Before I get into the wrestling side of the pop culture spectrum, allow me to divulge for a moment to discuss one of my guiltiest pleasures since Saved By The Bell. Yup, that’s right, you can just call me 411mania’s official American Idol mark.
A couple of Thursdays ago, I was given the luxury of a snow day, which enabled me to catch up on some TV viewing. One of the first programs I popped into my trusty VCR – yes, they do still exist – was the results show from season 2 of AI, which solidified the Top 12 spots for this year’s competition.
Then, since I was already on the AI kick, I decided to pop in the DVD of American Idol’s first season. I bought this DVD in September like many other people but never really gave it much thought until now, and I am glad I did because it enabled me to come to several revelations.
First and foremost, I forgot just how mesmerizing and talented Kelly Clarkson was from the first time she auditioned in Texas all the way through to the show’s season finale. Personally, I really didn’t notice Kelly as a serious contender for a long time. It was when the Top 10 contestants had to do songs from the Big Band era that she proved to me she had the “stuff” to outshine anyone she was competing against. While all of the other singers stumbled through the night, Kelly breezed through an upbeat track, “Stuff Like That There”, that Bette Midler performed in For the Boys. Right then and there, all I could think was, “So that’s why I watched this show.”
You see, there are a lot of debates among people who follow American Idol as to what makes the show stand out from the bevy of other reality-based shows. Many people get a kick out of the horrid yet hilarious auditions that our three beloved judges – Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and of course, Simon Cowell – have to weed through to find those who are American Idol material. Others, meanwhile, choose to forgo the early episodes and start tuning in when the final contestants are picked and the competition becomes more scrutinizing. Even though I have caught every episode of American Idol since its inception, I must say that I belong to the contingent that prefers the good to the bad the real contenders over the pretenders.
Sure, I get a huge kick out of auditions like Keith’s, the infamous lad who performed “Like A Virgin” so horribly that he looked like Elaine from Seinfeld when she danced and sounded worse than me when singing. And of course there’s Edgar, the Enrique Iglesias look-alike who was so convinced he was the next American Idol that after being rejected the first time around he tried to sneak back into the audition area the next day only to have security promptly kick him out of the building. You know what Edgar’s last words were? “See you in Hollywood!” Oh, Edgar, how we miss thee.
My biggest problem with the pool of hopefuls that have no business auditioning in the first place is that after awhile, enough is definitely enough. That’s why when the pack gets whittled down to the true finalists, well, that’s when I really start to pay attention to detail.
Speaking of which, I realized that Kelly Clarkson was last year’s American Idol for several reasons. Undoubtedly, she had the best voice of the entire lot. But aside from that, she also has a calm and cool yet vibrant stage presence that was only matched by fellow finalist Justin Guarini. Kelly and Justin won America’s hearts by plowing through each genre with unparalleled style, grace and ubiquity. In fact, the only time Justin came close to elimination was when he vented his frustrations on Simon after receiving some criticism from the instigating Brit, something he sincerely apologized for during the results show the next night.
Flashing forward to Season 2 of American Idol, I realize that these remaining 11 finalists are not only going to deal with outperforming each other during the competition, but they will also have to contend with comparisons that will be drawn between this season’s and last season’s AI competitors. Can any of these men or women shine with the same poignancy and humility as Kelly Clarkson? That will be the burning question as things heat up in Hollywood, and I don’t think any of us will know the answer for at least a few more weeks.
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So what is wrong with WrestleMania?
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but despite all the hype, the plethora of talent available and the somewhat decent planning, I just had that sinking feeling that this year’s “Granddaddy Of Them All” was not going to be very memorable.
Perhaps it was last year’s epic battle between The Rock and Hulk Hogan, or maybe it’s the fact that the previous installment of WrestleMania featured an actual UNDISPUTED Heavyweight Championship match.
Whatever the case may be, I feel like that this is as good a time as ever to assess WWE’s product from where it was last year. Although the talent pool is more stacked as a whole, the brand extension really cuts into the overall impact that high profile additions can have when they are brought in to shake things up.
Don’t get me wrong, I do think that it has been fun and even intriguing to witness the returns of Shawn Michaels, The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin, as well as to see guys like Brock Lesnar and Rey Mysterio emerge as true WWE superstars. However, while the brand extension certainly creates more opportunities for the younger guys to step up and fill some spots on the mid- and upper mid-card levels, it also brings about a two-fold problem that has begun to affect my enthusiasm towards all WWE programming.
