Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 04.23.03

Harry Potter Books Ordered Back Into Arkansas Schools – CNN header

They’re already living in Arkansas.  Haven’t these kids suffered enough?

You know, I’m getting to like this “write the column on Wednesday morning” stuff.  No pressure, a distinct lessening of burnout from the pre- and post-Raw efforts…a cup of coffee, some burning neurons, and a keyboard, with nothing in between.  Of course, none of this will actually increase the possibility of wrestling content in this column, but, hey, that’s the risk you take when you click for this sucker.

However, there actually is wrestling news to start off with…

AND NOW WE DO THE DANCE OF JOY!!

No more Jeff Hardy to deal with!  No more Trish having to play beard duty, so she can go back to concentrating on pining away for Hyatte until her soul withers away.  A slot frees up for Gillberg to take.  We fans don’t have to watch him quarter-ass or even eighth-ass his way through matches.  Everyone’s a winner, folks!

“It will be interesting to see what he does now” sayeth 1bullshit.  May I suggest, Bob and Dave, that when you take one of your trips to Noo Yawk and head down to one of your favorite spots, the Mineshaft, that you check if he’s on the entertainment bill three nights a week?

That will almost certainly be the last Jeff Hardy gay joke you see in this column.  Let us bow our heads in mourning.  I sorta feel like Grut would if Lance Storm really was fired.  A void has opened in my soul that I need to fill.

So, what do I do with the gay jokes that I have in reserve?  Thank God for the presence of Novocaine Helms.  I can work with the dyed hair, the cape, and the mask.  But it just won’t be the same.

Of course, you know what’ll happen now.  WidShish will pop him an e-mail asking him to become a features columnist here, and then he’ll read everything I’ve ever written about him.  Thank God that he’s not Steve Corino and I’m not an overweight B&D fetishist from Ohio.  I can just stay on the ground and let him blow spots against me…you know, I shouldn’t say “blow” and “me” with only two intervening words.  It hits too close.

For the opposing view, though, since I am all about fairness, I will turn to the Pride of Dartmouth, Elliot Olshansky:

What a waste.  To have someone as over as he was, and largely on his own steam, not be able to bring it in the ring anymore is a real waste of talent.  And I know you don’t like him, but there’s a lot about his career in WWE that you have to respect:

-The degree to which he put his health on the line.  I know all wrestlers do this every time they step in the ring (as even Nash proved with his last match before the injury), but I don’t think there’s anyone in the business who’s taken as many risks as Jeff Hardy*.

-OMEGA’s influence on wrestling.  Would Matt Hardy have made it without his brother?  No, and Jeff wouldn’t have made it without Matt.  And Helms, Moore, etc. wouldn’t have made it without either of them paving the way, and establishing the style of their group, and forcing WCW to answer in its dying days, with guys like Helms, Noble, and Moore.

-The TLC matches.  Each of the six guys took a lot of punishment in the TLC 1&2 matches and the WM16 Ladder match, but seemed to always be Jeff who took the biggest most spectacular bumps, which helped the stock of every guy in the match.  Considering where Matt and Edge in particular have gone since then, where the Dudleys have stayed despite a stale gimmick and a lack of standout skills, and where Christian may yet go, Jeff certainly made a significant contribution, which, in the end, may have come at the expense of his own career. 

-Work with Van Dam.  I’d also say that as his initial WWE opponent during the Invasion, Jeff was able to have the kind of matches with RVD that allowed Rob to establish his character and style in WWE.  Not that RVD wouldn’t be over without his matches against Hardy, but would he have gotten over as much or as quickly without those matches?  I don’t think so.

Despite these contributions, I understand why Jeff is gone, to a certain degree.  However, it seems kind of dumb when WWE wants to bring in Sting, who’s just like Jeff in that he’s beaten up, unmotivated, freakishly painted, and doesn’t have a place in WWE’s main event scene. The only differences are that Sting is a WCW product, and is a good bit older, both of which should tend to work against him.  So, in that sense, the move does kind of annoy me a bit.

