The SmarK Rant for Wrestling Gold: Blood, Brawls & Grudges!
– Gotta love a title like that.
– Okay, so once again it’s the SMW on DVD, with insider commentary by Dave & Corny.
– The Rock N Roll Express & Arn Anderson v. The Heavenly Bodies & Bobby Eaton. Your theme for the Dave/Jim commentary: Bobby Eaton is a hell of a worker and wrestling is a fun business until your body disintegrates. Really fascinating stuff, especially the discussion of all the highspots Eaton did and which specific body parts that he can no longer use today as a result. Morton monkey-flips Pritchard and follows with a rana, and Dr. Tom backs off. The faces work him over but he tries his own monkey-flip on Gibson, who counters with a fistdrop. Nice bit of psych there. Arn comes in and posts him a couple of times. Classic RNR double-teams in the corner and they work the leg, which leads to the melodramatic triple-figure-four spot that makes no sense but draws a huge pop every time without fail. Bobby hammers Arn, but misses a charge and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Arn DDTs everyone, but makes a rare tactical error by stopping to go after Cornette, and gets jumped. Gibson comes back in, but gets nailed by Cornette and here we go again. Lane clothesline and Pritchard elbow leads to some triple-teaming. They kick the crap out of Gibson, but Morton makes it backs in, and immediately hits the ringpost for the millionth time in his career and he’s YOUR face-in-peril. I swear that every time someone charges into the corner and hits the ringpost they should call it “Pulling a Ricky Mortonâ€Â. See what I mean about the False Dawn, by the way? Eaton works the arm and gets a nice clothesline. Lane dumps him into a beatdown situation on the floor. Back in, cheating follows. I’m shocked, too. Pritchard works the arm, and a powerslam gets two. We’re clipped to the hot tag to Arn, and he slams everyone, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Eaton gets a neckbreaker to set up the Rocket Launcher, and that gets two. He goes for Plan B: The tennis racket. However, that hits the wrong guy by mistake, and Ricky pins him at 10:54. Fun match. ***
– The Rock N Roll Express & Randy Savage v. Brian Lee, Chris Candido & Bruiser Bedlam. Talk about your bizarre teammates. Candido and Savage start, and Macho slugs away and gets a backdrop. Candido bails and regroups, which allows Savage to showboat for the fans. This was shot in a high school and never televised, so sayeth Jim. Lee comes in and overpowers Savage (doing his Undertaker bit at that point) and chokes away. Lee was apparently under the impression that the Underfaker angle would have turned him into one of the elite main event stars of the day. I’d have liked to hear THAT conversation. Lee goes up and misses a kneedrop, which allows Macho to get his axehandle and toss him. Bedlam gives it a go and overpowers Savage as well, but the RNR do some quick double-teaming to take over. Gibson works on the leg and they switch off on that for a while, until Gibson wanders too far into the wrong corner and gets pounded. Gibson hits Candido with an enzuigiri and brings Morton in for an atomic drop and a clothesline, but Candido hides in the ropes. Everyone backs off while Cornette relates the story behind the Bruiser Bedlam name. Morton blocks a rollup and gets another clothesline, but Lee stops a piledriver with a lariat, and Morton plays you know. Lee gets a dramatic press slam and Bedlam gets a knee lift, and we’re clipped to Candido missing a Rocket Launcher, as Savage gets the hot tag. To the top for the flying elbow, but Cornette distracts him. Savage goes for Lee instead and the RNR hit the DOUBLE DROPKICK OF DEATH on Candido for the pin at 9:45. Hey, it’s the RNR, it’s all good. ***
