Junk News! FANGOL!

Hey guys. I’m sorry I couldn’t show up this week, but I had Jew stuff. Big daddy Flea will take care of you for now, and if you need more of me go read the Raw report. You probably don’t need more of me. Enjoy the guy who reads 100 net writers, apparently, and likes me the 64th!

– GRUT, 4.15.03

AW JESUS .

Well shit, that ain’t right to say for someone who’s a Jew .

Have a Happy Hanukkah and smoke some Marajuikah and f*ck Sandler hack

OY VEY!

Hello, I’m Flea and that schumck GRUT ain’t here. OY VEY, you say? Pa Fangol from an Italian that don’t take DAY ONE off from work to eat maatza. I’m retired.

By the way, GRUT said our AIM discussion leading up to all of this was “the worst ever”. I could provide links disproving that but .

I will do you a favor actually I will do ME a favor. You want to go back and SEE what the GRUT did on AIM, it’s all over 411. Yeah, ain’t he great. Eric. S hit the nail on the head when he said oh, hell, he said something about me, I ain’t looking. GRUT bailed on the last minute And when YOU need something done

CALL FLEA

People never fail to amaze me. BOSS sends me to email land, Hashish doesn’t sell a f*cking thing, Hyatte half ass blows me and Eric S. you know, it wouldn’t have KILLED you to say THANKS as in TEN FUCKING PARAGRAPHS WORTH OF THANKS not that I care about Glory (dog) but c’mon guys. The only person that REALLY loves me is ME. And that’s good. Buy and Sell, Buy and Sell.

So that ends all the inside shit, until I figure out what’s what. Hello again, I’m, Flea. Let’s talk wrestling

FIRST THING ON THE LIST

Happy Easter and Jesus Xrist! If you have read my columns, you should know that I ain’t a fan of Goldberg. Needless to say, they (as in Vince) might as well stick a fork in him, he’s done. This, of course, came to me in a dream Monday Night, but the viewing public is deaf and dumb as Tommy the Who if they don’t realize any semblance of the Goldberg character was RUINED

I REPEAT

Fucking ruined with the Goldust promo last Monday. All the mystique, all whatever made that dumb I was just thinking of calling Goldberg a * cocksucker * that word is reserved .that dumb asshole famous its’ gone, kiddos. One promo and he (Goldberg) is as goofy as a pet coon. Which is quite possibly the DUMBEST f*cking analogy ever. How about an Easter joke?

Next time you go into CHURCH, as you look at the crucifix (that’s Jesus hanging on the cross, Harry Heathen), think of this

“Um, excuse me, Mr. Christ? Could you cross your legs, we only have three nails”

LIKE I SAID (hawr!) Goldberg is f*cked. They shot down any reason for ME to think he’s a badass, and that’s bad news. I hate the guy already and I don’t need a second reason

p.s. – nah, there ain’t a second reason. I know who is reading and I can still sleep at night (not to mention wake up tomorrow and look myself in the mirror) and have no problem with any of this. Goldberg appeared to be Vince’s final hope of salvaging anything worthwhile from the destruction of WCW (unless they end up bringing in Sting), so anyone who is a “hardcore” fan should REVEL in the WWE stagnation drifting towards submersion. This happened in 1996-1997 until a fire was lit under Vince’s ass, combined with performances of a lifetime from Austin and Bret Hart. All of this has been dissected, opined and theorized but the fact of the matter is there is nothing YOU or anyone else can do about it, other than continually bitching and moaning. And that goes for everyone. You want to change things? Quit going to message boards and blowing hot air give up your subscription to the Torch and / or Observer. Quit patronizing people like Dave Scherer and Buck Woodward. FOR GOD’S SAKE quit calling the Joey Styles hotline. If you feel like surfing the net, go read the news or something. Make all of us so called “Internet Wrestling Personalities” have to ummm actually PUT MORE FUCKING THOUGHT into life outside of gossip, innuendo and the political mis-doings of HHH and get on with their lives.

I have seen people actually get bent heavily out of shape discussing the pitiful, poor wittle RVD and his exclusion from WM. Negativity abounds anytime the name HHH is mentioned (and won’t it be hilarious to see what kind of * dirt * is dug up on HHH?). I’ll tell you exactly the score with HHH and I won’t need to use a stupid name like Raul D. Dice or whoever.