* – This should read “except for Mick Foley.”  Can’t forget my all-time favorite…


There are two sides to every coin, I guess.  In Jeff’s case, top or bottom…you know, this one’s going to be a hard habit to break.  Right after I got over the Flex trauma, this has to happen.  That being said, point well made, my Ivy League Hockey Announcer Friend.

However, that body paint may not go to waste…

SO WHAT ARE MY FEELINGS ABOUT STING?

If he does come back, and it may be a while considering the plethora of rumors about Goldberg stretching back more than a year before his debut, it’s just another example of another legend pissing all over his legacy.  I prefer to think of Sting as the plucky semi-youngster in the face paint garnering cheers from every NWA/WCW audience in extended feuds with people like Flair, Luger, and Vader.  I’ll even give some props to the Crow character (despite the cynical contractual origins of the gimmick and despite Hogan’s ego getting in the way of the blow-off, which was probably the kick-off to the final destruction of WCW).  I’ll even accept the nostalgic aspect of that match on the final Nitro; nothing to write home about, but it tore at a heart whose strings had long been severed.  I prefer it to end with that.  I don’t want him to be seen as yet another desperate move by an increasingly desperate company.

That leads me to yet another said move:  the rumored return of the Ultimate Warrior.  How many times do companies have to get burned by this yo-yo?  Sylvain Parent may be an obscurantist, but he 1) is good at it and 2) makes sense from a semiotic standpoint.  Warrior’s blather is infantile compared to that, and definitely shows a major psychiatric condition that might even stump my well-informed shrink.  However, this is going over old news.

There’s an element that I could bring into this, but it would be tactless and tasteless, even for me, but it definitely must be considered in a “what if” sense.  What if Warrior hadn’t agreed to those asinine “pop up in the middle of the ring” trapdoor entrances?  What if Davey Boy Smith hadn’t tripped on one of those trapdoors, injuring his back and essentially ending his career?  Could this have been a small contributing factor to Davey Boy’s death?  As I said, there’s no blame here on Warrior, or even on WCW bookers.  This was an accident, like Owen’s death.  But in some alternate universe, Davey Boy might still be in action in WWE (God knows they’d bring him in too) if that didn’t happen, just as if Goldberg had connected with the superkick vis-a-vis Bret.  As I said, this is just a mental exercise, so don’t take offense.

The one thing I won’t forgive Warrior for was the mirror vignette with Hogan.  This was the final destruction of suspension of disbelief in wrestling.  The mystique was lost forever that night.  You know that WCW was kow-towing to his pretensions with that one, so I put the Ultimate Blame on him.

OH, YEAH, IT’S BEEN WORKING SO WELL SO FAR

Yahoo News, courtesy of 1bullshit, gives us this little tidbit. Marc Mero has been hired as a PR consultant by a firm called Valde Connections. A true indication of Mero’s worth: Valde’s stock is traded over the counter. Let’s go through bits of the Yahoo article for the benefit of exercising your laughing ability:

Valde Connections, Inc. is a publicly traded company trading on the OTC Bulletin Board under the symbol VLDE. The Company plans to open multiple storefront locations throughout the United States that offer a unique blend of personal services. Each location will provide its own combination of hair salon and clinical day spa services.

We knew that all his experience as Johnny B. Badd would come in handy one of these days. God knows that it can’t be because of the condition of Sable’s body and hair at present. The woman needs a hair salon and a day spa, stat.

The Company believes that Marc Mero of Rena Productions LLC can assist the Company through his large network of professional business contacts in addition to his contacts with various celebrities. Additionally, Valde Connections believes that Marc Mero can assist the Company with introductions to various potential strategic partner candidates that otherwise may not have been available to the Company.

Personally, I’m not looking forward to seeing commercials for those day spas featuring a svelte, toned, and tanned Buh Buh Ray Dudley, or Albert pimping their expert depilatory services. Or even worse, Jazz and Victoria stating that they feel like real women now after a visit to Valde’s shops.

