The Weekend Hotline 3.22.03

Archive

I’m starting to write this on the heels of Operation Shock and Awe. I’m tempted to go downstairs and start watching the news. Needless to say, I’m glad things are going as smoothly as they are for us thus far and hopefully we get out of there without too much more loss of American life.

If there are any troops on temporary R&R out there, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Get the job done, and get home alive. We’re waitin for you.

Since no one reads the music column, I thought I’d ask here. Anyone out there have a copy of Evanescence’s first album Origin? I’d like to get my hands on that or any of the other indy releases they had. Just a copy or a file transfer is all I’m looking for. And, I would be buying it if it was available anywhere I just ain’t poppin $100 for a CD on Ebay.

Eric’s YAM winner of the week had me crying at his ignorance (the Moron, not Eric’s) although on some principles I agree with reader. The time for protest is over, guys. At some point it’s time to say “The decision is made, let’s get behind the country and get it over with as soon as possible.” Making my life difficult by stopping up traffic is not going to sway me to your side. Getting arrested doesn’t make a powerful statement other than “I’m an idiot.” If you actually “support the troops, but hate war,” make your point some other way. A way that might make some people agree with you.

Best Interview ever, Chicago Protest:

Fox News Interviewer: And why are you out here protesting this evening?
Protester: I’m trying to make a statement, you know? I want to do something constructive for this community and show my support for the anti-war movement.
FNI: Wouldn’t volunteering at a children’s hospital or a veteran’s center be equally as constructive for your community and not create new problems?
Protester: ..

Fox news rocks the mutha-grabbin hizzouse.

And the “protesters” who are members of the military make me the sickest of all. The ones who joined the army for the college payment and HUGE signing bonus. The ones who sponge off what the military pays them and yours and my tax dollars. Now, the time comes when we need them and they say “nooooo no no, I don’t like war.” The same thing goes for Reservists, who are willing to take all the benefits of being in the army, but have a problem when the call comes down that we need them.

And then there’s the picture of the American girl who is abroad in Europe, holding up an “I’m Ashamed” sign with her passport. That’s good, honey, because we’re all ashamed of your ass, too. If you’re too ashamed, see my Handy Dandy Guide to Renouncing your Citizenship. Cunt.

On the weight front, between the break-up with the girl and the big move to the new place, I’ve been slacking a bit. I got back into the swing of things this week and was pleased to discover I have maintained the 227 I had before everything started. So, while I haven’t dropped anything in the last couple of weeks, I haven’t gained anything either. So, for those keeping track, I’m still down 12 pounds going into week 14 of “Operation: Gut Liberation.”

Mailbag

And why not, let’s start from last week’s MAN OF ALL CAPS:

I cant be serious? Rest assured I am very serious! What you said proves nothing against Goldberg. The loses at houseshows you speak of only prove he is more than willing to put people over,

Come on now Hogan put over the f’n Mountie at a House show. House shows mean, these days, jack.

more proof he is a definate team player. Cant cut a promo? Excuse me but I was at the WCW Melbourne event and he spoke for all of one minute and completely stole the show! I marked out for a month after that!!!!

2 reasons: 1) you are easily amused. 2) Flair wasn’t there.

I am proud to be a Goldberg fan, I believe any true wrestling fan is. Stryker has only shown his complete ignorance of what made Goldberg great and what wrestling should be. Please print my email address and I will successfully argue against any points people bring up. Although Im sure by now you’ve been inundated with emails defending the man, Bill Goldberg!! Im sure the only emails I get will be from ignorant hacks.

till next time, Captain Kangaroo signing off… WHO’S NEXT?

He asked for it. To express your opinions, Tell him what you think. Of course, there were those that thought the entire thing was a farce, which is possible, and also Australians who wanted me to be sure that this isn’t how all Australia is.

Stevie G: Hey, mate, please don’t judge all Australians by what that duckweed wrote!I admit, I marked out big time when Goldberg beat Hogan for the title due to Karl Malone distraction (and this was probably the last time I marked out in TV wrestling, at least until – ha!! – Booker wins at WM19… but I still mark out at our local shows here, even though I go to watch training and know what’s going to happen; I just know when one of my mates gets his first ever win in 2 weeks, I’ll be the biggest fan in the place!), but you’re right, he’s not what they need.

What they need is to fire HHHHHHH, Austin, Hogan, maybe Nash, definitely Stephanie McMahon, and hire the NWA-TNA roster. We’ve only seen it once down here, but it crapped on anything WWe has done for years!
So, the point of me raving like a lunatic? Some Australians don’t YELL AT INTERNET WRITERS BECAUSE WE DISAGREE WITH THEM!!! I disagree with Scott keith’s comments on occasion, yet I still love reading his stuff. And some of the politics is hard to take… but that’s it. I’m not going to go into tirades.
In Australia we have a saying: “She’ll be right, mate!” If I disagree, who gives a shit? Unlike America at the moment (at least, in the higher ups) if some-one disagrees with us, 90% of Australians say, “Who gives a shit?” (current Prime minister a glaring exception).
I’m getting defensive, and I don’t mean to be, but people as useless as tits on a man like that guy(?) make the rest of us Australians look bad.

