The Weekend Hotline 4.12.03

So, I’m writing this on my brand-spankin new computer. I bought a brand new Gateway 300s on sale for $599. Threw in a 17-inch flat panel monitor, a whole lot of extra space and a sixty gig hard drive. For a computer geek like myself, this is the Mecca of computing. You can store a whole lot of porn on sixty gigs you know.

And if you don’t know, trust me.

Regardless, let me give super props to the people who invented the flat screen plasma monitor. This thing is bigger viewable than my old 15 inch CRD and MUCHO smaller. My desktop actually comfortably fits everything now which is nice, because you can’t beat a free desk liberated from your college.

Not that I’d know anything about liberating desks from my college. Nor would I support it especially if the inventory sheet says you’re only supposed to have two and you have four instead. I would never condone that.

Ever.

What?

Regardless, welcome back to a brand spanking new of the wrestling news column that never has any wrestling news to talk about on non-PPV weekends. You know the drill by now.

On the positive side, I have now reach 224 pounds. For those of you keeping track, that’s 16 pounds down from the beginning. My Friday weigh-ins are becoming less of a panic attack now. I get on them excited to see progress, which I think means I turned the corner, or something. I’ve shifted some of my focus from cardio to resistance now to try and trim up some of the excess skin that’s going to be left over when I’m done. So long as the weight keeps falling off, I’ll keep it up. Someone finally mentioned something to me, which made it all that much better. It’s finally working. Maybe by summer I’ll have dropped the initial thirty I was going for. Go me!

I’m in a little bit better a mood than I was when I wrote the Music column this week. However, I also say that all of you, if you never read a music column, should Read this one. The Recording Industry of America is suing four college students for 100 billion dollars. Rumor has it that even Dr Evil was like “damn, son that’s evil.” Read it and know what they’re up to, before the find you.

Hmmm, how about some mail?

Mailbag

The Detective: On protests and the Clinton administration. There were many and they happened often. I was in DC to protest Kosovo, the 98 incursion into Iraq, and the random bombing of Syria and other Middle Eastern countries. I wasn’t alone. The big question back then was, “Where is the media?”

Making sure we all knew that President Bill did not sleep with that woman.

Stephen: I’m not sure I quite follow the prescription drug comment. You mean to say that the democrats make it easy for anybody who “needs them” to get drugs, correct? If so, I guess this all comes down to a basic difference in philosophy. The way you see it, democrats make it easy for people to trade handouts for votes. The way I see it, they’re making it possible for people who really geniunely need help to get it. There’s a tradeoff, of course, because some people will inevitably take advantage of the system, but to me, that’s a worthwhile tradeoff to ensure that people requiring aid receive it.

If the people who genuinely need it outweighed the people who were leeching the system, I’d have no problem agreeing with you but of the people I’ve seen on the system (and in my area, I see a LOT), they don’t need the help. They are lazy and the government makes it too easy for them to stay on the system with no incentive to get off it. They rely on Human Nature to be something it isn’t and that’s the problem.

People suffer slow deaths and medicaid makes it possible for them to get many of the drugs they need. Sick, old, long since retired people
don’t have the kind of funds required to afford the more expensive rugs (which, as I’m sure you know, are insanely expensive).

Elderly are a different story. If they worked their entire life, they should be taken care of by the system they fed for their entire lives. My problem is, now that I’m seeing that system I need to plan for MY retirement assuming I will never see a cent of the social security I pay for. So the system needs overhauling badly. And anyone can blame the Bush administration all they want, but the fact is that the “Social Security Surplus” was, and still is, a big hoax. The surplus that existed was taken to “shore up” other areas, and a bunch of government bonds were left as “the surplus.” So, don’t believe the hype.

It’s already past noon and I ain’t gotten to the wrestling yet, so lets roll. However, I was just informed that Bower ain’t going to be in tomorrow, so I have time. Whattup top billing all weekend again.

Top Story

You know, I’m going down the newsboard looking for a top story, and everything just sucks. There’s pretty much nothing that I can put a top story together on.

Jackie Gayda set to return to WWE Television? Nope, that one doesn’t exactly burn the charts.