– Rick & Scott Steiner v. The Heavenly Bodies. This was the rematch from Summerslam 93. Arnold the Pitbull keeps the Bodies at bay by acting psychotic, which makes history for Scott being the sanest guy on that side of things. Pritchard works Scott over in the corner, but gets press-slammed as Dave discusses the sad downfall of Scott’s career. The Bodies stall for a bit and Tom tries to work Scott over again, but Scott hiptosses him out of the corner. Scott works the arm and Rick comes in with a headlock and they criss-cross until Prichard ducks out, while Rick keeps going and hits him with a lariat in a funny spot. Del Ray tends to his partner, and gets bitten on the butt. The things these guys do for their artform. Dave says that Rick can’t even lift his arm anymore after botched shoulder surgery. Scott comes in and works the arm again, and gets a pair of standing powerslams to set up a monkeyflip. A pair of Steinerlines send the Bodies flailing, right into the barking maw of Arnold the Pitbull. Yikes. The Bodies bail and think things over. Back in, Tom grabs another headlock and they criss-cross, so Scott ducks out and plays tug-of-war with Jim Cornette as the rope, and the Bodies run into the dog again and freak out. Funny stuff. Jim and Dave talk about how the Steiners picked the wrong horse to lash their saddle to with the WWF. Del Ray comes in and poses at Scott, and gets his ass kicked. Tilt-a-whirl slam follows, but Del Ray holds up to evade the Frankensteiner, and we’re suddenly clipped to Scott having gone through a table outside. Back in, Del Ray gets two. That was a pretty strange editing choice. Del Ray gets a superkick and showboats. The Bodies go a unique tag team move, as Del Ray sets up for a DDT and Pritchard clotheslines Del Ray for extra momentum. Weird, but neat. They work Scott’s back over in the corner and Del Ray gets the floatover DDT. Cornette says that Del Ray invented it and the Rock swiped it. Pritchard hits the chinlock and Del Ray draws Rick in like an idiot, allowing more abuse in the heel corner. Dr. Tom gets two. Apparently Cornette & the Bodies had Thanksgiving dinner at Denny’s in 1993. Not exactly the glamorous lifestyle of pro wrestlers. Del Ray tries another DDT, but Scott reverses to a northern lights suplex and makes the hot tag to Rick. Rick slams everyone while Arnold sits in the corner and goes nuts, and Rick gets a belly to belly for two. Rick powerslams Del Ray and then suplexes Cornette as they all avoid Arnold, but the tennis racket gets two for Del Ray. The Bodies work Rick over, so Scott unties the dog and chases everyone away (and it was a SHOOT, says Cornette), so the ref DQs the Steiners at 14:55. That’s certainly an innovative screwjob. ***1/2
– Cactus Jack & Tracy Smothers v. Chris Candido & Boo Bradley. Bradley is better known as Ballz Mahoney. Jack headlocks Candido to start and they head outside. Jack sends Candido into the railing and a brawl erupts. The storyline was that Jack came to SMW in order to emancipate Bradley from Candido & Sytch, even if it meant beating sense into him. Candido goes into the rail and Jack gets two. Jack & Tracy work Bradley over, but he whips Tracy into the railing. Tracy sends him into the post, however and they head to the dark side of the ring where you can’t really see what’s going on. Jack suplexes the table onto someone and then hits the other guy with it. Bradley sends Smothers into the table, and we finally head back in. Candido pounds on Jack in the corner and chokes away, but misses a charge and crotches himself. Jack drops the leg for two. Back out again as Jack gets a chair from the audience and nails Bradley with it. Back in the ring, Candido slugs at Smothers while Jack DDTs Bradley. Smothers knees Candido out of the ring, and Boo dumps Cactus. Boo kicks Smothers down, but Tracy comes back and hammers away until Candido uses a chair to send him down again. Tracy takes a monster bump from the apron to the railing, and Candido suplexes him on the railing for two. Boo & Candido work Smothers over until Jack somersaults off the apron onto Bradley. Candido pounds on Smother in the corner, and walks into a ping-pong sequence between Smothers & Cactus and bails. Smothers chases him into the darkness. The lights go up as they fight into the audience, where a hot tub is set up for an upcoming exhibition, and of course everyone ends up in it. Tracy runs at Candido with a chair as they head back to ringside, while Jack hammers on Boo with a garbage can. Smothers hits the post and everyone heads back in. Boo DDTs Jack on the garbage can while Dave & Jim discuss the great wrestling tradition of working on Christmas. Boo splashes his own partner and Jack gets the pin on Candido at 13:44. This was quite the car crash. **3/4 I probably would have rated it higher in 1993, but it’s tough to get into it these days.
