The Weekend Hotline 5.17.03


Ahhh, I love PPV weekends, it makes my job so easy. I don’t have to scrape together pages and pages of nonsense just pages of nonsense and some wrestling.

Been a slam-bang week for me (yes, I did just use slam-bang) so lets roll with a preview of Judgment Day.

Judgment Day

This would go along the lines of one of those PPVs I’m just not finding myself fired up for. If it does turn out to be the last joint one till Summerslam, and by all accounts that is the case, it’s a pretty sour note to go out on. When one of your main events is Nash/HHH and the other involves Big Show, there’s not all that much to get motivated about. However, I’m getting the IC title back in time for the first Raw-only PPV, although I still think it would have been smarter to bring it back as a selling point for Badd Blood. However, what’s done is done and we’ll be getting us a new IC Champion in time for the Raw-only PPV. However, what they haven’t mentioned is whether the US Title comes out of unification WITH the IC title. If it does, I’d still be interested to see someone win the IC Title on Raw, take it to Smackdown, and then have Bischoff Remind us that the title on the line in that title match was only the IC title, not the US title, and thus have both belts back again. Some sort of angle putting a sub-title on Smackdown that people will actually care about (ie: NOT the Cruiserweight Title), will be necessary to sell PPVs.

Regardless, let’s take a look at what we have for Judgement Day.

Jazz (c) vs. Trish vs. Jaqualine vs. Victoria – Woman’s Title

Four way dance? Just an excuse for Trish to lose without losing. I expect Jazz to pin Jackie to keep everyone who has to be protected in this match protected.

Scott Steiner & Test vs. La Resistance

If I was booking this, it would be time for Test’s turn. La Resistance is French, Test is Canadian. I don’t think he’s from Quebec, but American’s don’t make that differentiation. Canadian = French. The only people that would point out how wrong it is would be the IWC the rest of the world would be like: oh, he turned on the Americans for the French, stupid French-Canadians.

Anyway, Test has been showing heelish tendencies of late, and it might finally be time to take to the fullest extent. And, I still stand by my statement that given a sustained push and a better freakin name, Test could be one of the next bigger things on Raw. However, the WWE has never had the balls to give him an all out, balls to the wall, crushing push, and I don’t see it happening this time around either. He’ll feud with Steiner, who will have Stacy, and probably lose the feud because it’s against Steiner and then what? Personally, If I was booking this, I’d have Test turn on Steiner in favor of the Frenchies, setting himself up as a good heel, and later in the night I’d have him utterly dominate the Battle Royal. Stick the belt on him for awhile and feud him with the slowly-turning-face Jericho.

However, I don’t see this happening here. I see La Resistance winning after some more friction between Steiner and Test.

Winner: La Resistance.

Chris Benoit, Rhyno & Spanky vs. John Cena & The F.B.I.

Let’s see, in this match I see five guys they want to protect and one guy who they can job because his career can handle it at this point. They are looking to get Cena over as a credible threat as they should be, because the crowd is getting behind the badass wigger more than I ever expected they would. Allowing the crowd to finish his raps with the edited cuss-word will do more to get him over than anyone on the roster right now.

Cena is the one helped most by scoring the pin in this match, so it ought to be him that gets it. He would be helped most by pinning Chris Benoit. Of course, Cena isn’t scoring any merchendise dollars right now, because all his gear are retro jerseys (available at your local Champ’s Sports under the John Cena collection).

Winner: Cena over Benoit

Team Angle (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero (& ?) – WWE Tag Team Titles – Ladder Match

PK thinks their going to insert Ultimo for Chavo, and I can’t see a better insertion into this match. Give it the “anything can happen” vibe again and what the hey, throw the belts on them. What’s the worst that could happen? Team Angle win the belts back? Oh NOOO!

Winner: Eddie and (?)

Intercontinental Title Battle Royal
Chris Jericho, Christian, Goldust, Booker T, Kane, Test, Lance Storm, & RVD

So many fun things can be done with this match. Austin’s original stip was “Any former IC champions currently on Raw.” But then that stip got thrown out the window when he let Booker T in it. So now it’s pretty much “anyone with Austin’s OK.” Billy Gunn could make his return here (God hopes he doesn’t win it). I still go with the theory I discussed above but I can also see the belt going on Christian or Jericho or maybe Christian to feud with Jericho. As it stands, I’m going to pick my current favorite on Raw and hope he wins.

Winner: Christian.

Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper

Ugh. Piper/Hogan #324?

Winner: Mr America

Triple H (c) vs. Kevin Nash – World Heavyweight Title

This is one of those that could go either way. Do they put the belt on Nash and continue this feud into a rematch at Badd Blood, or do they keep the belt on HHH and pull the trigger on the H/Goldberg feud.