Ratings continue to fall? I don’t think you folks need the news to tell you that.

One thing I do think is interesting is, it is funny how things come full circle sometimes isn’t it? I mean, back when WCW was on top, I remember how the WWE’s biggest selling point was that WCW was Jurassic Park. How all of their stars were ancient. Now look at them. Three (or four, depending on how old Sable is) have almost reached Social Security eligibility. Nash is in his forties. All of the people they made fun of WCW for keeping at the top of the card, are now at the top of the card in the WWE and all the while the “young bucks” that they used to tout as the “new thing in wrestling” languish at the bottom of the card with nothing to do.

Jeff Hardy – touted as the “Next Shawn Michaels” for years doesn’t even care anymore. He’s been stuck in the same gimmick doing the same thing for like, five years now. He could barely care about being in a match, much less helping the business. They were ready for a heel turn with him, but that seems to vanished into the aether over the last couple of weeks. Now he’s aligned with Trish Stratus, of all people, STILL doing the same things he’s been doing for the last five years. I would guess if the money wasn’t so good, Jeff would have bounced a couple years ago. I think he sticks around with the promise of something more, but I don’t think he really believes it’s ever going to come anymore.

Matt Hardy – easily one of the best, most intruiging heels on Smackdown right now. With the cruiserweight title? This is one of the detriments to NOT having another singles belt for the guys to feud over. The Cruiserweight Title doesn’t help Matt at all. In fact, it probably hurts him while he has it. The Cruiserweight title has this image of the person not being ready or not being big enough to run at the top and all the matches against Brock aren’t going to help that image.

Rob Van Dam – after six months of being buried, it’s finally starting to come forth in his matches. The guy doesn’t care. He’s done everything right, and he’s been rewarded by being HHH’s job boy for September of last year, and has done nothing but slide down the card since then. This year, RVD didn’t even get to be on Wrestlemania, and it’s starting to come through in his matches, too. It’s frustration of not being where you should be. The fans can’t help RVD anymore than they already do. They still pop for him even though he never wins. They want to see great things out of them, but the office doesn’t. He has great matches and he has taken HHH’s theoretical “ball” and ran with it. He’s gotten himself over, but no one is willing to go out there and give him that rub to put him at the top of the card.

Chris Jericho – booked as the weakest heel champion in quite some time and apparently made a deal somewhere along the line that said “yeah, we’ll let you be the first ever Unified champion, but you have to lose every match for the rest of your life.” Jericho’s run as unified champion has been pretty much forgotten by everyone except him, who brings it up once in a while. He’s never a contender for a belt anymore and doesn’t really do much except hang out and occasionally wrestle in tag team matches. He had a very good feud with Shawn Michaels which, of course, he lost because the WWE apparently has a clause in their new Constitution that only guys over 35 can ever win matches. So, now the deal with Michaels is over and he’s going to be inserted into a feud with HHH, Michaels, and Diesel Nash. Yeah, that will help him in the long run as he will exist in those matches only to be pinned by Jack-knives and Pedigrees. And speaking of that feud.

Booker T – Another guy, like RVD, who can’t do anything more to get himself over. People dig him, dig his catchphrase, dig his moves he’s done everything the company has asked, he’s done everything right and there’s no reward for him. I don’t think he’s been in the WWE long enough to become entirely disillusioned with it, but it’s probably coming, and it will come soon and hard for Booker.

And all these guys these guys with real talent, get to sit aside and watch as Brock Lesnar is pushed to the moon. They get to watch as Nathan Jones who, by all accounts, can barely move in the ring get pushed to the moon, regardless of how bad he is. They get to watch Goldberg come in and make a mockery of the locker room. They get to watch the Heva squash all of them on his way back up to the top.

