Boom, here comes the BOOM, ready or not
– P.O.D.
Welcome all to this pleasant Tuesday. Continuing the theme of The Wrestling Column, this is the “I Hate Yaks†version of the News Release. Fuck them all and the collective horses they rode in on.
Looks like we’re heading to war. The decision is made and the time for protest is over. Now it’s time to unite behind the troops and get this stuff done. Bush has now given them ample opportunity. He’s given the country an out, and he’s outlined what each of the soldiers need to do to survive. There is nothing more we can do for them and no more outs we can give them. The United States will not be blackmailed into terror. Good line from the President last night.
Also, to comfort you all, here is something from fark.com:
I just hope Fark saves its discuission archives for long enough to see the silliness in the fear a lot of you have.
Check back in a year or two when:
1. Iraq is gone in 3-4 days. Hopefully replaced with a good enough government.
2. 10-20 American lives lost, couple hundred thousand Iraqi soldiers.
3. No significant terrorist attack of any sort on the US. Probably some thwarted ones here and there, sure.
4. North Korea is back afraid of us like the rest of the world.
5. No one cares what the French think.
Look people, we’re not the most powerful nation in the world like the Yankees are the best team in baseball.
We’re the most powerful nation in the world like the Yankees playing in a league of 5-6 year olds.
The largest attack on our nation in 200+ years took all of 3,000 lives and two buildings.
We’re going to do that in 1/2 second EVERY 1/2 second for the next few days in Iraq.
Indeed we are. And then maybe gas prices will come back into manageable levels. The war is scheduled to start around 8 pm on Thursday. Hopefully, they’ll be done in time for the 11:00 news.
Now, for all y’all who are “so disgusted with the US†because of this “unnecessary war†here is a handy-dandy guide to renouncing your US citizenship. Thanks to Straight Dope for doing the footwork on this.
You’re going to protest by renouncing your citizenship? I’m disappointed. Whatever happened to going to the U.S. embassy and setting yourself on fire?
That’s what real protesters do… not the pussy protesters we have in the US.
Whatever butters your bagel, pal. But you have to do it right. You probably have the idea that renouncing U.S. citizenship consists of going down to the town square, post office (the “all services” window, maybe?), or other public place and announcing, “The U.S. sucks. I quit.”
Wrongo, Benedict Arnold-breath. The process is actually pretty complicated, and for good reason. Renouncing your citizenship is irrevocable, the political equivalent of a sex-change operation. While the powers that be are willing to make the big slice if that’s what you really want, they don’t want you waking up next morning and going, “Oh, @#$%!!”
Here’s the procedure:
(1) Leave the country. There is no procedure for renouncing your citizenship while still physically present in the U.S. The government has the idea that if you’re mad enough to renounce your citizenship you probably don’t want to keep living here (although most militia types seem to want to stick around, presumably to keep their disgust fresh). Also, frankly, most of the 800 or so people who renounce their U.S. citizenship each year aren’t protesters but rather are cases of “dual citizenship” who haven’t lived in the U.S. for a long time. What typically happens is that someone is born in the U.S. to non-U.S. parents, who later return to their native land. Such a person is automatically a U.S. citizen but has a claim to his parents’ nationality also. While dual citizenship is usually not illegal–the U.S. “tolerates” it–it can complicate your life, notably in connection with taxes. So many people choose one or the other on reaching adulthood.
(2) Apply for citizenship somewhere else. Strictly speaking this is optional, in the sense that it’s optional to put on the parachute before you jump out of the plane. But if you’re a stateless person living abroad and you get in a jam with the local authorities, or you want to get a passport to travel to yet another country (or back to this one), you’re up fecal matter creek.
