Lil' Kim – La Bella Mafia Review

One of the more interesting things about Kimberly (Lil’ Kim) Jones’ new album La Bella Mafia is that it includes a PIN number that allows fans to access a special section of her website. When you arrive, you’ll be able to browse through all of her videos and a handful of audio tracks. The real fun is when you get to the photo gallery.

You can view pics from the photo shoot of her 1996 album Hardcore. Please be sure to note the ample amounts of baby fat and what appears to be her natural hair (or just a really good weave). From there, you can glimpse the 2000 Notorious K.I.M, which included lots of blond wigs, aqua contact lenses and near-nude shots. Finally, there’s the 2003 version. In case you missed it, she’s splashed it all on the cover of her new album. The breasts are diva-sized, the chin is pointed, the cheeks are defined but how’s the music?

Lil’ Kim is in no way, shape or form a good lyricist. In fact, she has consistently failed to live up to the hype that has surrounded her since she first hit the scene with Biggie’s Junior M.A.F.I.A in 1995. Her ’96 effort was almost entirely ghostwritten by her boyfriend, B.I.G. and others, but the album’s dark vibe was too heavy for her small shoulders to carry. Her 2000 release was sabotaged from the jump by rampant bootlegging, street delays and the ham-handed influence of P. Diddy.

La Bella Mafia is another one of Kim’s typically grandiose and overly ambitious efforts that features a mix of surprisingly good production and lyrics that are all over the map in terms of quality. The opening track continues the disturbing hip hop trend of sampling other established rap classics. In this case, the Beastie Boys’ Paul Revere is the backdrop for this kinky party jam. Here’s one of the cut’s to-the-point lines: “Queen shows love when I’m up in the club/I like to play with my coochie when I’m up in the tub.” Of course, a few seconds later she comes back with “I’m like bleach/Lil’ Kim leaves a permanent stain.” Yeah.

Believe it or not, there are some pretty good tracks here. On This Is Who I Am, Kim overstates her impact on rap, but Swizz Beats bring a bangin’ drums and synth beat. Kim even squeezes out a funny line comparing her game to that of famous bed-hopper Wilt Chamberlain. The Jump Off was a decent choice for the first single, yet while it’s listenable (thanks to the Timbaland production) it’s quickly forgettable.

50 Cent pops up for a cameo on the raunchy Magic Stick. He and Kim trade innuendo (and less subtle exchanges) over some classic BB King. Twista brings a tight flow and Scott Storch drops a hot beat on the otherwise same-old, same-old theme of Thug Luv. While Styles from The Lox appears on Get in Touch with Us. He absolutely ignites the hell out of this track and really exposes how little Kim brings to the table. It samples an Indian track that is reminiscent of the controversial Addictive by Truth Hurts.

The album’s best track is towards the end as The Advakids collaborate on the posse cut The Beehive. There are too many examples of their tight wordplay to list everything here, but they manage to spit rewindable lyrics on everything from throwback jerseys to Nicholas Cage.

For every positive found here, there are also some glaring negatives. Overt expressions of ego have become a staple in the game, but Kim’s is reaching for Jay-Z levels of hype. Doing It Way Big tells us about Kim’s clothes, bank account, jewels, etc. On Can’t F#ck With Queen Bee, well…you get the idea. Plus, she has the gall to steal the sample from one of my all time favorite tracks, Eastside Long Beach by Tha Twinz. Which itself was sampled from the soul classic Free.

There are also a couple of cuts on La Bella Mafia that can only be filed in the “What the hell was she thinking?” category. Lil’ Kim completely slows down the flow and attempts to sing (yes, sing) on This Is A Warning. At the end of the longest 3 minutes and 42 seconds you’ll ever sit through, Kim can be heard giggling in the background. This must’ve just been a cruel, cruel joke that only she gets. It’s that bad. Child rapper, Lil’ Shanice shows up on Shake Your Bum Bum. It’s bad enough that the theme is lifted from Ricky “Where Are They Now” Martin, but this screechy little brat manages to drop one of the worst lines ever: “…now I know I ain’t grown, but that don’t stop me from shakin’ my anus…”.