Again, if I was writing, I’d hold off on the full Goldberg/HHH feud through Bad Blood that is something they should save for Summerslam. HHH is willing to drop the belt to Nash, let him do so at Judgment Day. Nash/HHH can continue their feud through Bad Blood where the Goldberg stuff can pick up then you have two months to slow burn the HHH/Goldberg feud before blowing it off at Summerslam. You can have HHH bust out all his Cerebral Assassin stuff for two months before finally letting Goldie get his hands on him.

As for what to do with Nash? It doesn’t make a difference, he’s got the belt, so make someone the Number One Contender and their issue is premeditated for them. Guy wants to be the champ, Nash wants to remain the champ. Michaels, Jericho, Booker T, or anyone else on the roster can fill this role.

Winner: Nash

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Big Show – WWE Championship – Stretcher Match

Again? Let’s see, the biggest monster in the company, or the guy who should be the biggest monster in the company and has, instead, been made into a joke?

Winner: Brock

This PPV leaves much to be desired a good match, for one. Secondly, this PPV is primarily going to be the springboard to the Road to Summerslam which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, springboard PPVs are annoying for two reasons. 1) You’re spending money on something that should be used to blow off feuds, when instead it’s being used to set up feuds and 2) You and I both know that the WWF is physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to write a coherent storyline for the next three months. Now, Eric S may say Star Trek has a continuity problem that dwarfs the WWF’s (which I disagree with and I will get to in a minute), but when the WWF goes into a storyline, you can almost be assured it won’t end and it will invalidate SOME kind of history, possibly going back as short as two weeks ago. Test is the most common example of this the Immunity Battle Royal which could/should have been used to make Test one of most over guys in the company (Problem Solver or Powerbomb on Steph, Bischoff or Vince, anyone?) but instead was tossed to the wayside.

Somehow I get the feeling that someone in the back likes to f*ck with Test. OK dude, you’re going to be the on-screen husband of the boss’s daughter. No wait, you’re going to get left at the altar for HHH, but then you’ll have a ready-made feud with one of the top card guys, and Steph will work behind his back to help you. No wait, Steph is going to go with HHH and set you up, but then you TOTALLY have a ready-made feud with the boss of the company. No wait, we’re going to ignore all that and put you in a tag team with Albert MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Months later: OK, remember that stuff with HHH, we’re going to feud you with him now. You get to have him arrested and then a match. No wait, we’re going to let him squash and bury you.


WWE Vs Star Trek Continuity

Not a Trek fan, skip to the line of *****’s

On Wednesday, Eric S Came out of the Closet as a Trek fan (at least on 411 I never read him before here, so I didn’t know). He also pointed out tremendous continuity gaps in logic that have come up with Enterprise, since they tried to a show set in the timeline before the Original Series. As such, most of the new, common enemies (Borg, Ferengi, Dominion) are SUPPOSED to be off limits, since First Contact with said species arent’ supposed to happen for another 200 years.

However, in a letter I drafted to Eric in response to the continuity gaps, I presented a possible explanation for the awful continuity presented by putting the Borg and Ferengi in the 22nd century.

Amusingly enough, the first episode of Enterprise, where they completely ignored the Klingon thing (taking the NextGen ridged heads over the Basic Klingons from the Original) I lost interest. I figured if they were going to let a little detail, that took no effort at all to fix, I’d be a amazed at what would happen when they started. I did watch a few though. Including the Ferengi episode, which I remember being uneasy about because I remember the shock and awe of the Enterprise crew when they made First Contact with the Ferengi.

Now, the only part I’m lost on is this: the 24th century borg still connected to the collective? I suppose I’d have to watch First Contact all the way through, but are they serious? Did they explain how this was even possible?

Since I wrote this, I decided it made sense that the 22nd Century Borg could communicate with the 24th century Borg, since any communications he sent would be uploaded into the Borg Collective and thus on record forever. Not vice versa, though.

Of course, another thing you have to remember is:

1) The speed at which communications travel in this series. I believe they said, at some point, they weren’t communicating all thier logs back to Starfleet for, to put it in our terms, bandwidth conservation.
>In that case, only certain things are getting transferred back to Starfleet and the rest is only being recorded into logs.

To which Eric pointed out:

Remember, the revival of the Popsicle Borg took place on Earth.
Enterprise Prime was assigned to go after the stolen shuttle. Do you think that Archer wasn’t going to send a message back to Admiral Idiot back on Earth saying “Problem taken care of. Sorry about the research team.”? If not, don’t you think that Starfleet would have sent a follow-up going “How’s that assignment going?”

