In Memoriam: Jamie “The Axe” Kellner. No, he’s not dead – but getting turfed is sometimes worse. To bad Eric ain’t here to see this.
Hi gang – it’s Flea and it’s Wednesday. Quick note to Elvis Foley…next week.
Let’s get to it…
THE FIRST THING ON THE LIST
Part 2 of the Bret Hart interview was on in Canada tonight and from what I have read, Bret did not fail to impress. The turn around time for TSN.ca/wrestling.com to have this on line in streaming video was TWO DAYS last time (or maybe it was next day, I can’t remember – it was damn quick, whatever) and I expect the same treatment for the conclusion. Check it out
Would you like to know something that really bothers me? It’s when someone says Sports Team A is better than Sports team B because A beat C and B did not. To put that in terms that are easier to understand – Vietnam would have won World War II because they beat America in a “war”. That’s pretty absurd, ain’t it? I bring that up all the time when bar drunks start lamenting on how so and so should be champion because they beat the team that eventually won. Bullshit. Number two on my list is when people say “Wrestler X made it to the show in inclement weather and announcers C, D and F took all means necessary to fulfill their contracted obligations, but Wrestler’s H and T as well as Diva S cried like babies and did not properly plan and therefore performed piss poorly. Or in some cases, did not and will not perform at all. Everyone’s situation is different – and it’s kind of ridiculous to go out of your way to congratulate someone for actually DOING what they are paid to do.
I took a second look at the Sonny Onoo interview and it’s pretty much a rehash of his gripes against Vince Russo / WCW / AOL Time Warner. A few years ago, Russo did a few interviews (one was on Wrestline.com – Ben Morse, I think) where he pretty much made his disdain known for Japanese and Mexican wrestlers – barely stopping short at calling them “wetbacks” and “slopes”. Not that it mattered. Onoo’s main beef is that Russo enforced that philosophy, stereotyping said ethnic groups and basically refusing to book them into angles that were worth a shit (Flea “smart” comment of the week: with Russo’s booking, who could tell? Ha!), which eventually led to Sonny’s dismissal from the company – “lack of something to do” was the official language on the pick slip. The fact that Russo booked a Black World Champion (Booker T), a Black Commissioner ( no idea), and a Mexican Cruiserweight Champion (could be anyone) is null and void, says Onoo. All that happened AFTER Sonny file his lawsuit. And just for the record, Sonny always makes it clear that Russo is not the one getting sued – it’s AOL / Time Warner. Weird thing about lawsuit like that – sometimes it’s easier to sue the small guy than the big boys, even thought the payoff would be, on average, 1/10th. Show a jury the LWO skit that Eddy and that whole crowd willingly went along with, they will laugh Onoo out of court. “Of course you are stereotyped Mr. Onno! RU SO RUCKY to be employed! Get it Mr. Onno? RU SO RUCKY! RU SO! RUSSO! A low budget clown like Russo would NEVER think of something like that, much less spend money on lawyers drag humor out of a jury like that. Russo would much rather talk Onno into a “shoot” interview, much like he’s doing right now every week on the NWA-TNA PPVs. Onno, of course, will never go along with that – he’s “different” than the others.
GOOD THING THERE IS A WAR TO PROTEST
GENEVA (Reuters) – Hollywood, Bollywood and the fashion industry should stop glamorizing smoking, the World Health Organization (news – web sites) (WHO) said on Tuesday.
It urged the industries to “stop being used as vehicles of death and disease.”
The United Nations (news – web sites) body, currently trying to realize a global anti-tobacco treaty, called on the film industry to avoid presenting smoking in a favorable light and on the fashion industry not to use cigarettes as a “fashion accessory.”
Young people under 17 should be barred from watching films where anyone smokes, cigarette brands should not be identified on screen and cinemas should run strong anti-tobacco advertisements, WHO said.
“If a tobacco product seems macho or feminine, sophisticated or rugged, sexy or sporty, it is because of the marketing around it…Two of the most successful contexts in which to build these images are film and fashion,” it said in a statement.
“The world of film and fashion cannot be accused of causing cancer. But they do not have to promote a product that does.”
Sometimes it seems that the only reason I smoke is out of pure spite.
LUCKILY, IT’S STILL FASHIONABLE TO DRINK
Here’s something cool from one of my favorite websites .
http://moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/01-03/01-03-alcoholic%20astrology.htm
Back to wrestling, something going around the IWC is apparently a few merry pranksters submitted some false “after the cameras went off RAW” reports to all the big sites, including this one and they were POSTED!
