You can feel it’s going to be One Of Those Days. It’s the type of day when you oversleep, thus turning this into the equivalent of a One-Hour Special. Then you have to return a digital camera to a store forty miles away because of nonfunctionality. But that’s okay, because that puts me two-thirds of the way to a friends’ apartment, where I have to hook up various and sundry electronics after spending the hour and a half I was going to devote to Mailbag last night trying to talk them through it on the phone. Of course, I’m also bringing over some software for them, and this is the time when my burners decide they’re going to be moody and start making coasters right and left. All that’s left is for the coffee maker to break down, and that had BETTER not. I already have a splitting headache. It’s just one of those mornings where you couldn’t find you own dick if it wasn’t attached.
My life isn’t a series of disasters. It’s death by a thousand cuts.
THE PIMP SECTION
PK is giving away some limited-edition keychains as part of a trivia contest. The questions are wrestling-related, so everybody has a chance to win. Enter it today…well, whenever PK puts up the third of his three questions.
Gamble is good for you. Get your recommended daily allowance. Also, he has more mailbag volume than I do this week.
Williams puts out a terrific maxi-history of GOOOOOOOOLD-BERG! this week. It’s a maxi-history because Goldie hasn’t got enough behind him to summarize.
Sorry about the remark in a later section, Dino, vis-a-vis tonsorial issues. However, I do have to state that “Real American” may be the best wrestling-related song ever (in your opinion; I think “My Time” might have just nipped it at the wire), but it’s not the best song that Rick Derringer participated in. That would be “Hang On Sloopy”.
IF SHAWN MICHAELS CAN COME BACK FROM INJURY, SO CAN HE
I’m actually glad to see that Ultimo Dragon thinks he’s healthy enough to unretire. The guy was great prior to the nagging injury, and I’m only hoping he can get his form back quickly. If so, put him on Raw, please. The obvious feud with Jericho over the Asai Moonsault is just waiting there. Hey, the guy’s done a lot for wrestling out of the US; reward him with a small upper-card run for once.
Hey, I said something positive about a wrestler for a change. I have to counter that immediately or the Earth will start spinning out of its orbit…
OH, DEAR GOD, NOT THEM…
The only good news to come out of the Road Warriors “auditions” is that WWE won’t offer them a contract unless they can work well. Or so say the WWE spin artists. This whole thing plays into WWE’s current game plan. The Road Warriors carry a big dose of nostalgia factor going back to the territory days (they are the only team to win the WWF/E, WCW, and AWA tag titles, after all). They’re also a guaranteed pop. Even if they look horrid in the ring, they’ll be signed. Of course, this leaves two questions to be answered:
1) Do we really need to see a bloated alcoholic and a ‘roid freak brought in when WWE has so many of them on the roster already?
2) Does this open the door for the return of Crack Whore Sunny, who made a Road Warriors stop on her Carnal Tour Of Tag Teams in 1996?
I’LL HAVE TO START FORKING OUT
So TNA is trying, discreetly as possible, to sign Jeff Hardy. You know, if the timing was right, I’d definitely start watching, because this column has been rather dry without the gay jokes lately. Maybe I can trade slots with Grut and…nah, ten bucks a week ain’t worth it, and not even Jimmie Daniel can help me with trying to pull that off. So this column must remain Jeff Hardy/gay joke-free.
Now for the non-news stuff…
WE BREAK INTO THIS COLUMN FOR AN UPDATE
The coffee maker is, indeed, working.
Now back to your regular column.
IF GAMBLE CAN ADMIT HE’S WRONG, SO CAN I
When I listed the dead-before-their-time wrestlers yesterday, a lot of people wrote in vis-a-vis a sin of omission I made.
One person mentioned Owen Hart. Owen was an accident, not death by misadventure, so I didn’t consider him a proper addition to that list.
