Till My Head Falls Off 01.29.03: Funky Grooves To F*ck To

For Your Listening Pleasure

Tenacious D – Tenacious D

News to You

So here’s a funny little bit of information… File-sharing service KaZaA is actually suing the record and movie industries. The grounds? “In seeking to simultaneously stop illegal copying and to maintain their dominant position in the distribution of musical and movie content, the industry plaintiffs have obscenely overreached.”

Basically, Sharman Networks Ltd. — KaZaA’s parent company that is based in Australia and incorporated in the South Pacific nation of Vanuatu — has charged the industry with engaging in monopoly-like behavior because it sought to shut the site down rather than release songs in a format that would allow KaZaA users to pay royalties. The RIAA is behind the times, says KaZaA, and needs to get with it. Interesting….

Funky Grooves To Fuck To

Damn, a hard day’s rockin’.

Better slip off ma shoes.

Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.

Dip m’toe to jacuzzi, baby.

Slip out this book: The Buttress of Windsor.

Ho ho ho, who’s this? How’s it goin’?

That’s the first thin’ I say to you.

How’s it goin’? Are you flowin’?

Listen honey,

Thinkin’ ’bout a couple things to say to you,

Showin’, growin’,

Man I’d like to place my hand

upon your f*ckin’ sexy ass and squeeze.

And squeeze!

Take off your blouse,

And your underpants,

Then take a look,

‘Cause here me and KG come naked,

Out of the side-hatch,

With the oils and perfume and incense.

Now you’re groovin’,

Put on a cool ’70s groove.

A funky groove to f*ck to.

A funky groove to f*ck to.”

Tenacious D: “Double Team”

lyrics from Lyricsstyle.com

That’s the theme for today’s column… what do we listen to when we’re about to make sweet love?

My friend StarfuZz was recently putting together a hook-up mix, and asked for my input — so of course the wheels in my head were set in motion. Music is a big part of my life, and some of my most memorable, uhm, experiences, were accompanied by some hot, hot music. And let’s face it; some songs just scream SEX as soon as you hit ‘play’ on the CD player, set the tape-deck rolling, or start cranking the Victrola.

Depending on how I’m feeling, and the girl I’m with (note to girlfriend: that means you, baby!), my most common mood-setting CDs are probably Dave Matthews Band – Crash, Buju Banton – ‘Til Shiloh, or Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On. Each of those has a bit of a smooth, romantic vibe, songs that you can really groove to, as well as individual moments perfect for climaxing. Yep, and my mom’s probably reading this column.

When it comes down to it, though, most of us don’t need music in the background of each and every make out session. Sure, it can really add to it, but it’s not necessary. But how about for that first time? Music can be an essential part of the first night (or day) you lose your virginity. Or the second. Or however long it takes, actually. And while it feels kind’ve awkward whenever I admit to someone that “I lost my virginity to the Dave Matthews Band” (or that the same song was on at the beginning and the end of that first time, and no it’s not ’cause I had the CD on ‘repeat’), it’s hard to hear “Say Goodbye” and not get all warm and fuzzy.

I asked a few friends what music they like to listen to while in heat, and none of their answers were too surprising:

G Love and Special Sauce

Bob Marley

Marvin Gaye

David Gray

Norah Jones

Janet Jackson

Horace Brown

Keith Sweat

112

Barry White

Portishead

LL Cool J

Sade

Aimee Mann

Faith No More

Red Hot Chili Peppers

California Guitar Trio

…and the list goes on and on. I’m convinced there’s really no “right” answer to this one. Send me your sex and music stories and the best ones will get published here in the next few weeks. Here’s an example of what I’m looking for (feel free to be more detailed), from my friend Starfish: “I’m in a crazy neo-soul phase right now: Maxwell, Angie Stone, D’Angelo, India.Arie… it just oozes sex.”

Fun With Spellchecker

This week, Spellchecker slacked off a little, but this week I typed in “D’Angelo” but Spellchecker keeps insisting I should replace it with “dangle”. Draw your own conclusions.

