Yeah, so this column was done at 11 pm last night and I totally forgot to post it. Here it is now better late than never, I suppose.
So, here we are at the end of another week. The week that saw me purchase my own first home, a townhouse, which should have been one of the happier days of my life. However, the girl declared a “break†for some indefiniete amount of time. The first event in my new house was a break-up. How’s that for shitty?
So, we’re declaring this the “I Hate Yaks†edition of The Weekend Hotline.
Does it bother anyone else that Brendan Frasier is being considered for the role of Superman? Not only considered, but is in the final two contesting for the role? It’s between him and some dude from Guiding Light. Jimmy Olson will be a fag, but though he loves men, he’s not a yak, so he’s cool. Lois Lane will undoubtedly be played by some yak so she is blacklisted from this edition of the Hotline. The man who played George of the Jungle should not be playing Superman. Hogan should be Superman. However, if they insist on going through with the latest edition of the script, it’s going to suck anyway, like a yak wrote it, so whatever.
Mailbag
hiproady: Hey, what is a heva?
I forget I have two or three new readers since coming from the Week in Wrestling. A Heva is basically a male Diva. Like, Jennifer Lopez is a Diva. IE: Thinks she’s better than the business and better than everyone else around her. Goldberg is the male (He) version of that (Diva). He + Diva = Heva
George: How about 411politics or something akin to that. You have yourself, Flea (when he talks about politics he’s great), Eric (thang God he’s returning!), as well as Gamble (who is currently typing through his medium). Now all it would take would be for some right and left wing nuts to start spouting and that’s all you need (get Eric to ask his respondents like Fascist Bud John King and Big Daddy Kurt Dieckmann and other wacky characters). Throw in an ethicist or two and have some fun. Maybe some National and international news coverage as well. I know 411 is an entertainment site, but it also used to be wrestling site as well.
Somehow I doubt it. We’ll just keep irritating people with our columns. However, Flea has moved exclusively into the newsletter, so the only way to see him is to Register to get the Newsletter Exclusive Flea-Mail.
E-mail of the week from PETER, from Yahoo! Australia. Be warned, the following letter may lower your IQ by 10 points. In fact, I think his real name is Petra and is, in fact, a yak. THATS IT! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYONE LAYING INTO GOLDBERG!!! GOLBERG IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE FINEST WRESTLER TO EVER GRACE THE SQUARED CIRCLE!!! WITH THE LONGEST WIN STREAK IN HISTORY AND WITHOUT QUESTION ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME AND POWERFUL FINISHING MOVES IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SPORT, QUITE SIMPLY GOLDBERG IS THE MAN WHO CAN ONCE AGAIN CAPTIVATE THE WRESTLING WORLD AND MAKE IT GREAT LIKE IT WAS WHEN HE WAS ON TOP. GOLDBERG CARRIED NOT ONLY WCW BUT WRESTLING WITH GREAT EASE WHEN HE WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS RUN. HE HAS THE CHARISMA, STRENGTH AND ABILITY TO GO FACE TO FACE WITH ANYONE WWE HAS TO OFFER. LESNAR, ANGLE, MYSTERIO, AUSTIN, HHH AND SO ON ARE POWERFUL AND GREAT WRESTLERS TO BE SURE, BUT COME ON… HOW CAN YOU GUYS WHO HAVE FOLLOWED WRESTLING FOR SO LONG EVEN CONSIDER THEM IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS GOLDBERG!!! THEY SIMPLY ARE NOT. WHO ELSE HAS HAD SUCH A WIN STREAK? THE ONLY THING THAT STOPPED GOLDBERG WAS POLITICS.
IT ANNOYS ME WHEN PEOPLE COMPLAIN THAT HE WANTS IT ON HIS TERMS. OFCOURSE HE DOES, BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT YOU GUYS SEEM TO NOT REALISE. GOLDBERG IS THE MAN!!! HE IS THE EPITOME OF EVERYTHING THAT IS GREAT ABOUT WRESTLING. WHEN HE WON THE WCW BELT OFF HOGAN IT HAD TO BE ONE OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS IN HISTORY, AN EVENT FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS. I WAS OUT OF MY CHAIR SCREAMING AT THE TV, IT WAS A GLORIOUS DAY. A DAY THAT CAN BE RECAPTURED IF McMAHON SIGNS GOLDBERG FAST!!! IF I WAS McMAHON I WOULDN’T HESITATE HAVING GOLDBERG ON THE ROSTER… CAN U IMAGINE HAVING SUCH A NAME, SUCH A TALENT BACK STAGE? IT WOULD SET THE LOCKER ROOM ON FIRE WITH ALL THE POSITIVE VIBES. GOLDERG IS HERE AND LETS GET READY TO HAVE SOME FUN AS HE TAKES OUT THE TRASH AND ELEVATES THIS ONCE GREAT SPORT OF OURS TO THE HEIGHTS IT DESERVES. IT WOULD BE AWESOME TO BE BACK STAGE WHEN HE FIRST WALKS IN… WOW!!!!! AND THAT CHANT!!! ITS ELECTRIC.. GOOSEBUMP MATERIAL RIGHT THERE.