But everybody mentioned Curt Hennig (including semi-regular Sean Fri). My bad for not including him. However, I had a good reason. His death happened during my Exile In Mulletville, and I’ve put up a mental firewall about everything that happened during that period. So, cut and paste this in the appropriate area in yesterday’s column:
Curt Hennig, dead at 40.
Hope that helps.
I CAN ALSO ENTER GAMBLE’S TERRITORY IF I WANT
Memo to Scooter*: It’s Occam’s Razor, not Ocham’s. For those of you who don’t know what it means, it can be summarized in one quick sentence: “Entia non sunt multiplicanda sine necessitate”**
William of Ockham*** (the proper spelling, but someone in the lexicon business hates Middle English despite Chaucer), though, never anticipated the Bizarro World Booking of WWE: all simple and obvious solutions run through Trip with the same regularity that Delta Airlines believes that the shortest path between two points runs through Atlanta. So, expect Coachman to become Austin’s Chief of Staff next week. If not that, then Bisch’s replacement for Morley. The one solution that is definitely out is joining Teddy Long’s crew, because the bookers probably feel that Rodney Mack is so over that they don’t need anybody else.
* – Hyatte took the week off, so someone had to use “Scooter”.
** – What, you don’t speak Latin? Okay, here’s the translation in English: “Plurality should not be assumed without necessity.” In other words, look for the simplest and most obvious solution to a problem, and don’t look at others unless you absolutely have to. By the way, Occam’s Razor is never mentioned specifically in his writings.
*** – William of Ockham (~1280-~1348) was a Franciscan priest and philosopher who teached some radical opinions about the Church, as well as a near-contemporary of two other religious philosophers who had a lot more influence, John Duns Scotus and Thomas Aquinas (Duns Scotus was William’s teacher). The British Academy summarizes William’s teachings as follows:
1) That Christians are entitled to state and defend their opinions in opposition to the views of popes, church councils, etc., even if their opinions are in fact erroneous;
2) That no part of the Church (e.g. the pope or a Church council) is infallible;
3) That a pope who tries to impose false teachings upon the Church, or who seriously violates the rights of Church members or others, can be deposed;
4) That since women as well as men are members of the Church, women should sometimes take part in Church councils;
5) That the powers of secular governments do not depend on Church approval;
6) That the rights of unbelievers (for example, any governmental rights they may have, and their property rights) were not affected by the establishment of Christianity;
7) That kings, emperors and other secular rulers are not ‘absolute’ but must respect the rights of their subjects;
8) That a tyrannical ruler may be deposed.
(Watch out for those last two, Dubbaya)
These views got him summoned to Avignon (then the papal seat) for a dressing-down from the Pope, along with a bunch of other Franciscans who had other “heretical” views. They eventually decided “Fuck this shit” and pissed off to Munich, because the Holy Roman Emperor, Ludwig of Bavaria, had his own hard-on against the Pope, and they’d be safe. In other words, William anticipated Martin Luther by two centuries, the Pope was Bischoff, and Ludwig was the Dudleys.
Wrestling to religious philosophy back to wrestling. I think I’ve outdone myself on this one.
SMACKDOWN SOMEWHAT SPOILED
So, Vince needs to prove that Hogan is Mister America to get rid of him. Let’s go through the ways he can do this:
1) Voiceprint analysis by a professional audio lab. That should be enough of a level of accuracy to convince a lawyer.
2) Blood testing. Surely Hogan’s got some blood stored somewhere in a lab somewhere. Take a sample from Mister America and PCR the bitches to see if there’s a DNA match.
3) Hair sample. Just take it from areas that might have hair left.
4) Put him in a match and see if he uses a legdrop, Big Boot, and no-sells like there’s no tomorrow. That should be enough circumstantial evidence.
5) A tricorder. It might boost ratings for Enterprise, and it makes as much goddamn sense as anything else WWE’s done lately.
How long will Brian Kendrick’s push last? No matter what, the time alloted by the IWC’s wishes will be greater than WWE’s number.
