Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 04.16.03

In Tribute:  Jim Boeheim’s former blue balls.  They were definitely given to Roy Williams.  Powder blue, to be exact.

You know, sometimes it’s worth it waiting to do the column of the morning it’s due.  This way, you get enough legit news to fill the thing so you don’t look like an idiot.  Besides, if Smackdown is on the West Coast, you don’t have to wait up for it.  Despite the fact that it’s on the East Coast this week, I was still too tired to wait.  So f*ck it, I’ll do it in the morning.  Let’s start off with some WWE-related news in order not to piss people off…

SPIKE?  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME…

As of this day two months from now, if you want to tune into Raw, you will have to turn to the Spike Channel.  TNN is, again, changing their name in order to develop the first network appealing to men as their target audience.

You know, I don’t need this kind of crap when I’m doing a column first thing in the morning.  The Lamictal hasn’t kicked in yet, so there’s a mad-on still possible.  Let’s list the reasons that someone at Viacom was on acid while making this decision:

1) They want to do a preemptive strike on Charlie Owens’ favorite magazine Maxim, who is going to try to doing a channel called MEN (Maxim Entertainment Network).  Okay, that’s sorta acceptable.

2) There’s already a channel that’s oriented to men, and it’s only a one-letter difference with TNN’s new name:  The Spice Channel.  And unless you have a neurotic attachment to Marina Sirtis, you can’t masturbate to Spike.

3) Why the hell develop new series related to men that sound less moronic than what they’re talking about broadcasting?  How about importing The Red Green Show from Canada?  It appeals to a male audience and, unlike TNN programming, is actually funny.  They deserve commercial exposure.

4) I don’t care if Viacom owns the rights to Tom and Jerry cartoons.  Naming a network after an animated bulldog is asinine.  Couldn’t they just ask Joe Barbera if he had another name up his sleeve?  Maybe we could have had the Mammy Two-Shoes Channel instead.  That couldn’t be any more idiotic than Spike, and would still honor Tom and Jerry and the seven Academy Awards that the cartoons won.

I want to start beating things with a baseball bat while in a drug-induced rage.  And fortunately, I can link to both in the next two news mentions…

OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, NOT AGAIN…

Last year, baseball-wise, Comiskey Pa…dammit, US Cellular Field was turned into a laughing-stock when two rednecks from my village went out on the field when the Royals were in town and tried to beat up a Royals coach.  Well, the Royals were in town for the first time since the incident yesterday, and what happens?

1) Not one, but three fans run on the field at separate times before the game.  Two of them, apparently, are related in some way (Brothers?  Cousins?  I don’t know; they have the same last name).

3) In the eighth inning, yep, a fan runs out on the field.  This time, though, the fan has the taste to go after an umpire.  The fan is yet another tattooed redneck with the worst blond dye job since Mabel.

You know, I don’t like baseball.  I’ve admitted that in the past.  However, having grown up on the South Side, I do have an environmental attachment to the White Sox.  I am incredibly embarassed at the behavior of these people.  To quote Dean Wormer, being drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.  In this case, stupid applies more than drunk does, I believe.  If you want to go after someone, don’t do it to the Royals.  Jesus, they live in Kansas City.  Isn’t that punishment enough?  Wait for the All-Star game to come to town this year, then get loaded and go after Bud Selig.  You’ll be lauded as a hero in every baseball town on the continent.

CRANKED UP

A big meth distro scheme was busted by US and Canadian officials, only this time with a twist.  No Hell’s Angels were involved in this one, surprisingly.  One of those busted had a relative who also got busted recently:  he was a member of Islamic Jihad, who got money from sales shipped to him to support terrorist activity.  You know, I’m old enough to remember drug money only being funneled to Columbian gangsters for a little tootski in return.  Now, if you want to stay awake, you’re supporting bombings in Israel.  Why doesn’t the Department of Homeland Fascism…Security do something good for cases like this and legalize and tax now-illegal drugs?  This way, we know which gangsters the money is going to:  The US government.