– Cage match: Al Snow v. Ricky Morton. We’re JIP as Ricky reverses a whip and slugs away in the corner, but Snow DDTs him. Wheelbarrow suplex as Ricky sells a neck injury and Snow uses his own neck brace to mock him. Ricky eats cage. Dave & Jim discuss the recent ban on piledrivers in the WWE while Ricky gets a sunset flip for two. Al kicks him down again, and gets a springboard legdrop. To the top, but a frog splash hits knees. Ricky makes the comeback, but Snow superkicks him in the back of the head (in theory), but Morton won’t let him get a piledriver. The ref is bumped and Morton sends Snow into the cage. Morton piledrives Snow as weird things happen under the ring and Unabomb pops into the ring (despite being apparently handcuffed to the post) and pounds on Morton. Cornette reveals that the guy who was apparently Unabomb at ringside was actually Bull Buchanan in a mask. Huh. That’s a brilliant screwjob. Unabomb is Kane, by the way. Monster heel beatdown until Gibson finally rescues his partner and it’s a big schmoz at 8:00 or so. **
– Tracy Smothers & Dirty White Boy v. The Heavenly Bodies. JIP as The Bodies work over Tony Anthony and double-team him to start, and Pritchard chops away. You might know the Dirty White Boy as TL Hopper, the Evil Plumber. They pound him in the corner until DWB gets a DDT on both and Tracy comes in and hammers away. To the top, but Tracy gets crotched and sent into the post and Cornette relates the story of how Dr. Tom almost got Lane’s spot in the Midnight Express in 1987. Tracy starts a gusher going (taking his sweet time about it), and Del Ray goes after it. The Bodies goes nuts on the cut and Pritchard suplexes him for two. Del Ray drops Pritchard onto Tracy with a legdrop for two. Pritchard hits the chinlock, but Smothers escapes, only to walk into a sleeper. They suplex each other and each miss a splash, but it’s too close to the heel corner and Del Ray comes in with an elbowdrop. Tracy gets a sunset flip for one, but walks into a superkick for two. Tracy gets tossed and pounded while Jim discusses the folly of having a good match in WCW. Del Ray gets a standing neckbreaker for two. He goes up and misses a moonsault, and Tracy makes the hot tag to Dirty White Boy. He beats the crap out of Pritchard and boots Del Ray down, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Pritchard has been busted open, and Anthony sends him into the top turnbuckle FORTY times (seriously) and Del Ray does a bladejob on the other side of the ring. The faces backdrop Pritchard onto a table (which doesn’t break), as Anthony hammers on Del Ray. Tracy then piledrives Pritchard through the table, and it breaks in the middle, but not in two. Picture someone falling through a hole in the ice. Cornette loads up the dreaded ether-soaked rag and chokes Anthony down, and Del Ray gets the pin at 13:54. That piledriver spot was worth price of admission alone. Pritchard is just a gory mess. ***1/4 This match is listed on the back as the bloodiest match in SMW history, but that honor actually goes to another match that we’ll cover on our next DVD review.