Give me one good reason why Tajiri is teaming up with Rikishi, please. I can’t figure this one out at all. How about teaming up Rey-Rey with Rikishi on a semi-permanent basis ala Booker and Goldust? If they’re in trouble, Rey-Rey can easily hide in Rikishi’s ass crack.
So our Smackdown World Title Match for JD is going to be a stretcher match…they haven’t done one of those since Foley retired, and Foley was pretty much the only one who could carry off that idiotic concept. Combine this with Trip/Nash, and you have oodles of Suck Potential just waiting there to be gobbled up, along with the money you’d pay for this train wreck in progress.
MAILBAG!
You know, since I’m doing rotation of the leadoff, I realize that Smitty’s never got it. Now’s a good as time as any. He links to this Newsmax article and abridges:
And they want to be the new world order, hell they can’t even run their own f*cking cafeteria.
You know, it’s all the UN’s fault. Aramark can’t even get white frocks clean. It’d be just like the UN to hire them to cater.
John Haley from our Features Section tries to ding me for another Sin Of Omission:
I’m amazed that as 411’s resident cartoon expert you didn’t pick up on the Bugs/Daffy nature of Bischoff and Austin’s exchange on Monday night. As they got further and further into the “fired”s and “not fired”s, I honestly thought I was going to hear one of them say what the other was saying to try and reverse roles. That or have someone say “wabbit season” and fire a shotgun blast.
If you don’t write about, I certainly will!
As does My Fascist Bud John King:
Didn’t that whole first segment look like it was lifted straight out a Chuck Jones cartoon? “Fired-Hired-Fired-Hired-DuckSeason-Rabbit Season-Duck Season-Rabbit Season-Blam”
Bingo, and that’s why I didn’t write about it. I was waiting for the payoff, and it never came. If it had, I’d be throwing out Hunters Trilogy references like there was no tomorrow. Either way, though, it’s a disservice to the late Chuck Jones.
Sean Fri gets promoted to Regular (unless I already did that last week). He put in some great comments about people not using proper terminology, but that material isn’t as good as this reflection about yesterday’s screed:
Addiction sucks. The predisposition for addiction is likely a genetic imprint, which, combined with circumstances like availability, the actions of your social group, repeated behavior of the user, and the linking of that behavior with certain emotions, can destroy an otherwise normal human being. It certainly happens in wrestling, and the environment of the traveling carnival certainly contributes to that. (I always party more on the road than when I’m doing a show in New York.) The element of constant pain is clearly another contributing factor. But I wonder if the mortality rate due to addictive behavior is really that much higher in wrestling than it is in the real world. Or do we just notice it because these people are semi-famous? True, the mortality rate is a lot higher than it is in say, the NFL. But I would argue that the mortality rate due to addictive behavior in the NFL is probably a lot lower than the national average. I don’t really know. It is a shame, that much I do know. It’s such a marginal life. It kind of makes me feel parasitic that I get some entertainment out of what these people put themselves through.
Agreed on all issues regarding addiction. Some people do have a predisposition to addiction, to everything from drugs to attention. When they receive some of what they enjoy, they want more and more until they get to the point that the ultimate effect occurs.
The mortality rate from addictive behavior in the NFL is much lower than in wrestling. But the NFL has actual, meaningful tests for drugs with honest-to-God punishments, which tends to deter players from using in-season or before the pre-season camps (Daimon Shelton of my Beloved Bears got a four-game TKO for that last season). WWE, and for that matter the NBA, tends to treat testing as a joke. For NBA players, David Stern’s office apparently believes that it’s part of the players’ lifestyles, and action is taken only when it becomes so obvious that the audience can tell and/or if the player gets caught. Wrestling believes that it’s part of the cost of doing business in order to provide the audience what they think the audience wants (whether it be musclebound maniacs with hair triggers or specific wrestlers appearing at house shows on a regular basis). That’s the problem in a nutshell.
Since I did a whole column about wrestling yesterday, I’ll honor The Priz(!) by concentrating on his wrestling comments:
You know, you mentioning about Austin 3:16 starting at KOTR ’96 got me to thinking, and this is probably not the first time this has been said, but if Vince is serious about entering rebuilding, then he might not be doing it wrong after all.