The busts involved shipments of bulk pseudoephedrine, which is perfectly legal in the US and OTC.  Why didn’t someone say that they had a really bad sinus condition and, considering the price of Sudafed in the US, decided to buy in quantity instead of hitting a drug store?  Hell, if you can do it at bulk purchase stores like Sam’s Club, why not hit a few Canadian pharmaceutical companies?  Same rationale.

The regrettable part is that there will be a shortage of meth in various cities across the US, including Chicago.  What are truckers across the US and Canada going to do for a little energy?  For that matter, what am I going to do?  Shit, meth would be perfect for doing this column if I could afford it.  Now I’d have to deal with the bikers again.  At least the Arabs wouldn’t threaten to beat the crap out of you.

(My apologies to all bikers out there.  Yes, there are many charitable things that bikers do such as toy drives and keeping Sturgis, South Dakota from being bankrupt.  However, images are hard to change, and sometimes I have to go with the stereotype in order to keep this column somewhat humorous.  I hope you understand.)

THE PIMP SECTION

Sorry for putting you guys after methamphetamine, but there are things that take priority in my life, and illegal drugs is one of them.

I’ll give Nason primary pimp for this one.  His Indy Updates need some attention.

Haley was live at Raw, so we get a special edition of his column.  He also links to a great column at Industry Week about my favorite sport.

Deonandan is back, so let’s give him a click, okay?

SMACKDOWN SOMEWHAT SPOILED

Small but popular foreign guys versus big guys who couldn’t draw heat on the Sun.  Vince, please stop doing the Big Guys crap.  Ratings are already in the toilet.  Curtain-jerking with this kind of match just causes people to turn away from UPN.

Brock Lesnar and Chris Benoit in the same promo, with Michael Cole doing the interviewing…suicide is an option.

So, with Angle out for a while, what can Team Angle do to keep some heat going?  Yes, make racist remarks.

Uh oh…we knew this was going to come vis-a-vis Piper’s Pit after last week.  So we have another match for Backlash, and this one featuring what we insulted WCW for all these years.  Since Raw is becoming Nitro, why not have Smackdown become Thunder too?

That’s all I’m going to reveal because the whole audience is going to be excited for the Benoit/Cena match, and I’m not going to blow that one.

MAILBAG!

BFM gets the God slot today:

I already emailed Wid about the site, but three popups (one of which froze me up) and an invue ad is a TAD much.  I can’t run Pop Up Blocker here, unfortunately.

That is truly unfortunate.  But, we have to make money somehow to pay the server fees and all that, so I don’t blame WidShish.

Anyway, I notice you haven’t posted Wednesday yet, so I wanted to point this out.  Someone on the radio this morning brought up Disco Demolition at the old Comiskey in relation to the dumbass fans last night.  Total different issues there, but it shows that idiot fans at Comiskey isn’t exactly a new thing.

Except that Disco Demolition Night was actually fun and had a purpose.  Also, it helped pioneer the “Disco Sucks” chant which served WCW well for a number of years.

Slick Rick wrote a great one, as usual, but I think I’m going to have to answer that one personally.  Glad that you thought that everything yesterday worked.

My fascist bud John King brings up the fact that Senator Peter Fitzgerald (R, IL) will not seek reelection and links to an MSNBC story about this.

Let me tell you, John, why this pisses me off. Yesterday, I’m in the shower about 5:30 and lathering my hair when the phone starts ringing. So I grab one of my cordlesses, and it’s the local CBS affiliate calling me with a computer-generated random voice-mail call about the subject of possible replacements for said Senator Fitzgerald. Being a good citizen, I decide to do the survey, knowing that my views can start to shape next year’s elections. I end up spending ten minutes pushing buttons, shampoo dripping all over my phone, telling the computer whether I have a positive or negative view of about twenty potential candidates, some of which I’ve never heard of (and I do have some positive views of some Republicans, so it wasn’t a complete pressing of” hair.

(Ironically, one of the potential candidates was Jim Oberweis, founder of Oberweis Dairy. I don’t know about his political views, but, shit, do I love his products. Best milk and ice cream I’ve ever had.)