I THINK GOLDBERG IS A TRUE LEADER IN THIS SPORT.. YOU GUYS ARE DELUDING URESELVES THINKING ANYTHING ELSE, OR URE JUST MAKING UP LIES TO GET PEOPLE TO READ URE COLUMN. IS THATS TRUE THEN ITS SAD YOU HAVE TO TURN ON THIS GREAT MAN SIMPLY TO GET READERS… I HAVE 38 GOLDBERG T-SHIRTS, NEARLY EVERY MATCH OF HIS ON TAPE, HIS TATTOO ON MY ARM AND HIS WIN STREAK TATTOOED ON MY ANKLE.. SIMPLY TO SAY THAT I TOO CAN BE AS GREAT AS THIS MAN… LETS FACE IT GUYS GOLDBERG WILL SAVE WWE, THERE IS NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. HE HAS EVERYTHING AN AUDIENCE COULD POSSIBLY WANT. I WILL BE SITTING AND WAITING FOR GOLDBERGS ARRIVAL AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS I WILL BE THE FIRST TO WELCOME IN A NEW ERA FOR WWE.. THE TRUE REBIRTH OF WRESTLING.. WRESTLING IS GOLDBERG!
I could have gone into detail on this one, but I decided to let my buddy Stryker take care of this one. Everyone, meet Stryker:
Ok, I’m not a wrestling God. But there’s just a certain level of
competence that I demand from anyone who makes an argument about anything wrestling-related. I’ll admit, for about 2 weeks of my life I was a Goldberg fan. I mean, the breath-in-the-smoke thing with the pyro, the spear, jackhammers, it was impressive. But it’s jackasses like Men at work, comin from his land down under, that make me want to light myself on fire and go jogging. I mean, i read this little tirade, and after i came out of the coma, i was in shock. He can’t be serious….there’s just no way. Charisma? The man cuts promo like my dog does calculus. Good locker room presence? He spent 2 years in the business and decided he was gonna pull power trips like a 20 year veteran. THE STREAK!?!?!?!? Hate to break it to you Quigley, but it’s wrestling….winners are PRE-DETERMINED!!!! I don’t think I’m breaking new ground with that statement. A winning streak means that the bookers don’t know how to get a guy over when he loses. A winning streak like that ruined the whole company. WCW didn’t know how to book
Goldberg as anything other than the guy who can beat Rick Fuller every week. He’s running up the streak, there’s Rick Fuller. He wins the US title, and Rick Fuller’s contending. Goldberg is the World Champion….Rick Fuller gets his big shot. Now, Paul Hogan decided to tattoo the streak on his ankle, did you happen to put a note on the bottom of your foot listing all the house show losses that WCW never mentioned while “the streak” was happening.
Now, as far as him going to the WWE goes…
It’s a sure fire way to kill this company. Goldberg used to say that
he wasn’t going to ever work for a company like the WWE because of it’s
“lack of morals”. Well, i guess an abundance of cash can get Mr. Mother Teresa to drop a couple of those morals. Only problem is, Goldberg is basically refusing to “job”. (Side note for Captain Kangaroo…a “job” is when a wrestler loses…he’s doing his job. Everybody does it now and then, because if a guy never loses, then the storylines get stale. if you want proof, there’s a former wrestling company in Atlanta that you can look up) Goldberg has worked a grand total of 0 days for the WWE. If the WWE puts him over people that they’ve invested their time, effort, and money into making stars, then they might as well flush that time, effort, and money right down the toilet. Goldberg knows a total of 4 wrestling moves. He can’t cut a good promo to save his life. He can’t sell. Apparently his ego is so fragile that he can’t handle losing in a business that puts
nearly zero emphasis on who wins and loses. It looks for people to perform, to entertain, and to work. Goldberg does none of those three. Mark my words, even though I’m no wrestling God….If Goldberg is at Mania, and the WWE gives in to his demands, they will have hit a low not seen since before the Attitude era began. And they’ll hit it before Wrestlemania 20.
Thank you, Stryker. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Consider Mr Caps Stricken. Out of curiousity, how many of y’all are so infused into this ‘net life that you actually got headache from reading all caps?
No politics this week. I’m tired and depressed. To all the folks who e-mailed me with problems about “The US vs The World†thing last week. Nyah. Our dicks are still bigger than yours. Or maybe they’re not and that’s why we like to blow things up. Either way Nyah.