Nah, I know that Australians are cool you just have your bad seeds. Like we do here, only here we call them Liberals. Besides, Australia produced CFB, so I know you’re not all bad.
Tyler M checked in, with some more conspiracy theories:

There’s such a thing as a shoot turned into a work, and I wouldn’t be
suprised if Kurt Angle’s “trainer’s” comments are part of the Wrestlemania hype machine. The high hopes of program Kurt Angle vs Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania probably hasn’t reached the levels they hoped it would so they’re most likely blowing the whole injury situation out of porpution to put something on the line. I don’t
understand why Kurt can’t address the issue himself.

This is something I hadn’t thought of. Maybe they’re trying to pop the buyrate with the NASCAR theory. That being, people don’t want to ADMIT to watching just to see if someone eat wall, but they do. There will be those extra buys for people who just want to see if Kurt survives the match.

I thought Eric Bishoff owned Girls Gone Wild? Whatever the case, no
matter how bad the shows are the association defiantly won’t hurt. There is some crossover appeal to benefit and crossover wrestling fans have put up with worse.

No, Bischoff is a just a producer. I forget the name of the WORLD’S SMARTEST MAN, but Bisch doesn’t own squat. And, yes, the crossover can hurt them if it sucks as, by all accounts, the last one did.

There is no way Booker T is not going over at Wrestlemania. I expect
the WWE to play a trump card with Triple H joining Stephanie’s Smackdown to catch the interested after Wrestlemania. The WWE knows what kind of groan they would hear at WrestleMania if Hunter went over, and politically Hunter will not lose anything putting Booker over than going to Smackdown for a hanfull of pay per view challengers.

You will be able to tell who will win the match by when it goes off. If it’s early in the card (say first hour-ish) Hunter will go over. They can effectively kill the crowd dead and then something like Rey/Matt Hardy will follow it. If Booker is going to win, it will be third or so from the top to fire the crowd back up for Brock/Angle with, as has been the ‘Mania tradition, the Women’s title between it.

Call me crazy but Austin-Rock will sell the show, and McMahon-Hogan
will steal the show. Other than Smackdown’s headliner, the gifted roster should also make it the highest match quality Wrestlemania since X.

OK, you’re crazy. McMahon/Hogan will be Bowling Shoe Ugly. And Austin/Rock THREE ain’t sellin shit. It’s barely even drawin a blip, from crowd reactions on Raw thus far.

Top Story

[Note: News of the possible Goldberg signing came after this column was already completed. IF it’s true, my thoughts on this have been well documented in the previous few columns. I’ll go into detail next week when more news becomes available. But, as for news, 1bob is saying the Goldberg/WWF Deal appears to be done.

Hm, which version of nothing do I pick for this week’s top story?

I guess in my mind the biggest story out of the gate is that the first “split” PPV the WWE is planning on running will take place in June. This will be first “branded” PPV, meaning it will feature only Raw talent.

Now, I mentioned this back when I was doing the Week in Wrestling, but I can’t link back to it or quote it because 1) I don’t feel like going through the archives of my columns and 2) Google still brings up pages with the 411wrestling logo, which then redirect to the column index, so I can’t even search for it. Suffice it to say, way back when I went on a mini-rant about how the PPVs needed to be split, but only in a certain way that being Raw, Smackdown, Joint Raw, Smackdown, Joint through four cycles during the year. Now it looks like that may be happening.

Vince has decided that it is time to split the PPVs, and the first Raw Only PPV would be King of the Ring in June. Unfortunately, they have decided AGAINST keeping the King of the Ring format for the show and just going with a straight PPV. Why exactly they decided to do that, I don’t quite get I thought with the decision to give the KOTR winner a shot for the belt at Summerslam was a great way to elevate mid-carders into the upper echelon. But, as we well know, that isn’t now, nor has been in a while, a priority of the WWE upper management.

The way I had figured it back then was to Keep Royal Rumble exactly where it is, Bounce Mania to April, Summerslam to July, and Survivor Series to October. Mania is practically in, and used to be, April anyway. July is still summertime, and Survivor Series isn’t even on Thanksgiving anymore. This way, you can have Raw Brand, Smackdown Brand, Joint, in a three months cycle. It lets the “Big 4” still be something special. Of course, now the problem becomes filling a PPV with a single brand, when each brand only has one or two feuds worth blowing off at a PPV. On Raw, you pretty much have the world title, and everything else is an afterthought. Real quick, on Raw, there is HHH/Booker and what other feuds. Can you think of one? I can’t. Oh yeah, the Dudz turned heel. The freakin Tag Team Champions don’t even have a match.

The first thing, In my own stupid opinion, that needs to be done is get a mid-card belt back on both shows. If you’re expecting to sell a ppv, get something to sell it on. Two title matches don’t do it. Get the IC and the US title out of the World Title and distribute them to mid-carders. It accomplishes two things. 1) It gets another belt to sell a PPV on, which can never hurt it and 2) It gives the midcarders something to do other than be in useless tag teams. You can’t tell me that Jericho with an irritatingly long IC Title reign wouldn’t be good right now, and also a belt on Smackdown for Benoit to carry around. An extra belt doesn’t hurt anyone as long as it isn’t passed around as pointlessly as the European and Hardcore titles had been toward the end of their life.