Only John is able to come up with a comparison between Vince and Bubba:

Did you read that article on Clinton and golf in Sports Illustrated? Guess that settles the age-old chestnut that you can judge a man by his golf game. Now we see why Clinton and McMahon are so alike. Both live in a fantasy world that is like no other, surrounded by yes-men and boot-lickers that would put King Lear to shame. Both have daughters that are probably a “little messy down there” and have turned into media whores par excellante. I’m sure that Chelsea has been introduced to the fine art of anthill eating by Madonna and Steph, well I’m sure one of the phrases that HHH has uttered to himself is “I am not catching any wall.”

Both need to realize that their empires have fallen and they have become laughingstocks to the majority of people whom they hope to impress. Maybe that’s why they both live in the bubble, because it’s a lot less painful than actually facing reality.


Honestly, I’m laughing my ass off because it’s true.

And I have enough respect for the Pride Of Dartmouth to quote him in full:

I appreciate your invitation to hang with you and Nowinski, even if it did include your mention of my most unfortunate “Song for Life.” And seriously, is it my fault that my generation has such lousy taste? Actually, I’ll tell you exactly whose fault it is: the lousy bastards at ClearChannel. Controlling the airwaves with that lame pap.
Honestly, Nowinski has no need for You’re a Moron…put Sump Pump in front of a microphone, and it becomes obvious how dumb he is! Even someone who supported the war (i.e. yours truly) has to groan listening to him. He managed to seize on the absolute WEAKEST part of the case for war in the supposed 9/11 connection. Doesn’t talk about how happy the Iraqis are to be rid of Saddam, doesn’t talk about WMD, doesn’t talk about the disgusting tactics Saddam’s forces used…is WWE actually TRYING to make the war effort look bad? I’m all for what we did, I can’t stand Harvard (the school, not Chris himself), and I’d have to declare Nowinski the winner of the debate. Then again, no one on the face side of the roster could have done much better, except for Booker, and thankfully, he’s been kept far away from this crap!
But the true measure of how smart Nowinski is (since the only things more inflated at Harvard than the egos are the GPAs) will be how he gets himself out of the situation. After all, being stuck with 3 Moron Warning and Steiner isn’t going to help him any. He needs to get himself in with a midcarder who can actually work, because he’s still not entirely there yet. But who? RAW’s face midcard is so decimated at the moment…Hurricane is having a nice big cup of coffee in the main event, Steiner is the guy we’re trying to avoid, Hardy is a walking cripple who they want to keep over, RVD and Kane are still having issues with the Morley administration (“This is the feud that never ends…”). What’s an up-and-coming heel to do?
Actually, Nowinski could fit in nicely with Morley and Storm, now that the Dudleys have apparently decided to be faces again. He was Regal’s protege, can probably find common ground with Storm because of his anti-war stance and Harvard’s hockey success (they’ve been in the ECAC finals two years in a row, and won it last year), and as a man of intellect, is the kind of guy who would work well in an administrative capacity. RVD, Kane, and the Dudleys are probably as good as you’re going to find on RAW as midcard face opponents go, and Storm and Morley make good teammates. I’d definitely have to suggest this to him at that proposed meeting of the minds.


So agreed on all points, which is why I went in whole. And the Song For Life mention…well, I had to fit it in somewhere, and I do have a long memory.

In fact, Sean Fri brings up the same good points:

I love the way that Nowinski is establishing himself as a heel, but it gives me pause. How can you be a heel for have lucid, cogent arguments with your elected government? Semi-elected government, anyway. I’m sure Vince doesn’t profile wrestling fans, but I’m just as sure he did a patented Wile Coyote camera-take-and-slow-smile when he noticed the DIxie Chick’s declining sales. And, although it’s funny, there’s something a little more
insidious going on here. Because he’s being PRESENTED as a heel, fans know to boo him, and they willingly do. Which means, on some level, the fans are cool with the idea of hating someone for having a different, albeit perfectly logical, opinion. The message presented is this: dissent is evil. I’m not saying the WWE is forcing the fans to think this way, but
they sure are reinforcing the pattern.

To me, this situation is political correctness’ evil twin. Conservatives are pretty much the first in line to complain when the touchy feely types try to get everyone on the same page concerning the language of social concern. But as soon as an armed conflict rolls around, conservatives seem to have a clear lexicon of patriotism that they feel NO ONE should deviate from. It’s two sides of the same coin, but it’s all about the co-opting of
language and sentiment for political purposes. When you find an issue everyone should agree on, you make damn sure that no one is allowed to disagree.