And one E-mail to sum it up from Mike B: hey, i just had a quick thought that i had to pass along regarding the question you answered about a justified strike by the U.S., there was a statement about “what has saddam done to us, and what 9/11 did to us before 9/11, etc.” i just wanted to add an analogy: They always put up the street light at the intersection after the kid gets run over. think about it, although crude and rudimentary, i still believe it applies.
That’s what I’m sayin.
Top Story
The top story this week is obviously Kurt Angle, who has decided to go through with his Wrestlemania match even though it could theoretically lead to permanent paralysis or even death. This, folks, is what you call a real man.
Not that I’m advocating Angle risking his life for my entertainment however I do give him mad props for wanting to go out with a bang rather than a whimper. Angle is now considering the ‘Mania match to be his last match ever and, if it is, he wants to go with something memorable, a la Shawn Michaels giving the ball to Austin at Wrestlemania 14(?).
If Angle decides to hang up his velour hoodie for good, it’ll be a loss to Wrestling World, and this coming from a guy who’s inaugral column for this site was a four page diss on how Kurt Angle was overpushed. Of course, I also printed a total retraction about a year later. Kurt has developed, in a remarkably short period of time, all things considered, into one of the WWF’s top tier talents. He’s insanely over, hilarious on the mic, and a machine in the ring.
Of course, I also don’t think he’s at anymore a risk for paralysis in this match than any other he’s been in over the last few months. I think he’ll be more careful in this match, knowing the problem, but I think he’ll also go all out in it. I also don’t think we’ll even be able to notice that he’s taking it easy, but I’m also kind of curious on whether they’ll try to use this match to turn Brock heel, or whether they’ll try to keep him face and build new heels against him, since Smackdown is the only show where you’re allowed to try and build new stars at all.
Angle, as of now, is saying this match might be his last, and I guess we’ll have to wait and see if it really is. Retirements in wrestling are like yaks everyone has one and hates them. However, I think Angle will be back, in one form or another, at some point. When you spend your whole life doing something, you just can’t give it up just like that.
GGW + WWE
I didn’t see the broadcast last night, but I should have. It demonstrated what yaks are useful for. Dancing around for men’s pleasure and getting insulted by Snoop Dogg. [Ed’s Note: The opinions expressed here are Daniels’s alone and do not necessarily reflect those of 411mania.com, Widro, Ashish, men, women, or dogs located anywhere in the known or unknown universe. He’s an angry, angry man, and probably doesn’t mean it anyway]. Keith has a recap of the show.
Go for it WWE. Get those bucks wherever you can, cuz it ain’t going to be from your wrestling programs for too much longer.
Austin in the Dumps
Word on the street has Stone Cold Steve Austin a bit disappointed since his big return to the federation. He hasn’t exactly been tearin up the charts, if you know what I mean. Basically, everything with Austin has had as lukewarm a reception as the rest of the show. Austin is a draw, but he can’t carry the show on his own anymore. He’s dated, and the heel turn ruined him last year.
Actually, that’s not fair. His heel turn was fine, and he had fun with it the problem was the way it was booked around him. It damaged his character, and he still hasn’t recovered from it my guess is he never will not without another heel turn.
The Rock, on the other hand, is on fire and nothing displayed the difference between the Rock and the rest of the roster than Rock’s encounter with Hurricane on Raw. Rock is not afraid to get out-micced in the back and is not afraid to count the lights in the ring. Then, on the dead-ass opposite end of the spectrum, you had HHH who not only buried Maven backstage in vignettes, by punching him so hard it knocked him into the middle of next week, and a full on burial of him in the ring. It was totally unnecessary. Gone are the days when H even TRIES to make someone look good, like with Taka.
Every guy in the WWF needs to be like the Rock. The Rock is doing his level best to build Hurricane as something special and Hurricane is never going to be world champion as Hurricane, but that didn’t stop the Rock from not only selling his stuff backstage, but in the ring and laying on his back for him. Bravo.
Austin’s other problem is that his neck is giving him problems again. Apparently the surgery didn’t help as much as it was supposed to and he’s still getting a little twinge.
The WWF is heading into a seriously rough time between now and Mania 20. It could be a long, long year.
In Other Reading
I’m 12 hours late, you don’t care.
In Conclusion
No weigh in this week. I worked out Monday, then shit hit the fan for the rest of the week. All motivation is gone for the moment.
I guess Bower is doing Sunday news now, taking my full weekend top billing. So he’ll be in tomorrow, and then Pank is still handlin Mondays. Just stay tuned and someone will be doing news again at some point.
As for me, I’m going to paint my new house and look for a good rebound chick. Not necessarily in that order.