Which I’d have to agree with, but then it gets better as I get into my conspiracy frame of mind:

2) The stuff that IS getting transmitted to Starfleet might be getting intercepted by the Vulcans/T’Pol and being hidden from Starfleet… this includes information on first contacts and the like. It’s not like they haven’t set up the Vulcans to do shit like this. In fact, I’ll almost guarantee that Big Vulcan is Watching almost all transmissions that go from Enterprise back to Earth, because they don’t have Starbases to hang out at and download their shit to the big Starfleet Archives.

3) If Enterprise is destroyed, all the information in the logs would be lost.

4) The Vulcans never helped Starfleet at Wolf 359, only the Klingons did.

And while there may have been Vulcans serving on Starfleet Vessels the Vulcans never sent any of their own ships to help.

5) If the Vulcans had information about the Borg, and about how to destroy the Borg, they might NOT share it with the Federation, since if the Federation learned it, and someone from the Federation got assimilated, the Borg would then know what the Vulcans knew. It would not be, as you say, logical to share this information with anyone except a select few until it became necessity, ie: when the Borg attacked Vulcan… it is not logical to save the humans at the risk of the Vulcans.


6) If, at the end of the series, Enterprise Prime gets destroyed with all crew on board, with their logs on board, and all sensitive communication intercepted and edited by the Vulcans, then most of the first contact stuff with the Borg/Ferengi can be wiped out.

This entire series has been used to set the Vulcans up for a heel turn somewhere down the line… perhaps if they ever set another series Post-Voyager and the Vulcan/Romulan re-integration happens. If they reveal they withheld possibly devastating information from Starfleet re the Borg, it could set up a potential War between the Federation and the Vulcans.

So basically, I have the series being used to turn the Vulcans heel with a vast Borg/Vulcan/Romulan conspiracy somewhere down the line, even to the extent where the Vulcans have never been a separate race from the Romulans, and they have used the last 300 years to set up Starfleet for destruction from within.

A more likely explanation though, if they want to go that route, would simply be there is no history of the Borg or the Ferengi because the Vulcans never allowed the communications from NX-01 Enterprise to get back to Starfleet, and thus hid the existence of the Ferengi and the Borg from Starfleet because they weren’t ready for it yet. And also, had the Vulcans needed to hide a trump card that helped them in the destruction of the Borg, it wouldn’t be logical to pass that information around to anyone who asked, simply because if the Borg assimilated someone with that knowledge, they would know it, and then adapt to it. And, since 9 times out of 10, Borg tactics are to send One Cube somewhere to assimilate a planet, the Vulcans can pull out that trump card, blow the Cube to hell, and have 20 or 30 years to modify the problem enough so they can handle the next Cube assuming that unreasonable humans in Starfleet don’t finish the dirty work for them somewhere along the line. Figure if Starfleet can find ways to abuse the Borg’s transwarp conduits (Like Janeway), then they can eventually find the six hubs and destroy the Borg entirely.

Or, maybe, just maybe I put too much thought into storylines that I’m not getting paid for. See Also: Wars, Star and Men, X


Speaking of X-Men


Saw X2 over the week and I thought it was as good as the original, if not better, simply because they let Wolverine loose with murderin on his mind. The opening sequence with Nightcrawler is amazing too.

And, I also am totally stoked that it looks like the Phoenix Saga is going to be the basis for X3. By the looks of things, the team is going to be in tact, hence the introduction of Colossus and Nightcrawler in this movie. The core X-team at the time was Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, and Nightcrawler and with the introduction of Jason Stryker, he seems like a perfect replacement for Jason Wyngarde, who was also an illusionist who, with the help of Emma Frost, was able to implant new memories into Jean Grey and turn her/Phoenix into the Black Queen.

However, I see the comic history getting a little bashed when it comes to the End of Phoenix meaning I don’t see them getting taken to the Shi’ar Empire and Jean getting put on trial for murder and then seeing them get hunted on an asteroid. I see a sappy, Hollywood ending where somehow they get the Phoenix out of Jean and everyone lives happily ever after.

Although, with all the characters possible in these movies, I also don’t see a problem with them killing Jean off permanently in the next movie and replacing her with Polaris or whoever they introduce as Emma Frost in the next movie. If the Alias chick wasn’t already reserved for the Daredevil arc, I think she’d make a fine Lorna. As for Emma Frost, they’d have to find someone who wasn’t young to play her. For a White Queen in the next movie, I think Sarah Michelle Gellar is an OK choice, though she’s kind of young to be Emma Frost. However, any reason to dress her up in a White Dominatrix Outfit is OK by me. The funnier thing is, Bree Williamson, who played a role on Mutant X a couple times would make a PERFECT Emma Frost, but she’s locked up on One Life to Live right now. The best picture I can find of her is right here.