While I grant that, in times of crisis and need, a unity of purpose is necessary for a nation to meet and overcome the crisis, I DO NOT grant that unity of purpose presupposes unity of thought. That’s asinine. That’s like presenting a group of engineers with a tricky problem, like getting to the moon, and asking them to all work toward that purpose by all approaching the problem in exactly the same way. How useful would that be? Differences of opinion are vital in creatively resolving problems. Especially TOUGH problems, like getting to the moon or evolving as a species past the need for terrorism.

The reason freedom of speech is one of our most important rights isn’t because we’re all saying the right things at the right time, it’s because many of us are NOT, and we need that. Truth resides solidly in no one man – it’s a social construct, and it’s liquid. It needs constant input by ALL of society to arrive at what is true for that society. It needs the geniuses and the loons, the progressives and the reactionaries, the poets and the
pedants all to be heard. And it needs to be updated every day.

Bottom line is this: it’s not MY freedom of speech, it’s OUR freedom of speech. And I think that it’s time that this country wakes up to the fact that it’s going to take time and debate to find a way to secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and out posterity for a new century. This is a tough problem we face, making a world society that can live together in peace. We CAN’T all be thinking the same way if we’re going to find a solution. There has to be a difference of opinion. And vive la difference!

Oh, wait, I forgot….I’m supposed to hate the French.


I should have brought up the fact that Vince was pandering to the audience yesterday. He’s trying to maintain Steiner’s image as a face, so giving him jingoistic statements regarding a very touchy issue is a winner to keep him that way. For most people, an appeal to emotion is a great deal more powerful than an appeal to intellect. Anti-intellectualism is something that WWE has tried before (see Douglas, Shane and Poffo, Lanny), but Nowinski works so much better in that role that he might be able to pull it off. However, I’d like to see Vince try to create an intellectual face around Nowinski. Maybe actual respect for intellectuals might be inculcated into WWE fans.

On the same subject, Ian Gardner cc’ed me a mail he wrote to Mr. Harvard:

Now, I don’t know if the current “Voice of Protest” gimmick is something that reflects your personal views or not, but I’m thankful for it. It’s a funny situation, in that the heel is intelligent, well spoken and has well formed opinions; while the face is a roided up, freakish jackass who is only equaled in lack of speaking skill by fellow hawk, G.W. Bush.

It’s too bad that someone can make strong points and be ridiculed and treated as a villain, but a moron who stumbles through meaningless propoganda gets cheered. It truly shows what a scary state our country is in.

Whatever side of the fence you personally fall on, I’m thankful that opposition to the war (which looks to be on its way to Syria any time now) has an intelligent voice on RAW.


Well said.

The Priz! puts out a slather of great screed, but I’d better get into the wrestling material before someone bitches, so I’ll stick to that, because it’s terrific too:

Could the Undertaker PLEASE put someone, anyone, over clean who needs it? Damnit, I hate being right in these situations. Hell, I could’ve handled the FBI interference preventing a pinfall, but not causing one. Shit all you need to do to end the match and have Cena look good is to have both guys get up at the same time, UT go for a chokeslam, Cena reverse to a DVD, boom end of match, new star is made, so on and so forth.

I’ll piss money before Undertweener sells anything. The way to make a new star in WWE is to keep him out of the way of UT until he’s established enough to maintain heat on his own after the squash. Cena’s not there yet. He will be soon, but not now. Matt Hardy…oooh, that’s a tough one. I trace the start of the loss of heat from his brother to the Undertweener feud. I don’t want Mattitude to suffer the same fate.

Speaking of which, you have the World Champion, who just recently came out of his first ‘Mania with the strap (am I right on that? Brock debuted last summer shortly after WM right?), versus a rising heel, who could really use a decent rub (which he got from that match, from what I could tell, although a shocking upset would’ve done wonders, especially since you could have Hardy make up Mattitude excuses for no rematch until the May PPV) and you curtain-jerk with them? Yeesh.