No, wait, don’t stab me yet, hear me out.
Around ’96, the WWE product was still crappy, and suffering mightily. Michaels wasn’t drawing as much while he was around, and Hart was just holding place until the cyclical nature of the business came back around.
So, with one notable exception (Rocky the Wonder Rookie), the talent that would be the top draws in the next “up” cycle (Austin, Trip, Foley) were mostly protected. Austin started with the IC belt and then the tag belts for a while, letting the fans WANT to see him win the big one. Trip did the same thing for a while with the IC belt, and Foley was mainly protected as well from being overexposed too early.
Then, when business started booming again, there were four stars (counting Rocky now) who could carry shit and weren’t overexposed.
So, on that line of thinking, with Cena, RVD, and Hardy mostly “protected” from overexposure (and Cena should be moved back to the upper mid-card for now), maybe the plan is to let them loose once wrestling becomes the “in” thing again.
Then again, I could be giving Vince way too much credit too.
There would be some unspoken presumptions about that, I think:
1) That the nature of wrestling is truly cyclical. I’m more of a believer in the One Hot Angle Hypothesis, something that draws viewers in initially and keeps them as long as possible. WWE simply isn’t providing that right now.
2) True about the issue of overexposure (familiarity breeds contempt, after all), but the last time this happened, Vinny Ru and Shane were pushing for a new direction and Vince gave them the green light, since they were getting their asses kicked by WCW (thus supporting the One Hot Angle Hypothesis). Austin/McMahon and to a lesser extent DX drew the casual audience in long enough to push those guys to the top. They still need the material to push Cena, Hardy, and Van Dam, and, again, they don’t have it.
The Pride Of Dartmouth, Elliot Olshansky, tries to do a better job at predicting the future than I do:
Austin took his first trip to Planet Goldberg, and I think that’s exactly what it was: the first of many. Remember, at some point, we’re going to get Austin vs. Goldberg. It’s one of the few remaining genuine “dream matches” that we haven’t seen in WWE, and undoubtedly one of the main motivations behind WWE’s signing of Goldberg. But we can’t just get Austin-Goldberg right away, can we? There has to be a reason, a story beyond “they were the biggest guys in wrestling five years ago.” So they’re doing that…it starts with them getting along, more or less – note that Goldberg didn’t take Austin’s first offer – and things will start to get more complicated as we progress towards Summerslam, WM 20, or wherever they’re going to do this match. Personally, I’d expect it to start at the Royal Rumble, with a big blowoff at WM. If Goldberg lasts that long. Mark my words: the speed with which they build toward Goldberg-Austin will be a prime indicator of the length of Goldberg’s stay in WWE. If they give it to us at Summerslam, he won’t be around long. If they drag it out longer, things are working out fairly nicely.
And the thing with Christian was nice…even though La Resistance were the only Canadians to go over (and they’re supposed to be French), Christian did very well with his promo, and didn’t have to job…getting Rico and the Fat Boys to do the honors for him. Let’s see if they actually let him get anywhere with it…or will it completely disappear on this side of the border…who knows…certainly not me.
I think Christian will keep playing the weasel act when action gets back to the States. He’s over with it, and he’s pulling it off very well. He’s probably been the biggest surprise since the Split. Everyone expected that he’d be in the lower card after the split from Edge (whereas we knew Edge would get over), but he’s done a great job so far, despite the horrible cutting of his theme.
As per Austin/Goldberg, I’m looking at them starting it at Survivor Series, with one of them winning the Rumble (most likely Austin…again) for that moronic mandatory challenge slot. Of course, that’d mean a few belt switches between now and SurSer and between SurSer and WM so that Goldie’s reasonably fresh when he confronts Austin at WM. I have no idea what the timing for this puppy’s going to be, but whatever it is, you and I can book it better than the chimps backstage.