Regardless, this is me, not being able to wait till 2k5 when X3 comes out.


Other Wrestling Stuff

Reports coming out of the WWF are saying that Goldberg has been working with a broken hand over the last couple of shows. Goldberg seems to have a problem with bones in his hands just popping out of place. Boxers, on the other hand, who things much harder most of the time, don’t seem to have those problems.

Goldberg’s bones popping out of place.

HHH’s quad sliding off his bone.

Nash’s quad sliding off his bone.

Batista tearing his tricep while RUNNING.

Makes you wonder if Wrestlers are doing things they shouldn’t

Or something.

The Ultimate Warrior posted something on his site about how the Road Warriors suck for taking another payday from Vinnie Mac something about them eating another McMahon induced shit sandwich which in and of itself made the column worth reading. Other than that, I tried to wade through the Warrior’s overuse of big words, but failed miserably.

Animal responded on 1bob (why would he respond there, he should have come here, then at least someone would READ it). Animal wrote:

The commentary that the Ultimate Warrior wrote the other day on his website deserves no response, as he cannot help his ignorance, it speaks for itself and has no merit whatsoever.

But, Animal, you’re responding aren’t you contradicting yourself?

Feh, that’s OK last time they left the WWF they said they’d never go back, and now they’re back, so whatever. Of course, last time they were in the WWF, Hawk was Druggie/Drunk and Droz was a pusher. Hawk also died/got paralyzed when Droz pushed him off the Titan Tron.

Somehow, I don’t think Hawk will be seeking revenge on Raw nor will the fact HE GOT KILLED be brought up.

Raw’s Rating went up .9 last Monday. I agree that it was one of the best Raw’s in recent memory. I won’t be cynical and say it’s because HHH was only in a couple segments, but HHH was only in a couple segments.

There was also Handicap Rodney Mack match maybe Grutman is onto something. That would be a Handicap match involving Rodney Mack not a Handicapped Rodney Mack.

Sting did an interview with NZPWI, where he talked about everything from Elizabeth to the WWE and the possibility of him being there. Long Story short: according to Sting, he hasn’t talked to Vince in over a year. Short story long, Vince offers him millions before Summerslam.

In Other Reading

Me vs Grut because the fans demand it. To quote PK: You two are too funny. We aim to please. Get over there and vote for me, because I rule the world.

Chris Robinson with his Sophomore Column based on what will be the first Smackdown Only PPV, Vengeance, come July. They got two months to build to it after Sunday what do they do? BTW, Orgazmo is NC-17, I believe.

Poffel and his Poffellites are Confused. See thing with a lot of fans is, they watch because it doesn’t bother them. I watch, primarily, to goof on what they’re doing and how stupid most of it is. I refuse to pay for PPVs so I read recaps and goof on what I missed, which generally isn’t much except a setup for Raw.

I always get to plug a Biscuiti. The five truths the WWE has to realize. If the business would just realize it’s all a show, and everyone knows it’s all a show, and start booking and playing like it’s all a show, things would get better. No one is impressed with HHH’s winning streak cuz he’s not really beating guys up. Somewhere along the line, they have to let the writers take over and have the talent go along with whatever the writers say. If they don’t want to, seeya, wouldn’t want to beeya. I said this a long time ago with WCW’s tendency to let Nash do what he wanted. It was different then, because if they fired Nash, he’d go and help the WWF. Now, if they fire someone for not following the storyline, where they gonna go? TNA? OOOOHHHH NOOO!

Rivett has Time for a Take. I’m on his side when it comes to changing Goldberg up a little bit. What are they going to do, have a bald guy with a goatee come out in nothing but black trunks and kneepads? Hey guys, that’s Austin’s image. Goldberg wearing or not wearing his Japan trunks isn’t going to mean a Goddam to ANYONE except Net Geeks who live to point this stuff out. It’s his SHORTS, guys, get over it.

Sydney Brown reviewed a Macho and Elizabeth tape. And as an added bonus, you can click anywhere in the column to mail him a letter!

In Conclusion

Give a shot at enjoying Judgment Day tomorrow keep it tuned here later today for the PPV-Roundtable featuring more 411-ites than you can shake a stick at. Also, for those of you not ordering the PPV, tune in to 411 for live coverage of Judgment Day as it happens. That Widro kid is quick on the submit button.

Bower with your PPV Warmup tomorrow and ‘da man on Monday. Followed by ‘da other man on Tuesday.