The first issue I have with the brand extension is that the main event guys that come back either after a hiatus or are being brought in from the outside are made to look cheap by the brand extension. Now these guys like HBK or Austin aren’t hurt in terms of visibility on their respective shows, but ever since the brand extension I just kind of look at any move WWE makes with veterans as a quick fix copout rather than Vince McMahon and company **GASP** embarking on a plan for the future. I can best equate this feeling I am trying to convey to how New York Rangers fans feel when Glen Sather brings in all-star players via free agency or trades, only to miss the playoffs for six consecutive seasons. The question is, “Why do they miss the playoffs when they look so good on paper?” Well, what the Rangers have in star power is what they severely lack in team chemistry. WWE, since the roster split, just seems to miss that smooth and natural-feeling flow from one show to the next, and as a result some of the storylines seem forced. Even with good planning ON PAPER, the lack of chemistry between both the wrestlers and the matches presented will hurt WrestleMania in terms of its fluidity, and that’s a serious issue that will not go away anytime soon.
The second problem with the brand extension (and subsequently WrestleMania) is that while the younger guys and gals get a chance to grapple in more prestigious roles, they also wind up wrestling with a diluted roster pool that diminishes the amount of possibilities for a genuinely successful push. If you throw in the fact that a lot of the top guys, INCLUDING Raw’s World’s Business Casual Heavyweight Champion, are not too crazy about the idea elevating mid-card talent, well, then the young guys get screwed even more-so than before the brand extension. If we then go further and take a look at what’s happened to the two lesser shows where serviceable mid-card matches used to be spotlighted – Sunday Night Heat and Velocity – since the split, one realizes that they’ve become a place for local jobbers to get their asses kicked “Wrestling Challenge” style. Whereas the hardcore fan would tune into Heat with relative frequency if for nothing else than to see matches like RVD vs. Jerry Lynn or to see what angles were being recapped from both of the flagship shows, now it’s extremely difficult to tune into the show with even a shred of enthusiasm.
Not only that, but when a wrestler who is relegated to Heat for months finally makes the jump to Raw, his/her chances of surviving in WWE are significantly slimmer. When ratings suffer, these wrestlers who may need a few weeks to develop a new storyline or adjust their approaches to the fans are kept on short leashes that allow absolutely no room for error. Just ask D’Lo Brown and Raven what it’s like to be a mid-carder post-brand extension, and I’m sure they’ll say it’s more unproductive than helpful.
When I throw all of these things together and mix them all up, I just don’t come out with a recipe that blends very well. And with the upcoming PPV split on the horizon, I just can’t see how a successful WrestleMania will be used as a building block towards WWE getting their shit together
Especially when the foundation is so cracked to begin with.
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Top 5 prime time shows that lasted one to two seasons before getting canned by network jackasses:
5 – Boston Common – Funny little show that is actually still repeated on USA Network.
4 – The Family Guy – Why did FOX keep changing the airtime for one of the funniest programs ever? They should have just plopped it on right after The Simpsons.
3 – Undeclared – Another cool FOX creation that was prematurely killed off.
2 – Sports Night – The curse of Ted McGinley was too much to overcome.
1 – My So-Called Life – The best show ever that lasted just one season. It struck a chord with many teens when it was rerun on MTV, and yet ABC still pulled the plug.
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BOTTOM five prime time shows that lasted one to two seasons before getting canned by network geniuses:
5 – Saved By The Bell: The College Years – Ugh.
4 – Golden Palace – Golden Girls without Dorothy just wasn’t the same.
3 – Ned & Stacey – Lowell from Wings should never have let this show leave the ground in the first place.
2 – Three Sisters –Sitcom for chicks that was so bad that Lifetime would rather have a Park Overall movie marathon once a year than run repeats.
1 – Any sitcom with Tom Arnold playing a leading role (basically anything sans Roseanne).
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Chris Biscuiti presents Personal messages to persons of note:
To Brian Mitchell, the scumbag Utah panhandler who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart: I hope you come to realize how gutless and pathetic you are for committing such an untenable act. It’s just too bad you can’t share a jail cell with Vern Schillinger.
To Bill Maher: When you had Dennis Miller as a roundtable guest on your new HBO series last week, it made me think about how he looked funnier and fresher than ever, while you continue to plod along with the same mundane jabs at anything not rooted in liberalism. At least his cynicism makes me laugh and even fathom what’s wrong with America, and he does it in ways you only wish you could.
To all top executives at the Yes Network and Cablevision: Neither of you are the “good” guys, so stop acting like you did New Yorkers a favor by bringing your feud to a close and finally reaching an agreement. The fans still got screwed last year and now we get screwed again by having to deal with a hike in monthly service fees that not only pays for the service but also makes up for lost revenue. Call me dubious, as long as I can call you corporate ass clowns.
To Steve Somers, longtime weeknight host for Sports Radio 66 WFAN in New York: How about them “Icelanders” now, Schmoozy?!
That’s all for now PEACE.
“These are not the best of days, but they’re the only days I’ve ever known.”
-Billy Joel, def poet
Aside from his weekly musings on 411Mania, Chris Biscuiti is a regular pop culture, political and pro wrestling contributor to moodspins.com.