Jimmie Daniel, my resident Keep Me Up On TNA Guy, chimes in on this booking:
I have given it some thought, and recall reading in my Observer that Jerry Jarrett wants JJJ to be booked like John Wayne. I believe he is being booked like Rasputin. Recall Chris Berman’s descriptions of Wayne Fontes. I actually looked up info on Mr. Rasputin online, in case I have to explain it to some kindergarten graduate at the Asylum.
To bone up on Rasputin, pick up a copy of Edvard Radzinsky’s The Rasputin File. He uses material not available to other Rasputin biographers before, and it certainly provides a more detailed explanation of the guy than anything found online. It blows a lot of myths out of the water and explains thoroughly that it was Alexandra who caused the whole Rasputin furor. If Jerry Jarrett starts protecting Ol’ 4:20, then the comparison’s dead-on.
Regular Andrew Ormberg doesn’t get the God Slot this week, since I gave it to him last week, but he does get in regardless:
Whatever you Yanks have for the CTRC (gov’t broadcast regulatory..I want to say FTA but it doesn’t sound right) should pass a rule saying *all* WWE programming must air Victoria’s entrance video in full and have Booker say “SUCKA” at least twice. And make it against the law to have a name of “Triple _”. And make Trish naked. And give out candy.
It’s the FCC (Federal Communications Commission), and they don’t have as much control over broadcasting as the CTRC does. They allocate frequencies, make sure that whatever anti-monopoly laws are left are upheld, and deal with specific complaints made by the public.
As per the other issues:
Agreed on Victoria as long as they incorporate shots of Tatu kissing into the video. Just leave Stevie Richards out of it.
Booker needs to improve on his “Sucka” timing a bit more. It needs to come out of nowhere sometime rather than have his promos be a setup for it.
I have no problem with Trish naked. This might give WWE a lifetime exemption to Canadian Content rules.
If you make “Triple _” illegal, then you know they’ll find a way to get a fourth H in there somewhere. Hunter Hearst Halliburton Helmsley?
And as for the candy, if it’s Three Musketeers or Milky Way Midnight, I may not need to see Trish naked.
Will Helm scares the crap out of me:
Here’s a frightening thought: Monday night, when I heard that all former IC title-holders were invited into the Battle Royal at Judgment Day the first idea I had was…
Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum…tassle wearing…face painted…running down to the ring…press slam motions…rope shaking…High Lord of Destrucity (and right-wingnut)…Ultimate Warrior!!!
Please say it can’t happen! Please!
Okay, it can’t happen. That being said, it can, and it might. All I know is that it’s going to be a real bitch cleaning up the projectile vomit in my apartment if it does.
So does Brian Scala:
I can understand bringing in people like Steiner & Goldberg who have actually drawn a few dimes within the past 5 years. However, Hawk & Animal have been a dead issue since they programmed them with that silly puppet, Rocco, some ten years ago. I mean, is this the WWE or Legends of Wrestling? What’s next? Butch Reed returns & suddenly there he is with Ron Simmons & Teddy Long wearing masks? I find it somewhat amusing that Johnny Ace is being groomed to succeed the once-irreplaceable Jim Ross as VP of Talent Relations, and now, suddenly, here comes his brother.
I’m not sure if Johnny Ace is to blame for this one. I regard it as Vince’s nostalgia trip rather than that.
As for Doom reuniting, why the f*ck not? They’ve done more stupid things lately than that.