Welcome to WWE shooting itself in the foot yet again by relying on the same decayed tits that got them through the bad times and got them popular again during the rise. The new stars get curtain-jerking spots (How many times in a row did Van Dam curtain-jerk Raw recently? Kane doesn’t help; he’s always been UT’s bitch).

Booker’s already getting the RVD shafting down the card. From a championship contender to a tag shuffle down to midcard hell and then tag-team midcard hell. Welcome Mr. Huffman, Mr. Jacobs and Mr. Van Dam (no way I remember RVD’s real last name, and it was a bitch to try and remember anyway) are waiting at your table.

Czaplinski, in case you care. I love Booker so much that to see this happen to him actually hurts. He’s one of the few reasons to watch Raw these days, and the whole tag situation with Trip and Flair was sad.

Zach Singer, the only person more liberal than I am, is getting a good education:

I was unsure of my purpose. I am fufilling my dream in the media. But something seemed to be missing. Something, a whole, needed to be filled.

And then it was. Last week, I walked into my Political Science 106 class, sat down, took out my notebook, and prepared for the powerpoint lecture.

“Today, we will be discussing Karl Marx, Leon Trotsky, and the Communist Manifesto.”

And then. Right there. I realized why I had gone to college.

(viz. Dubbaya) What the f*ck did Trotsky and Marx say about history repeating itself? Did they not say that we must return NOT to the original, but a modification? Didn’t work the first time, sure as shit not the second, and he’s gonna try it AGAIN?!?!? This is as laughable as the idea of the war costing less than 100 billion green. Or should I say RED.

Does the government HAVE any cash left to cut spending? It’s the same old Limbaugh-esqe theory; “well, I’ll be dead or out of office when this comes back to bite us in the ass, so FUCK those of you who’ll be here.”

In the words of Biff…”HELLO????? McFLY!?!?!? HELLO???”


Yes, Zach, you’ve been promoted to regular, and that’s one of the great reasons why.

Semi-regular Steve Rogers is back! And he’s got some terrific comments about Chicago’s Main God, Michael Jordan, getting a flag from the Secretary of Defense:

I mean THIS is ridiculous! Not to blast a Chicago Legend but what has he done to deserve THIS? Has he contributed to the DC area? I mean really. If Rumsfeild, Dubbya or ANYONE involved wanted to honor him, okay fine, honor the man, but this is probably more santimonious and pandering than any of the “tributes” since 9/11/01 I mean A) Lets see two mediocre seasons of play B) Not much movement as a franchise and C) He will STILL be remebered for things in Chicago. But all that aside I guess he deserves honoring.
But did Bloomberg (or some NYC politican/celebrity) give Jordan a flag that flew at WTC? NO they did NOT! Did Jordan get honored during his latest last game at MSG, yes he did. By the same token, say this happened to the Sears Tower, no one should give him a flag that flew there.

Not only that, this is making something that should have NOTHING to do with politics and making it into a political event, which is ironic considering Jordan (whom I’ve called the Hulk Hogan of the NBA) is the most un-political guy in sports. The guy has never taken a stand on ANYTHING. ANYTHING! What about those sweat shop workers making your sneakers MJ? “Blind eye, Nike’s problem” What about giving back to the community, showing that you
give a damn about the social problems in this country? Another blind eye instead of taking a stand either way. At least if he said “I’m watching out for #1” people will say he’s being honest about being a jerk. So why are politicians fawning over this guy trying to curry his favor when he’s shown little intrest in any side of the political/social issue landscape. Yes I answered that allready in my subject, because politicans are media-whores,
but I just felt like being redunant!


You may be redundant as you like, Steve. That’s what being a semi-regular gets you. Let’s go through this one point by point:

1) Yes, Michael’s a god here in Chicago, and we here tried to ignore what was going on with the Wizards. That being said, if you take individual stats into account, he had two pretty decent seasons.

2) He’s already been honored in Chicago. He’s got a f*cking statue in front of the United Center.

3) The most apolitical athlete in sports may just be Tiger Woods. Unlike Jordan, he gets nailed with political questions, but mushmouths to the point where he not only supports both sides, but creates the answer in such a way that he doesn’t express any opinions at all. Also, he’s in the same boat with Jordan vis-a-vis sweatshops making his shoes.