Moving on…

Me and Iago

Here’s where I swipe a 411 gimmick, and copy and paste an instant messenger conversation I just had with fellow columnist Iago Ali:

moodspins: ok, this week’s column is on sex and music

iago: i approve

iago: of both

moodspins: as do most of my readers, I’m sure

moodspins: but let’s say you have a night of passion all planned out

moodspins: what goes in the three-disc changer?

iago: oh jeebus

iago: d’angelo: voodoo

iago: no question

iago: um…i’m not good with albums.

iago: but voodoo’s a definite.

moodspins: I’m thinking ‘no’ for System of a Down

iago: depends–if you can get down with a chick to SOAD, she’s gonna be fun

iago: Nine Inch Nails–definite

iago: Closer.

iago: oh sweet lord, closer.

iago: i actually made a sexin CD…my ex has it now

iago: it wasn’t perfect…but it was a start

iago: oh wait–N.E.R.D — In Search Of…

moodspins: how about Handsome Boy Modeling School?

iago: nah

iago: Lovage

moodspins: “you must be a Handsome Boy graduate”

moodspins: “oh my God he’s GORGEOUS”

moodspins: c’mon, if you can’t get it on to that, you have issues

iago: good album…but a SEX album?

iago: oh wait–Princess

iago: Princess Superstar?

moodspins: hmmm

moodspins: how about Prince – Come

moodspins: if that doesn’t scream sex, what does?

iago: Prince: Gett Off

iago: holy hell

iago: I can give you tons of individual songs:

iago: Gett Off, Closer, Lapdance, Oochie Wally (nas)

iago: tons of Bjork, especially Human Behavior

moodspins: oochie wally?

moodspins: hmmm

moodspins: Bjork’s a good one. I second that.

iago: tons of Portishead, especially Nobody Loves Me

moodspins: Bon Jovi? Not so much.

iago: Oochie Wally is for dirty, dirty, f*cking

iago: Bon Jovi is for Jersey Girls and Freakboy

moodspins: How about “k-i-s-s-i-n-g”

moodspins: HA. worst nas song EVER.

moodspins: Ah, Freakboy. What ever happened to him?

iago: “f-u-c-k-i-n-g” — when I hear that, I have to change the song

iago: he’s alive–probably just lazy like me

iago: Jane Says — Porno for

iago: Pyros

iago: acoustic

moodspins: jane says is jane’s addiction

iago: FINE!

moodspins: there goes ALL the credibility you had left

iago: I’m Puerto-f*cking-Rican: be glad I even know the damn song

iago: why isn’t my printer working?

moodspins: not sure

iago: dam you, bicotti

moodspins: snoop’s on jimmy kimmel

iago: been on all week

moodspins: it’s great

moodspins: they’re talking to ghosts

iago: snoop’s a great man

iago: rock was on last night

iago: shaved head and waxed eyebrows

moodspins: lol

moodspins: he cuts a heel promo on smackdown this week

iago: good

iago: he’s my favorite heel ever

moodspins: lol

moodspins: cowboy bob orton

moodspins: ACE!

iago: oh boy

moodspins: he had a CAST

moodspins: even though his arm wasn’t HURT

iago: brilliant!

iago: like iron mike sharpe

moodspins: tammy faye baker?!

moodspins: and SNOOP

moodspins: on stage… TOGETHER

moodspins: this show rules.

iago: this is bizarre

iago: snoop should have his own show

iago: jimmy’s gonna suffer without him

iago: i’m serious–snoop is the star of this damn show

moodspins: LOL

moodspins: depends who the other guest hosts are

iago: who they gonna get better than snoop?

iago: they should get jimmy’s girlfriend, sarah silverman

iago: UNCLE FRANK!

iago: snoop, tammy faye, and uncle frank

moodspins: wow

moodspins: honestly, between Al Michaels rapping with 50 Cent last night and now Warren G and Jimmy’s Uncle Frank….

moodspins: How can they possibly top this?

iago: should just go off the air now

moodspins: there’s something to be said about leaving on a high note…

peace. love. moe.

– Matt

Till My Head Falls Off can be found weekly on 411 Music (old columns are archived in the pull-down menu below). Already hit everything on 411? You can find more from Matthew Michaels at moodspins and 1-42.