“AUSTIN RETURNS! AUSTIN RETURNS! AUSTIN RETURNS!
But the Texas Rattlesnake was no where to be found. I love when this stuff happens. It won’t be too long before some bogus Smackdown results are listed somewhere – Some things never get old.
SPELLING OUT IRONY, SARCASM AND DOUBLE MEANINGS
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. If you just woke up from the New Year’s Eve party, I have been running a contest in this-here Wednesday column since Eric S. has been gone. But why Flea? You ask, wondering why in the world someone would run a contest offering to give away a PERSONALIZED AUTOGRAPHED COPY (by me, of course) of Netcop’s new book “Tonight..in this very RING!”? The answer should be fairly obvious – I have learned from my mistakes. See, Flea is the one who gets put in the hot seat “Hey Flea! Take over for Hyatte! Should be no problem trying to maintain the readership of THE KING OF THE INTERNET. I didn’t see anyone else sick and drunk enough to try and follow HIS act but I did it. “Hey Flea!” take Saturdays (when nobody f*cking reads) and make something out of it! I did that too. And followed up with The Monday Edition. And brought BACK the Monday Edition when the aforementioned Glorydog crapped out. Again. And again. Once again, ain’t no thing but a chicken wing – I handled it. And you know where all this started?
Not sure if you noticed
- Osama Bin Laden and Sadaam Hussein are on America’s hit list as what could possibly be the Third World War is about to literally rain down upon our heads. The only voices of dissent seem to be the powerful trio of Russia, Germany and France – each of whom have promoted a strong ant-war agenda that has effectively paralyzed the United Nations
- The United Nations are partially funded by wealthy philanthropists who promote the idea of World Peace; their donations can range from a high six figures up to One Billion Dollars – the precise amount donated a decade ago by a “southern boy” by the name of Ted Turner
- Turner, of course, made his fortune from his Cable TV empire, starting with a lowly Atlanta station and parlaying his dream into the largest entertainment merger in history – and stillt ot his day he attributes much of his success during the lean years to his “wrasslin programs”
- That “wrasslin program” was WCW, which ended up being nothing but a cash vacuum, to the point of being sold to Turner’s arch-enemy, Vince McMahon. The sale happened much to the chagrin of WCW’s “Number One Shill” for many, many years
- The host of WCW’s Internet Talk show and the owner of 1wrestling.com
BOB
Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin
People ask me all the time “How do I become an “on-line journalist” or “how can I get a job a 411?”. See that Six Degrees thing right above? I was loaded out of my skull one night, realized that EVERYTHING in the WORLD revolves around BOB Ryder, wrote a few lines and sent it to Chris Hyatte. He published it. Next night I sent another one. Same thing. He said he liked it and would post them anytime I fleting like mailing one. Next thing I know, I’m recapping EXCESS (Hi!! Mrs. Trish Hyatte!), then doing Saturday Evening Post’s, then Monday Edition’s (all three at the same time!) and so on and so forth.
So, seeing my track record as 1) not some jerkoff who is going to imitate Hyatte’s stale jokes and drive away all the readers (it’s odd that people think that * I’m * Hyatte as opposed to Hyatte is Flea – but then again, he could never pull off whatever the hell it is * I* do, – something he has said, which I guess is a compliment) and 2) being “dependable” (which is a hell of a conspicuous talent to possess – especially when you ain’t a mark for yourself or having you words in print. I could names names, but nah ), so BOSS was more than happy to allow me to attempt to fill Eric’s shoes – which is another tough act to follow – Eric has written (and continues to write) some of my favorite columns on the web. But unfortunately, – he tends to draw the f*cking morons. At least * my * readers are coherent – at least the one’s who write. But it worked out okay I just knew from past experience that some people need ACTION to stay around, as opposed to a stoned drunk hillbilly midnight rambler who can turn a simple contest winner announcement into a 1,000 word essay of why * he * should be receiving all the accolades as opposed to certain unmentionables – some of whom are on this site! But that’s neither here nor there at this point what is important is I used a contest for extremely cheap heat and am damn proud of it. Besides, it gave me something where I could blatantly f*ck up and keep all of you nitwits from nitpicking my columns to death – “This typo this” “you said one thing and then said another” well God Damn. I probably did! I typed this whole thing in one shot, (with the exception of the “cut and paste”stuff – I just type around that) and then usually don’t read the thing until after it’s been on line for a day or so. FLEA DON’T EDIT! I have better things to do. So this contest gave you guys a fun game to play, a good prize to win and better yet!!!!!! The accolades (well, probably more like scorn) will rain down upon you! You’ll be famous! Let’s take a look at past contest winners!!!