4) Politicians are truly media whores. I count this as yet another Wag The Dog thing to distract people. Also, there’s been talk about Michael seeking office as a Republican in North Carolina, so this may be a preemptive pimp.

As for the rest of the letter, Steve, dealing with the Baseball Hall of Fame’s contretemps with Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, it didn’t dip below my radar screen. It’s just that there are a few factors about why I didn’t go into it:

1) They embarass liberals by their didacticism and their need to horn in on any conflict between conservatives and liberals.

2) I don’t care about baseball.

3) Bull Durham is overrated.

4) Being a fan of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I can’t take Sarandon seriously.

Sean Fry, who I quoted earlier, brings up most of the same points you do, except mentions the fact that the head of the Baseball Hall of Fame is Dale Pertrosky, a Reagan administration drone, which was the whole trigger behind the whole fooferaw.

Joshua Crawley corrects a minor point from yesterday:

Actually, Road Dogg, AKA BG James, AKA Beer Gut James, isn’t even with NWA:TNA anymore. I think I read here on 411 he was asked to leave early the day of a PPV — he hasn’t been back. So he may still be with NWA… just not on TNA. Which means probably not Xplosion, either.

But your column isn’t Ask411, so no biggie on not knowing. I probably only know because I enjoyed him on TV.


Talk about someone being off my radar screen. Thanks, Josh.

Andrew Brown is with me on a certain sport:

I’ll have you know that I’m one Golf Mark that’s damn glad you talk about The Last Real Sport. 🙂 In reference to your comment about golf looking “lily white” for awhile, I’ll agree but with a sidenote. The sidenote is that you have to take into account how long Tigger has been in golf. If he starts inspiring people to pick up clubs and take a whack at being a pro golfer, you have to give those people at least 8 to 10 years to possibly show up on the map. I say “possibly” because, as you probably know, getting a PGA card is one of the biggest challenges out there. Heck, take a gander at the Nike Tour or Euro Tour listings. There are quite a few people who are that close to showing up on the PGA tour and loosening “the white man’s hold” on the top golf circuit in the world. In a sentence, I’m saying “Wait a few years and it’ll be a moot point”.

Q School is one of the most challenging tasks in all of sports. So few slots, so many participants. The Nike Tour has that wonderful out where if you win three tournaments in a single season, you get an automatic promotion to the Big Show. However, that’s only been done once. As per minorities getting on the tour, I truly hope so, but the same things were said about Lee Elder, and that didn’t work. However, Tigger’s got incredible media exposure, so I’m patient on the subject. It’ll take place in the next generation, though.

He also has some wrestling thoughts:

To change subjects radically, I’ll point out that the only damn reason the WWE is having a six-man for RAW at Backlash is because of “Big Sterile”. It keeps him from doing a ton of work, which makes him still look like a threat to Hunter. (How they’re going to pull a title match that’s remotely decent off, I have no idea.)

I prefer “Big Gimpy” when it comes to Nash. The guy can barely walk, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it came out that he has to have painkillers injected into both knees in order to make it through a match or even walk out for a promo. In fact, that may have been the cause of the injury that took him out for nine months.

And he ends with a political quote:

Lastly, I’d like to hear your opinion on a quote (unfortunately, I don’t know who said it although you might) that I heard recently:

“It is impossible to be anti-war and pro-troop. (“I’m against the war, but I support the troops.”) The troops *are* the war. So, if you support the troops, you support the war.”


Wrong. Very, very wrong. When we become members of the Armed Forces, we take an oath to follow lawful orders of our superiors. The ultimate superior is the Commander-In-Chief, in this case Dubbaya. The troops are living up to that oath, obeying the lawful order of the Commander-In-Chief to go into combat. You can be against the order to go into combat, but respect and support the troops following that order. It’s the difference between the policy of the government and acting out the end result of that policy. You can honor the acts of bravery and the willingness to put their lives on the line of the troops, yet still be against the line of thinking that put them in that position.

