Pfeh.
That’s my thoughts on this week in general. Lookin like a sixty hour work week, which is just too much. However, as I was the recipient of a decently substantial raise this week, I feel like I can’t say anything TOO harsh. Regardless, working ten hours a day for six days just blows then one day off and start all over. Ya get burned out, ya know.
However, on the positive front, I reached the half way point today, on the quest from 244 to 200 yep, come Friday I hit 222, which is the halfway there/living on a prayer point. Very happy about that now, the question is can I get down to 200 by the time Cancun rolls around come August. I think I can or at least get damn close.
Also, I’m not going to Eulogize Miss Elizabeth. It’s a sad thing that she died but if it was a drug overdose, I don’t need to report on it and I don’t have any sympathy. Miss Elizabeth wasn’t the first woman I was in love with that honor belongs to redheaded chick from “The Goonies.†There will be plenty of people on 411 and around the ‘Net who will talk about how great she was and I agree with most of it but I don’t feel bad for people who OD I just don’t.
Last week I asked for the ten chicks out there who read me to let me know who the hottest guy in wrestling is and, wouldn’t you know, I got exactly ten emails from chicks or guys claiming to be chicks either way, do I know my readers or do I know my readers?
Mailbag!
Claire (no, not my beloved) Sez: My theory, rather than the Dick of Doom, it’s gotta be the nose that does Steph in. There are SOME advantages to a big schnoz, from a woman’s perspective, though with his personality, I doubt that she gets much use out of it.
Man you gotta have a big schnozz to get that shit up err, well, I guess he does, doesn’t he?
As for the pick of the WWE litter? Sean Michaels still has definite ASSets over HHH. Angle’s got a fantastic personality from everything I’ve heard. *purr* Well, I could start with listings of various and sundry advantages every male from Spike Dudley to the Big Show has over him, but there would be little point in doing that. It’s common knowledge. I have no earthly idea what Stephanie’s thinking in marrying him. Maybe he’s actually impotent from the roids, and she can control him that way. . .maybe she’s actually blind. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s pity. In any case, really, why insult the taste of women everywhere by picking him over, well, anyone else?
Amber(Alert) checks in for her and her friend: In response to your article, the hottest wrestler is Randy Orton! My other friend, who’s a female fan, drools at the thought of Randy so you can count that as two votes. Runner up to Randy is John Cena.
So, chicks go for the goofy arrogant bastard or the wigger. God, no wonder I have no luck.
DP: In regards to HHH being the smartest man ever: I want to know why everyone says that about him and Stephanie getting married. I mean assuming everything about trips is true, and it might be, how does this make him the smartest wrestler alive? I would think any idiot would be able to figure out if the boss’s daughter and head writer of the WWE wanted you that getting it on with her, and/or marrying her would pretty much give you all the pull you wanted.
Figuring it out? Easy. Pulling it off? A WHOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLE ‘nother level of smarts. Talking about getting a billionaire’s daughter who is ten-ish years your junior to fall in love with you the employee the grunt. While figuring out marrying the boss’s daughter is good, going about it is a whole different kind of tough. You’re talking about snowjobbing her, her father, and her family who deal with wrestlers for a living.
We are not talking a machavelian level of cunning her. Boss’s daughter is hot, bosses daughter wants me, being her boyfriend and eventually her husband will get me in good with the company. Gee NO ONE else could have pieced that one together.
Now maybe he really does love her, hell maybe Vince is just afraid to take a chance and is keeping Hunter on top beacause he is the closest thing to a “mainstream name” wrestler he has at the moment (although I doubt it) and Hunter isn’t pulling any strings. I don’t know, I am not backstage seeing the whole story. But if Hunter is really marrying Steph just to stay on top then I would hardly call him the smartest man in wrestling. If that is true then all the women out there who marry millionare sugar daddies nearing their deathbed just so they can be rich within the next 10 years must also be geniuses, what is the real difference?
There isn’t but it’s a lot easier for a hot young chick to convince a dying old fart she loves him than it is vice-versa. Women don’t ALWAYS think with their loins guys do, and it never goes away.
Barbie (woot!) says: In regards to the hottest guys in the WWE… well, if I’m choosing based on all-around appeal, then I’ve got to go with a big star. And Chris Benoit is adorable, but the missing teeth kinda ruins it. Kurt Angle is the same: cute, nice smile, good body without being grotesque, but with him the problem is his bizarre looking neck. The bald head isn’t helping him, either.
Based on looks alone, I’ve got to go with two of the newcomers: Charlie Haas and Brian Kendrick. They’re by far the best looking guys in the WWE. But Kendrick will probably be back in ROH by August, and Haas will be jobbing to Shelton Benjamin by September.
