Welcome back to The Bootleg, kids. There’s a ton of news to cover today, but this wouldn’t be a 411 column without the obligatory personal update introduction. The wife and I passed the four-month mark in our marriage this week and, to my credit, I haven’t tried to gnaw off my foot and escape. As we speak, she’s diligently planning my birthday party in the back bedroom. It’s amazing how well one can hear when you put your ear up to a locked door.
There are 16 days and counting until the blessed day. No, I’m not going to post any obnoxious link to a wish list or anything. I’m set for DVDs until Roger Rabbit and Family Guy come out. Nothing is all that tempting on the CD front until my man Nate Dogg drops his joint. I’m scanning ebay every few hours in search of a cheap Oakland A’s authentic jersey or tickets to the A’s/Angels April games in Anaheim, but then again, who isn’t? All right, enough with the fluffery…please bask in the goodness that is The Bootleg.
Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash?
Remember when Michael (Mr. Mom) Keaton was cast as Batman in the movie of the same name? That’s the kind of vibe I’m getting here. The Hollywood Reporter broke the story last weekend that River’s younger, living brother has snagged the lead role in the Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line. The film will reportedly cover the early Cash years and all the drinking, drugs, music and laughter that went with it. Tinseltown’s blonde-of-the-moment, Reese Witherspoon is set to play Johnny’s wife, June Carter.
Madonna to Write Children’s Books
The woman who gave us Sex…the book, is at it again. Miss Ciccone has signed a five-book deal with Penguin Publishing to produce a series of children’s books. Apparently, each of the stories revolves around a “Little Prince and a fox” and their wacky, yet heartwarming adventures. Hmm, a little boy and an animal he can talk to. I liked this concept better 10 years ago when it was called Calvin and Hobbes. The first book, The English Roses, should hit bookshelves in the fall.
DMX to Retire from Hip Hop
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: established rapper announces his retirement. Following in the footsteps of rappers Too Short (1995), Dr. Dre (1996) and Master P (1998), DMX has announced that his next album, It’s Not a Game will be his last. He says he’d like to focus more on his movie career, spending time with his kids and in the church. Our current office pool has the smart money on 10 months before the movie roles dry up, the kids start to annoy him and the church excommunicates him. He’ll be back to barking like a fool on his albums by Groundhog’s Day ’04.
Beyonce and Mary J. Blige are In Tha Club
If you can’t get enough of the biggest hit 50 Cent will likely ever have, you’re in luck. Super Producer, Dr. Dre, has given the green light for both Beyonce Knowles and Mary J. Blige to record singles over the beat of In Tha Club. Blige, along with a cameo from an opportunistic P. Diddy, is recording a hype track called Hooked. Beyonce, on the other hand, is recording a “girls night out” version of 50’s track. Is it really asking too much for a pair of genuinely talented artists like Beyonce and Blige to come up with an original song now and then?
Dixie Chicks Diss W
Here’s a unique way to alienate your fans: insult the President of the United States. During an overseas concert, one of the Chicklets (Natalie Maines) expressed shame, over the house mic, that they shared a Texas heritage with our current ruler, George W. Bush. While these comments were received favorably amongst the peace-lovers in London, they weren’t all that embraced here in the States. Later in the week, the spin doctoring was in full effect as The Chicks redirected their emotions away from Bush and towards peace…all while blanketed in the First Amendment, or something.
Spector to be Cleared?
World-famous attorney Robert “Lionel Hutz” Shapiro was quoted last Tuesday as saying that his client, Phil Spector will be cleared as a suspect in relation to the shooting death of Lana Clarkson. There are reports circulating that Clarkson’s death will be/has been deemed an “accidental suicide” (oxy, meet moron). LA’s Finest are vehemently denying these rumors and insist that they’re continuing their investigation. Hey, far be it for me to trivialize this tragedy, but Spector is a celebrity in Los Angeles. Like OJ before him and Robert Blake in a few months, he’ll be a free man soon enough.
Can’t Get Enough of P. Diddy?
Hell, no one can get enough of Puffy! Apparently, that’s what he thinks, too. Those of you in Miami and Detroit will be blessed with new openings of his Justin’s Restaurants. Miami gets double the Diddy as he plans to open a nightclub down that way, as well. If you can’t decide between Boonesfarm and Thunderbird, Puff is bringing his own low-budget fruit-flavored alcoholic drinks to a 7-11 near you. Hell, he’s even going to piss the rest of us off by releasing another album later this year.
Crappy Beer, Great Music
The corn-flavored beer in the green bottle is proud to present The Rolling Rock Town Fair 4! Your scheduled acts are Puddle of Mudd, Blink 182 (San Diego!), Def Leppard, Sum 41, 311 and Trapt. The event is scheduled for Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, PA on July 26th. Hopefully, the stink from the Steelers 2002 season will have dissipated by then. Organizers expect upwards of 50,000 to attend.
A Tribute to Fender
I had another joke about NASCAR to use here, but I’ve gotta respect my Appalachian demographic. This is actually an all-star tribute for Fender musical instruments. The track listing includes everyone from Sheryl Crow to Eric Clapton to Aerosmith to Green Day (he said “dookie”) to Alanis Morrissette and a cast of thousands. Powered by Fender is scheduled to drop on April 22. I’m sure Evocator will have a review for it the same day.
The Return of Hootie
Remember that non-threatening easy-listening band from the mid-90s? You know, the one with the African-American lead singer whom everyone loved for a few minutes? Hootie and the Blowfish are back, baby. They’re currently out on tour promoting their new self-titled album. In a surprising departure from the couple of weeks of rampant popularity they enjoyed, they’re back to playing in front of small college campus crowds and county fairs. Check them out tomorrow night at Universal Studios in Orlando or on Sunday in Valdosta (Florida, I guess) at Wild Adventures Theme Park.
Quick Hits
Madonna (yep, that’s two newsbites in one Bootleg) will release her American Life single to radio stations worldwide on March 25. However, fans can receive it digitally via email a day earlier. It’s a buck-49, so visit her self-named website for details.
50 Cent has recently purchased a bulletproof vest for his six-year-old son. This is not some vainglorious thug posturing, either. 50 seems to genuinely fear for his life (he rarely ventures out without his Kevlar). I’m not sure if this is sad or pathetic or both.
Danzig, Filter and Saliva will join N.W.A., Snoop Dogg and Ice Cube on the motocross soundtrack, Big Air Experience, which will be released on March 25.
Faith Hill will grace the silver screen in a remake of The Stepford Wives. This 2004 release will star Nicole Kidman and Joan Cusack.
General Haberdashery
Cocozza comes correct with his excellent “Rap Up” and a brand-new contest!
Modzelewski is getting married soon, but still finds time to pen a Saturday column, when he’s not plotting to ruin his future wife’s last name.
The one non-music Mania site that y’all should be reading. He’s the best writer on the site, period.
411 Fun Facts (Series Two) Collect ‘Em All!
Sure, you’ve read this far, but do we really know each other?
#13: I like Oakland, Minnesota, New York and Boston to make the playoffs in the AL.
#14: I like San Francisco, Chicago, Philadelphia and St. Louis to make the playoffs in the NL.
#15: I like buffalo wings as an appetizer.