And going deeper is Andrew Brown:
In the “Duh, that’s pretty obvious”realm, we’re suffering for Vince being a dipshit for the past two years and not making new stars (vis Jericho, Van Dam, Booker, etc.) so we get to have broken down older stars (Nash, Austin, HHH, Undertaker) in the main events. If you need solid proof that Vince doesn’t think Benoit is a main-eventer, look at the Brock-Big Show match. (I’ll also point out here that the people that Vince wanted to make stars (Angle and Edge) and down and out with injuries. Nice backup plan, Vince.) He’s getting the ball rolling now with Brock, Cena, and Kendrick. And if you don’t think Vince is going to push Kendrick, here’s some facts. Shawn Michaels not only trained the kid, he’s been quoted saying he’d do the J.O.B. to help him get over. Vince and Shawn are pals, so that’s in his favor. On the television side, consider that Kendrick went from vying for the Cruiserweight title (and the fact that he LOST the match) to going toe to toe with Cena (who’s a rising star that just lost a championship match) in about two weeks. I can also point out that Kendrick was given the whole “plucky kid who’s trying to get a job” vingnettes with The Bitch of the Baskervilles as well. That kind of exposure rivals the promos we’ve seen for Nathan Jones or Sean O’Haire (someone else who’s going to suffer for the “slowing down” of the product as well).
I definitely like Kendrick, as I said earlier. I’m just worried that he’s going to fall into the “too much, too soon” trap that Vince tends to put wrestlers into: give them a push early to see audience reaction, then depush them to see if they can retain their heat. If they can, then they get promoted again. This explains Cena and Jones as well. As for O’Haire, they’ve really f*cked up that one big-time. The guy had great heel heat coming in from his vignettes, then they waste that with him becoming Piper’s bitch.
Kevin Smith takes me to task for a statement I made yesterday:
“If she ODed on purpose and committed suicide, the obvious reason is that Luger was beating her on a regular basis courtesy of ‘roid rage (and only got caught once), and that she couldn’t take it anymore.”…Speaking of irresponsibility . . . I’d like to know how you can justify jumping to that conclusion. The *obvious* reason? Please, Eric. With that statement you are pretending to know more inside information than Scott Keith ever has.
I’m not pretending to claim more inside information as Keith. However, read the section above on Occam’s Razor. You have to admit that Luger beating her is the simplest reason given the effects of anabolic steroids on mood.
Let’s turn next to a great comment by Mervin McKenney the Third (or is it Aye Aye Aye?):
If there is a vote in the IWC about the publishing of the ratings, you can count me as a ‘NO,’ as long as the current format of giving the number with a Jeff Hardy-like analysis of the show’s condition. For me, the problem is a single number only gives an indication of the level and series of number provides information on a possible trend; however, many want to take the step of determining the organizations condition. A number or series of numbers in a vacuum doesn’t tell the story on the WWE’s condition. Before saying that the company is in trouble, answer these questions: Where does the rating stand in relation to its competition? How does it compare to other show on the network? What show might be enticing viewers away? While the house shows and PPV’s attendance and buy rates are important, the bread and butter of the WWE is their TV contracts. I know that the ratings are the drug of the IWC’s attack on McMahon’s Company, but it would be nice to have some solid analysis to support the downfall.
This is exactly what I’ve been talking about. The only context that ratings are put into are the previous week’s and nothing else. Gamble is trying to put it into some context (not as detailed as your requirements), and there’s some interesting data to be mined from that. As per those requirements you listed:
Raw is the highest-rated show on TNN/Spike/Whatever Asinine Name They Come Up With Next. Ditto Smackdown on UPN. It isn’t bread-and-butter for TNN or UPN, though. They’re both owned by Viacom, which owns Paramount, which has gobs of Star Trek to milk. WWE has, what, five hours a week on TNN (Raw, Heat, Epilepsy, and Confidential, right?)? NextGen is well into the double digits. And it’s all profit (minus mandated residual checks) for Viacom since they own the show and the sunk costs have been paid off a long time ago.
As for what shows might be enticing viewers away, what you have to do is not look at total viewership. You have to look at WWE’s target demographic, 18-24 Males. What’s enticing them away? Demographics trump ratings, and have for a long time. To go back to Trek for a second, people who were executives at NBC at the time have said numerous times that if demographics had been taken into account in the Sixties, Classic Trek would have run for ten years.