Valde Connections believes that Marc Mero and Rena Productions LLC can assist the Company with various opportunities for publicity and public awareness exposure regarding the Company’s future location openings, products and services, due to the high profile celebrity status of Rena Mero.

“High-profile”? Apparently Valde’s been under a rock since 1996 just like Vince has. Shit, until she came back, did wrestling fans, her major fanbase, know what the hell she was doing? And as for being in a feud with Torrie Wilson, ask Dawn Marie how high-profile that was.

Stephen Carnes, CEO of Valde Connections, Inc. stated…”I believe that Rena Productions can assist the Company gain numerous opportunities for exposure due to Rena Mero’s celebrity status. I feel very fortunate that the Company was able to retain the services of Marc Mero and Rena Productions.”

Translation: “The VC money’s running out, and we’d better do something to get another round of financing.”

You know, this is why you should never look at an Elder God. If you survive, you go permanently insane.

THE PIMP SECTION

Zucconi uses the term Rotten Vagina Dancer, and that makes him a winner by any standard.

Haley has been appointed by the UN to work out a solution to the troubles in Kashmir.

Goddamnit, Nason, take a day off. You deserve it.

SMACKDOWN SOMEWHAT SPOILED

Due to all the scribbling I’ve done so far, I haven’t even checked out the Smackdown spoilers yet. Well, better late than never.

Maybe it isn’t the Goldberg/The Rock feud that should be pimped as the main attraction at Backlash. The way WWE has built up Cena lately, Brock/Cena deserves more attention than it’s been getting. I don’t want to see it fall through the cracks.

Another match that shouldn’t fall through the cracks is the tag title match between Team Angle and Eddy and Chavito. Benjamin and Haas are improving with every week. Keeping up with Eddy, though, is a tough job. This match may be key to their maturation process. If they can survive without Angle and give good matches, the tag situation on the Smackdown side improves drastically.

I’ll still bitch and moan about the treatment given to Our Lord and Savior. Now he’s getting the Nowinski treatment, and I wouldn’t do that to your average mongrel.

Mysterio and Tajiri or Funaki and Tajiri? I’d go with the latter. Rey-Rey and Tajiri are both dynamic singles performers, but Rey-Rey’s better. Funaki needs Tajiri’s help more than Mysterio does, and they can form a solid tag team and drive Team Angle nuts. Japanese faces versus American heels? Ten years ago, Vince would have never considered it. But the audience nowadays is ready for that.

So Mister America debuts next week. My Mailbag splits this into two major candidates: Hogan and Angle. I’ll go out on a limb and say that it’s going to be a debut. I have no idea who, though.

And here’s a great line from the Torch’s unpaid stringer: “When Bush came on about 80% of the crowd booed, pretty funny”. Events move so quickly these days that Mister America may have to be presented as a heel by next week.

MAILBAG!

You know the deal. Regulars first.

And we start with the sine qua non of regulars, BFM:

Why is Eric firing all these people? Yeah, fire everyone who disagrees with you when you’re in competition with another brand, that’s real slick. I thought about this last night, if I had any confidence AT ALL in the writers, I’d think they were doing a ‘tribute’ to Eric’s WCW days, when he basically let X-Pac, Big Show, and Jericho WALK into the WWF because he’s an idiot (and the same with Foley and Austin, to a lesser extent since they actually had to build themselves up in WWF). The reason I know it’s NOT what they’re doing is that if this WERE the storyline, they would have mentioned it about 83 times by now.

It’s a shame, because it might be a nice storyline if they actually did it that way.


It’s confusing me too, Mike. I think this is another example of “Nothing exists except for WWE”, with Booker being the exception that proves the rule. Look at the opening promo between Flair and Bisch on Raw. They’re perfectly willing to bring up the Clique, which is a deep-smark phenomenon relating completely to WWF/E. However, they’re not willing to bring up deep-smark material regarding WCW. I referred to that obliquely when I mentioned the lawsuit between Flair and Bisch. It would have taken one line, just one line, to cover that. Flair was already bitching about his boy Trip getting screwed, and all he had to do was add “Or is this about me, Eric? You’re still trying to pay me back for the lawsuit.” It also would have given a great flashback to the egotistical Naitch of old. They just keep blowing chances due to Vince not wanting to admit that anything existed other than him.

