The Weekend Hotline 5.31.03


Back again after an intense Memorial Day weekend. Of course, by intense I mean “wet as hell.” Ever try to tear down two tents and a screenhouse in the pouring rain at 7:30 in the morning? Not fun. Fortunately, there was at least one good day of non-rain and that was Sunday. Maybe some year I will actually get a non-shitty weekend for Memorial Day, but I ain’t holding my breath.

Work continues to suck, because we need more employees. If you have a CS degree, live in the upstate NY area, and need a job go to and get the to the jobs section.

And, since Saturday’s off will be at a premium for me over the next month or so, I don’t want to waste this one welcome to Daniel’s newsbite style.

Yes, for those of you that are going to email me this is totally ripped off of Grut’s style but then, Grut’s style isn’t his style either, BECAUSE HE’S A BASTARD AND I HATE HIM.

Daniels Newsbite Style

1. Tonight on WWE Confidential, they continue to delve into the sometimes Rocky Relationship between Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan. You know, the kind of relationship that develops when each one is responsible for the other making millions and millions of dollars. Yeah, I can totally see why they hate each other. I suppose they’ll bring up the Mr America feud which is funny, because between Mr. A and Hulk Hogan, I just don’t see the resemblence and he did take a Lie Detector Test after all. And, by the way, who hasn’t pleasured themselves to Torrie Wilson’s Playboy spread. I mean hell, I’m doing it as I write this column.

2. The WWE is finally calling up some fresh blood from OVW to Job to the Undertaker, HHH, and Goldberg. The Basham Brothers (who I’ve never heard of, but I hear they made their debut on Smackdown), Jackie Gayda (dear God, she’s back?!), Lance Cade, Mark Jindrak (about F’n Time), and Orlando Jones. Well good, at least the Seven-Up guy is still doing something. Oh wait, Orlando Jordan my bad.

I’m kind of excited to see Jindrak back and I can’t figure out why it took them so long to call him up. He was a great wrestler in the Jindrak/O’Haire tag team and probably would have been in Palumbo’s spot (well, maybe not in the FBI) if he had been the title holder when Nitro went under. But, such is life and he ended up in OVW for a long time.

I’m interested to see if Jackie has developed at all during her time in OVW. Most folks remember her for the “Jackie Gayda Incident” when she sucked so bad in a match she was an embarrassment to television selling moves that missed her by 5 feet and the like. No word on the black chick, though.

3. Word in the back right now is that Kurt Angle will be brought back as a face, using the wrestling philosophy that, if you go away for more than a month, you will automatically be a face when you return. It just depends on where they go after the return. It doesn’t matter if you shot a cripple on your last appearance the six weeks wipes everything out. Kurt makes his return this Thursday on Smackdown along with Bradshaw, who Who posted this controversial column this past week. WHO GOT 90 PERCENT OF YOU BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NoSoul is your father.

4. HBO will be airing a special exposing the deaths related to pro-wrestling. Real Sports will run a story on the death rate in professional wrestling. It being Bob Costas’s show and all, I’m sure it will be a fair and impartial look. Maybe they should have Mushnick on as a special guest, just to make it a completely and totally fair look. The WWE has learned about the special (PROBABLY RIGHT HERE ON 411.COM) and are planning some sort of response. It will probably be along the lines of how journalists can’t criticize wrestling because they’re not wrestlers or something like that which is possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life. My boss knows nothing about computers and he criticizes my web-work. Widro knows nothing about writing and he tells me my columns suck (HAW!). But then, HHH knows all!

5. Just in case you all were worried, Billy Gunn will be making his return to Smackdown very soon. You can all breathe a sigh of relief or feel the hatred rise in your gut, whichever is appropriate.

6. Ultimo Dragon is being hyped for the June 24th Smackdown taping. He will probably be jobbed to a returning Billy Gunn his first time out well, because it’s the WWE and they live to piss off the Internet.

Vince: What can we do to really piss those bastards off?
Shane: Bring back Billy Gunn and debut Ultimo Dragon the same night and Job Ultimo to Gunn?
Vince: *sniffle* That’s why you’re my favorite.

7. Smackdown Finished the week with a 3.4 rating. Yippe-kay-a, muthafukka. Ratings news is so boring, why do we report on it again?

8. WWE is having their yearly Insurrextion PPV which is exclusive to England. The PPV is tomorrow and the matches are still listed as “To Be Announced” on Way to promote the shit for the Brits, Vince. People listed as taking the trip are Eric Bischoff, Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Ric Flair, Rob Van Dam, Kane, La Resistance, Chris Jericho, Val Venis, Scott Steiner, Stacy Keibler, Booker T, Christian, Dudley Boyz, Goldust, Trish Stratus and the Hurricane.

And that’ll do it for the newsbites.

In Other Reading

Jay Bower with Rant Wars Week 3. Or American Idol, 411-style. I am not one of the Internet personalities criticizing people’s work. Boo, Jay Boo

Joe Rivett wants Clash of the Champions back.

Matthew Poffel with his own Newsbites.

And that about covers it.

In Conclusion

I am out for the week. I will catch up with you all on Tuesday.