The HonkyTonkMan.com “free pass” winner was Chris Williams, from England, or somewhere over there. Cool kid, I see his MSN I-mail pop up ever now and then with a weird quote – usually from Radiohead, I think. Anyway, he was nice enough never to bitch when the site closed, much less tease me about ME not getting a refund when they went free six weeks after the f*cking contest. Fangol.
So for my next giveaway, I decided to go a little more tangible – and what better to give to you than Netcop’s book? And as mentioned, the added bonus will be a personalized message from FLEA! That’s right! I have no idear what I’m going to write, but that’s never stopped me before. If you have any suggestions, let me know. And by YOU .I’m taking about winner of the SPELLING OUT IRONY, SARCASM AND DOUBLE MEANINGS contest
But before that .
You know how to separate the Greek Men from the Greek boys?
WITH A CROWBAR!
Ha ha h aha ha oh man. I should have done that whole joke thing AGES ago! GRUT was right! All apologies to any of my readers that are Greek – it’s was either that or the Puerto Rican joke.
And the winner is .
Oh yeah winning answer from last week was the Raw vs. Dog Show thing. I would cut and paste but I think this is running pretty long – and as a disclaimer to keep you from thinking this was rigged the contest was decidedbymetakingallthenamesfromthelastfewweeksandassigningthemanumber. Thosenumbercorresponedwiththenumbersonmyroulttewheelkeepingspinninguntilihaveawinner .
And the winner is
Scott Miller!!! (address withheld by request)
According to the email, he played last week! So Scott Miller, if you are out there email me and claim the prize! You have one week!!!
So until next time, so ends another contest. I’m sure I’ll do one again when I feel desperation sinking in / have to fill in for someone. I suppose the only thing left is to start recapping for a living. And that just ain’t happening, kids.
TONIGHT, $10 WILL GET YOU
The NWA-TNA PPV! here’s a quick list of the matches…
NWA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett vs. AJ Styles.
X Division Champion Kid Kash, with Trinity, vs. Paul London.
Raven & Low Ki vs. Steve Corino & The Sandman.
America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm) vs. Ron & Don Harris in a NWA World Tag Team Title Tournament match.
Also expect some angles, some shoots and Vince Russo. I’ll be there, I’m hooked again.
PAGE SIX
Seeing as anti-war demonstrations seem to be the “in thing” nowadays, I figure it’s high time people in the music industry start getting with the program and writing some songs. Of course, that’s when they will realize ALL THE GOOD SONGS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN and they are simply wasting their time. For example, I’m going to take us home today with probably one of the best “demonstration” songs ever done… these hacks nowadays would be lucky to do one half this good…
From Country Joe McDonald and The Fish, here’s the I- Feel-Like- I’m-Fixin-to-Die Rag…look it up on Kaaza, or go and spend $10. I’m sure it’s in the bargin bin (for now anyway)
Well, come on all of you, big strong men,
Uncle Sam needs your help again.
He’s got himself in a terrible jam
Way down yonder in Vietnam
So put down your books and pick up a gun,
We’re gonna have a whole lotta fun.
And it’s one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
Next stop is Vietnam;
And it’s five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.
Come on Wall Street, don’t be slow,
Why man, this is war au-go-go
There’s plenty good money to be made
By supplying the Army with the tools of its trade,
But just hope and pray that if they drop the bomb,
They drop it on the Viet Cong.
And it’s one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
Next stop is Vietnam.
And it’s five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.
Well, come on generals, let’s move fast;
Your big chance has come at last.
Now you can go out and get those reds
‘Cause the only good commie is the one that’s dead
And you know that peace can only be won
When we’ve blown ’em all to kingdom come.
And it’s one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
Next stop is Vietnam;
And it’s five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.
Come on mothers throughout the land,
Pack your boys off to Vietnam.
Come on fathers, and don’t hesitate
To send your sons off before it’s too late.
And you can be the first ones in your block
To have your boy come home in a box.
And it’s one, two, three
What are we fighting for ?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
Next stop is Vietnam.
And it’s five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.
This has been The Mid-Week News, I’m Flea. Remember that Peace sells…better than RVD!