The Priz! hits Raw pretty hard:

Man, I can’t even comment on Raw anymore. That’s already degenerated into Clique homoeroticism. Shit, Trip will only lay down for Nash or Shawn, might as well start up the “Trip is Gay” chants. And although she was cute (with an AWFUL voice) when she first came on, Steph does nothing to dispute that claim anymore.

Only good that can come out of Nitr…er, Raw, is if Rock and Trip actually DID give a rub to Helms. Booker’s a lost cause (Don’t believe me? Then why did that segment not end with Booker standing over Trip in any fashion, but Clique members in the ring?)


I wrote months ago about the Clique reforming (and my old file search in my text editor isn’t f*cking working, so I can’t give a specific reference) and the dangers within. However, WWE’s playing this for the Next Big Angle, except that this time it isn’t designed to satisfy the needs of Michaels and Nash. It’s Trip’s penis…ego that needs to be satisfied. Personally, I think Michaels and Nash are willing to do this due to the fact that Trip took one for the team during the MSG Incident.

I would love to print the seance IM you had with the Dead Scaia, but WidShish have put the clamps down on any intersite feuds. It was hilarious, though. If Hyatte wants this, just mail me, Chris. The Priz! did a terrific job in capturing the Gooney Bird’s true character.

Andrew Ormberg is not only a regular, but criticizes me to boot. That helps keep me grounded:

Ok, those first few paragraphs were crap.

I was free-associating, not to mention giving vent to my frustrations over WWE by having one of their “workers” wear a butt plug.

I won’t print the parts about Christina Aguilera, since I consider her the same way I do Sable: the product of breaking an Elder Sign. However, the mask-wearing wrestlers idea is totally cool, and would add a little necessary S&M content to the skank’s videos.

Man, I haven’t played Links since Links 386! I do have the SimGolf and Golden Tee (one of those $5 at Radio Shack), but I’m not a big golf fan. Like I said in the last e-mail- can’t stand to watch it, and when we went to the driving range in Grade 10 I couldn’t knock one past 50 yards. But it’s fun to play on the computer. I should pirate…I mean purchase a newer Links game.

Here’s the problem with pirating Links 2003: the crack on the CD is only designed for version 1.01, and the 1.02 update corrects a whole boatload of bugs. Game Copy World, though, has a copy of a cracked 1.02, which you can use after applying the patch. This should be a direct link to that crack (knowing GCW, though, it might not work). You can pirate the Championship Courses CD with no problem, and it’s a must.

They aren’t doing the Test/Stacy/Steiner thing just to piss you off, they’re doing it because Test and Scotty are both HOSSES! They’re the hossiest hosses this side of Hossville or something. Since your B&B is hosting Slammin’ Saturday Night next weekend, will our pal Eric be watching TNN?

Dunno on that one. If I was younger and off the pills…oh, I’m not getting into that one again.

Zach Singer, The Only Guy More Liberal Than I Am, volunteers for Hazard Pay Duty:

For the flick. I can help by using my experience in sound & audio production. I can even run the camera. Shit, the chance to criss-cross the nation in a van with you and Hyatte? I’d be crazy NOT to go.

If you’re not crazy beforehand, you will be by the time it’s finished.

Josh Crawley officially gets promoted to regular:

“(One point about the first column, though: a number of years ago, Da Meltz made an assertion that the core audience for wrestling (WWF and WCW separately, since they appealed to different demographics) was a 3.0. This does mean two things: 1) The casual TV audience has abandoned wrestling almost completely and 2) WWE is not appealing to the former WCW audience, despite Flair, the NWO, Big Sump Pump, Goldberg, etc. The fault for this lies completely on the creative end, and, you’re right, that ain’t gonna change any time soon.)”

Thank you!!! i’ve been telling people this ever since I started watching wrestling again on a more regular basis…

3+3=whatever Raw gets for ratings?!