(3) Go to a U.S. embassy or consulate and tell them you want to renounce your citizenship. Often they’ll try to talk you out of it, tell you to come back after you’ve slept it off, etc. Persist. Eventually they’ll have you sign an oath of renunciation, an affidavit affirming the oath, and a “statement of understanding,” which basically asks you if you’re sure you know what you’re doing. You also have to supply certain tax-related info and turn in your passport. The consular officer overseeing the proceedings must sign an attestation saying that in his opinion you’re not off your nut. The papers will then be forwarded to the U.S. state department, which in the fullness of time will issue you a Certificate of Loss of Nationality. You’re officially un-American. Lotsa luck.
One of many things to consider before you take this rash step is the kind of company you’ll be keeping. Setting aside cases of dual nationality, emigration, etc., people who renounce their citizenship typically are war criminals (who do it under the baleful eye of a judge to avoid the expense of a deportation hearing), the aforementioned militia members, and billionaire fat cats who do it to avoid U.S. taxes (although the feds are tightening up on this–that’s why they ask renunciants for tax info). My guess is you’re not going to want to get together with these guys in some kind of support group.
So, if you’re just too fed up with the country to be a part of it anymore, there is your handy dandy pocket guide to getting the F out.
Peep it Jeff, just in case you can’t stand living under a cowboy. France would love to have you… so would China. You’re right, some countries do have a concious… namely the ones that want to get an INSANE FUCKING DICTATOR OUT OF OFFICE. Peace hasn’t worked with Saddam… blowing things up do.
Now, it’s time to get our War on.
Mailbag
Since I started this news gig, a couple of you have e-mailed me asking me for jobs… and also have sent me reviews. Just so everyone knows, I have no power to hire… I’m a code monkey and a writer, nothing else. I will read your reviews, I might even use them in the news, but I can’t get any of you jobs. Also, if it is not a text document or pasted in the email, I won’t read it. Nothing personal, but I won’t open MS Apps on my desktop. Too easy to hide things, if you get my drift.
Matthew C: I just wanted to ask you if you or anyone else noticed
that Fred Durst stole the name of his new album from Vanilla Ice’s last release? I just find this extremely.
Extremely WHAT?! I can’t handle the suspense. But no, I did not realize this as I haven’t followed Vanilla Ice in years. I did however go to his concert a few years ago, mainly to see a local band who was opening for him… he kept people waiting for about an hour and a half between the last opening band and him. I left before I got to see him. After that, he could have died and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.
Derril G: Nirvana. In each of those three [albums], I felt when listening to them that splitting their concentration between vocals and guitars was hurting the vocals. Of course, in the case of Nirvana, I’m of the opinion they should have had a different vocalist, and a
different lead guitar player.
That’s my man.
Sean P: concerning the Essential Stabbing Westward album coming out. Who in the hell picked these tracks? Sony/Columbia or Stabbing Westward? I mean they are all great songs but that doesnt look like a greatest hits album to me. I was excited at first but after looking at the track listing it’s not even worth buying. I already have all the songs. The first 4 songs aren’t even worth being on the CD even though they are good. and how are they “remastered”? its not like the albums were made in the 60’s
Because “remastered†makes you think the album sounds better, even though it probably doesn’t. Actually, I like almost every song on the “Essential†CD… but I don’t think enough people have ever liked Stabbing Westward enough to make a greatest hits CD, but I could be wrong.
Know Your Market
I wasn’t going to cover this, but since this is the official “I Hate Yaks†edition of the News Release, lets cover some Yaks being stupid, as Yaks are known to be.
The Dixie Chicks, in a concert in London last weekend, told the British crowed they were ashamed that President Bush was a fellow Texan. Natalie Maines, the lead singer, decided to voice her opinion in front of the British crowd for a cheap pop from the audience. It worked.
Of course, back in Texas, the hotbed of country music, it didn’t exactly fly as well as it did in Britain. What the idiot doesn’t seem to realize is that Country is still listened to by a huge audience of Southerner’s and Rednecks. Southerners who dig their president and remember what being an American means. Yeah, the war thing might suck, but they’re behind the president, regardless of how “cool†MTV says it is to be against the war.