He is a businessman, plain and simple. He is no better at manipulation than Hogan or Austin and no worse than Flair or Piper. But just like all four of them, he does what is right for himself and has managed to get in a position to do so. Why do so many people “in the business” supposedly hate him? Jealousy, plain and simple. All these people that do what’s * right * for the business are simply not in a position to rock the boat. People use Rock as an example of a guy who does what’s * right *. I guess that’s why he skips the house shows and spends a majority of his time in Hollywood becoming a bigger star than Vince could ever make him. Booker T? Already went on record saying that he’s “out of the business” in two or so years. Some Other Guy? He would rather be a rock star and has said so numerous times. Undertaker? See Eric’s column yesterday. Hurricane? Who is the f*ck is HE going to hold down? Austin and Cactus pretty much told Vince to f*ck himself. Don’t even get me started on RV “never looked at the lights for years” D.

See what I mean? This is a dog eat dog world and EVERYONE is out for themselves. And there ain’t a damn thing wrong with that – wrestling chews up and spits people out worse than Reality TV shows. People didn’t stop watching because of HHH, the boom of the late nineties was a bunch of college kids grasping for one last straw of their youth before having to grow up and face reality – which is you can’t live vicariously forever. Someone who is in their 30’s now has better things to do than break their legs to NOT miss an episode of RAW or Smackdown. Is there a fix for this? You bet wait around for the next generation of fans with the unbridled need to suspend disbelief.

Just remember that all the * dirt * about HHH, the Clique, etc. really only matters to the people who make money shoving said dirt down your throat. For a price. You shouldn’t need me to tell you who that is. Because they are in BUSINESS and the bottom line is you do what’s right. For yourself.

One more thing Meltzer is reporting that Goldberg has already “vetoed” the writings staffs booking ideas and the beat goes on.

And another one more thing (damn near infringed on a GIMMICK!!) BOSS cribbed this from the Torch

Some scary looks into the mind of McMahon

Incredibly, it seems as if Vince McMahon believes that nostalgia is the key to rebuilding the WWE’s sinking fortunes. He is reportedly on a “kick” to bring back names from the past. Some reports even say that he would entertain the thought of bringing back the Ultimate Warrior if he felt it would make him money.

Recently, some of the confidants close to Vince McMahon have brought up the possibility of reviving the WCW brand and name for another invasion angle now that all the big stars from WCW have been signed. However, McMahon is still dead set against using the WCW or Monday Nitro names for anything.

Well, that makes a much sense as anything, so why not? Business is Business and it * is * Vince’s business. Unless you own stock.

DIDN’T ANYONE TELL THIS CLOWN IT’S 2003?

Direct to someone, no names mentioned because this crap stopped being amusing around 1999

Hey YOU! Yeah you. No one gives a f*ck about you. You have what, maybe 200 readers for a column so obviously patterned after the person you claim to be better than it’s ridiculous. Hell, * I * drew a couple thousand readers for my EXCESS reports and that was a recap of a recap show. You have nothing to be proud of and this pitiful cry for attention is just that – PITIFUL. Besides, you are not very good.

Why am I telling you this? So * said someone * does not have to waste his time. You NEED his column for a template, so why the hell should * he * fill up column space with YOU? Try to improve yourself first and then worry what the rest of the world thinks of you. Which ain’t much. Not many people know you or care. So give it a rest

Just a little Flea Advice for you

SCHERER AND SCHERER ALIKE

Dave’s hotline starts off like this

“everyday at work is a lot better when it’s a good day instead of a day filled with negatives”

which is Dave’s way of saying the WWE sucks shit at the moment. He hates writing negative things, but unfortunately Vince and the gang are leaving him no alternative.

Dave’s opinion is that THEY know they have problems but THEY would have to take blame. Vince, Steph will not admit they are wrong. Knowledge of “brain surgery” is not required to notice things have hit the skids over the last few years and ah SHIT here he goes with HHH

His point is ACCOUTABILITY, or lack thereof. Dave mentions that Shane “loves the business” but he is PUSSY i.e. he doesn’t want / fight for the spotlight. Like his mother Linda. Although I do not remember Linda taking 4 suplexes through glass. Dave predicts a “fight” if Shane attempts any kind of “power play”.