Nope. i just want to thank you again…


Give credit to Da Meltz for that one, actually. I’m surprised I remembered his assertion. But I think he’s fundamentally right (that’ll be a first and only on that one).

Of course, there is always an alternate opinion, and this one comes from Christopher Duncan:

I kinda disagree there with the numbers. I think WWFEFEFE lost about 3 points of it’s own audience AND WCW’s, casual and long time. The audience that is still there is the audience that watched both shows. We, as the Internet Dorks of McMahonEgoEntertainment, more thank likely make up a good number and along with all the marks that switched with Austin from Sting and stayed around through the death of both feds and the birth of the E is what’s still around.

My family are for the most part marks, and I enjoy attending E events on occasion when they come my way. Lately, they came through my (current) hometown of Richmond, VA and I enjoyed the show for what it was. What I enjoyed the most though was gauging the Mark opinion of the crowd. Despite what the Internet loves to believe (and for some godawful reason) Scott Stiener, Kevin Nash, HHH, HBK, these guys ARE popular with the crowd they are playing too. The problem is not with the players but with the presentation. According to most of the people I met (damn near interviewed a few), the fans just came to see certain “big names” in person and could care less for a Benoit-Angle 2/3 falls- Ironman- No punch allowed-suplex the shit out of each other-athon and would rather see Rock E. and Austin flip the bird and stun each other a few times. Again, these are NOT my opinions, but those of about 90% of the people that still are watching.


Oh, yeah, the numbers show that. Gamble, in response to my assertion, has been printing past ratings, and at the height of Austin/McMahon, WWF/E was drawing nearly double the audience they are now, and WCW was pulling in almost the same audience as WWE is right now. Ironically, due to the fact that WWE is now pulling in one-third the audience it was a few years ago, the percentage of Internet Smarks that make up the audience has heavily increased. Our opinion actually matters now, despite what the spin doctors say.

Now, as for the marks, how much are they buying into the nostalgia aspect? The marks are the target for this one (only appropriate, since they still make up the majority of the audience). Do they really want to see those guys again? As you said, WWE and WCW lost about three points of each of their audiences, and WCW, at the end, was drawing less than a three. The latest quick fixes (Steiner and Goldberg specifically) are guys that made their rep in WCW, yet the minimal increases in ratings and the need to present a marquee match at Backlash with Goldberg/The Rock right after Goldie’s entrance to WWE are signs of them trying too hard to sell nostalgia to the marks. Nostalgia, in fact, is forcing everything else to take second place. The key question is, does the mark audience even have a sense of nostalgia for these guys? Given the numbers so far, the answer is no.

New regular Jimmie Daniel, who provides me with TNA recaps every week (and I greatly appreciate them), corrects me:

Since TNA is actually held in Nashville, (as opposed to Memphis), you could stop by “The World’s Largest Adult Bookstore” and pickup all of the items you would need for your “trip”. You could also stop by Anthony’s Showplace, which is a church that has been converted into a strip club. Hyatte’s writing about Borash inspired me to e-mail him with the idea that I
would make a “Who hipper than Borash?” sign for tomorrow night. Don’t know if you’ve heard, but Borash’s brother Eric is part of a group that does this song called “Dear Mr. President” that is getting a lot of pub around here and on CMT. We are also forced to listen to it each week at the TNA show.


Mea Culpa on the TNA site. Nashville, Memphis, whatever; it’s all the same to us Urban Northerners. And go after the Borashes as much as possible. Jeremy’s an annoying little shit, and the song’s yet more pandering.

Another new promotion from semi-regular to regular is Cabbageboy316, who agrees with me on one topic:

I am glad you clarified the differences between terrorist groups. I’ve had quite enough of the idea that Iraq somehow had something to do with Sept. 11. I mean let’s face it, there wasn’t a real good reason to invade Iraq this time so Bush just had to do a lot of smoke and mirrors nonsense and try and tie in terrorists and weapons of mass destruction. In truth Bush just invaded because, well, he can.

