411 Music's Friday News Bootleg 02.14.03

Hey, kids, welcome to the debut of The Bootleg. The handful of my loyal readers (hi, mom!) knows me as 411’s resident rap music reviewer. Wait, don’t leave! While I make no secret of my love for hip hop, I’ll do my best to cover all genres as fairly and as accurately as possible. I’ll mix in a little commentary, too, but I’ll try to keep it balanced by taking shots at everyone.

I’m still working on the format for this column, so bear with me. For now, I’m going to start with a few quick hits and end with one, longer spiel on the most incredible or insipid story of the week. I’ll mix in a few other thangs, too, just to make it interesting.

Christina Aguilera to Appear on 20/20 Tonight

Now, every dateless and awkward teenage boy has something to look forward to on Valentine’s Day! Seriously, the media can’t wet themselves fast enough in decrying the evils of sexuality running rampant in pop culture. Yet, ABC-TV is using the tagline “Real, Raw and Ready to Reveal it All!” to hype her appearance. She’s scheduled to discuss her music, her stance on being a role model and why she won’t return any of my calls. As they say in Hollywood, cheque your local listings.

Bob Dylan movie is Being Planned

One of the most popular musicians of the 20th century is in talks for his life story to come to the big screen. Entertainment Weekly is reporting that discussions are in the early stages, but that the venerable (read: old and decrepit) Dylan has already given the green light for the use of his music in the film. I can’t say I’m all that interested, since I couldn’t name one of his songs on a dare, but baby-boomers everywhere now have something better to look forward to than sucking our Social Security dry in the next decade or so.

“Best of Cher” Album to be Released in March

The good people at MCA records have announced a March 18 release date for a 21-track compilation featuring the Best of Cher. I’ll give everyone a moment to insert the requisite “Military Intelligence” and “Jumbo Shrimp” oxymoron joke, at their leisure. In conjunction with the release NBC will air a two hour Cher concert and a couple of Will & Grace reruns featuring the Jurassic Oscar winner.

Tha Row Records Announces Plans for Next 2Pac Album

Hot on the heels of 2002’s multi-platinum Better Dayz, Tha Row records, in an online interview with producer Darren Vegas, have revealed that another posthumous release from the slain rapper is in the works. It’s reportedly going to be a “remix” album, featuring previously heard material with new beats and guests. The first single is rumored to be a remake of 2 of Amerika’z Most Wanted, which originally featured Snoop Dogg, but has reportedly been redone with current Row artist, Crooked I. Expect a late 2003 release on this one. Exploitation of a man’s memory has never sounded better! Hey, Suge, say ‘hey’ to Beecher for me.

Madonna’s New Video Slams Bush, Possible War

Now that her acting career seems to be officially over (unless the public starts demanding for Body of Evidence 2), Madonna can go back to what she does best: making videos that piss off conservatives. Has it really been fourteen years since Like a Prayer debuted on national TV and taught us that religion can be sexy? This time around, the gap-toothed diva is depicting bloody war scenes and an anti-war message in her video for American Life. Isn’t it funny how it’s “free speech” when it’s something you agree with and “treason” when you don’t?

Nate Dogg Album Likely Delayed

I had to add this one in the honor of Nick Salemi, who provides some of the best and most insightful feedback of all my readers. The original February 25 release date seemed odd considering there has been virtually NO promotion of the album and no video for the album’s first single (Get Up, featuring Eve and produced by DJ Quik). After the poor sales of Nate’s last album, Music and Me, and the fact that so many fans consider him the Robert Horry of music (fine supporting player, lousy on his own), I wouldn’t be surprised to see his label drop him this year, so he can join Snoop’s Doggystyle imprint.

Kylie Minogue to Debut Lingerie Line

Yep, the woman that had all of America doing The Locomotion in 1987 is back! Well, not really. See, she hasn’t been all that relevant here in the States since Miami Vice was in prime time and Hulk Hogan was still active. *Cough* However, she’s still as hot as ever and the juxtaposed imagery of her and sexy draws is enough for me to speak on it. Her signature line of unmentionables will be available in Australia and the UK. Personally, I’m holding out for the Debbie Gibson collection.

Hip Hop Boycott of Pepsi is ON…or not

In one of the biggest non-news stories of this young year, rap mogul Russell Simmons had planned to organize a boycott of Pepsi after the soft drink conglomerate dumped rapper Ludacris as its pitchman. Pepsi made the move after getting some heat from shareholders and, in particular, conservative talking head Bill O’Reilly (no relation to Cyril or Ryan) who took Pepsi to task for using the raunchy artist in its ads.

As with most things that piss us off in the hip hop nation, our first response was to crank out one of those ridiculous on-line petitions that NEVER work. After a few days, the controversy, such as it was, died down and Pepsi went back to peacefully contributing to the decay of kid’s teeth everywhere.

Then, while my beloved Raiders were getting donkey-stomped on Super Bowl Sunday, Pepsi had the gall to air an ad featuring The Osbournes. In an innocent 30-second spot, (which, by the way, brings their 15 minutes of fame to 14 minutes and counting) Ozzy and his doughy kids shill for tasty new Crystal Pepsi Free Blue Twist.

The horrors! The hypocrisy! Pepsi will let the foul-mouthed star of his own show sell their sugary brown fizz, but not the foul-mouthed star of Def Jam South?!? Thankfully, Russell Simmons is around to organize a boycott of Pepsi unless his ridiculous demands are met. Let’s just ignore the fact that Russell Simmons owns Def Jam Records and surely has NO monetary interest in getting his employee back onto Pepsi’s teet.

Then, just when you think that Pepsi will ignore Simmons’ rantings…they actually cave! Now, let’s review some of Simmons’ demands and you tell me which you’d think Pepsi would pick:

*Reinstate Ludacris as spokesperson.
*Issue a public apology to Ludacris.
*Donate $5 Million to Ludacris’ charitable foundation.

If you picked either of the first two options, you’re obviously a Coke drinker. Pepsi, who quite possibly are using a different kind of coke, is essentially handing out $5 million to make this quasi-threat go away. In return, Russell Simmons has rescinded his boycott threat and the two sides continue to talk.

Hey, I don’t usually care for the often-nonsensical Ludacris and I really don’t get the fascination with the even more non-sensical Osbournes, but the bottom line is that Pepsi should be able to use whomever they want to sell their foul wares. Those who know who Ludacris is already “get” his music. Those who don’t know him would likely just tune his sales pitch out. Which is why you’ll never see those awful Stacker 2 commercials on anything other than Raw or Smackdown.

411 Fun Facts (Series One) Collect ‘Em All!

Sure, you’ve read this far, but do we really know each other?

#3: I am a graduate of San Diego State University with a BS in marketing!
#8: My first job was as a cart attendant at a Target in Long Beach, CA!
#9: Last Book Read: “Ball Four” by Jim Bouton!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the singles out there. You don’t know how lucky you are.