Dave also complains that Team Angle will be fighting Eddy and Chavo, in lieu of Rey and Tajiri, so that Rey can’t fight Big Show at Backlash. Well, f*ck – so much for staying away from Smackdown spoilers. This segues into a ratings discussion and then into TV and my head is spinning. Do you think Dave owns WWE stock? I used to, and I bailed except for some souvenir shares. Dave’s business acumen is to advise WWE to “get back to the basics” and basically a f*cking child of three sees there is more holes in that statement than Swiss Cheese. “Wrestling” has not been popular to the mainstream outside of Vince’s arena in at least 20 years and there is no sign of that changing anytime soon. Hence Vince’s dream of “Sports Entertainment” – which, as mentioned above, will make a comeback – people do not use the term “cyclical” just because it’s a pain in the ass to say AND type. And so ends Dave’s hotline report.

You know I read an article over at 1wrestling by Paul Belfi, who along with Scherer and Woodward hosts Pro Wrestling Insider. He did a column detailing WHY he currently despises WWE and provided bullet points to boot. I thought about providing counterpoints and opinions on the positive aspects of the current product, but then realized, shit, I have a FLEAMAIL SATURDAY to write. So sign up. Priorities and demands trump bailing out GRUT’s Thursday Huzzah.

$10 WILL GET YOU

The NWA-TNA PPV, which was a damn fine show last night. Although it’s tough to outdo a promo by Dusty Rhodes, Jim Mitchell (ECW’s Sinister Minister) rocked the house with his setup of a wild brawl between Slash and Brian Lee (looking even MORE like the UT day by day) vs. New Jack and Sandman. Also on the show was a vicious Raven and D’Lo match and a superb Tag Title match between Jerry Lynn / Amazing Red vs. Christopher Daniels and Elix Skipper. When they cut the bullshit (i.e. that idiot Piper) and just focus on WRESTLING, the shows flow smooth, considering most of the wrestlers are not “name talent”. Hell, I dug the Disco and A.J. Styles streetfight more than anything I have seen on RAW in the past few weeks and that match was not even the third best on the show. Until they prove me wrong (which has happened about three times already), I highly suggest checking out the PPV. Russo talking himself off TV was the best thing that happened – more time is allotted for the wrestlers, which is never a bad thing. I’m still trying to figure out their weird fetish with Brian Watts, but as long as Dusty can cut 5 minutes promos setting up a feud, I figure the eventual match will be easier to swallow when it happens, if you will. Just order the f*cking thing next week. See for yourself.

PAGE SIX

Thanks for joining me – I’m pretty sure this is a one time thing, as GOD saw to it that Easter would only take up one weekend. GRUT will be back next week, most likely explaining if he * was * Catholic, for Lent he would have given up sex with Black Men. I’ll be around in YOUR email inbox, with FLEAMAIL SATURDAY, with the aforementioned positive outlook and possibly about a thousand words why well, I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but if you register here you’ll be the second to know.

But before I go over on the 411 Message Boards a contest was held to determine the best writer on 411. It’s in the general wrestling forum (in about 5 different threads) and here is how it turned out! By the way, the contest was run by someone named “PhoneHappy” here is his final post announcing the results.

PHONE HAPPY: Okay, I didn’t get the 20 votes, but I got the message. Joshua Grutman is the winner of the 411 Wrestling Writer’s Tournament!

Before I reveal the twist ending, let me state that I really wanted Daniels to win. Sure, I helped Flea beat Bower by telling him to vote, and I helped Daniels into the finals despite losing to Flea. Besides that, the whole thing has been honest.

As a few of you might of guessed, I’m Joshua Grutman. I got bored and started this tournament thing. Thanks to all who voted for me, all who bitched about it and everybody who ignored this thread. You have missed your brush with greatness. Next week, those who voted in the tournament, for me or against me, will be praised in my column. Those who did not will… not be, I guess. I’m a little drunk right now. I had a good seder.

Anyway, this is the end of the tournament, and I won. Now I get to add another award to my already impressive resume. Thank you.

This has been an exercise in stupidity by Joshua Grutman.

* * * * * * *
Reason Numero Uno why I use the term “amateur drunk” I guess I’m going to have to do some fictional writing now.

Now?

Later

FLEA