So ultimate? It’s gotta be Shane McMahon. He’s the total package; looks, charm, power, and anyone who heard his unfortunate stint in the announce booth knows that he’s got to be amazing in the sack. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Get him! Yeah!”
However, all of this did not prepare me for the actual winner the most votes for the hottest wrestler in the WWE is none other than Brian Kendrick.
Yeah, I didn’t figure on it either I had Cena pinned as the easy winner. So, what do I know.
Interestingly among men Edge and Cena tied for the victory. So, guys think chicks dig the rockstar or rapstar dick gimmick, while chicks actually say they dig the goofy, cute, funny guy gimmick. Second place was Shane, proving that chicks still dig the payday.
Top Story
Well, pretty obviously it’s the death of Miss Elizabeth and the subsequent arrest of Lex Luger however the two appear to be unrelated. Elizabeth was found dead of what was probably a drug overdose, while police uncovered a stash of anabolic steroids in Luger’s home. It is doubtful Liz died of a steroid overdose as she was not that jacked.
Hey, I said I wouldn’t eulogize her not that I wouldn’t report on it.
However, as their isn’t that much editorializing that can be done in a situation like this other than preachy “don’t do drugs†lines of thoughts, there isn’t much I can say. I say: “Do drugs in moderation and with your head and try to stick to the legal ones.†Hell, Szulczewski has a veritable pharmacy, and it’s all legal. You can get good and f*cked up without it going to far.
Or, you could die of water intoxication, like that dude from Plattsburgh who got overhazed by a fraternity.
Speaking of dumbasses that I don’t feel sorry for
So, that being said, let’s try to find something else to talk about.
As of this writing, Lex has been charged with 14 drug charges, 13 of which are felonies. Also, the preliminary autopsy yielded no cause of death for Miss Elizabeth. Keep it tuned to 411 for breaking news.
Getting the Axe
Vinnie Mac gave the axe to ten front office workers in WWE corporate. These expected cuts are thought to be the first a few on the way as they discover that NO ONE ORDERED WRESTLEMANIA. The WWE is going ready to go through a period of reorganization in the front office where each department will be examined. No department is expected to get through the period unscathed.
I made up the word unscathed it wasn’t in the article, but I feel it isn’t used in conversation nearly enough.
Nor is Scott Keith’s Semen.
The cuts come on the heels of the second quarter in a row that recorded a loss. PPV and House Show revenues have not been performing up to expectation.
You know I could almost buy into a conspiracy theory here one that forces the WWE stock price into the toilet so the McMahon’s can buy all the common shares back real cheap. You know, I don’t really want to waste money on WWE stock, but it might be worth having the last 10000 shares and hold them ransom over their heads.
Not that I REALLY think Vince is trying to flush his company to reclaim his stock, but geez.
So, expect the people of Connecticut to be shakin in their boots for the next few weeks then expect Vince to spend all the money he saves on Front Office Employees on Sting, OneLegged Sid, half crippled Bret Hart, and the Resurrected Corpse of Brian Pillman.
Chyna Closes Her Website
Joanie Laurer (ex-Chyna) has closed her website. This from the woman who had such big career goals when she left the WWF.
When they gonna learn. Being in Playboy guarantees you ONE big payday not a bunch of them. And it sure as shit doesn’t make you something other than a wrestler.
I expect Vince to re-sign her soon, too if for no other reason than to get his daughter the hell away from HHH.
Angle News
Report is that Kurt is feeling great after his neck surgery and is already on the road to recovery if this surgery works out well, I expect Dr Youngblood to be getting less and less business from Mr McMahon in the near future.
The bad news out of this story is that Kurt only plans on actively wrestling for one more year, and then getting out while the getting is good.
Now, whether or not Kurt will stick with the “one year†thing remains to be seen however, Foley has called an “in-ring†retirement and has, more or less, stuck to it of course, Foley has two best selling books to fall back on, and probably has a future writing if he really wants to. Not sure what Kurt really has to fall back on, unless he wants to open an wrestling school.
If Kurt really is only going to be around for one more year, it’s a shame, because he won’t be around to help the WWF pull its way out of the shit it’s mired in. However, maybe he can have a little something to do with starting it off.
Expect Kurt to be turned babyface toute suite on his return especially if he wants to suck every last cent out of wrestling and merchandise sales before he goes.
In Other Reading
Tim Livingston has an article From the Mouth of El Dandy.
Poffel takes a look From Outside the Book and talks about Miss Elizabeth.
If you havne’t read Grut vs Daniels, you should. Reason 1: Me. Reason 2: Grut. Reason 3: Me.
And Zucconi Defends his Defense of HHH.
In Closing
Yeah, I’m done for the day. Bower will be in with more words than you can shake a stick at.
Till Tuesday over in music.
Out.