Well, it hasn’t been a good homecoming for the chicks, who have seen a portion of their southern, and especially Texan, fanbase disintegrate in the wake of their comments. They have been pulled from Radio stations and people have been encouraged to hold public trashings of their stuff. Texas, as a whole, is shocked that the Chicks would attack one of their own while sucking up to the British crowd. Texas seems to remember that people are, above all, American.
It will be interesting to see if The Chick’s album, currently #1 on the Country charts, takes a hit next week.
In some more of the amusing situations, a few hundred protesters in Louisiana used a 33,000 pound tractor trailer to crush chick CDs.
IN Kansas City, WDAF has trash cans outside their offices, encouraging people to toss CDs and merchendise into the trash… including a boycott of their music on station.
Well, needless to say, the idiot rescinded her statement as soon as she got back on American soil and realized the backlash it caused. However, it hasn’t helped.
Basically, she ran her mouth without thinking about the FUCKING ENTIRE FANBASE OF COUNTRY MUSIC. They should see above… I’m sure some other country would be happy to have them.
For f*ck’s sake, even Congressional Democrats have the good sense to get behind the president now that a military strike is imminent.
I think a lot of this is also people finally getting fed up with being force fed what every goddam celebrity on the face of the planet thinks about the War… and how 99 f*cking percent of them are against because it’s “in style†to do so… just like all the celebrities who wore NYPD and FDNY hats because it was the “in†thing to do at the time.
Never miss a photo op, baby.
New Releases
Hardly anything again this week.
(hed) pe’s new Disc Blackout will be available.
A new release from Blue Oyster Cult called Then and Now and the soundtrack for House of 1000 Corpses. I have not heard any of them, so therefore cannot comment on them.
Next week, Meteora, from Linkin Park.
Evanescence Second Opinion
I picked up Evanescence’s disk this week as I saw it on sale for $9.99 (love the Wal-Mart) so I felt I had to grab it. I dug on the single so I dropped the $10 and picked it up.
The disk was good enough to earn Amy Lee a good spot in the I Hate Yaks edition. Which is saying something considering my feelings toward women this week.
The first thing that struck me as I listened to the disk was What the f*ck is Blaszkowski talking about. His review basically calls this disk a fusion of styles between Avril Levine and Linkin Park.
Now, to be fair, most of what I’ve read review-wise of this CD has compared them to Linkin Park, but I think that’s one of the most baseless comparisons I’ve heard in recent memory.
Linkin Park was really the first to fuse Hardcore and HipHop into one fluid CD where the two styles didn’t get in the way of each other, but the Fallen doesn’t make any attempt to do that. In fact, the only Song in which the male singer makes an appearance is the leadoff single from The Daredevil Soundtrack, Bring me to Life.
The Music on Evanescence’s CD doesn’t even really match Linkin Park. Linkin Park’s guitar’s and drums revolve around merging HipHop singing with Hardcore singing… or trying to get both Chester and Mike to not sound out of place without changing the timing of the song.
Evanescence makes no such attempt. Their guitars are tuned much, much lower in the vein of like a Type O Negative. Their sound is WAY more Goth than metal, or NuMetal for that matter.
That being said, I wouldn’t write it off if you’re a fan of NuMetal or Rapcore, but also don’t expect the whole CD to be duets between Amy and the guy, because every other song on the CD is just her with Goth music in the background. Evanescence is basically what Kittie and Crisis want to be, but won’t be because they try to have a chick do hardcore screaming, which doesn’t work. When a guy does it, you can feel emotion, when a chick does it, it makes their target audience feel they’re getting bitched at.
Evanescence gets around that by having the singer not try to scream, but sing, giving the entire sound a spooky Goth sound that works on soooo many levels. The lyrics are also very easy to understand and identify with. Everyone has experienced the type of loss she is singing about here and, even if you haven’t, you can sympathize.
And, it’s the shot that the radio needs right now… something different. Expect people to latch onto this. It also does a very good job of not being Tampon Rock in the vein of No Doubt… and rather more in the vein of Garbage.