– Tommy Rich & Terry Gordy v. Mongolian Stomper & Boo Bradley. Interesting pairings to be sure. Big brawl to start as Stomper & Bradley clean house and they all brawl on the floor. Rich goes into the post a couple of times, and they head back in, where Bradley gets a legdrop for two. Stomper comes in and does what he’s named for, but Rich retreats and hides behind Gordy. Guess we know who the heels are. Rich searches for a bottle of hooch in his tights and finds an international object instead, and we play “hide the object†for a bit. He collides with Stomper and brings in Gordy, who pounds with exceeding wussiness on Stomper. This is not the Gordy I know. Gordy gets worked over in the face corner as Dave confirms that this is well after Gordy’s near-death experiences and he’s far gone by this point. Gordy eats some turnbuckle and Bradley legdrops him low and goes up. Legdrop misses and Rich brings him into the heel corner for a beating. Elbow to the head and Rich does some strutting as Gordy comes in to stomp away. Corner clotheslines and Gordy drops an elbow, as does Rich off the second rope. Rich heads up and gets slammed off, but Gordy tags in right away and keeps Bradley down. Gordy pounds him down with a lariat for two. Bradley comes back and sends Gordy into the turnbuckles, but he no-sells and tries a piledriver. Bradley reverses and makes the false tag to Stomper, which allows Rich some cheating and a quick pinfall at 10:56. Nothing wrong with it, but it was just your standard kick and punch match at the end of SMW. **1/4
– Jim Cornette v. Butch Cassidy. Ah, the classic midget v. manager match. Cornette talks some trash before the match (nothing like standing up to a midget to prove your manhood) and decides to teach him a lesson. Butch is apparently the world’s meanest midget. I think TEO would argue that. Cornette does some pushups and gets spanked, and bails. Cornette takes credit for killing midget wrestling with this match. Another reason to thank him. They do a test of strength and Cassidy bites the knuckles to win. This leads to a few minutes of melodramatics on Cornette’s part. Cassidy takes him down with a headlock and Cornette bails. Back in, they criss-cross, which leads to Cornette getting blown up and passing out in a funny spot. Cassidy gets a few near falls as Mark Curtis keeps throwing the midget back onto Cornette. Cornette & Dave analyzing the psychology of the match is almost as funny. Cornette tosses him, so Butch crawls under the ring and bites Cornette in the butt. I can’t believe I’m bothering to recap this. Cornette talks about how the midget blew it because he hugged Jackie, which is traditionally the signal for the face to ram their heads together. However, the midget wasn’t aware, so the ref had to do a “stroll over†and pass the message along, at which point he did the spot. There you go, you learn something new from watching this. Cornette gets rammed into the bottom turnbuckle a few times, but takes down Cassidy and chokes him out. Cornette talks about wanting to book a wrestling bear as a mystery partner, but being unable to get him due to animal rights laws. Damn hippies. Cassidy gets a cross-body for one while Cornette segues into a story about Bobby Eaton wrestling a bear. Cornette drops some elbows for two as he compares his transitions to Ted Dibiase. Cassidy makes the comeback and goes low (unintentionally, of course), and then gets a SUPLEX for two. Jackie runs in for the DQ. I don’t rate midget matches, but it was pretty bad, although intentionally so for the most part.
– Dory & Terry Funk v. Scott & Steve Armstrong. Terry grabs a headlock on Scott and the Funks work him over. They drag him out and pound him on the floor until Bullet Bob makes the save. Back in, Dory gets a DDT for two. He nails him with forearms and gets a butterfly suplex for two. Terry slugs him down and chokes away with the tape, and tosses him. Back in, a powerbomb gets two. Neckbreaker gets two. Scott cradles for two. Dory comes back in and forearms him in the corner, but Scott fights back and they collide. Hot tag to Steve, but Terry cuts him off right away with headbutts. Steve opens fire with punches, however, and the Armstrongs shoulderblock him and one for Dory. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and the Armstrongs pinball Terry to set up the double-team dropkick, but the ref is involved with extracurricular activities and the tennis racket gives Terry the pin at 7:54. Nothing much here. *1/2
– The Rock N Roll Express v. The Gangstas. This isn’t so much a match as a brawl, as the bell never rings and the ref is killed early. Morton and New Jack just slug the shit out of each other with amazing fire, until other wrestlers start hitting the ring to break things up. We cut to the back, as they keep beating the shit out of each other and plywood gets involved. New Jack finds some truly unique weapons (a SCREEN DOOR?) and things continue into the dressing room and out into the parking lot. Finally things get broken up with about 20 guys pulling them apart. This was what put the Gangstas on the wrestling map.
The Bottom Line:
This felt like a DVD of leftovers more than anything else — nothing spectacular or noteworthy, just a bunch of unconnected SMW matches. Still, for fans of the promotion and old-school southern wrestling in general, you can’t beat this stuff. Mildly recommended. Pick it up on video or DVD at WrestlingGold.com.
We’ll finish off the set with Night of the Legends next time.