(For the British, it’s slightly different. When they enter the Armed Forces, they swear an oath of loyalty to the Soverign, not the government. The Commander-In-Chief, in this case, is the Queen, not Tony Blair. However, in Betty’s “advise and consent” role, if she gives the all-clear to Her Majesty’s Loyal Government, then the policy is considered a lawful order. I think that’s how it goes, so don’t take my word on it until I hear from an unpaid stringer from Great Britain.)

It sounds like the person making that quote was never a member of the Armed Forces. I was, and I know what’s going on.

Nicolas Thibault responds to a mail from yesterday touching on a subject I mentioned earlier:

After reading Joe Courbold’s reality TV idea from your Tuesday column, I started wondering what could pull the WWE from its current slump. I figured since their
biggest draw ever was Steve Austin, beer-drinking/Truck-driving/ass-kicking redneck, their
best bet would be to modernize the concept and go with RVD, the pot-smoking/snack-eating/not-giving-a-f*ck stoner.

I realize that this is a touchy subject for advertisers but it has been touched upon with a
certain degree of subtlety before by Road Dogg and the Godfather so I’m sure the writers could come up with something that would not offend too much.


That implies that the writers have a sense of subtlety in the first place. The idea’s good, though.

A lot of teens and young adults could relate to RVD’s lifestyle and if the weed references were coded enough, it could make viewers feel hip and help them bond with the character in a pretty unique way.

They’re already coding the weed references with the occasional mentions of “4:20”. The target audience knows what that stands for. Hell, as an occasional recreational pot smoker, this old fart knows what it stands for.

There’s no question the WWE needs something to shake things up and I think a stoner champion would be a fresh and innovative way to go.

The comparative acceptability of pot compared to other drugs among people would be a bulwark against complaints to advertisers. With the passing of medical-use pot laws in various states, weed use is being shown to be more acceptable to the general populace. Maybe they could have Van Dam admit he’s been having chemotherapy and say that he needs it for medical reasons. It’d also provide an excuse for the spots he’s been blowing recently.

Oh, and before anyone writes in saying drugs are bad and morally wrong, that obviously be a pretty twisted argument because we’re talking about a company that’sbeen treating women like punching bags and whores for the past 6 years.

More than that if you consider the treatment provided to Elizabeth by Rick Rude. Very good point, though.

HBK826 gets one of my obscure references from yesterday dead-on:

“a nineteen-year lag like this be something acceptable if presented in this format?” 1984 reference or something I missed?

Bingo.

George Neocleous brings up a point of my stupidity:

Why in the world is the mailbag all underlined? Makes it a tad hard on the eyes, you know?

That’s because I missed the HTML tag to close the underline at the beginning of the Mailbag section. Happens to me a lot due to the fact that I’m trying to crank this thing out. I did check that one today, though, and thanks to you, I realized I missed closing a bold tag on top. Talk about annoying.

Let’s almost close with my old pal Charlie Owens, who brings up a couple of good points:

I’ve said this to a few people, now I’m running it by you: If he were better in the ring, I could see Christopher Nowinski in world title contention. Seriously. He’s scary over, he’s a pretty good promo (Yes, there are mimes that would sound good on the mike compared to Steiner, but nevermind that) if it weren’t for his “hit a move, pause, hit a move, pause”
wrestling style, Trip would be insisting he turn face so he could bury him. And Steiner’s side of the debate sounded like what a lot of Americans think we’re doing over there.


It’s a damn shame that Nowinski can’t be moved to the upper-mid-card due to lack of experience in the ring. However, if Jeff Hardy’s getting that push courtesy of his beard Trish, there’s no excuse. Again, I wouldn’t mind Nowinski as a face, but for him, hitting Trip’s glass ceiling might just be a good thing. It’ll give him time to get ready for a final push.

Could you never refer to Hunter as “Steph’s Ox Cock” again? Considering all
the juice he’s taken, I don’t think it’s an appropriate description.


That wasn’t me, Charlie. That was Daniels. It was too good of a reference not to use, despite the juicing.