B. Cris Reyes II, or Aye-Aye as the case may be, asks this:
can u please explain the whole trip-h situation @ msg…? I have always heard references to it, and obviously not watching wrestling back then. I can’t afford cable, so I didn’t see the confidential on it, and netflix doesn’t rent out wrestling DVD’s..(although they should… some one call Vince). but seriously, I am interested to know what happened that was so bad.
The MSG Incident happened because the Clique was doing their final match as a group before Hall and Nash went to WCW, tagging up Hall, Nash, Michaels, and Trip. After the match, they went to the center of the ring and gave each other a mutual hug. Nothing wrong there in today’s context.
Vince’s attitude at the time was different. He felt that kayfabe must be maintained at all costs, and since it was heels versus faces, it was against his direct orders that they group hug in the middle of the ring. Punishment had to be meted out. Hall and Nash were gone. Michaels was one of his few draws. Therefore, it was Trip that was made the patsy, losing his push, which was given to Austin.
This was a house show, so there’s no TV taping to be involved (even if there was, that would have been cut instantly). However, it was at the WWF’s core arena, which added to the punishment. There might be fan videos floating around, but you’ll have to look hard to find one.
SmoDaddy tries to clear up what he feels is a misconception:
White kids from the burbs these days who are educated and brought up in normal neighborhoods still do lots of drugs. So at the ripe old age of 22 I’ve done pretty much everything except heroin and crack. This would include a couple cycles of anabolic steroids and I just wanted to try to clear up probably the biggest misconception about them…roid rage. If a guy like Luger is beating his girlfriend or Steiner is beating up a roadside worker its because they are ASSHOLES not because of the steroids they take. Steroids just like Vicodin and Klonopin are legal when prescribed and when used properly are a certifiable medicine. Now I’m certainly not saying its medicine when a wrestler or myself uses them but if roid rage was an actual truth then there would be a huge amount of middle aged men (the most likely people with legal steroid prescriptions for testosterone replacement therapy) out there beating their wives and the local road worker. And obviously there are guys out there who do that and maybe they’re on steroids too, but if they’re running around beating people up its because they’re ASSHOLES not because of the drugs. The two times I used them I never got more angry than I usually would if something went wrong and I certainly never had any kind of a rage…in fact they actually make you feel pretty good about life. I dunno take it for what its worth to you but I’m just saying its not the drugs its the person using them that controls what they do.
hitmeoff does a ditto:
Ive always been a fan of yours, and have discussed other matter with you (such as political ideology), subjects which Im sure because of your age and experiance, you know a hell of alot more about than me. So I can always respect what you have to say. However, this time you stepped in a realm where I think I have just a little bit more knowledge than you do, so some of the claims you made, kinda rubbed me the wrong way.
First, let me state that the majority of wrestling deaths DONT occur from the use of steroids or growth hormone. Most wrestlers problems lie in the use of pain killers (as you mentioned) and recreational drugs, not anabolic steroids. True enough, anabolic steroids certainly dont HELP some of these situations, but they are rarely the direct cause of death.
You mention something about “all of the literature detailing the harm they can do.” And what literature is this (I hope the source isnt the same one who told you dianabol was an injectable. Dianabol is an oral steroid, the only injectable version is Reforvit-B, and its a vet streroid, and its more expensive and often underdosed as compared ot the countless orals…so no juicer would ever shoot dianabol)?
Despite the bad rap the media gives steroids, the fact of the matter is, steroids, if used correctly and sanely (and yes we are talking about sane use within the context of sports and performance enhancement) are not at all that much of a health risk to healthy adults.
SO what are the REAL side effects of Anabolic Steroid use? Testicular Shrinkage? Yes. THis one is truth, and let me explain why: WHen you shoot exogenous sex hormones into the body, your body no longer has a need to produce its own supply, so it “shuts” you down. However this is a very temporary situation. Most user regain full production within a few weeks, even the hardest users can and would regain function eventually. Penis Shrinking? THis one pisses me off the most. People (like Keith) make cracks about HHH and Steiner’s penis size and steroid use. Its a stupid and silly claim, steroids do not make your dick shrink. If anything, you’ll have the sex drive of a teenager when you are on. Hair Loss? Yes, if your predisposed to it. If you are predisposed to MPB, then steroid use will speed up the process. If you arent, you aint gonna loose hair. Acne? Ok, sure, this one is true too. BUt this is just cosmetic, and doesnt affect your health.