The songs break down as follows:
Going Under – They start off on a high note, with her more speaking the lyrics in the opening than singing over a single note beat. This is the same tone they will use the whole album. Apparently Wind-Up Records must have a rule that all their bands destined for greatness must play in Drop D tuning. Very simple song about a relationship gone bad and how she won’t take it anymore.
Bring me to life – Everyone has heard, and God help us, will hear this song Ad Infinitum… but this track is more the exception than the rule. This is the only appearance of the male singer, who isn’t named as “backup vocals†on the jacket anywhere. On further research, the male is from 12 Stones, a band I haven’t heard of.
Everybody’s Fool – This is the closest the album gets to Tampon Rock, which I’m pretty happy about. It’s an upbeat tune, but I interpret it as her saying that society sucks for making women think they have to be perfect, skinny things.
My Immortal – and here is where the comparisons to Linkin Park vanish entirely. This Track could be more compared to Sarah McLaughlin or Tori Amos than Linkin Park. It’s a piano and orchestral strings supporting a heartfelt song about the loss of a person… my guess is through death, fitting with the whole Goth thing, though it could just be about someone leaving.
Haunted – They played this on One Life to Live last Friday after Lindsay found out she shot her ex-husband when she meant to shoot someone else. Rest in Peace, Sammy… even if I couldn’t stand you. This is very deep, simple beat behind very convincingly haunting lyrics which I interpret as being stalked. Also the Church chorus in the background adds to the general spookiness.
Tourniquet – The speed picks back up here over a suicide attempt. It’s up to you to decide whether or not she succeeded. Heavy religious imagery here. The song seems to be about suicide, which is funny considering they are a Christian Rock Band… which also seems to be a necessity for Wind-Up success stories.
Imaginary – Another experimentation in sound here as they use a high violin and piano with the heavy guitar. Couldn’t really place the meaning of this song… other than she really likes to sleep. That I can support.
Taking Over Me – The piano opens this song but doesn’t really stick around as they go back the heavy guitar/industrial sound. This one is another longing song, as someone left her and she misses them. This song is one of those that shows her voice above piano and heavy rock in the same song. It works.
Hello – Another song that’s more Tori Amos than anything else, with Amy singing only with a piano to support. It seems to be about a child dying on the school playground. Sad song.
My Last Breath – Very simple song sung from the perspective of someone who is dying and being held in someone’s arms and trying to hold on. This is the only song on the CD that doesn’t really do anything for me… but it’s still a decent listen.
Whisper – The final song on the track is about crossing over to the other side. This song has a lot going on it… lots in the background with violin, the choir, and guitar. It’s very merging of styles and sounds.
I would recommend this disk to anyone who digs on Type O or Paradise Lost. I would also recommend it for anyone looking for something different. Get the album and hear the rest of it before radio permanently turns you off of Bring Me to Life.
Now, I will be very interested to see if they can possibly tour to support this album. Even the lead guitarist has said that the band needs at least seven people to play most of these songs live, and the band is Three people.
The only downside to the band is that they’re a member of ASCAP, which means you might be sued for playing them at a party.
Where the Hell did that Last Comment come from
Well I’ll tell you. ASCAP has filed suit on behalf of Madonna and Lenny Kravitz against a Texas Nightclub for playing music. Yes, the music industry is now suing nightclubs for playing music.
ASCAP is a union of sorts which polices organizations who play music and don’t pay a royalty fee. Like radio stations pay a yearly fee to ASCAP for the right to play music on the radio. Anytime music is used to enhance a customer’s experience, this falls under ASCAP. So, if you use the radio when callers are on hold or if you hear songs over a PA system in a store, either they are paying ASCAP fees, or they are risking lawsuits.
Ah, the music industry… the only group in the world where you’re expected to pay them to do their advertising.
Now again, don’t get me wrong, I fully support artists getting compensated for their works, but it’s lawsuits like these that are turning people on the music industry as a whole. Suing a nightclub for playing music, when all they are really doing is associating the artist’s music with a fun time, and probably helping their album sales.