And all this while the answer to the WWE’s woes are sitting in the locker room, waiting for the call to be the next big thing. The call that Vince seems to be unwilling to give them while he has Hogan, Nash, Goldberg, HHH, etc. The call that won’t come because Stephanie McMahon doesn’t have much of a head for what wrestling fans want to see. Because she thinks that HHH is the answer to all the WWE’s problems. What’s the point of even having a creative staff if you won’t listen to them? For show? Because the boys think you should have one? They have real writers there and I’m sure the guys know what sucks. I had sent in an application before and made the first round of cuts way back when, but I’m glad I didn’t get the job. I would have lasted all of two weeks before I was deigned a “boat shaker” and politely asked to leave. I would have been able to call a spade a spade and said “you know what Steph, this blows. It’s stupid and NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT.” And I probably would have done that with most of her scripts, for two weeks running, until I was asked to leave.

The simple fact, and I’m not the first to say it but I think it bears repeating is, at some point, the old generation is going to have to give the rub to the new generation. Thus far, they’ve only been willing to give it to Brock Lesnar. Maybe because he’s homegrown WWE, maybe not. But until the smaller guys start going over, it’s going to be a lonely place at the top, with the locker room turning into the political craziness that was WCW toward the end. People there now should be able to recognize the warning signs.

Betting on the WWE?

Apparently so, the Olympic Sports betting house is now taking bets on WWE matches. The bets are limited to $50 and some matches are taken off the charts because of obvious winners, but they are taking bets. This is interesting because usually they only take bets on games that aren’t admittedly fixed, like the Super Bowl.

You know, I’m a betting guy, but I don’t think I could bet on the WWE. Because I would bet on who should win and be really pissed when WWE politics won out and I lost money.

Interestingly enough, another betting house used to take bets on the WWE but lost big in 2002 because they had 16:1 odds on Jericho being Champion by the end of 2002. I wish I knew that because I would have actually put fifty bucks on that about $800 bucks in payout.

The Return of Piper’s Pit

I suppose this is some big news, too. I don’t hate Piper and I don’t think having the Piper’s Pit segment, as a whole, is bad I just hope they’re smart enough to not have Piper wrestle again. He’s huge, out of shape, and probably worse than he was before. I mean, all he does is punch. And not like Austin, who at least has a couple of moves, all Piper does is punch like, All he does. And finishes with a sleeper.

Oy.

Anyway, I always enjoyed Piper’s Pit, and I don’t mind seeing him back on TV in an interviewing role, so long as he doesn’t wrestle. The blue trunks might not be visible over his hangin gut.

However, if they are using his name to help out getting Sean O’Haire over, I’m good with that. In this case, it’s another case of the IWC getting ahead of themselves in condemning Piper’s return before we see what they do with him. Piper is perfect for making a new heel out of someone, because he was THE heel of the 80s. Maybe no one recognizes him, maybe they do but they will know him soon enough. And they will never forget the name

Err, wait.

In Other Reading

See Grut Smoke me in a debate. The funniest part of this debate, to me anyway, is the fact that believe it or not, I don’t walk around wearing a shirt that says “I’m Daniels.” So, since I use my real IM name in the columns with Grut, I’ve had two people on my buddy list IM and and say “I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE DANIELS.” And now they want to all buy me shit and want locks of hair and like clippings from the nails of the fingers that produce this greatness. This is why I didn’t say anything in the first place.

Miss Galatea with one of her Four Yearly Columns checks in with post Wrestlemania thoughts and lesbianism. Or is it post Wrestlemania thoughts ON lesbianism. One of the two.

Matthew Don’t Call me Michael Poffel comes from The Top to warm up your Scooter dissing before Monday. He also talks about the WWE keeping the black man down.

READ THE MUSIC COLUMN. The power of evil compels you.

In Closing

Bower asked me to inform you that he will not be in tomorrow as something has come up and his ability to write the novel that is the Sunday news has been compromised. Which means I am in the on deck circle, so it’s my job to do the introductions.

Ah f*ck it, he doesn’t need an introduction. With that, I will step aside to make room.

On Monday, the man CHRIS PANKONIN with the news.

Or, could it be could it be possible. It’s time for the man, the myth, the douchebag, the Hooligan? If you listen closely, you can hear the pre-emptive groans of agony from Scaia The Viking.

Watch this space on Monday morning for the answers.

Only at the Mania.

Can you feel it?