So, how do we get the US and the IC title out of HHH’s grubby paws? Unfortunately, no easy way. Booker T is not a heel, so using my initial idea of giving the belt to Jericho and having him come out wearing all three belts doesn’t work. So, there’s no simple storyline way to do it other than simply Vince Declaring the two belts separated from the world title. And, folks, I ask you, what better way to sell the first two separate branded pay per views than a good old fashioned US/IC title tournament?

Not a goddam thing is wrong with it, should have been the answer you came up with to the question. Vince, the day after Backlash should come out and make the announcement on Raw, since Raw is the Brand with the first PPV. Declare the IC title officially stripped from the World Champion and a 16 man tourney will be held over the next few weeks with the final four wrestling at Johnny B Badd Blood to crown the brand new Intercontinental Champion.

Now, at some point after the PPV, you have the new champion lose in an officially sanctioned Intercontinental title match and take the belt. But, surprise Mr Bischoff, Steph signed your new IC champion right out from under your nose. So the new IC champ appears on Smackdown that week.

Obviously, Bischoff is not to be outdone by Stephanie so when Raw rolls around, he informs us that the match on Raw the previous week was for the IC title, but way back when, the US title had been unified with the IC title, and no where in the contract did it say that the match was for the US title as well so, your Raw IC champion is now your Raw US champion. Simple, effective, the belts are still meaningful, and we get a few weeks of storyline out of it. It’s a Dusty finish, but at least it makes sense. We also can get a paranoid Bischoff out of it, since he doesn’t know if someone else is going to jump on him.

It accomplishes getting the mid-carders something to do, and something extra to sell a PPV on. It also eases us out of the King of the Ring mentality, since we still have a tourney for something, but it’s not for the KotR. By the time next year rolls around, we’ll remember it as a “good PPV from last year” not “KotR is supposed to be here.”

Huge Firings

Kevin Kelly was released from the WWE. However, his goatee will remain employed in the marketing department. The goatee could not legally be fired because of disability laws.

His goatee was reportedly very happy to be rid of the dead weight.

Pyro

After the RI Night Club horror, many states are considering a ban on the indoor use of Pyro, this could be something the WWE will have to watch closely, as many of their wrestlers make use of Pyro when making an entrance. Maine has already instituted a ban on pyro and many other New England States are considering it.

In my mind, not a biggie for the WWE. If all of New England passed the legislation, it would only affect them in Massachusettes (The Fleet Center) and Rhode Island. I can’t tell you the last time the WWE Made their Way to Bangor. Or Vermont, or New Hampshire for that matter.

All in all, if you’re not idiotic with Pyro, tragedies can be avoided. IE: DON’T FUCKING DO IT INDOORS IN A DRY WOODEN BUILDING WITH FOAM WALLS. In an arena, the shit doesn’t hit the walls, which means it isn’t going to light on fire. But, better safe than sober, I suppose.

On the other hand, with no indoor pyro, Rob Zombie’s entire concert experience because pointless.

Lance Storm Commentary

No real news out of this other than all the WWE Security guys are named Jimmy. I just mention this because I hate the guy who is Jimmy Tan. He’s a rat prick and I can’t stand him, if he’s the one I’m thinking of.

Lance also makes mention of the WWE’s policy of giving employees shit if they decide to fly first class. I guess there is some sort of stupid etiquette backstage where you’re only allowed to buy First Class tickets if you have “made it.” Like Austin and Rock are allowed to fly First Class, Storm and Benoit are not.

Now, maaaayyyybe if it was WWE corporate that was popping for their flights, I could see this but keep in mind, these guys pay all their own expenses. So, if you have the cash to fly in comfort, what the f*ck is the problem? If I was in the WWF, granted it would never be as a wrestler, I would throw a big “f*ck off” the first time someone told me I can’t fly first class, even though I can afford it, because I haven’t payed my dues. If they didn’t like it, fire me. Now, granted, the wrestlers can’t do this and, unless they’re named Spike Dudley or D’Lo Brown, can’t really do this, because there’s no other game to work for but for God’s sake, isn’t there a better way to pay your dues other than sit in coach with a bunch of kids and assholes who are going to pester you for the entire flight?

In Other Reading

Grut vs Daniels. Basically, Grut and I pick a topic and debate it. This is an experiment. If you guys like it, let us know, if you don’t, let us know that too. Vote at Grut’s email address. This week’s topic is “Wrestlemania: Great Show Or Sure to Blow.”

Ross Williams does All Feedback.

Scott Keith does his Letawsky impersonation with Ask 411.

Haley peeps on The little things.

And I finally get to pimp Anderson who espouses on the awesomeness that is Wrestlemania. The Event, not the event. Enjoy.

Also, not going to link all ten, but Barron is doing a recap of the Road To Wrestlemania Series. Check it out.

In Conclusion

That’s it for this week. Have a good weekend and send a spare prayer across the Atlantic to our boys over there.

Till then, Be safe and I’ll see you next week.