Sic the lawyers on them Madonna, that’ll help your career.
Wes Strikes Back
Last week, I mentioned all the stuff Durst has recently said about Wes Borland… in which Fred took all the credit for everything Limp Bizkit did. Durst said that Wes wanted his freedom because Fred really told him what to play: “I wrote everything and did everything.â€
After the entire interview Fred had, Borland came back with one line. “Smart people can tell the truth from a lieâ€
Wes is the smartest man alive. Rather than strike back, he stated (what I guess is) the truth on the hole matter. Fred’s just blowing shit, and the style of the band has very obviously changed without Wes’s influence. For the better or for the worse depends on who you ask. Personally, once they threw Backstreet Boys dance moves into one of their videos, I haven’t had much use for them.
Speaking of Limp Bizkit
KoRn, the band that got Limp their start has been in the news recently with Jonathan Davis shouting about how he believes significant sales of the band’s last album The Untouchables were lost due to the EEEEEEEEEVIL Internet.
“We got so f*cked on our last one —— it leaked four months early. [Next] time there will be no CD going out before release. We’re not going to give it to the label until a week before it comes out.
I could offer a couple theories counter to the piracy one. First, Korn so totally sold out to MTV on the Issues disk that their hardcore fans that had been sticking around since the beginning started to fall off. Also, the poppy idiots that listen to MTV will put up with occasional hook-y metal band, but they’ll never really accept them. So, when Untouchables came out, you had the old metal fans who didn’t really care about them anymore taken over by the few TRL fags who would listen to them.
Second, the leadoff single Here to Stay was pretty much the ONLY really good song on the album.
Then again, Untouchables was still platinum and moved 1.3 million units, which a lot of bands would give a testicle for… but KoRn also needs to realize they are in a fickle industry. I had them pegged for death after the disaster that was Life is Peachy, and they’ve been living on borrowed time since then. They have COMPLETELY changed their sound, which is what brought them to the dance in the first place.
They also do not have a sound that begs for longevity, which is why you rarely hear KoRn songs on the radio after the album falls off the charts.
Sorry John, you got an hour and a half instead of fifteen minutes, but it had to run out eventually. You can only sing about how f*cked up your life is for so many albums before people stop buying it. You guys were lucky enough to hit two different audiences, which doubled your time.
I expect this next disk to be their last.
Upcoming Releases
Beyonce Knowles’s solo disc Dangerously In Love will strike the world on 5/20/03. Expect guest appearances from Sean Paul, Jay-Z, The Neptunes (?), and P. Diddy. 20 tracks o fluff have been recorded with 14 tracks of fluff slated for the final release. She expects to record a few more to wrap up her next release.
Puff Daddy told mtv.com that he does not plan to release any more solo albums in the near future (because he sucks), but instead focus on producing. He also confirmed plans for a new Notorious BIG album. The album will feature rare Biggie verses and tracks featuring today’s stars. Since nothing new can be done in hip-hop anymore, they will spend time sampling cuts from an artist with talent, ie: Biggie, and make an album out of it. No word on a date
Mary J Blige’s sixth studio disk is called Love and Life and is also being produced by Puff Daddy. Puffy produced Blige’s first two albums. Expect production appearances by Dr Dre, and vocal appearances from 50 Cent and Method Man. No word on the leadoff single, but it will not be Hooked which was released directly to the Internet and sampled In Tha Club. That track is not expected to be on the album. Puff Daddy told MTV:
We went back to the formula we did on the first two records. It’s incredible hip-hop soul. She’s the queen of it, I’m the king of it, [and] we made it up together — beautiful sultry vocals on hard hip-hop beats. I was the first to do that in ’90. A lot of people have been able to do that and be successful, [and] all that’s good, [but] now you have the originators getting back together and really putting it [down].