I too found Steiner’s comments idiotic last week. There is no connection that has been more than hinted at between Bin Laden and Saddam. The only terrorist we’ve even found in Iraq so far was a dude who did something in 1985. Further, why has no one flat out called out Bush over the cluster in Afghanistan? I don’t recall us catching Bin Laden…maybe we should think of doing that before dicking around with a non threat like Saddam.


Bingo. Whether Iraq was a Wag the Dog for the economy or for not catching bin Laden is irrelevant at this point. It was meant as a distraction, period. There’s more of a connection between bin Laden and Dubbaya than there is between him and Saddam. Well, there is one connection: the US isn’t going to capture Saddam either. Over a hundred billion bucks down the shitter, and we can’t even get Target #1 or Target #1a. Let’s hope the Demos have the balls to bring that up.

More about the war from ITAGP:

It is only fortunate that the average supporter of Al Gore was unable to follow simple instructions and doubly fortunate that the shameless and intellectually dishonest partisan Florida Supreme Court did not succeed in awarding the election to that absolute paradigm of all that is despicable. One shudders to think the extent to which a nation such as Israel whose strategic interests closely coincide with ours would have been further sold down the river under such a nightmare scenario.

I think the election was more of a choice between two evils, and, to me, Gore was the least evil of the two. I wasn’t happy with either choice, though.

But then such a scenario would have been exactly to the delight of doctrinaire, arbitrary, knee-jerk lefties such as yourself.

Oh, come on. Even the conservatives here have admitted that I’m not a doctrinare, arbitrary, knee-jerk leftie. I present reasons for my opinions instead of hewing to the “party line”.

Since of course the poor oppressed Palestinians are curiously becoming a cause celebre of the dilletante coffee-shop set. People toss around those Neville bombs with such a frequency as to utterly diminish their impact and that is unfortunate in that this leftist advocacy of the cause of essentially our one true enemy is appeasement of the very worst sort.

Since you admit you’re Jewish in your sig, I have no problem with your view. But appeasement toward the Palestinians? I don’t think it’s appeasement per se. This may just be the work of a PR machine, but consider the recent events among the Palestinian political hierarchy. They seem to be trying to move toward a true government representing their people and to eliminate the threat they pose toward Israel. The problem with them is that the extremists have a hold on the minds of the Palestinian people and it’s going to take generations of conditioning to convince the people otherwise. The Palestinians need a Gorby-esque reformer, and Arafat ain’t it.

BTW, the Palestinians have been a cause celebre among the dilletante coffee-shop set for almost thirty years now.

Eric, I really like your column, I think you are a neat guy, and I can empathize very strongly from personal experience as to what it is like to suffer from mental illness. But for christ sakes you are far too intelligent of a person to suffer from the malady that seems to afflict the absolute majority of people in this country – that of allowing one’s perceived political affiliation to substitute entirely for the exercise of simple analytical intelligence. That frustrates me in the extreme and that is why I wrote this.

I don’t think that I’m delving deeply into the tar-like barrel of extremism. It’s more of a logical process. I hate Dubbaya. I think that this war is a waste of money. I think that ulterior motives are being subsumed behind knee-jerk patriotism. So, I put my money on “against the war, support the troops” and explain that situation in detail. Besides, my knees are shot, and I can’t jerk them very well.

And full props to Daniel Prag, who sent me a great essay he did on Aum Shinrikyo. Terrific research.

Todd Johnson has a computer question and a political point to bring up. Since I’m expert at both…

First off, I wanted to ask you a computer question, since you do seem to be very computer-savvy. Do you know if I can get my computer to set my yahoo e-mail address as the default? I just got rid of AOL in favor of using the ASU ethernet, which was FINALLY fixed in my dorm, so now it won’t let me just click on your name (or others) to send stuff.

No. Yahoo actually charges for POP3 access from an external e-mail program. You’ve got to use their site if you want to send e-mail. Check with ASU to see if they’ve got a domain name of their own that has POP3 and SMTP access (like asu.edu), and if they do, reconfigure your mail program to use that.

