to get my attorney and my people to work on this.”

“They barked up the wrong tree this time because I’m not just some swinging black bitch that they can throw a legal latter at and expect me to close up shop and roll over. I don’t think so. Let me do my job and I’ll let you do yours. I want people to know that I mind my business, I just do my job and am a happy go lucky guy most of the time but don’t f*ck with me because, you know what? I’ll finish it.”

And he is right, you know. The dates sound about right – I have known of Sean Michaels, porn star since the late 80’s and he brings up a good point. Why, after all these years, is HBK raising hell? Trust me, outside of the name, there is nothing similar betwixt these two. Kind of like Steve Austin, Texas Rattlesnake and Steve Austin – Six Million Dollar Man. Well, maybe that’s a bad example so let me spell it out for you –

HBK – white, borderline effeminate, showstoppa icon, wrestler, best known for his attitude and matches with The Undertaker and Bret Hart.

Sean Michaels – black, strapping, hung like a horse porn star, who I remember best as the one with whom Nina Hartley performed her first anal scene. That was a disaster, but, as the article above states, Michaels has made a name for himself in the industry and has a valid point when, to paraphrase, he asks “What the Fuck?”.

I don’t know what HBK is thinking with this one. He is hardly relevant anymore to the point where a name similarity with someone in the Porn Industry would effect him financially. I’m guessing this has something to do with his newfound Christianity, but most likely a horny executive now in charge of HBK merchandising was looking to rent some porn and came across (Ha! The Wit!) Sean Michaels, Porn Star and started crying the blues about it before checking the facts. HBK has no leg to stand on with this and it looks to be another black eye for WWE in the court of law.

Also in the news, Tough Enough wrapped up another season and I don’t care. I said all I wanted about the show when I typed about the “Bob Holly Incident” – the dude he slapped around didn’t even win! HA! But someone won the thing, not that it matters. Everyone involved gets some kind of role in WWE, whether it be on screen or off. What I think is most interesting is this

The season finale of Tough Enough was a ratings bonanza to both MTV and WWE. The hour long program, which saw the crowning of the season three champions, did a strong 2.6 cable rating, with a 4 share, according to Nielsen Media Research

A STRONG 2.6 CABLE RATING LADIES A GENTLEMAN as opposed to a “weak” 3.9 that RAW has been doing. Yeah I know, it doesn’t make sense, but remember, I’m the one that’s a dumbf*ck for not screaming about how much everything sucks and how Vince is going out of business, probably tomorrow. Right On.

HAVE YOU HEARD?

Ok, there is all sorts of stuff bouncing around about the Rock and the “breaking story” that’s going around about his future, both in the wrestling world and in real showbiz. It all started with an article over on 1wrestling.com that everyone blew off as full of shit until Da Meltz chimed in with this

Probably the most talked about news item over the past few days was a story posted by Georgiann Makropolous on 1wrestling.com yesterday regarding the future plans of The Rock. Because the story was written by someone named “Jake T. Icon,” who said he had spoken to Rock on the movie set of the movie with no name, where the anonymous writer worked as an extra. Most of the response to the story has been from people thinking it’s not true or made up. I have no doubt the story is authentic and that Rock did say much if not all of what is attributed to him.

These were the key points of the story as Rock talked about for his wrestling future:

1) He has purchased the rights to use the name The Rock from WWE (no deal has been consummated, but Rock has talked in other interviews about this same subject and working on such a deal)

2) Goldberg recently showed up on the “Helldorado” set and talked with Rock and was introduced around (true, I’d heard that story a few days ago)

3) Rock will return as a heel (well, that’s hardly a secret)

4) Rock will have his first match back at No Way Out against Hulk Hogan (as things stand right now, that is true and I’m expecting it to be announced this week)

4) The finish of the match will be Vince McMahon interfering, costing Hogan the match, and Rock being involved in it, going back to the Corporate Rock heel character (I don’t know this, but it makes perfect sense since McMahon vs. Hogan is the plan for Mania)

5) Rock vs. Bill Goldberg at Wrestlemania (that has been talked about a lot. As those who have followed the story closely know, it is Rock, more so than either McMahon or Goldberg, who wants that match. As of this morning, Goldberg has not signed with WWE. Until he does, this is more what Rock wants to have happen then what is planned)

6) Rock will leave wrestling after Mania. This is the major point of the story. I’ve heard those rumors, and given his schedule with so many movie projects being thrown at him, it is believable, but not confirmed. The story said Rock said he would return to wrestling at some point if and when the movie offers slow down and he’d have the time. (many have heard rumors, but Rock has not officially told WWE this, but also hasn’t committed to anything past either March or April’s PPV)

– Dave Melzer – wrestlingobserver.com

If this story doesn’t just expose the how “rumor” scene, I don’t know what will do it for you people. EVERYTHING on this can be twisted and turned into anyway that whoever is writing the story sees fit, all the while never “really” going out on a limb with cold hard concrete facts. And the beauty of it all is if WWE does change their plans, everyone in the gossip trade will say “It’s because of what WE wrote, nyah nyah nyah

Have you ever read the Book “Sex, Lies and Headlocks?”.I just finished it and it’s the biggest load of shit I have read in a long while, and that includes Hogan’s book. At least he was only delusional. Now then, I know the book has been out for a while and other reviews have probably said this and / or that, but I do not read book reviews (at least not until I have read the book myself) f*ck, I’m short on time now but I have plenty of space to fill for a couple of days and will give a little book report then

But the whole summary of it will be this – you can’t have one or to things considered “gospel inside information” while making grievous errors on simple things like PPV names and details of taped matches. The fact that Da Meltz pretty much thumbed his nose at this “breaking story” should at least be a wakeup call that not everything these guys say should be considered “truth” when most everything is a matter of interpretation anyway. I.e. – it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out “jeez, Rock might like being a movie star better than being a wrestler”. So this is barely a story – outside of a bunch smarts trying to flex their muscles and beat everyone to the punch to declare Rock – E gone and themselves as triumphant for telling me something I do not give two shits about anyway.

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

RAW is in Chicago. Flair always acts up in Chi-Town so look for him to be up to no good. Speaking of no good, it’s Round 7,346 of “bring back the Horsemen”. Would you cut it out already? According to “sources”, they haven’t even thought of a name yet, but when they do? You know what just call them the Four Horsemen, who gives a flying f*ck.

Smackdown is in Green Bay. Nathan Jones in on his way and the fact that his character will be way cool will not mask the fact that he is a big slug in the ring. At least that’s what show reports I read have been saying. I saw the guy on the WWA PPV’s and he looks like all the rest of the power wrestlers. Hell, Goldberg ain’t exactly Lou Thesz and everyone is screaming about how great he is, so shove your workrate up your ass is what the bottom line is on this one. I’m just wondering how many more big bald guys are needed to meet the quota.

THE LINKS ARE ON ME

Everyone will get plugged tomorrow. I promise.

PAGE SIX

I have to cut this one short – but I will be here Tuesday and Wednesday and have all sorts of stuff lined up! Book reviews, The Rolling Stones, Steve Austin, a final screed from a curmudgeon and probably some other things. As of right now – hooray for Tampa Bay and beware of falling skies, black cats and midgets with subscriptions to the Torch and Observer.

Thanks for reading The Monday Edition, I’m FLEA