No conceit in his family or anything. Puffy wants to be Dre, but he never will have that level of respect. Sorry, dude.
Finally, Radiohead is starting to preview material from their new album set for 6.10.03. Oddly, there will be no guest appearances and they will actually do a tour to support it… go figure.
If you can’t make albums, SUE!
The law firm representing Axl Rose has threatened legal action against a couple GNR fansites because an anonymous user is posting on site message boards and signing his posts as Axl.
The text of the cease-and-desist letter, sent to sites, is as follows:
“To Whom It May Concern:
“This law firm represents W. Axl Rose and the musical group ‘GUNS N’ ROSES’. We have been advised that without authorization you are submitting posts on various on-line message boards and chat rooms using the screen names ‘LatigoBurns’ or ‘LatigoHammers’, signing your posts as ‘Axl’ and in fact purporting to be Mr. Rose.
“Please be advised that your actions constitute, among other offenses, a wrongful use and misappropriation of Mr. Rose’s name in violation of his federal and state common law rights, as well as federal and state statutory rights including, without limitation, rights of publicity, rights under the Lanham Act and certain rights under the Trademark Cyberpiracy Prevention Act. Your actions violate numerous laws that provide for civil and criminal penalties for which you may be liable, and provide Mr. Rose with numerous remedies including, without limitation, injunctive relief and recovery of actual and/or statutory damages.
“Demand is hereby made that you immediately cease and desist from using Mr. Rose’s name in any manner, and that you immediately cease and desist from fraudulently holding yourself out publicly as Mr. Rose. In the event that you fail to do so, Mr. Rose has instructed us to vigorously pursue all legal action necessary to protect his rights.
“Nothing contained herein or omitted here from shall constitute an admission as to any matter or as a waiver or full explication of our client’s rights, remedies, contentions, damages and defenses, each of which is specifically reserved.”
You know, if I was GNR I’d be excited I still HAD fan sites. I am confused at any legal repercussions that can come to the website because a user is posting things on their message boards. But, of course, you have a well funded legal team vs (probably) a kid who has no money. Hey, sue him, man, that will help the career.
In another amusing (in a sad way) lawsuit from Axl, he has sent a cease-and-desist letter to the members of Offspring, who had been discussing naming their latest release Chinese Democrazy (You Snooze, You Lose), a twist on the title of the new album (Chinese Democracy) GNR has been planning and making for the last eight years.
This one is REALLY baseless, as it seems a pretty standard use of the “Fair Use†exception to copyright. Satire, plain and simple… case dismissed. Even if it’s not, GNR has no claim to the title as Democrazy and I’d argue no claim to the title “Chinese Democracy†since the album has yet to come out.
In Other Reading
Cody is a good writer, Cody is a good writer. Just doin my part, man.
Eric Katz with stuff about some punk bands you probably never heard of.
Rhett Walker went to Mardi Gras. Which means he got ass. I think it’s law, or something. I will disagree with him about Linkin Park though. There are people that overdo certain genre’s, but there is also some of them that come out doing it well. Linkin Park’s first album was one of those. I don’t think they’ll be around for 20 years or anything, but I don’t consider them noise pollution either, like White Stripes and their vein. Same thing with Godsmack. They are a GOOD rock band. His other opinions are right on and you should read him and learn about good music, you pop-smacked zombies.
Biscuiti (of the Matt variety) pimp Def Jam Vendetta. What most people don’t know is that this game would not have existed if WCW didn’t go under. This was scheduled to be the next WCW game but, y’all saw what happened there. Matty talks about what gives musicians their inspiration. I don’t know if I agree with all of it, but you can Decide for Yourself.
Blaszkowski’s got D4.
Evocator’s got God Dethroned.
Matt R Jones has got RA.
Phil McCann went to see Stone Sour and Saliva. about three weeks ago. He’s pulling a page out of my book and reviewing the concert far later.
In closing
Time for me to finish the big move. Maybe at some point I’ll actually write and post all the things I’m supposed to.
Till next week.