Roid Rage? Total myth. Testosterone and other androgens are exactly that…they are the male sex hormones. Test makes you aggressive. However, steroids are not going to turn an otherwise mild mannered person into a ragin beast. If your a guy with a short temper, steroids will make it shorter, it wont turn Ghandi into Mike Tyson though. Bitch Tits? Ok this is cosmetic too, BUT its a pretty nasty thing to see, but gyno is such an easy thing to prevent. Its called using an anti-estrogen. A bit of Arimidex, Femera, or Nolvadex will go a long way in preventing gyno from steroid use.
Liver damage? Only if you use orals, and only if you use them at HIGH ENOUGH dosages for LONG ENOUGH periods of time. Believe me when I tell you no wrestler is going to run Dianabol, Anadrol, Halotestin or Winstrol at 200mg a day for 16 weeks. HIgh Blood Pressure, Fucked up lipid profiles? Sure, but these pro’s do have doctors monitoring them all the time. Youd be insane to think someone with the cash of a pro athlete couldnt afford to have his cholesterol checked every few months!
Fact is, most of these Pro’s are carefully monitored for all the REAL health threats (liver damage, BP, Lipid Values), and even then problems probably wouldnt manifest unless the athlete is doing this in a really reckless manner (and beleive me, its real hard to do this in a real reckless manner).
So you may argue “Well the average Joe Lifter doesnt have a doctor monitoring them all the time, they could easily do damage to themselves.” Again, Id argue that they would have to be pretty big idiots to hurt themselves with steroids, I mean its just not that easy. Even so, the blame should lay on the lack of REAL information on the subject and not on the drugs themselves. For example, if more people KNEW that oral steroids pose 10 times the health risk that injectables do, then that kid thinking of doing a 16-Week Dbol cycle before college ball starts will have second thoughts about his choice of drugs.
A person can argue the morality of steroid use in pro sports all the want. But one thing that shouldnt be argued with is the safety issue. Steroids can and for the most part are used very safely. Pain Killers, alcohol, ciggarettes and the like pose a hell of a greater health risk to the user than do steroids.
I hope everyone reads this, because it is a misconception. Let’s just say that, without countermedication, there’s an exacerbation of certain conditions rather than it being a cause.
Oh, here’s a misconception: neither Vicodin or Klonopin are steroids. Vicodin is a high-powered analgesic. Klonopin is the next generation of Valium.
Ralph Snart doesn’t only contribute to Gamble’s mailbag:
Vicodin is a VERY addictive drug, so you may try something else for pain control. I use biofeedback for my chronic back problems- it works for me; I have a co-worker who uses accupuncture for her (rather severe) sciatic pain. There is no lecture here, just trying to keep you from getting addicted to a drug that will eventually lose it’s pain killing effect it you continue to take it for pain control (why the knee pain? Arthritis? Traumatic damage? I’m just being nosy)
I haven’t taken Vikes in years. The last time I was prescribed them was post-surgical. The knee pain, which I had surgery on five years ago, was due to a twisting of both kneecaps. I had to have lateral releases on them. The knee pain now is due to a dislocated meniscus in my right knee and what is probably a benign tumor on my process on my left knee.
Mike Novak, though, exposes some of my non-knowledge about anabolics:
Dianabol is a pill. The closest thing to liquid (injectable) form of it Reforvit-B.
Cool by me. Sorry about that.
Aussie Craig Osland warms my heart with a mail whose legal disclaimer is five times the length of the actual comment. Now that’s cool. Of course, it prevents me from printing the letter.
And that’s a good way to end this. See you next week.
About Eric Szulczewski