Now for the final issue. I mentioned yesterday that I though that Hyatte and I doing a book, along with Grut, might just be a nice idea. However, semi-regular Andrew Ormberg decided to disagree with that point:

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m pretty sure Keithie is more popular than you and Hyatte combined. I’m a fan of yours, but Hyatte blows gigantic ass. He considers himself like Howard Stern but seems more like Opie or Madcow or all those other losers who are
Stern ripoffs. I tried reading one of his columns once, but it was so bad that I read one of Russo’s old Vic Venom columns for superior writing.


Ouch. Especially the Vic Venom reference.

But let’s get the opposite opinion in there:

I’d buy a book written by you and Hyatte in a second. I’d even spend the money, unlike what I did for Keith’s books. There’s a reason I reviewed them, you know. – BFM His Own Self.

BTW, I think your idea of getting Hyatte and working on a no-nonsense, straight book about wrestling is certainly viable. I still haven’t seen anything in the past few years that has not been heavily slanted one way or the other, so I think the market is certainly ripe for one. Wish I could help you out more than supporting you, but as you probably heard from BFM, I’m currently looking for an agent myself. – BFM’s pal Dale, author of six books about music.

You and Hyatte must definitely go with the book. – Deviance. BTW: You’re too funny and good to make YAM.

For what it’s worth, I think the idea of you and Hyatte getting loaded up on beer and crank and creating the next big wrestling book is an excellent one. As you said, if you can tone down the language and Hyatte can tone down the sophomoric name calling, the two of you together could write something way better than Keith’s latest book (which, although I enjoyed it, was a basic rehash of rants and commentary he’s written before – Hyatte was dead on in that respect).

However, I cannot resist asking a question that is frankly none of my business: between you and Hyatte, it sure seems like Keith may be the single least-likable, arrogant person out there. What exactly is that all about? I mean, I don’t recall Keith disrespecting either you or Hyatte in his writing before, so I have to guess he’s said things to you privately that pissed you off. Like I said, none of my business, but it is a bit curious. Anyway, if it compels you and Hyatte to write the great American wrestling novel, I’m all for it.
– Semi-regular Adam Gallegos

Well, I really have nothing against Keith per se. He’s a very good writer when he stays on topic. However, he’s become a little big arrogant recently. Of course, me criticizing him for being arrogant…welcome to Hypocrisyville, Population Too Many To Count.

However, there is someone that both of us don’t like, and that’s Scaia. In fact, The Priz! puts out a hilarious question about that:

Speaking of which, you think we’d get the real Scaia if we performed a seance? Because the Gooney Bird has to have killed him by now.

I think Scaia was killed once and for all during the Wrestleline days.

Great column, and I’d buy any book by you & Hyatte in a second. (And this is from someone who bought Keith’s book and zipped through it within two days on the subway going to and from work, since I’d already read the enclosed rants.) – George Sirois

With due respect to you and Hyatte, I’d read a book by Grut over either or both of you, no matter the topic. You strike me as more of a journalist/editiorial type (Speaking of which, you’d love Warren Ellis’s Transmetropolitan) and Hyatte is great, but not in that big a serving. This being said I wouldn’t read Scott’s book either. Grut has some serious talent though, and whenever he tries at all he’s an amazing writer. – HBK826, as mentioned above

That’s why I want Grut involved in this. The guy’s a great writer with a unique point of view, and what would make a book is the contrast between our three styles. It’d be a whiplash experience, but entertaining.

And I have read Transmetropolitan and thought it was terrific.

As a long-time fan of both yours and hyattes (and the only two wrestling webguys I’ve ever emailed (aside from Freakboy back at scoops, but that was just to ask what happened to Hyatte), let me just say that you’ve got my $20 if this book project ever materializes. – Bill Laird

And last but certainly not least, my old pal Charlie Owens:

First thing: If you and Hyatte do this book thing, I WANT A COPY. I’m wouldn’t buy Keith’s book if it were available in this hick town, and I think a fresh perspective on wrestling from 2 guys who aren’t in the closet would sell…I WANT A COPY OF THIS BOOK. Chris won’t do it with you, do it on your own.

I’m not going to go into Keith’s sexuality, which you speculated about in your missive. I’ll leave that for Hyatte.

And I’ll leave this site this week and turn it over to Grut, Ashish, Daniels, and You Know Who until I come back on Tuesday. I’ve already taken up enough of your time anyway.