Now for the political point:

Al Gore would be a long way from a cinch considering that he won the popular vote by less than one percent. When you factor in news stations telling voters on the west coast basically not to bother voting for Bush (on account of them ‘giving’ most of the eastern states (i.e. Florida) to Gore prematurely) you might find the less-than-a-million votes that Gore won by shrinking substantially. In your defense, though, had it been the other way around and Bush had won the popular vote and Gore had won the electoral college, I would still be mad as hell too.

As for the news station thing, think back to 1960. The Greatest Fucking Mayor In History, Dick Daley, did the same thing by releasing the massive Chicago vote for Kennedy early. The strategy was simple. If the news stations started broadcasting the fact that Kennedy was winning Chicago this heavily while the West Coast polls were still open, Nixon didn’t stand a chance. This created a disincentive for California voters to go to the polls in an election that was even closer than Gore/Dubbaya. Since I agree with everything that Daley pere did, this was fair play. It was very risky, and never tried before, but it worked.

Let’s transition to facial hair, where, again Andrew Ormberg has an opinion:

I never pictured you with a moustache. What did I picture you as? Well, consering the net writers whose picture I’ve seen (Petire, Keith, and especially Madden) I imagine you’re fat.

Six foot even, two hundred pounds. Definitely not fat.

I now imagine all netwriters as fat, because with the exception of Jay Bower, CRZ and Scotsman- all the net writers I’ve seen are rotund. And NONE had moustaches (except I think
Petrie, and does Zimmerman have Barney Rubble stubble?).

My point: moustaches are gay.


But I’m not. I did love the stream of consciousness you did in between those statements, Andrew. That’s why you’re a regular.

Sean Fri, spelled correctly this week, contributes this:

Actually, to be pedantic, Austin wears a Van Dyck: a connected moustache/goatee combo. The word “goatee” refers only to the chin beard and it can be worn with or without a connecting or non-connecting moustache. Not that you care. Nor does the terminology change the aesthetics. But let me say this: nearly a century’s worth of jazzmen have pulled off the look a hell of a lot better than the musclebound pseudo-hipsters of popular entertainment, like Austin, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis. It just looks silly on big men. For the counter example, check in on Ben Kingsley in “Sexy Beast.” Sam Jackson. Ed Norton in “American History X” sorta gets away with it. All skinny men.

Very true. Bald-but-skinny seems to combine well with goats/Van Dykes (Van Dyck was a great Dutch painter). Since I have a full head of hair and a reasonably-proportioned body, I’m not going for it anytime soon.

Josh Bolton brings up back to wrestling:

I just thought Id make an extra observation on your note about Goldberg taking only 4 less shots than Foley. What you also failed to notice was how he was continuing to climb to his feet after every shot. You have to wonder if in a match between HHH and Goldberg no one sold a move does the match really happen.

Hell, I’m worried about that happening between Goldberg and The Rock. I’ll wait to see how that turns out before worrying about Trip.

Adam Shooshan makes a terrific observation:

For the love of God. You’re the WWE (I know, how painful). You’re coming Live from Atlanta. Couldn’t they have postponed the stupid 6 man match, and instead had a fateful fourway tag?

I think it’s “Fatal Four-Way”, but I get your point.

Teams – HHH and Flair, Booker and Shawn, Jericho and Nowiski, Steiner and Test. Then, have Bisch say he will be the special guest ref. Now, about 15 minutes into the match, Flair, Booker, Jericho and Steiner haven’t been in the ring with each other. Lawler starts to ponder but Nash gimps towards the ring. Just then, Bisch gives Flair the thumbs up, and he turns and decks Hunter. All the ex WCW guys (except for Mr. Terror) turn on their teammates, as Nash comes in and powerbombs HHH. Then Bisch drops has a big Nitro banner dropped over the RAW set. Right there, in the home of WCW, the big summer angle starts for the RAW brand.

Oh, wouldn’t that have been great. However, you must remember the WWE creative team, who hasn’t seen daylight for a long time due to their heads being permanently stuck up their asses.

And speaking of heads up asses, I’ll be back for the Round Table to give my failed predictions. Until then, enjoy the entire news staff.